Fear

[Kate Simmons]

Thanks to everyone who has responded so far. This is exactly what I was hoping for. By understanding ourselves and our feelings, we understand the overall process more along with community dynamics. I do pose thinking questions sometimes but that is so we can all utilize some introspection. I have a sense of humor as well though as I don't take myself that seriously and Denise is really a matter-of -fact part of myself that fits in quite nicely. It goes both ways in any case and I appreciate all of the heartfelt expressions of everyone here.

[Frédérique]

I guess sometimes it is the excitement of meeting a kindred spirit that produces the initial flush and enthusiasm of friendship but then some folks seem to have second thoughts and put it in "reverse" or "park". I never try to push anyone into anything and really my goal is to put others at ease so they can see I'm exactly who I say I am

[SIZE="2"]Thanks for being who you are, Denise. Your thoughts and experiences parallel my own – I’ve come to terms with the flighty nature of a few birds here. It’s nice to meet a few people, even if they eventually “back off” and leave me wondering what happened. Members come and go, depending on what they require from the site (I suppose). Even I drift from time to time, but I never seriously think about terminating my presence here. Just embracing the impermanence of relationships or discussion gives me a sense of freedom, so I just keep walking this path, hoping to meet more of my fellow crossdressing “pilgrims” along the way…[/SIZE]

[Kate Simmons]

I know Freddie. Sometimes I think being here is really one of my purposes in life. You don't know how many times I've wanted to pack it in but just about then, someone makes a comment that shows me they "get it". That in itself is motivation to keep going.

[2b.Lauren]

Being a total "guy" until my 50's, I've gotten used to that rule! Guys don't tend to discuss deep, personal feelings with other guys! And, I can't think of ANYTHING more personal than my dressing!

During reading the initial thread and then other posts to follow I was wondering if this direction would be suggested. As usual DRC is right in there and IMHO right on. This has sort of been my approach minus the fact that for a guy I find myself pretty open and willing to share feelings. Except my dressing. I just think that as guys go we are also not willing to be vulnerable and take certain risks and it is a huge undertaking to avail yourself. The stigma is also huge and no matter what, we all have limits as to what we will do or discuss about our dressing. Being true to yourself is very much important. I applaud you for doing that and taking the risk.

[melissacd]

I was listening to a documentary on the CBC (Canadian Broadcast Corporation) and I found the topic so relevant. The show was playing back various interviews that were done regarding homosexuality starting with interviews in 1959.

It was amazing to me, but I suppose not to those who lived through this, how the ideas about homosexuality changed over the years. Back then they were talking about it being a sickness that you could be cured of, they were saying that gays were a menace to society and the natural order of things, that they should be locked up and so on. Even the doctors interviewed had very draconian thinking about this.

I bring this up because it really brings in to perspective all of the fears and concerns that we have. What changed, activism, research, education, dialog such as we are having now. In time people began to understand better the nature of being gay. We are no different in that we need to take those steps to educate, be there in the world, be confident that this is who we are, to do our best to cast aside the fears.

Yes I know it is not easy and it does take time and each at their own pace. I just want all to take heart that this kind of dialog and the things that each of us do helps to pave the path where the fears that we have will dissipate. Friendships, discussion, mentoring, whatever it is that we can offer each other makes us a stronger and more visible community and that in the end will help us all.

Melissa

[Rianna Humble]

I just think that as guys go we are also not willing to be vulnerable and take certain risks and it is a huge undertaking to avail yourself. The stigma is also huge and no matter what, we all have limits as to what we will do or discuss about our dressing.

I agree with you, Le Rosbif would not have made himself vulnerable enough to share intimate details about his life. Luckily for me, Rianna is willing to take the risk.

And the rewards for being willing to make ourselves vulnerable and accept the potential stigma can be great even though it can be a daunting path on which to embark.

I am definitely not saying that it is right for everyone, but being prepared to come out and be open about our crossdressing can be a positive experience and may just help to make it easier for the next person.

[minalost]

I think most crossdressers tend to be shy. They are also understandable afraid: afraid of being outed, abused, tricked, or ridiculed. Life teaches those of us who are different to BE afraid - and not just crossdressers!

All this being said I repeat what a number of our sisters have already said: keep reaching out. Even if some of us don't reach back we greatly appriciate the effort.

And one day we may reach back!

[Andy66]

I think it would be fun to meet people from this and other websites in person. Unfortunately, more often than not, the other person gets the wrong idea. I've been asked things like, how big are my boobs, what do I like in bed, etc. And all I wanted to do was meet for lunch or coffee. WTF?! Makes a person kind of suspicious.

[docrobbysherry]

I think it would be fun to meet people from this and other websites in person. Unfortunately, more often than not, the other person gets the wrong idea. I've been asked things like, how big are my boobs, what do I like in bed, etc. And all I wanted to do was meet for lunch or coffee. WTF?! Makes a person kind of suspicious.

I'm on other CD websites. And, get "hit on" a LOT! That has helped make me VERY cautious about meeting other CDs!

I'm SURE I've missed out on meeting possible friends, because of that FEAR!

I found that going to the SCC was VERY EYE OPENING for ME! If u ever get a chance, Anne, attend one! Everyone was so friendly and accepting!
It was like a DREAM!

[Andy66]

I'm on other CD websites. And, get "hit on" a LOT! That has helped make me VERY cautious about meeting other CDs!

Sherry is very cute. Not to mention, you know how some people are about doctors. You could have a PhD in Underwater Basket Weaving, for all we know ...but $ome people $till $ee doctor$ a$ very $exy, if you know what I mean.

I'm SURE I've missed out on meeting possible friends, because of that FEAR!

I found that going to the SCC was VERY EYE OPENING for ME! If u ever get a chance, Anne, attend one! Everyone was so friendly and accepting!
It was like a DREAM!

That does sound nice. For the record, I'm not trying to "meet" anyone here; just enjoy the company. If I DID meet someone, that wouldn't be so bad, but I've been through so much that I'm just as scared as everyone else... and a "guy in a dress" who sees me as a booty call just isn't going to do it for me.

[Jamie001]

Most of the fear that CDs experience is in their own minds. It is not real. Just like the old Captain Kirk Star Trek where the bullets were not real. As long as you don't try to push CDing at work you will be ok in most cases provided that you wife/SO is accepting. Life is usually a lot better after you accept yourself for who you are and come out to your family and friends. It is very difficult and takes a great psychological toll to suppress part of your personality.

[dana digs sweaters]

I can relate. this was probably me as a teenager and early 20's. Still not the most confident, outgoing person but, I do make friends easier now.

For the original question, I am only in a REALLY outgoing mode a few times a year. Otherwise, I tend not to be too adventurous meeting new people. I already have a circle of friends I am having rouble keeping up with since I live an hour away from most of them. Some month I hope to make a meeting of the one Indy group but, I would probably appear to be one of your "with-drawn" people, even if I had a great time meeting them. I don't even attend all the social dances I want to, let alone other things.

Brina

Get out and enjoy it. You will meet all types of peope at these meetings. It is a big planet and also a small world sometimes. Cheers Dana