My Blackberry makes it look like I'm on all the time and in reality I probably check the forums a couple times an hour for a few minutes... While doing other thing and never when the wife and I are together. Plus I moderate a makeup forum so I split my online time here and there.. Ohhhh and Facebook!Originally Posted by way2real
I dont have any great insight here except to say that we are all behind you. My wife and I after ignoring the 800 pound gorilla in the room or the crazy aunt in the attic...whatever (for many years) did a kind of girls night at home where she painted my toe nails and stuff and I got dressed as Roxanne. We played cards and talked and it was nice. The point is it was a result of talking about it and it was a bit of a game changer for me. I don't know if it is an option for you but talking isnt always bad. I wish you the best. Thanks for sharing with us.
Roxanne
[SIZE="3"][SIZE="3"]Roxanne[/SIZE][/SIZE][SIZE="3"]
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Geez, I think if you look at how many hits this thread has gotten, you'll know how many people are rooting for you. From a gg point, please open up to your wife, she loves you and just wants to be reasurred that you love her too. Take some time for her and let her know how special she is to you. I know this is not an easy thing to do after you have been together for as many years as you have been,( my hubby and I have known each other for 37 years) but just the smallest of reassurance that I am the most important person in his life means eveything to me. Guide her here if that's possible in the future, we gg's are here for her. I wish nothing but the best for you and your wife.
Communication, communication, communication! Direct communication! No beating around the bush, no ignoring the issues. Communication on both sides! Basically you need to put on your "big girl panties" and start honestly and directly talking about "It"
Covering one's head in the sand, or yourself doing what you want away and separate from her isn't cutting it.
Veronica Rogers
If you believe in it, makeup has a magic all it's own -- Sooner or Later (TV movie)
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?- Marianne Williamson
Have I also not said that "This Thing of Ours" makes some of us a bit "Barefoot in the Head"? Well, it does.
You don't look anywhere near old enough to have been married, or even known your wife, for 30 years!
Karren,
It appears that our experiences are nearly identical. I too am quite constrained by what is acceptable in her eyes
BTW, my response to her comment about "it being too girly" was that was the intention. Not the best come back I could have used.
Good luck and let us know how it goes. You can always drive west and we can prospect the hills together. Forget the coal and water, we will look for gold!
We all support you Karren with the "compliment" paid you by your wife. I love it when my wife makes any reference to my fem side. Recently, she asked why I seemed to be more interested in dressing up. Although, her intuition regarding my desire to wear her clothes was answered on our honeymoon and reinforced over our 30 years of marriage, she still wanted to know why I wished to be girly as often and intensely as I do. I wrote her a 4 page letter, restating some of what she had already known and also quite a bit more about my early years from about 3yrs thru high school. As a result she now knows I am not doing this to get my kicks, but really this is who I am. I believe she now understands her husband is mentally and psychologically much more woman than man and seems to better accept my girliness. Hoe this helps...........Hugs ....Madilyn
Where do you find the time do all your activities?!? Oh, & one more comment on the "too girly thing". I was having a catch with my daughter a few years ago & a neighbor gg said "You throw like a girl!" I said what's wrong with that, and was thinking to myself what a great complement!!
What ever the reason, somethings up. And that's the tact to take. "Honey, you've been worring me with how often your emotions get the better of you, can we talk about it?" I'm crossing everything that WILL cross and wishing for the best. Carol
When my wife starts picking on the way I look, I tell her, I heard you the first time or I say why are you telling me that?. She learned to stop complaining because I acknowledged her and she usually don't want to explain anything so she usually shuts up. What works sometimes is to be extra nice to her until it hurts your ego...say hi when she comes home, help her with something small, etc.. she may wonder what is up, but by acting the way you want her to act towards you you set a good example for her to follow.
I agree that direct communication is the best. That elephant in the room is to me very unbearable no matter what the reason. However, just like dancing the tango, it takes two. From what I have seen, I think that Karren has tried to start that direct, open and hopefully clarifying communication many more times than what she may state in her posts here. If the other half does not want to discuss it the options available are obvious. Karren has selected hers and is living with her choice, as much as it may hurt. I do wish my fellow engineer all the best of luck, patience and endurance, and hope to see you traveling soon where you can be you after work.
Last edited by AllieSF; 01-22-2010 at 03:58 PM.
I don't sleep!
Last night the wife and daughter and I went to the local casino and I don't know how many times I caught myself setting there like a girl playing the slots.. Lol. Kept going "I hope my wife doesn't walk by". Lucky for me she was more worried about me having a gambling problem last night... loosing $20 in 4 hours is not a problem... I can loose more than that buying one new bra! Hahaha.
Last edited by Karren H; 01-22-2010 at 10:01 AM.
Karen,
I have been in the exact same place with my spouse. I have also left and gone for a drive after a few conversations.
In the end I always come back and we both apologize and try to set things right. My wife knows about my gender issues and while,she wishes it wasn't a part of her life, she understands that I have to deal with it every day.
I agree with way2real---I try to make my wife know I love her when I can--and I probably don't do it enough. When she sometimes struggles with my gender issues-- she eventually looks back on all the things I have done to show her that I love her and she remembers them. She also realizes how lucky she is because very few men do as much for their wives as I try to do.
In the end we always come back to the love we have for each other and the many times every day, week and year that we show it to each other.
I do try but maybe not hard enough... We've never been a mushy mushy type couple... But I'm always saying it and bring home flowers for no reason.. And work hard around the house on what ever she wants done.. Remodeling... You name it.. So I'm pretty sure we have a good loving relationship.. Maybe not as pashionate as some.. But it has worked for 34 years and I don't plan to stop now..
Sounds like you are doing all the right things.
DONT LISTEN TO THEM!! Communication is overrated.. Silence and ignorance is key.. YOU MUST AT ALL COSTS never mention it again.. YOu also have to pretend like you dont know what she is talking about when she mentions your feminine traits.. Or say something like, "really? dang, I guess those gases down at the coal mine are messin with my system..Thanks for pointin that out... . " and then scratch your self... that always works for me... I still don't know why it works, because I don't work at a mine... but hey, as long as it works right?
Even if you ARE the sharpest tool in the shed, your still a tool.
Wait one cotton pickin minute, you can play the slots like a girl!! Now I've heard everything.....I don't sleep!
Last night the wife and daughter and I went to the local casino and I don't know how many times I caught myself setting there like a girl playing the slots.. Lol. Kept going "I hope my wife doesn't walk by". Lucky for me she was more worried about me having a gambling problem last night... loosing $20 in 4 hours is not a problem... I can loose more than that buying one new bra! Hahaha.
And they said it couldn't be done. But as hard as walking like a woman is, and as hard as it is to talk like a woman, this is truly the holy grail. If you can play the slots like a woman, then you have arrived!Wait one cotton pickin minute, you can play the slots like a girl!! Now I've heard everything.....
Hahaha. Ya had to be there. Lol. Describing it would due no justice! I need to add that chapter to my book...
Play the Casino like a girl... Loose like a man!!
This is my thought on issues of CDs and their spouse................. if any CD or TS enters into any permanent relationship with a partner without telling that partner its really unfair, inconsiderate, self-destructive, dangerous, selfish etc, etc.
With the little knowledge i have in relationships a girlfriend might not know about your CDing, your male friends might not know, but when you are marrying someone it is your duty and it will be honorable to inform the SO.
CDing is not an easy thing to accept for so many pple even CDs themselves. So much stigma is attached to it and the risks of a CD being outed in the most unexpected way or a CD confronting his/her SO with issues of transitioning while initially the SO has no clue about the CDing its really a gross injustice to the SO. Likewise so many other things might crop-up during the relationship.
Its suprising to find out that some women are so much interested in effeminate men, "sissies", and men that crossdress some are even interested in transsexuals i mean interested in wanting to marry them so keep on searching till u find the right partner.........search hard and be brave you will definitely find beautiful women that like CDs/CDing for keeps as an SO.
Finally, I think it'll be fair and wise to inform the SO before entering into any legal relationship like marriage.
Last edited by Hali; 01-23-2010 at 01:05 PM.
Thats great in theory... But for some of us, who grew up when things like CD'ing were considered an abhoration of all that is decent and human, we were in denial ourselves.. had no idea that we were "crossdressers".. It was just somethign we experimented with when we were young, and we were OVER that now.. so it wasn't an issue... now here it is some years later, and guess what, OMG I couldnt stop... I would slip every so often, and do it, and think, ok, well, it's a fetish thing.. no biggee... it's over now.. hahaha.. boy, I sure could fool myself... Now after so long being married, it makes it REAL hard to explain to her because WE still dont quite have a handle on it yet...
Even if you ARE the sharpest tool in the shed, your still a tool.
My wife just came in and told me we are going for manicures and pedicures tomorrow! Can you beleive that..... She is going to have to d r a g me out of the house for that one! NOT!
T
What a nice compliment. I wish my wife would say that to me. I am not very limber and can not sit like a girl, oh how I wish I could. I dress like a girl most of the time at home and she is sometimes upset about that. Most of the time though it is OK and sometimes she even ask's if sandra wants to get all fixed up and go out, those are the best of times
I know you and your wife have reached some sort of accomodation over the years, but every relationship needs a refresher now and then. Just by looking at your picture, its clear that (hockey aside) you are marvelous as a woman and it just naturally spills over when you're not en femme.
So, maybe a little private conversation is in order...just to talk things through. Who know's where the conversation may lead...that's the risk, but also the possible reward. I'd want to know if she's embarrassed or maybe just somewhat hyper-conscious. (honestly, I doubt that much anyone else would care how you carry a bag when your shopping, but it may stand out to her).
I think most of us here would agree that you have a right to move, to mannerism, or whatever without having to second guess yourself. heck, I don't know....maybe you have to CD as a male once in a while to make her feel at ease...odd concept isn't it!
I know what you mean saying you want to just drive off and never come back. It is very tempting at times and there have been times sitting in my car at a red light that I have contimplated doing that but like you I cannot leave my ... commitments. There is just too much I would miss. Plus if you think about it, you're just running from a problem that will repeat itself sooner or later. So you can either try to deal with it now or keep running from it. I like running but not that much. ;-) All I can say is try to talk about it. Her pretending it isn't there is running in of itself and just causes more problems than people realize. Yes y'all will probably fight, yes it will be hard and probably not fixed in one night but you get the conversation rolling and see where it goes from there.
This is just advise and I hope it may have helped you in some way.
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