I got caught!

[Karen7cd]

My sister-inlaw has been great helping out with makeup and style.
Well she turned on me yesterday. I gave her a call to see if she wanted lunch. She said no, (turns out my wife was having lunch with her already).
I said ok I'm going to the Good Will catch up with you later. Went to GW, picked out a hot peach top and left. The GG there were great!
I went out and my car was gone. I looked around, and was getting ready to 911 when my cell phone rang, I took it out of my purse (was in full makeup tight jeans and sexy top showing lots of cleavage) and it was my wife. She asked so where are you? I said just leaving the GW (so glad I'm truthful) she said having trouble finding your car walking around like a DRAG QUEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She started yelling, screaming and drove off, ( I spotted her car 50 yards away). It took me about an hour to find my car, (Those 4 inch heels make it a little tough walking). Once in my car I stripped my top, bra, corset, and tape off, put on a tee shirt I happened to have, and used wet wipes to remove my makeup. With out nail polish remover I ripped off my glue-on-nails, (and they looked so pretty!!!) Nothing I could do about my heels and went home. I prayed she would not be there. In 10 minutes I gathered every bit of my girl stuff, bagged it , boxed it and got rid of it.
She did not come home till about 4 hours later, said nothing to me.
About 11:30 when I was sure she was a sleep I went to bed. She told me I have to talk to the head of my church, that she told him everything.
This is a guy I have known for 15 years, and play basketball with.

So now I sit all drabbed out. No more being pretty, no more feeling hair on my shoulders and neck, no more feeling and smelling the soft deep red lipstick on my lips. I am straight, I have never wanted a guy, I love women too much.
Since I started dressing my only interest in women other then my wife is to be friends, talk about outfit selection, how to get my makeup right, I just want to be a girl with them. I have found I am nicer then I use to be to woman. I'm not fresh, I don't make obscene comments anymore. I have become more sympathetic to women. I do not cheat on my wife. I only want to satisfy her any way she wants. This I have expressed to her.

Part of my reason for dressing is I look pretty good. My wife is 15 lbs heaver and 4 inches shorter than I . Her body looks terrible. For me to look upon another woman lustfully is sinful. So I'm a bit narcissistic.

Love and huggs to you all
Karen

[MJ]

Part of my reason for dressing is I look pretty good. My wife is 15 lbs heaver and 4 inches shorter than I . Her body looks terrible. For me to look upon another woman lustfully is sinful. So I'm a bit narcissistic.

Here we go again you say you look good but your wonderful wife's body looks terrible what a horrible thing to say about your wife....

how come you did not tell your wife about your dressing ? and what were you thinking asking your wife's sister to help you.

now your wife as all the ammo she need for a divorce. whats worse your church friend or friends know about you.

so what now are you going to be honest and tell the truth or find more lies to cover up your truth.. in turn will come back to bite you in the ass later ?

[Kimmy55]

Ouch,That hurts! I have no advice to offer other than maybe you should have come out to her years ago and not had someone else tell her about you.As far as talking to the head of your church,I see no reason for that to have been thrown at you.

[Being Paige]

OMG, not that it is funny but I'm LMAO! I can so totaly relate to this. My wife knows that I dress but she never knew that I went out in public. She said it would kill her if someone she knew saw me while out. Well I use to sneek out at night after she fell a sleep and go out and walk to the local g/l bar, have a few drinks, chat to the people there and then walk home. Everything was great, for months even longer, then one night I'm walking down the street and she is standing on the front porch. Long story short, she got over it, I was stuck in the house for like ever, now I go out during the day while she is at work! I'm a dead CD. LOL

Paige

[Andy66]

My point of view:
Dressing is not wrong.
Deceiving your wife is wrong, and it probably hurt her feelings.
She probably reacted that way partly because she doesn't understand crossdressing much.
Not your church leader's business, but there's a chance he might actually help you here. Depends how sympathetic he is.
Good luck with that.

[sherri52]

I'm sorry you got outed, but apparently you should have told your wife some time ago. It is always better, not good but better to tell early in a relationship. I wish you well with your cituation. I hope your wife is involved with some discussions.

[AllieSF]

Good comments Anne. I am not clear if your wife knew beforehand or not. I do understand that your sister-in-law did know. Did she out you to her sister? If she did, then she is definitely not trustworthy at all and she should know that from you. irregardless who she revealed it to. Trust is to be treasured not abused. You knew the risks before all this happened and made your decision how to proceed.

My only recommendation is to be very truthful to your wife and cautiously truthful to your minister until you get a much better read on how he will keep your secret and how understanding he is about this side of your life. I definitely would explain to your wife that crossdressing is not something that can be put back in a box and locked away. It will be there forever and the urge to dress will vary over time with some surges when least expected. So, whether she likes it or not, she needs to understand what you are dealing with and be ready to talk about it as a mature and reasonable adult. If she decides to put her head in the sand, that is an immature and non-supporting approach to resolving a very serious and important relationship issue that can be resolved. Good, direct, open and, most important of all, two-way communication over the long haul is the only way to move forward. I wish you the best of luck and maybe, if you can trust the minister, he can be a good intermediary for you.

[Natasha TG]

OMG, I am so sorry to hear your situation. The typical response to this would be "coulda-shoulda-woulda", but this is not going to help you now.

Definetly this was not a good idea to tell your wife's sister before your wife. I know you needed someone to come out to and someone to confide in, but this should have been your wife out of respect.

And the fact that you have actually been out enfemme is definetly raising the bar - now maybe you were planning to come out to your wife, but some serious damage control repair is in order now she knows the worse way.

Oh and I agree with MJ on this one, saying your wife has a bad looking body is really disrespectful to your wife.

I hope things go well for you and your wife

[Loni]

hope things go good for you.
i told my wife early on and a devorce came about.

tried to even let her know before we got maried..but water down the river.

[victoriamwilliams1]

All I can say is WOW! The real wrong part was the moving of the car even though 2 wrongs do not make a right.

[msbrownskinned]

Here we go again you say you look good but your wonderful wife's body looks terrible what a horrible thing to say about your wife....

how come you did not tell your wife about your dressing ? and what were you thinking asking your wife's sister to help you.

now your wife as all the ammo she need for a divorce. whats worse your church friend or friends know about you.

so what now are you going to be honest and tell the truth or find more lies to cover up your truth.. in turn will come back to bite you in the ass later ?

Just because it's terrible doesnt mean it isnt true. Nobody wants a fat wife. Maybe they'll tolerate it. But they dont like it.

I agree with everything else you said though.

Honesty from the start is the best way to avoid these situations.

[MJ]

Just because it's terrible doesn't mean it isn't true. Nobody wants a fat wife. Maybe they'll tolerate it. But they don't like it.
I agree with everything else you said though.

Honesty from the start is the best way to avoid these situations.

A Fat Wife YOU say time and body's change I'm sorry but to me it's the womans heart and mind and soul. beauty changes i would rather have someone who is a great conversationalist because when we grow old i can appreciate her.

[Lorileah]

Nobody wants a fat wife. Maybe they'll tolerate it. But they dont like it.

ohoh, shouldn't a said that. *hides from flying barbs that are sure to come*


Since I had to say that I'll finish.'

First I hope the GW got your stuff, after all they were awful nice to you.

Sorry that had to happen Karen. You have been admonished enough so will let that all go with, is better clear the brush than to fight the fire.

It was wrong to take the car. It really shows that both of you probably need to talk a bit. The screaming at you about looking like a drag queen was over the line also. Maybe with a little communication you can work it out and alleviate the misconceptions that come with dressing. Explaining this early is a lot easier than trying to break through the wall you now are encountering (see paragraph above).

You know the end of this story. It is most likely that you will start dressing again to some extent. You will go back to hiding and lying if you don't nip it in the bud right now. It isn't a bad thing and somehow you must convince your wife of that. It is only bad if you make it so. The blame game won't work. When you say I only did this because she was no longer attractive is a cop out.

So now is the time to try and talk it out. Hopefully with time and care you will both be happy

[angpai30]

I'm sorry to hear what happened and I hope that things go well for you. As of right now though you do have to start planning on how you are going to tell you're minister and maybe set up a couple, couples therapy sessions?

Hannah~~

[JamieOH]

noone wants a spouse with Congestive Heart Failure either.. or diabetes... or COPD.. My wife has gone through all that.. She is amazingly strong... She is a plus sized woman, wears a size 24.. She is my world... She is beautiful... She is not very approving of my dressing, though she is tolerant, and allows me to wear femme sleepwear to bed... Would I like for her to look like Jennifer Love Hewitt? naaa, I want her to look like her, though I wish I had a magic wand that could make ME look like Jennifer Love Hewitt(temporarily, when I want)... I couldn't say enough good about her.. I do not resent or regret any part of her or our relationship. She is everything, and the moon and stars..

[Sally2005]

Gee, I think an attitude adjustment is required...first you need to comfortable with who you are. Then your reasons for not telling her is just that you needed to try it on your own. You need to feel no shame and treat it like a minor thing. With the minister, I would just ask him what is bothering your wife and not admit you did anything wrong, because you didn't. She was in the wrong, so she needs to understand that...tell her she is the only one that has caused you a problem so far. Maybe too late, but the way you reacted with her should be to fill her in on the experience and just tell her sorry for surprise...and never trust a sister-in-law unless your wife already knows...all kinds of issues with that!

Keep in mind, I'm not out, but my wife has gone out with me on halloween so it wouldn't be too far of a stretch. I think she would laugh and then be concerned that it means more than it does. Mostly, I would be more concerned about other people knowing and being misunderstood. Goodluck.

[Holly]

I hope your wife is equally upset with her sister, as she helped you in the deception. As for your wife's reaction, seriously, what did you expect? A box of candy? I'd say the two of you have some serious communication issues to work out. Good luck.

[PetiteDuality]

I think it's not fair to judge the sister in law. She is between two persons she loves, and I think that maybe she felt guilty about hiding this from her sister. I thinks she owes more loyalty to the sister than to the brother in law.

Saying that you crossdress because your wife is fat is very immature. You crossdress because this is who you are. It's your decision, not your wife's fault. Do you know how could this make her feel if she ever reads, or how could it make feel some other GG reading this forum in search for support and understanding about her SO's crossdressing?

Lusting about yourself, watching porn or lusting about other women is about the same, if you are worried about sinning...

[Karen7cd]

She knew I dressed. I'm always watching her put on makeup and asking questions about it. When she caught me I was wearing all her clothes!
Therapy might be the best course of action. Thanks for the help and chastising
where I need it. For now anything I had is purged. I have dressed off and on for over 40 years. She has seen me dressed in the house before. Mostly she just said I don't like it. This time I decided to try and look good, never had a wig, or makeup on before the last few months.
Thanks again,
Karen

[lavistaa62]

Anger and surprise does not excuse or justify vengeful acts. You hid your behaviour from your wife but in my view she had no justification other than spite to strand you or out you to your church or anyone else. Standing behind the church is just as wrong in my eyes as wrapping yourself in the flag or any other social institution. I had an ex wife who acted like this and it manifested itself in many situations and is a situation I am VERY glad to be rid of. On the other hand, if you are going to dress, tell your SO. Sooner or later they'll find out and it will not be good even if they handle it with the maturity and discretion that loved ones deserve.

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

Just because it's terrible doesnt mean it isnt true. Nobody wants a fat wife. Maybe they'll tolerate it. But they dont like it.

I agree with everything else you said though.

Honesty from the start is the best way to avoid these situations.

Its a good thing you are not the representative that has been chosen to speak on everyone else's behalf.

I know several people who prefer heavier women over any other. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Think of how you might feel if i had come in here and said... "Everyone hates being seen with a girl who needs to eat a sandwich". Its simply not a true statement.

As for the OP, well you certainly have your work cut out for you here. I have always stated that being truthful upfront is a very good policy to uphold. Your experience is another reason why I keep saying it.

Good luck to you

Zarabeth

[linnea]

This seems to me to be a sad situation all the way around. You can do something about most of it, and others can too. So try to get some open communication going; don't dwell on the past and avoid the blame-game. I think that you best hope is to move ahead (accepting responsibility for what is yours) and trying to build a better relationship.

[bethany356]

@Msbrownedskinned
As a "fat wife", I think your comment was very rude... We don't know her medical history, or how old she is... Or even if she would truely be considered fat... It's his perception of her...

Which leads me to another thing, if you think your wife is getting fat, why don't you offer to work out with her, or maybe offer to cook and make something healthier... and if it is a medical condition, then shame on you!

What she did was pretty messed up, but you prolly should have brought it up to her before hand. It sounds like you have other issues you need to work out... Good Luck!

**Gets off soapbox**

[Staci G]

I agree with some of the things being said here but, my question is what gave her the right to tell the preacher or anyone outside of the marriage about anything that goes on in their relationship without the consent of Karen? I am afraid I would have taken my girl things and packed up. I don't think, seeing as she already knew about the crossdressing she had the right to suddenly humiliate Karen like that. Everyone seems to be concerned about the feelings of the wife? Where were her concerns for Karen when she hid his car? Karen I am sorry you purged your things but if you can find them I would sure go looking.

[Dutchess]

All I can say is WOW! The real wrong part was the moving of the car even though 2 wrongs do not make a right.

This is true ,,nothing here went right on either end ,,like a domino effect ... Her actions begat your comments. Even though you ve been doing this for 40 years it seems like others have said that there isnt enough communication/closeness going on between you ,,and you know this lifestyle requires it if your SO is going to know about it ..

the Fat wife comment lol ,, that poster is only 21 ... ahh to be young and know everything once again .......