Most common reason for failing to pass

[LauraCassidy]

Not that I care that much if I'm frequently read while I'm out en femme (btw I just love this site - sooooooo addictive!!!! And all the new Girlfriends I've made ) but what are the most commonly cited reasons (not to sound too academic about things!) for failing to pass. The reason I ask is while I was out en femme one night I could see a group of teenage girls coming towards me on the foot-path. They only started to notice "it's a man" when they were two feet away from me (And then they started giggling and laughing which I didn't mind of course!) I would have thought they would have noticed much sooner than that.

I have been crossdressing privately for the last 10 years but ever since I first (feel the fear and do it anyway) got brave and went out en femme I began to think about all the many and varied subtle differences between the male and female forms besides the obvious ones. And there are a lot of them.

Much larger hands
Much larger noses
Waist/hips
Legs/knees
Much much larger shoulders
and probably more I haven't realized yet...

If you are a 31 year old guy like me I think your best chance is trying to pass as a 50 year-old?

What you you think?

Laura

[sherri52]

The first reason is confidence. If you don't have it your lost from the start.
Another reason other than what you have mentioned is that we tend to dress younger than we are, Another is that we overdress for the occasion. You should always dress your age and dress appropriately for the occasion.

[Carly D.]

The first reason is confidence. If you don't have it your lost from the start.
Another reason other than what you have mentioned is that we tend to dress younger than we are, Another is that we overdress for the occasion. You should always dress your age and dress appropriately for the occasion.

I agree, confidence plays a major role.. Looking ****ty wouldn't help.. I went out dressed once and was in a somewhat public place and about five other people were there and that was five more than have ever seen me before that evening.. scarred?? TO DEATH but really not that much, I try to control that situation as much as I can..

[Samantha_Smile]

Bad CDs can be seen daily on the streets of Manchester.
Trampy makeup is the number one reason.
That, or they havent plucked their eyebrows
Walking with palms facing backwards, elbows out would make even nigella lawson look butch too, so avoid this.

And stay away from tarty skirts and tops. Heels are fine, just walk right in them, dress sexy but classy...

And get a pretty corset under your clothes.

[victoriamwilliams1]

For me I had that happen to me in the early years of going out and I was in my car when they notice me as a guy. So what I did was hit the drawing board and study women and I did find that what we think about women is not 100% accurate:

1. Big hands : I have seen GG's with big hands it is also based on body size and those women (some in my family) tend to keep longer nails to deflect from hand size.

2. Hairy arms: I have been seeing women with hairy arms and even chest lately and they are GG's.

3. All women sway hips: This is not as common as we think. I have seen women who do not do that and I have seen men who do!

4. All women have hips: Not true thats why the have hip pads! not only CD/TG's use them GG women use them as well.

5. Legs shapes are based on genetics as well there are men who have "women" legs and some women who do not have shape.

6. I have seen women with broad shoulders as well and again it is the genetics of a person that determines body types.

7. I am too tall: A girl in the U.S. is over 7ft tall and plays high school basketball.

I will say that some of us as well as genetic women will dress below age and at times that draws attention for people to do close inspection. I will say from personal experience that I was at a store and the SA had a boys name and had some very masculine features with nice long hair and at first I thought she was a TG and later found out she was all GG! What I am saying is that is is how you carry yourself as well and we tend to try to fit in as the perfect woman instead of being ourselves. Also your comfort level will help you in public and to achieve that you must go out often to build that comfort. I suggest starting at smaller stores that do not have allot of traffic and that is far away from home and for me I would go 50-60 miles away from home and that helped me.

8. My voice it too low! So is Joyce Meyers

[AllieSF]

I think that I would much rather be 30 years old and starting this instead of the ancient age that I actually started. I would have been a knockout then. I like to look younger because I do look younger in both modes. However, once into the 50's, skin starts to sag, features get rougher, more senior blotches on your skin, everywhere, miscelaneous hairs growing out of all those cracks and crannies. You have it good girl, go for it now and enjoy your youthful features. 50 can wait 20 years!

[Kate Simmons]

Worrying about it too much I think. BTW, most of the folks I meet en femme think I'm 20 years younger than I am. I have to show them my license to prove I'm really __.

[CATgirldo]

Yeah those 50 year old, old ladies who... wait... I'M 56!!! Actually, I pass very well, big hands, nose shoulders not withstanding. I always dress to blend in but that doesn't mean "Frumpy." I use my own longish hair and that seems to help and my one Achilles heel is my voice. It's passable but still needs work.
Anyway, it's doable even for us old bags.

CAT

[ReineD]

From this site: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases...0527121049.htm

As teenagers, dimorphism (systematic difference between sexes) increases in the nose, chin, mouth, jaw, eyes and general shape of faces," says Nicolas Dupuis-Roy, lead author of the study. " Yet we aren't conscious of how our brain recognizes those differences.

Investigations reveal that our brains recognize differences in subtle shading and luminance around the eyes and mouth.

[kimmy p]

The most common reason that I fail to pass is that I look like a guy dressed as a woman.

[Karen_Ski]

Laura you are correct in every way however Sherri hit it on the head. That confident air a woma exudes as she wends her way through life will carry you and all of us a lot further than any make-up or clothes!

[jenna_woods]

I agree the most importaaant is confidence, and dress your age.

[Annie D]

You know, not that I still don't get nervous when I go out but I have gotten past the worry about passing. My nervousness is caused from the fear of being recognized, not having people recognize that I am a male. I take care to put on an appropriate amount of make up and dress to my age and wear what I should when I am going out but if someone pays enough attention, and it doesn't take too much, they will recognize my flaws.

If this was a multiple choice reason why I don't pass, my answer would be (d) "all of the above". I have let my hair grow out; long for a male but on the short side for a female, so I have stopped wearing wigs. Once I got past worrying about what other people thought I have enjoyed myself a lot more and I have even gone to going out in daylight! OMG.......LOL!

Don't get me wrong, I don't think that I will ever pass: 6'2", 220 lbs., size 12's and palm a basketball. That alone puts me in a pretty small percentage of the female population. I mind my own business, like any other female out there and I survive.

[Rogina B]

Make your most believable presentation,[mind,body,and movement] have a thick skin,and ENJOY YOURSELF! Also,leave any of your fetish wear in your closet unless you are headed to "the club".

[Karren H]

Got to be wearing a bra on the outside of your clothes!!! Or wearing 3 bras and 2 chic shapers.... That would do it for sure.

[Sophie_C]

Not that I care that much if I'm frequently read while I'm out en femme (btw I just love this site - sooooooo addictive!!!! And all the new Girlfriends I've made ) but what are the most commonly cited reasons (not to sound too academic about things!) for failing to pass. The reason I ask is while I was out en femme one night I could see a group of teenage girls coming towards me on the foot-path. They only started to notice "it's a man" when they were two feet away from me (And then they started giggling and laughing which I didn't mind of course!) I would have thought they would have noticed much sooner than that.

I have been crossdressing privately for the last 10 years but ever since I first (feel the fear and do it anyway) got brave and went out en femme I began to think about all the many and varied subtle differences between the male and female forms besides the obvious ones. And there are a lot of them.

Much larger hands
Much larger noses
Waist/hips
Legs/knees
Much much larger shoulders
and probably more I haven't realized yet...

If you are a 31 year old guy like me I think your best chance is trying to pass as a 50 year-old?

What you you think?

Laura

You're starting to get it. It's IMPOSSIBLE to pass without transitioning, and even with that, it may take some surgery to get over how masculized your body has become with 31 years of testosterone running though your veins.

If you really want to be happy and aren't TS, just learn to 'own' that you are a TV/CD (that's where the 'confidence' comes in) and accept that you will be seen as such. If you are confident in yourself, the 'problems' will be negated, and you'll get a far more positive reaction. But know that many, many people will never been seen as a woman without hormones AND surgery, period.

[Erica2Sweet]

...I began to think about all the many and varied subtle differences between the male and female forms besides the obvious ones. And there are a lot of them.

Much larger hands
Much larger noses
Waist/hips
Legs/knees
Much much larger shoulders
and probably more I haven't realized yet...

If you are a 31 year old guy like me I think your best chance is trying to pass as a 50 year-old?

What you you think?

Laura

I'd say your observations regarding the physical differences in men and women as far as John Q. Public is concerned is right on. Many of the points you mentioned can be addressed by making smart clothing choices when one goes out in public. Picking certain styles of clothing can mask imperfect areas and give the illusion of a more feminine form. Just watch "What Not To Wear" to see how this works.

As its been mentioned if you want to pass or at least want to reduce your chances of drawing negative attention, then of course you'll want to dress your age, and carry yourself with as much confidence as you can muster.

I'm currently 35 years old, and I do dress my age when I go out, but there's no way I could ever pass as a 50 year old woman, nor would I ever try.

[Helen_Highwater]

If you go to You Tube and search for crossdresser public you’ll get a number of videos of CD’s out and about. Some not surprisingly are far more convincing than others but it’s little to do with dress or makeup. There’s a saying, “If you feel lucky, you’ll be lucky”. Well change that to, “If you feel womanly, you’ll be womanly”. If your wish is to pass then for me it’s about movement and posture and becoming the alter ego that is your feminine self.
Don’t please get me wrong, for those who have the inner strength to be out there and to not be concerned how others perceive them, where passing is not of paramount importance, I’m not throwing any stones. But for those to whom it does matter, in creating the illusion the devil is in the detail. So yes I suppose I echo the sentiments of many others in this thread, it’s being confident, having the poise and style and presence and a myriad of other things to carry it off. Anyone know where I can buy any of those things?

[msginaadoll]

The whole passing thing can drive ya crazy, cause as i have said before, you dont always know if you pass. Sometimes people give you a pass rather than you actually pass. I have been referred to many more times as maam or miss than sir. Does that mean I am passing or does that mean people are just treating me with respect or that I confuse them. I am dressed womanlike so they figure maybe I should be referred to as such. Friday night for example I was asked by a man if I minded if he used the urinal while I was out at a local club. I was at the mirror doing my lipstick. I said oh its no problem the bathroom is unisex. He looked at me for a hard second and then said, "Oh your a crossdresser, ... hot" Well I had passed for a second or two until I opened my mouth or he looked harder at me or.... I didnt try to disguise my voice or anything. Just a fun experience in the gender bending world.

[NoraTV]

There are really two questions here:

1. Do you want to express who you really are?

2. Or do you want to pass?

Both of these questions are honest. I dress to express who I really am. I can pass (although I have actually been mistaken for a WNBA player) although, to be truthful, I am amazed (or maybe people are just being polite).

I think that the most important thing is to present yourself with confidence and poise. Those giggling girls that Laura mentioned were too stupid to realize what a great compliment that Laura was giving them by the way that she presented herself to the world. They would probably also giggle at somebody wearing "last year's" lipstick color.

Hang in there, ladies,

[kellycan27]

There are really two questions here:

1. Do you want to express who you really are?

2. Or do you want to pass?

Both of these questions are honest. I dress to express who I really am. I can pass (although I have actually been mistaken for a WNBA player) although, to be truthful, I am amazed (or maybe people are just being polite).

I think that the most important thing is to present yourself with confidence and poise. Those giggling girls that Laura mentioned were too stupid to realize what a great compliment that Laura was giving them by the way that she presented herself to the world. They would probably also giggle at somebody wearing "last year's" lipstick color.

Hang in there, ladies,

Actually the OP wasn't about the importance of passing or not, it was in regards to that which prevents passing.

[Sarah Doepner]

I have the big hands, I'm too tall with broad shoulders, I've a brow ridge most Neanderthals would respect and a pretty strong chin. My voice needs work, I need to lose weight and I move more like a great ape than a girl. On top of that I'm not even attractive as a man. I don't pass and even with the best makeup, hair, age and situationally appropriate selection of clothing, a nice walk and a smile, I will be seen for what I am, not what I'm attempting to look like.

However, if I do all these things sometimes I can "pass by" before they realize what they have seen. I just need puzzled looks in front of me and the giggles behind me. We have to make a choice and pick an achievable goal if we want to go out in public dressed en femme. If I decided I was going to pass or not be satisfied with the experience, I would never be happy out of the house. I do the best I can and pick a goal that I can achieve and maybe I can raise the bar just a little with each experience. Someday maybe I'll have blank stares in front of me and the puzzled looks behind me. That would work.

[bobbiepoly]

scared to death evertime I go out, but feels better after a while and you
get more confident, how great is it to here how can i help you maam

[Mirani]

I always "pass" when no one is looking.
For the majority of the time most people are just getting on with their lives and don't look.
I spend 24/7 en femme. I don't know the difference between "passing" and people not reacting.
I am sure many people I interact with realise I am "different". However who knows what is going on in their minds?
Forgive the labels, but I have been told that quite a few people believe I am pre or post op TS so relate to me as a woman.
Brighton is quite cosmopolitan and someone like me is not VERY unusual.
Elsewhere, I feel I am treated as I present - I just don't know or care what they are thinking.
Occasionally I have been "congratulated" for being brave - I guess I didn't "pass" on those occasions.
My SO is a great coach. If I slip up, she reminds me "walk from the hips"; "break a piece off the sandwich, dont take a bite"; "try not to stand so solidly" (I know what she means); "don't pick your nose at the traffic lights" (our little joke ), and finally "you need a shave sweetheart!"
A coach (or wing gal) is worth so much!