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Thread: Most common reason for failing to pass

  1. #1
    Junior Member LauraCassidy's Avatar
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    Most common reason for failing to pass

    Not that I care that much if I'm frequently read while I'm out en femme (btw I just love this site - sooooooo addictive!!!! And all the new Girlfriends I've made ) but what are the most commonly cited reasons (not to sound too academic about things!) for failing to pass. The reason I ask is while I was out en femme one night I could see a group of teenage girls coming towards me on the foot-path. They only started to notice "it's a man" when they were two feet away from me (And then they started giggling and laughing which I didn't mind of course!) I would have thought they would have noticed much sooner than that.

    I have been crossdressing privately for the last 10 years but ever since I first (feel the fear and do it anyway) got brave and went out en femme I began to think about all the many and varied subtle differences between the male and female forms besides the obvious ones. And there are a lot of them.

    Much larger hands
    Much larger noses
    Waist/hips
    Legs/knees
    Much much larger shoulders
    and probably more I haven't realized yet...

    If you are a 31 year old guy like me I think your best chance is trying to pass as a 50 year-old?

    What you you think?

    Laura
    You are NOT crossdressed until you are wearing high heels!

    the erotic black patent stiletto heel... surely there is no greater aphrodisiac??

  2. #2
    Gold Member sherri52's Avatar
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    The first reason is confidence. If you don't have it your lost from the start.
    Another reason other than what you have mentioned is that we tend to dress younger than we are, Another is that we overdress for the occasion. You should always dress your age and dress appropriately for the occasion.
    Put a little lipstick on you'll feel better

  3. #3
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    I think that I would much rather be 30 years old and starting this instead of the ancient age that I actually started. I would have been a knockout then. I like to look younger because I do look younger in both modes. However, once into the 50's, skin starts to sag, features get rougher, more senior blotches on your skin, everywhere, miscelaneous hairs growing out of all those cracks and crannies. You have it good girl, go for it now and enjoy your youthful features. 50 can wait 20 years!

  4. #4
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    Worrying about it too much I think. BTW, most of the folks I meet en femme think I'm 20 years younger than I am. I have to show them my license to prove I'm really __.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  5. #5
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    Laura you are correct in every way however Sherri hit it on the head. That confident air a woma exudes as she wends her way through life will carry you and all of us a lot further than any make-up or clothes!
    Some ask why? Some ask why not? I ask "Does this pump come in a 9 1/2?"

  6. #6
    CATgirldo CATgirldo's Avatar
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    Yeah those 50 year old, old ladies who... wait... I'M 56!!! Actually, I pass very well, big hands, nose shoulders not withstanding. I always dress to blend in but that doesn't mean "Frumpy." I use my own longish hair and that seems to help and my one Achilles heel is my voice. It's passable but still needs work.
    Anyway, it's doable even for us old bags.

    CAT

  7. #7
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    From this site: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases...0527121049.htm

    As teenagers, dimorphism (systematic difference between sexes) increases in the nose, chin, mouth, jaw, eyes and general shape of faces," says Nicolas Dupuis-Roy, lead author of the study. " Yet we aren't conscious of how our brain recognizes those differences.
    Investigations reveal that our brains recognize differences in subtle shading and luminance around the eyes and mouth.
    Reine

  8. #8
    Senior Member kimmy p's Avatar
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    The most common reason that I fail to pass is that I look like a guy dressed as a woman.

  9. #9
    Silver Member linnea's Avatar
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    Confidence--and probably luminescence around the eyes.
    warmly, Linnea

  10. #10
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    Passing

    I think the most common reason crossdressers don't pass is because unlike some women, we are EXCITED to dress up and do our makeup and stuff. We pick the perfect outfit and whatnot. Sometimes we don't really dress to blend in. I also think confidence is key. If you walk around like you own the place, no one will suspect a thing! It's when people walk around with their heads down and seem overly nervous when people get clocked! Just my two cents!

    Maddie

  11. #11
    Psyco Roller Derby Doll. Katesback's Avatar
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    As far as I am concerned for anyone to use that word and even think about it means you WONT fit in!!

    I am a TS. I live in the normal world. I have no other choice but to be who I am. Do some people figure me out? Sure. Do I care? HELL NO.

    Perhaps that might be some food for thought.

    Katie

  12. #12
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    One of the major reasons (besides a lack of confidence) is beard stubble that is hard to conceal withou a lot of makeup. This usually draws attention.

  13. #13
    Just an average girl Carole Cross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Katesback View Post
    As far as I am concerned for anyone to use that word and even think about it means you WONT fit in!!

    I am a TS. I live in the normal world. I have no other choice but to be who I am. Do some people figure me out? Sure. Do I care? HELL NO.

    Perhaps that might be some food for thought.

    Katie
    living the dream

  14. #14
    Senior Member jenna_woods's Avatar
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    Most common reason for failing to pass

    I agree the most importaaant is confidence, and dress your age.

  15. #15
    Cindy_act Cindy_Act's Avatar
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    I think it takes a lot of work for a man to move like a woman. Men tend to look heavy while women have a float....well most do. And a woman's posture is very different too. These are things to work on. It takes practice not to slip back into the masculine slouch

  16. #16
    Aspiring Member Karen__Starr's Avatar
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    Pretty much everything mentioned has truth in it. My main issue is voice since I do not use my female voice enough. I will say that age should have nothing to do with it if you have confidence and are dressed as the average female your age. Thinking about eyes and lips, I remember reading things about this on a plastic surgon web site and it made sense to me.
    SRS January 27

  17. #17
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    For most of us, there are times we will pass, and times when we won't.
    But face it. When someone approaches you on a footpath at night, you are going to scrutinize them pretty close as they get closer. Had you been across the street, the kids might not have noticed.

  18. #18
    Psyco Roller Derby Doll. Katesback's Avatar
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    I hate to say this but the whole P word gets thrown out a lot here. I work for a living with transgender people. Most TS girls I meet are not exactly well assimilated. Going even further I cannot say I have ever met a CD that could ever pull off a presentation of a woman that is seamless! Are the words harsh? Sure. Is that suggesting you stop dressing? Nope. You simply need to accept who you are and do whatever it takes to be happy and damm the rest of the world.

    Katie

  19. #19
    Member Terri Andrews's Avatar
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    I am 65 and would love to pass as A 50 year old .

  20. #20
    Member Terrihoney's Avatar
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    Confidence of who you are! Most women smile a bit when eye contact is made, men avoid eye contact. Practice walking movements. I found this awhile back, maybe on this forum.
    www.biomotionlab.ca/Demos/BMLgender.html
    Move the slider from male to female and see the difference.

    Hugs, Terri

  21. #21
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    I KNOW the #1 REASON for "NOT PASSING"!

    It's: "Going out dressed!"

    If u don't do that, u won't ever, "NOT PASS"!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  22. #22
    A California Girl Rachel Morley's Avatar
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    Gosh that's a super hard thing to define. It's so subjective and it totally depends on the CDer. Like Cindy said:
    Quote Originally Posted by Cindy_Act View Post
    Men tend to look heavy while women have a float....well most do.
    Let me say this to you. When you are driving along and you see a person on the sidewalk walking in the same direction as you, with their back to you, you can almost immediately tell what gender they are cant you? How do you know what sex they are? ... it's because of so many things ... their body size, their clothing, their hair length, their general bodily movements, it's a combination of all of these things that happens in a micro second that tells you instinctively what gender that person is. Passing is the same .... just because you have long hair, boobs and you are wearing womens clothes doesn't mean a thing. It's all those sub-conscious signals that you are giving off that indicate male or female. Passing is almost a science! .... it's a very difficult thing to achieve and there is no easy way to quantify it.
    .
    The River City Gems - Northern California's largest and most active crossdressing & transgender support group!

  23. #23
    firesoul Byanca's Avatar
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    There is also a lot of females that don't pass very well as women. So it isn't easy.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rachel Morley View Post
    Gosh that's a super hard thing to define. It's so subjective
    Indeed.

  24. #24
    Senior Member Sally2005's Avatar
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    It is not one thing (well it could be if you mess up one thing really badly), but it is the sum of the parts. Confidence is a major one, if you look like you are hiding something people will think you are up to something and they will watch you. Things like large hands are not an automatic giveaway, but you need to make them look good...remove hair, use lotion, polish etc...

  25. #25
    Meberette Hope's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Katesback View Post
    I hate to say this but the whole P word gets thrown out a lot here. I work for a living with transgender people. Most TS girls I meet are not exactly well assimilated. Going even further I cannot say I have ever met a CD that could ever pull off a presentation of a woman that is seamless! Are the words harsh? Sure. Is that suggesting you stop dressing? Nope. You simply need to accept who you are and do whatever it takes to be happy and damm the rest of the world.

    Katie
    It really doesn't matter who you work for, or with, or what your experience is. The desire to pass is not abnormal, improper, wrong, or in need of being stifled. YOU don't feel the need or desire to pass. Good for you, and I will gladly stand up and support your desire to be, or at least comfort with being, a guy in a dress. But it is not shared by everyone, and that is OK too.

    For some of us, who we are - happens to be women. For some of us, being perceived as men is pretty bloody unpleasant. That doesn't mean that we don't accept who we are, but it does mean that what we need to do to be happy (at least part of it) is to do the extra work required to pass.

    It is troubling to me that someone who supposedly works with other TS girls doesn't already understand this.
    "I don't mind living in a man's world, as long as I can be a woman in it." — Marilyn Monroe

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