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Thread: How does crossdressing affect your sex life?

  1. #101
    New Girl on the Block MalibuJenny's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Southern California
    Great thread and discussion -- thanks to all for sharing so openly.

    CDing for me has always been a very erotic experience and foremost in my sexual desires. I'm almost 50 now and went a long time without intercourse, as for most of my 30's and part of my 40's crossdressing WAS my sex life. I did other things ith girlfriends but intercourse represented too much pressure and not enough pleasure.

    I'm now in a great relationship with a wonderful woman who knows all about my femme side and is still coming to terms with it. But we've had a great sex life -- the best ever for me and I think her, too.

    One reason is that intercourse isn't super important to her and although we do it, we both get much more pleasure from oral and touching. We have very long sexual sessions that are intensely satisfying.

    But a big part of it is that she also knows about my crossdressing and has already accepted it at some level. While I've integrated CDing and sex in the past, I'm not quite sure I even want to do that in this case. For one thing, I do it much less now, so rather I rely on past experiences and extrapolation for my fantasies.

    I actually think she is going to come around and be quite accepting. I've come out to partners many times in the past and there is always an initial shock but I can usually tell when they'll get past that. And I'm very optimistic here.

    But, I'm not sure I want to fully dress with her even if she turns out to be quite enthusiastic. I want to make sure that she is enjoying our sexual time together. She described a very selfish lover in her recent past and objectively I could see how lousy that would be. I don't want to be that guy.

    Knowing that she knows is a big turn-on in itself. She was extremely complimentary when I showed her photos, and in a very honest, observational way -- not in a trying-to-be-nice way. Her comments alone are very exciting to me.

    I'll just say that finding the right person with similar sexual interests in general has proven to be the most important thing. Frankly, I'd strongly prefer to be my naked self with her in bed than to dress up.

  2. #102
    Member KarenHiller's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    New York


    It becomes very easy to just have sex with yourself. No one ever says "not tonight, I have a headache" or "this isn't a good time for me".

    You're hand is always in the mood when you are - isn't that convenient?

    But you can't do that for long and still expect to have a loving relationship. You have to share everything with your spouse, not just a night in front of the tube, or a weekend dinner. If you don't, then you may end up with self satisfaction being your only outlet.

    Lucky to be a girl 95.33% of the time

  3. #103
    Just finding my way.... StaceyJane's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Harker Heights
    To be honest I'm not having much of a sex life right now.

    I'm not a doctor, I just play one on TV.

  4. #104
    New Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Full-time RV'r
    You could have been me! Although still married to wife of 37 years our intimate time have slowed substantially. I still always fanticize being the female, though. She knows my cding and is supportive as best she can. I try not to push the window to far, though out of respect for he feelings.

  5. #105
    Upstate New York Terri D's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Capital District...Near Albany N.Y.
    Haven't had sex for almost 5 years. By choice. I only recently returned to crossdressing after a very,very long absence. But I wonder if crossdressing wasn't the reason subconsciously. I always knew I'd be back.This time with an intensity that sometimes amazes me.
    I like the girl I see in the mirror. I'm my sexual partner. Yes,there is masturbation.And it is working for me.
    Instead of a intimate relationship I would prefer to have crossdressing friends for girls night out get togethers.
    Every relationship I have ever had crashed and burned. I know why.
    Traditional relationships are difficult enough, add to that,crossdressing. I'm ok with the girl in the mirror.

  6. #106
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008

    For the good.

    Interesting thread as it illustrates that this is a very wide community when it comes to behaviors.

    For my part, crossdressing is a problem - like any "problem" - when it interferes with other commitments and obligations.

    The same could be said, you know, of the affects of gambling, deer hunting, and following local sports; if it takes too much time and energy from, for example, a marriage relationship, then it, whatever "it" is, is a problem.

    As a crossdresser, as a human being, as a partner, it's my responsibility to balance my activities and behavior so that I maximize the success and happiness of all my commitments and relationships. It's never "all me," it's never "all them," it's always all "us."

    Being who I am and doing what I do, in this case crossdressing, I have the task, or, joy, of working this aspect of myself into the rest of our lives happily. This is why, in the past and with daily vigilance, I have strenuously objected to SOs ignoring my needs and interests by pointing out that stone-walling me was frustrating our mutual interests:

    "A house divided cannot stand."

    Sex, beyond pure hormones and blind lust, takes place mostly in the mind. A long-term relationship that includes a peaceful and satisfying sex life has to be more than just biology; it has to be psychology and sociology; you have to have the intimate picture and the big picture too. It all - more in your head than in bed - has to fit together as a clear, satisfying picture... Love, trust, respect, support, security.

    Foreplay is not what you did five seconds ago. It's what you did yesterday, last week, last year, and before she met you. It's also today, tomorrow, and twenty years from now.

    My SO, when I discussed this thread with her before I began typing, pointed out that some women don't like sex all that much (everyone is different) and are perfectly happy having someone great in their lives who they get along with... "And, that's great for everyone when it works out happily for both."

    Her point is certainly valid. And, it's also valid to note that she is definitely not of that "No sex, or, you having all the sex, is fine with me" group...

    With that in mind, all the more reason to pay attention to what balance I need to take for "us" both to be happy. I read with some interest the discussion of what I have simply termed "auto erotic" behavior for years. Some times, "You just gotta do what you gotta do." I tend to think of it as "self-actualizing" behavior: you want to do something (get another ipod, get the dress shoes fixed) and it's on your mind until you reach your goal.

    Viola, happiness - a process, not a place.

    Long story short, if everyone is happy with how they get along, I suppose that it alright. But, and it's a big "but," I have to wonder how happy most Cder's are when they constantly complain about the SOs not "getting" them, not wanting to see them dressed, etc.

    Mine gets it that this is important to me, and she also gets it that this is something I pursue while taking care of her happiness. We have a great sex life, but I think it's because we have a pretty good life - and that's the result of facing issues and working out things together. Including sex...

  7. #107
    Junior Member marcy77's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Brownsville, Texas
    I also take care of business myself most times and I enjoy it very much. Sex with the wife doesn't happen very often and it suits me and my CD lifestyle. But for me, the wife doesn't complain. She doesn't have much of a sex drive and she usually gives me a heads up when she is feeling frisky. She will usually make an appointment with me in the morning to have sex at the end of the day so that I can reserve my energy for it.

  8. #108
    Member jeniinnylons's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Quote Originally Posted by marcy77 View Post
    I also take care of business myself most times
    This is about the only sex life I have

  9. #109
    Just trying to be me jennCD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    New Jersey
    For me, they have no effect on each other.... they've always been mutually exclusive.


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