In my continuing quest for understanding I'm wondering how crossdressing affects your life. Is it in a postive or negative way or both? How so? I am not referring to how it makes you feel. More like how it affects you life's dynamics like relationships, livlihood, friendships, etc. What , if any, adjustments do you have to make to compensate? This is open for comment to absolutely everyone, including SO's.
Second star to the right and straight on till morning
tough question to ask .as i think it affects us all differently ,
its funny as my CDing has moved on to another phase as i get older . in my younger days i dont think it affected life too much , but as the years get on i am getting more and more hooked on it , i am still in the closset so my main problem is finding the time to go further ,
i am frustraited at being in the closset so this causes stress and tension in my relationship .and when i know i have time alone everything gets pushed aside to make room for pernlle to be pernille , so phisically and mentallly it has big effect on me and that affects my family ,( unfortunatly in a negative way)
i also find i spend may hours on this forum, maybe searching for the ultimate answer, or using it as an outlet to my frustration, so even though no one knows about pernille she has a big efect on my surounding family and my time .
I really can't say how it's affected our relationship for sure, since we're apart, but as of right now, I actually think it's improved our relationship (Not that it was going bad before, but still). I'm excited about the prospect of taking him out and treating him like a lady, helping him shop, ect. It really gives us something to look forward to.
It affects everything but in subtle ways: for one, I seek opportunities to dress and when I have them, I try not to let other matters or experiences get in the way. Consequently, since I'm not completely out of the closet, I turn down some invitations and spend quite a bit of time by myself. I'm not unhappy with that, but it does take a bit of a toll.
warmly, Linnea
It's not like CD affects my life- more my life impacts my ability to CD. It's something I think about whenever I meet someone- how would they react, etc. Ironically does make me much less able to be around intolerant or bigoted people. Before when my CD habits are underground even to my wife, I just sort of listened and put up with it- now I just avoid them like the plague after the first sign of ignorance. On the other hand, it's given me much greater courage to do social things which previously I would have done about anything to avoid- when I go it gives me something to think about (namely how it would feel to be there dressed, etc) rather than just being bored...
Its the bane to my exsistance... A pretty bane but a bane none the less..
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As of yet it has not had any effect on me, but i'm fairly new at
it.
Tina L.
There is so much positive energy that comes from my continued cross dressing. 1st thing that comes to mind is that it balances out the male energies which allows me to be more caring, loving an compassionate. I practice pool with my breasts on. That allows me to do everything in the order that is part of my routine. Fundamentals is the key at the level of pool I play at. When I get in a game where I do not have the breast on I am able to stay with the routine that I formed with the breast.
By being softer in general and allowing my female side out makes for some interesting conversations. I really enjoy that. It is a lot better than being the bully. That my sound weird but it works for me. Plus being muscled up no one says a thing about my acrylic nails. LOL>...... As a matter of fact women just love my nails and are impressed that a man takes care of them. I live in east TX we have a lot of bubba's here.LOL....
Cross dressing --- the wonder --- Helps me to be me at my job, I do remodeling I get to explore different styles and aspects of what people want to do with there homes. I offer up ideas with theirs and then we come up with a plan that works and is not only beautiful but functional also. It may sound strange again but I can thank myself for cross dressing. It has opened up the other half of my personality and allows me to be whole and a better person.
No one knows that I am a cross dresser except all of you.
I could go on and on about many ways that cross dressing and has opened me up to my female side. I am open to conversations with the email here.
Last edited by Dressing Jill; 01-24-2010 at 12:25 AM.
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I am Nobody-- Nobody is perfect so therefore I am perfect
There is always room for more friends in my heart
Jill
Well, returning after 10 years w/o dressing, it's kind of a money pit at the moment
But it has encouraged me to loose weigth in order to buy some skirts and blouses that would be nicely fitting. This is good.
It also opened up some ways of thinking and some doors in my mind that I tought were closed for good.
I don't know where this will lead me but I believe that the path needs to be walked to its end for once. This time around, the goal is to go out on the street at least once in full dress. At least once.
We'll see.
Maude
I believe that Linnea sums it up rather well.
For myself dressing is a hobby, a hobby I can only pursue when my wife is out (she knows I dress and is tolerant but that's our arrangement.) Any time my wife is out for perhaps more than two hours on go the fineries and drab life comes to a halt.
Not to complain but I do lament that I cannot be more choosy as to when I dress. Alone time is always enjoyed whether I dress or not but dressing further isolates me from other life opportunities. It's clearly what I choose but I am learning to say no to dressing on some occasions so that I may accomplish more in my standard drab life...which is equally as important to me
Originally Posted by linnea
[SIZE="2"]It has a positive effect – I’m more comfortable, calm, level-headed in a crisis and gentle when I’m dressed (or knowing that I’ll be dressing later on). The only negative may be time lost writing these posts and messages, when I should be doing something in my studio, but I enjoy chanting my feminine mantra among other kindred spirits. I choose to think this is time well-spent, but I can look at (or think about) anything anyway I wish. I do take a break now and then, but I return out of curiosity, since this is my only connection with the transgendered world…
Of course, crossdressing helps with relationships and friendships in subtle ways. I find it easy, for example, to write to my friends in the outside world, since I’ve “warmed up” by writing PM’s here. I’m friendlier as a result. Crossdressing is always in the background (in my case), affecting nearly every part of my life directly or indirectly. Even when I’m not dressed, I’m CD’ing in my mind, and dreaming about it when I sleep…[/SIZE]
I would very much echo Frederique's sentiments. Accepting my CDing has brought a lot of positives to my life. I am told I am calmer, more resilient, more friendly and compassionate (this all from my wife, who doesn't much like the dresses but likes her more likeable husband).
The only downside I suppose is the time and energy I spend turning this old duck into a beautiful swan -- but you don't get something for nothing, do you?
[SIZE="2"]Always be true to yourself because the people who matter don’t mind, and the people who mind don’t matter.[/SIZE]
CDing is starting to have an effect on my marraige but that is combined with the gender issues I'm going through. My wife senses something is wrong and probably thinks I'm having an affair because I'm distant towards here and feel depressed sometimes.
When I get the chance to dress then I'm a nicer person to be around although she doesn't know that's the reason. xx
I am pretty open with my gender expression.
It does kind of suck cause I always feel like people are judging me and stuff.
How it effects -
Well, while a peaceful one, about to go thru a divorce partially over it.
Family - They don't treat or act any different than they ever have.
Friends - I am pretty much a loner but those acquaintances or friends, I am just me.
Strangers - sometimes get weird looks or rude comments. That is, if they notice something is different like if I get read or if they even notice or care.
Work - I am in beauty school, I figure cosmetology would be the best field to be able to express myself.
It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.
It's a balancing act, but I sure feel balanced.
Last edited by NathalieX66; 01-24-2010 at 06:09 PM.
... and then you'll be hooked for life!
But seriously, the crossdressing has impacted my life in both positive and negative ways. I love living outside the box. The negative is having to keep secrets and the resulting fear that I experience.
Reine
Over ti,e it has changed my life as to how I dress normally. Originally I was in the closet and over the years I have taken small steps in my manner of dressing. Now in drab I wear womens jeans, underdress, 2-5 earings, clear nail polish or with a slight tint. Body is shaven and showing, and I wear mascara. That is in drab. I dress every night and mostly to the nines.
Put a little lipstick on you'll feel better
It adds tension to the marriage relationship. Since I came out to my wife, I no longer have the guilt of keeping secrets, but since she not fully accepting and supportive, it adds tension when she knows I dress.
Since My first outing a few months ago, I can't wait to do it again. I have been in a heavy pink fog since then. My son moved home, so the chance for me to dress at home is no longer likely. I have a couple of business trips coming up soon, so all I can think about is my next chance to dress and go out and meet with other sisters.
It often consumes my thoughts to the point it is hard to focus on work, so yes it is affecting my performance.
I know it is part of me and is not going away. I just have to learn to control it.
Balance. It absolutely balances my emotions, stress, aggression, everything.
When things start to build up on me, CD'ing balances it out, cuts it back to a manageable state.
It also affects the way I think. What I mean to say is, I start to think about what I'm going to say, before I say it (something my male self has an issue with). That usually lasts for at least a couple of days. I don't understand why, but I like it
Justine Solas
I often have those thoughts that CDing is having negative effects on my life, marriage, etc like many here. Like others, I often give up other activities whenever I have a chance to dress (home alone.) A bit of guilt in keeping a secret. That depression that comes from knowing that I can never share this part of my life with the person who means so much to me. But all in all, I do try to keep the necessary things on top of my pile and only give myself a femme-treat when the time is right.
Be safe, be frilled, Rikki
Hi Denise
I've been dressing for over sixty years and it's who I am and it's what I do.
It just seems normal although my wife tolerats it
it's kind of a don't ask don't tell kind of thinggie.
Only my wife and a couple thousand girls on this forum know about ((Orchid))
My wife knows the only way it will ever go away is if I take it with
me when I leave and with 46yrs. of marrage and in our mid 60's
we neither one want that.
I have Two to three hours in the morning and evening to dress
if i feel like it now that I am retired.
I would say I am happy kind of neutral I know my boundries
and stay within them. I don't rock the boat because I don't
want to get thrown overboard.
We are about take a 2 to 3 month trip in our motorhome with
another couple ((our best friends)) and I can't take ((Orchid))
along. When we get back I will probably be ready for the Nut house
sometimes I start ramblin on not knowing where its going to take me
thanks for listening
Orchid
Well said to everyone here.
I worry about getting older....what happens when we are are in our 70's or 80's????
I'm in my 50's and like to dress younger than that (according to my wife!!).
I feel that given I am a CD my feminine side has less to do with age than a state of mind.....but what does happen when I am 80+ and even possibly not of sound mind???
I regret not coming out to my wife sooner as well.....I feel like I wasted years of happiness.
Thoughts/comments???
I am 77, and except for a 5 year period many years ago have been crossdressing since age 6 or 7! Told my bride-to-be before we married, she accepted me "as is," and we had almost 50 years of happiness together before cancer took her!
The 5 year period happened after our children came along because I thought it would be better if I quit completely. After the 5 years had gone by, my dear late wife asked me to bring Stephanie back into our lives!!She enjoyed the things we did as two girls!!
Now that she is no longer around to fix my wig and do my makeup, I just go out as a guy in a skirt or dress!! I have no desire to be a girl, lady, or anything else. I am a man and know it, and I am happy to be that way. But I do also love to crossdress, and will continue to do so as long as I can!!
Stephanie
Lady on the outside, but man underneath!
To me it is very similar to when a well renowned sex expert was asked to give a speech to a large group. They waited on edge for what pearls of wisdom he might give. When he was introduced and he got to the podium, all waited for his insight on sex. He cleared his throat and said "It gives me great pleasure." and he sat down
So my thoughts on crossdressing? "It gives me great pleasure."
The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
Chief Joseph
Nez Perce
“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
As much as I luv dressing (which is alot), I find it very challenging trying to balance it out in my personal life. I think to some degree, its complicated my personal life. As I've gotten older, my dressing has really progressed, and because of it, I've become somewhat distant from friends and family. I'm always trying to find that opportunity to get dolled up which cuts-in to my friends and family time. I should say that I'm in the closet, so none of my friends and family know about my other side, which I know does complicate things.
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