Let me start with the easy part: There are positives to crossdressing, and we all know that, and these positives stretch to the relationship. As we struggle to improve our feminine selves we most certainly become more empathetic to our spouses. We understand what they go through every day. We learn how they think...not one person on this forum should have to be accused of saying, "I haven't a clue how women think". Our feminine selves makes us better spouses, broader conversationalists with our spouses, and should help them feel more comfortable in the marriage even if they never see us dressed and never consider our feminine selves their girlfriends. Ok, all the better if they do, but our increased closeness doesn't require it. Bottom line, crossdressing should make us the best spouses on the planet! (ok, how's that for conceit, huh?!).
But..........................
There are a number of potential land mines: 1) Let's not forget that presenting as the other gender is not the most accepted pasttime. In many people's minds it is perverted, sinful, and makes us less "manly" (if they only knew how "manly" we have to be to even think of walking out in public dressed as a woman they would reconsider!). 2) If our spouses didn't know up front, these women understood that they married MEN. Those who are competely hetero, as is my wife, would recoil at the thought of intimacy with their "man" in this framework, especially if he is really good en femme! (a kick in the teeth, huh...get good at being a woman and make it worse). 3) The potential societal "stigma" that would be attached to our little "perversion" might be thought of as a destabilizing factor in the family, in the workplace, and in front of the children in the eyes of a wife who suddenly finds out her man enjoys being (needs to be) en femme. Their whole world could seem to be upside down in an instant. Also, she sure as hell isn't going to talk to anyone about it, thus isolating her from any help that might normally be available to her. Also, if she is really close to her husband, she can't talk to that normally stable confident! 4) One big elephant in the room is intimacy. Suddenly your MAN is a woman, and can you get that out of your mind? (ok, eventually, but what a rocky road to get there).
A husband presenting as her gender crosses all manner of potential landmines that the length of one's hair or one's weight or leaving one's socks under the bed can't hope to compete with. We are talking about emotion here, not logic! When threads are started about what we would do if our wives suddenly told us they have been dressing as men and going to bars to swig beer with their guy buddies, some agree it would be great but most are silent on the issue. Let me say again, it's emotion, it's expectation on the deepest level. It is hard!
Ok...after almost 1000 posts, you all know that my wife and I have been doing this together for 4+ years. We started it together. We do it together. We talk about it. She teaches me, giving her complete input on what she wants me to learn from her! She likes that I understand her better. I like it too! Am I going to go clubbing without her? No. She is my wife. I wouldn't go clubbing without her in male mode! Have I stopped being her guy? No. And maybe that's the point. I haven't pushed the buttons that we all are in a position to push. My world would be very different if I suddenly really needed to be Tina 24/7. Suddenly I would not be the man she married. There has to be a point in an agreement when the original contract is stretched to the point of breach of contract, to the point where the original contract conditions are not present. Gender is a big part of the marriage contract. As much as I adore Tina, if it were necessary for me to completely transition to Tina, I would understand that my wife would be fully justified in claiming breach of contract. Likewise, if she decided to take hormones and present as a male 24/7, I might very well also claim breach of contract.
It comes down to each relationship, what the agreement is, and how far it can be stretched before it breaks. That's why there is a legal procedure called annulment. What we are doing is serious business, both for us, and for our spouses. Hopefully this next generation will be the first to be able to discuss this openly, and without malice, before wedding vows are taken. That will obviate the need for this thread in the future. We can only hope and work toward that goal.
as always, just my
tina