Think my fiance might suspect something.

[Samantha_Smile]

Let me set the scene.
We moved into our new apartment around 3 months ago, and theres still a LOT of crap in boxes that we'd like to get sorted out but never get round to.
Im currently stashing my 2 bras, 2 pairs of knickers and two boobies (made from water balloons wrapped in skin colour tights) in a plastic chest, which I hide with candles, many meters of speaker wire, audio selecter boxes, many different audio wires etc, also in the chest, in the box room. On top of the chest, I stack a toolbox and a box of stuff and I have placed an old PC case infront of the chest to make the chest look unused.

Now, yesterday, she re-arranged the room (feng shui anyone?) and we lost our signal on our TV in the bedroom. Then last night we were watching TV and she says she is tired and wanted to watch big bang theory in bed.
I went to get a bath while she tried to get signal on the digi-box in time for BBT. As Im running the bath, I hear a painfully familiar sound of clunk-clunk as the snap-shutters on the chest lid are opened, I bolt it into the box room to find her stood over the chest with the lid open. Knowing I always bury my underwear and boobs under the junk, I callmly walk over to her...
"Im sure we had a signal booster in here" she says,
"Nah baby, we never bought one, this is all my speaker wire and junction boxes, see?" I lifted out the speaker wire and a scart box.
Seeing the scart box, she became convinced we had a booster. I closed the chest, repeating that we didn't have one (we actually dont, but I didnt want the uncomfortable silence as she found my secret stash).
She told me to get out, get a bath and leave her too it.
I bite the bullet and leave for the bathroom.
Clunk-clunk again...
Oh-noes!
I lie there in the bath, I hear the rustling of wires, the movement of plastic, plastic bags crinkling
Then nothing.
A good 60 seconds of silence.
(Im now BRICKING it, working up the courage to face her when she walks in crying, asking why I have these things, I had the reply perfect too "Ive been wearing them when Im alone", I steadied my breathing and waited...)
The lid on the chest closed annd the search for the booster sounded like it was continuing next door.
We watched BBT in bed (used an ariel extension lead in the end), but she never said anything about it, she was quiet though.
This morning before she left for work, she's been great with me, chatty, smiley, lovey... the normal.
I went to check in the chest and one of my boobs and my cleavage bra weren't where I left them... they were practically on top of all the crap in the chest.

She MUST have seen them!!!
So now Im left wondering what's next.
Is she resolving?
Is she repressing?
Is she denying?

Could this prove to be my oportunity to come clean when asked?
51% of me hopes so.

Will keep you posted girls.

[rayander01]

What ever happens, DO NOT lie. Tell her the complete truth. At least she will have a chance to make up her mind which way she want's to go,

Best of luck and keep us informed. We're roting for you.

Rey

[Carole Cross]

She knows, I think it would be best if you confess before she says anything about it. Who knows what she may be thinking right now.

[kristinacd55]

I'd say come clean, don't wait 32 years after you're married to address it like I did! Communication & patience are the keys.

[Ashley Williams]

Yes - the decision has been made for you. Lying now will not help. Think also about how you could draw the line if she is not supportive, but will agree that you keep it as something you do for yourself.

Good luck also - definitely a moment of no return!

[Samantha_Smile]

What ever happens, DO NOT lie. Tell her the complete truth. At least she will have a chance to make up her mind which way she want's to go,
Rey

Ive decided that if confronted about it, Im not going to lie.
Not about this.

She knows, I think it would be best if you confess before she says anything about it. Who knows what she may be thinking right now.

I can't bring myself to confess becuase I my brain is split between "she knows" and "She was so intent on finding a booster box that she completely missed them".
Sounds mad, but she can be pretty scatty.

I'd say come clean, don't wait 32 years after you're married to address it like I did! Communication & patience are the keys.

This is the most troubling thought.
When we set a date to marry, I think I may just have to have 'the talk'.

Thanks guys.
-x-

[Shelly Preston]

Your decision seems to have been made

Be prepared and has been said dont lie

You may want to read te link in my signature on telling you partner

It will help as it contains lots of good information

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Hi Smile-

You're busted. Like many women your gf may not say anything right away but will wait and spring it on you when you least expect it and after you've convinced yourself that she really didn't notice the bras and panties and fake boobs in the toolbox.

As to preemptive disclosure, that's a tough one. If I were in your situation the smart and logical side (by far the smaller part of my brain) would be saying, "Well, it's time for the conversation." and just come clean. The silly, illogical, foolishly hopeful part of me would be going, "I'm sure she must have been struck temporarily blind for a few seconds. Yes, that's it. She never saw a thing." From past experience, I would say to sit down and tell her all about it. It will be a load off your chest (no pun), it will show respect for her and for yourself and for who you are as a TG person, and if you're in a serious longterm relationship, you're going to have to fess up sometime anyway. Better to do it on your own terms than be redfaced and stammering and trying to explain why you never said anything all those years and that no, you really have nothing else you've been hiding.

As Shelley pointed out, if your gf has questions, there are lots of resources here on CD.com and in the link she provided. Good luck, girl.

Hugs...Joni Mari

PS: A quick addition here. I suppose I should add, and I bet you've thought of this, too, things could go very badly. It's possible that your fiance may not be accepting at all and it could mean the end of your relationship entirely. Or she may accept it initially and then find it's all too much in the long run. Or, best case, she may have no issues with it at all and help you with your makeup and ask you things like, "You're not really going out wearing that are you?" All in all you have to be the judge of what to do and when, still, at least to me, better to pick the time and place yourself. My fingers are crossed for you both.

[KarenHiller]

Ive decided that if confronted about it, Im not going to lie.
Not about this.



I can't bring myself to confess becuase I my brain is split between "she knows" and "She was so intent on finding a booster box that she completely missed them".
Sounds mad, but she can be pretty scatty.



This is the most troubling thought.
When we set a date to marry, I think I may just have to have 'the talk'.

Thanks guys.
-x-

Take it from someone who was afraid to talk about it, I was divorced three times before I got up the courage to tell the woman who is now my wife about the real me. I admitted to her that I'd always felt more like a woman in a man's body. Her response was to hold me while we both had a cry. She's been totally accepting, and we even go out as two women friends.

Please, please be open and honest with her. If you really love her, you owe it to her and to yourself! Don't wait until she's upset and forces you to admit it. That's the worst time to do it. Pick a time when you're both relaxed.

Karen

[Sandra]

From a GG

Ok if she has seen them, she may well be thinking loads of stuff and wondering "what the heck" she may also be wondering if you are going to say anything to her.

On the other hand she might not have seen anything, but thats not a reason not to tell her.

IMO you should say something to her and don't leave it to long.

[Holly]

On one hand, you seem to think she actually discovered some of your things. One the other hand, you appear to be trying to convince yourself that she didn't. In reality, it it doesn't make one bit of difference if she did or not. What is going to happen is that YOU are going to stress over it and it's going to tear you up from the inside out... not at all healthy for a relationship. This is a person you love and, hopefully, trust. This is a person you should be able to be intimate with in ALL aspects... physically and emotionally. Hiding anything from one another is unhealthy and potentially toxic to a relationship. You, for certain, are going to stress over it. She may or may not, depending on what she actually saw. But when (when, not if) this all comes to light, it will be a contention, be it next week or twenty years from now. If you can't trust her with this knowledge about yourself, what else can't you trust her about? Keeping this from her is dishonest. It's no different than if you loved bowling and had to hide your ball and shoes from her and sneak out of the house twice a week to meet your friends at the bowling center and get a few lines in. Maybe she would hate that you are a bowler. Maybe she could care less one way or the other. Or maybe she would want to learn and participate with you. But by withholding the information from her, you are depriving her of the opportunity to choose. It all boils down to trust. If you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you had better be able to trust them fully.

[Sally2005]

Does she have a sense of humor? Just ask her next time she moves your stuff to put it back folded... eh, I don't think I would spill the beans other than to test the waters with her. You don't want to scare her away before she has a chance to digest the discovery and there are many reasons to have the small collection you do...gag, halloween, fetish, etc. etc. If it were me I would go in the tool box, pull the stuff out and tell her you forget they were there and proceed to to answer her questions honestly, but show her in a factual way without feeling guilty or same. Keep it light and fun.

[KimberlyJo]

Odds are good that if she's stewing about it then it won't be long before she boils over about it. Problem is, if she broaches the subject it may very well be more adversarial than if you bring it up first.

The thing is this, you're going to have to tell her eventually, or you will get caught. This is not something that can or should be hidden from someone you plan on spending the rest of your life with.

That's the way I see it anyways.

[Rachel Morley]

Gosh, this is a tricky one for sure Are you absolutely sure she saw your bra and balloon boobs? If you think so, I think you should somehow try to manufacture a conversation where boob, or more specifically, fake boobs, are part of the conversation to see if she responds or indicates through what she says (and/or her body language) that she really does know for sure. Then you have the opportunity to speak with her about it openly and honestly.

Personally, I wouldn't want to go first and be the person who starts talking about this without first having some sort of real indication in my mind that she really does in fact know, and also I'd want some sort of feeling as to the way she is likely to react before I spill the beans

The problem with all of this is that if she does know and is wondering and even worrying about it then you have to come clean so that she doesn't "put 2 +2 together and come up with 5" ... however I don't think she's "worrying" as you already said that the following morning she was all great with you, chatty, smiley, lovey... the normal so perhaps it's not big deal unless it is and she's also hiding her reaction from you. Like I said: "Gosh, this is a tricky one for sure".

[Brandi Wyne]

That's a tough way into "that" conversation but now is the time to "girl up" and not be tenative or apoligetic but get her to talk about it. The intro that strikes me is, "I'm sorry you had to find out this way but now that you've seen my things, I would like your feelings about it" and roll with it. She must have suspected to set that whole situation the way she did so it's just out there now.

Good luck and we all support you, Dear

[carolinoakland]

She knows that she found something, what it means; she doesn't know. And she's making a list in her head of how and what she will do when she does confront you with this...And do not lie, that ship sailed the second she found them. I had a SO find my bra once and she just thought it was leftovers from a previous girlfriend. So, look at the threads about coming out to you SO, CDSKYE just posted about her experience and is a good example of a positive outcome. Do some research, do the prep, get the box of Kleenex, and get ready to be honest.And DO NOT LIE! Carol

[Samantha_Smile]

Under advice of PernileD, Ive taken evasive, yet positive action.

I've written a 12 page letter to her.
An attempt to explain the last 15 years. The last 5 of which, with her.
12 pages not much? Yeah, I didnt think so either.
But Ive tried to make it as re-assuring as I can, Im feeling that's what she will need most when she reads it.

I'm putting the letter in between my boobs inside the storage chest. That way, if she goes back for another look, the answers are all there for her.
The way I see it... if she wants to know more, she will go back for another look.
And knowing my fiance, she'll be going back.

Big thanks to Pernile... I think this is a great idea.

[CATgirldo]

You live in the UK...I lived in London for 5 years... walking on the wild side is not as big a deal as it is here in the States... In fact all of Europe is far more laid back. Does she even have a problem with it? Or is it just you?
I doubt you can get away with telling her it was for a Pantomime you once did but in any case, it is better that she knows before you get serious enough to have a commitment or even get married.
First thing (And only thing) for you to do is to tell her and ask her if that is a problem. If it is... it was always going to be a problem. Better to know now instead of 5 years down the road and then call it quits.
At least, that's what worked for me.

CAT

[Shelly67]

I think theres a possibility you may be juggling with live hand grenades here ..... perhaps you should step back , calm down and think on . Although a letter maybe written with all good intention , put yourself in her shoes .... If you ( as a relatively new couple living together - the next step is betrothal after all ) were looking for something and found such a document the reactions would confuse , but most of all hurt . This is a set trap . Questions of why has he behaved this way - doesn't he trust me ...what else will I find hidden away - do I have to ask permission before opening boxe's , cases , drawer's -WHY CAN'T HE TALK TO ME ? Think of all those questions ..... youre adding fuel in the form of mistrust to a fire that could possibly based on the horror and realization of " my partners a trannie "? You could be inviting no trust into the relationship. OR .... if it really goes belly up , you must at least realise you've given her a hard copy , undeniable truth in evidence that she ( may turn out as a women scorned ) could use against you . I'll bet after finding such things , she may be very questioning , worrying even .Its a stress niether of you need . Through the understanding and contemplation of the situation you now have to realise that now you are in no mans land . You need to show support , go ahead ask if theres something wrong for starters be honest . If you need to , do it in the home , in a peaceful situation . Only then can you guage the situation , giving you the option of really deciding to come out or not . I'd stake a few £s on it she's already alerted to something about you , wether she found clothes ect or not . Our partners are'nt daft , there are some who consider giving us privacey and even those who simply deny us even . Whats even more relevant is that over time we as crossdressers grow , it never ceases , and we HAVE to grow with it . You ain't goin to be able to hide it forever . It's so bloody scarey and hard coming clean , but if you add the slightest amount of untrust it will manifest . Just please , think on ....there are always other options . But before you consider anything else , take this on board . No matter what happens in our lives ,in a loving relationship , partnership we are there to support each other . So , at least if theres a time when honesty must emerge , and help and understanding is paramount do it face to face if you feel the need . You never know , it maybe the keystone to a very powerful , lasting and happy relationship . The one thing IF you come foward and it doesn't go well however that cannot be denied , is that you wished to gain your'e SO,s trust help and understanding .....honesty is our only excuse .
I sincerely hope my two pennies worth hasn't caused you any offence , in my mind a more considerate , delicate approach would certainly be better , you do after all have a history together , and theres a blooming good reason for that . Don't ruin it .
Good luck x

[Kara Connor]

This is your fiance, right? The woman you are thinking of spending the rest of your life with? Don't you think you owe it to her, and yourself, to be honest before you get married?

I presume you have read some of the posts on this forum. Lots of people have said that they regretted not telling their SO until after they were married. I understand that it is a hard subject to bring up, and that you have the best intentions with your letter, but saying that you will "fess up" if asked or the letter is found is NOT the same as telling her.

What if she waited until after you were married to tell you that she , for example, had no intention of having sex more than once a year? Presumably you would think that unreasonable and would wish you had known before you got married. She deserves to know this. If she still wants to be with you, fantastic. Think what that will mean, going in to the marriage with no secrets, not having to sneak around or be worried. If she does not accept it, then maybe you haven't found the right person.

You really must tell her, I think.

[Acadeca]

Ive decided that if confronted about it, Im not going to lie.
Not about this.



I can't bring myself to confess becuase I my brain is split between "she knows" and "She was so intent on finding a booster box that she completely missed them".
Sounds mad, but she can be pretty scatty.



This is the most troubling thought.
When we set a date to marry, I think I may just have to have 'the talk'.

Thanks guys.
-x-

The last line is the right idea. Why wait until you're confronted? If she likes it or accepts it, great! More time to be yourself.

And if she hates the dressing, why not give yourself--and her--a chance to find a partner who's more compatible.

[vetobob9]

You should be straight with her. She already knows.
The worst is how she found out. It would have been better to tell her up front. Now her reaction cannot be predicted.

[Samantha_Smile]

Its easy to say fess up when its not you who could potentially lose the only girl youve ever been able to imagine getting old with.
This is gutting me.
Why isnt there an easier way?

To who ever it was who asked if she has a problem with it...
About 3 years back we were both living in my mums house.
Just before we moved into our own place, I brought up the subject of perhaps having sex with me in lingerie.
I told her how much of a sexual kick I used to get as a boy when I wore my mums things (not telling her that it had matured into more that that over the years).
She said if she had known about the dressing thing before we became an item, she wouldn't have looked at me twice.
Not that she's anti CD/TV, but she wouldnt want her boyfriend to be one.
This is when I promised to stop.
Foolishly.
It went well for about 6 months, but then times were hard living away from home and I turned to that which calmed me down, made me less quick to anger and helped me embrace a more gentle me.
She never knew, and untill the incident that I started the thread with, she still didnt.

Now as far as how she will react goes, Im hoping the abundance of sex and cuddles this past week are a good sign, and not a distraction so that she can spring it on me later when I least suspect it.

I love this girl to bits.
I only hope she can understand that this has been part of me for 3 times longer than Ive known her, and it's just part of the same guy she's known and loved for 5 years.

That is, when I find the balls to do it

[Hope]

She MUST have seen them!!!
So now Im left wondering what's next.
Is she resolving?
Is she repressing?
Is she denying?

Could this prove to be my oportunity to come clean when asked?.

When asked?

It is YOUR responsibility to bring it up. NOT hers.

And it is your responsibility to do it sooner than later. The fact that the two of you are engaged, and living together, and she does not know implies that you have gone FAR too long without telling her.

You have to tell her about this PRONTO - if for no other reason, you want her getting info from YOU not from her girlfriends who will wrinkle up their noses and fill her head will all sorts of horror stories.

Man up and do it.

[Shelly67]

Sorry my friend , but you already know the answear to this - I apologise for my bruntness , but if it's one thing I'll always be it is honest ...... even if sometimes I eat my own words by mistake .
You have to face the invevitable here as you simply cannot let this go on and fester . We all have moments of no cuddles , lack of sex - thats one of the best things - making up after the dust has settled after problems and arguments in a loving partnership. At times pride and fear must be swallowed , BUT we have to try out of respect for our partner . In the event of things becoming the worst , at some point we also have to at least decide to try and be amicable and cease the stress ,worry , verbal assaults and pain - and move on - true is'nt it ? It's no good living in fear ...... makes you wonder if thats what she's going thru .

It reads as if your'e partner has withdrawn into her shell perhaps worrying herslf silly.After all , she may even be thinking if he hides this in secret , what else is he hiding - meeting men ? Put yourself in her position . There is only one course of action you can take here - support her , confront the situation , address the problem ( whatever that may be ) but be thoughtful , delicate , paitient and loving . If you really do mean to make a life together , be honest about you , what you want meeting her halfway .You have a history together, surely you want more .......? Sometimes it takes a real man to be a woman , and denial is not just a river in Eygpt . Take the initiative in the relationship - show you are concerned at least , as silence will only cause more worry and that simply is'nt fair - is it ?
Surely it's beter to know the situation , and try to reach a compramise between you ?
The problem here is lack of communication . from my short time on this forum and indeed as an out cd'er it seems as this is the most common problem we all share . You,ll be reading this time and time again ........won't we ?
I still think you need to calm down a little ...seek a brief chat with her ....don't arrange a meeting , just ask her gently if everythings ok , has she anything on her mind and does she want to talk ,but more than anything let her know it's ok for her to ASK questions ......
Because in truth , she'll need the warmth and strength of her man , no matter what the outcome of this worrying time .
Good luck