Watching a bad situation

[Cristi]

I have a GG friend (not really close, but we have mutual friends) who just broke up with her boyfriend of many years. I never really knew him, but the consensus is that she is better off without him.

Well, the break-up isn't going well and she still has quite a bit of anger toward him. Now It has turned nasty.

A few weeks ago I was talking to my SO after she had been 'out with the girls' to find out that my friend was 'outing' her ex to everybody in the group. How he 'liked to wear my clothes and dress as a woman'. My wife knows about my dressing and is fully accepting of me, so this wasn't an issue personally, but it made me feel bad for the guy.

Now she's moved on to other attacks. She just recently posted on her facebook status that 'My ex left some of his lacy panties behind when he moved out' and bemoaning the fact that there are no 'normal' men out there to date.

The good news is that nobody has really backed her up on this. Normally anything she posts gets lots of replies and starts discussions, but her posts on this topic are falling flat, like nobody wants to make a big deal out of it.

I'm staying on the sidelines because this is NOT the kind of person I want to out myslef to. I also don't know if these revelations have made it back to her ex yet or what his reaction will be.

I would consider having a chat with him... but honestly he is a bit of a jerk and I really don't want any kind of ties to him!

So I'm kind of sitting back to see how it plays out. So far, not too badly since for the most part her 'outing' of the man has been met by a collective yawn amongst her friends.

[Ruth]

Interesting that she was unable to stir up any reaction by describing his CDing. I guess it's a good sign though I don't know enough of the whole situation.
Interesting also that you think he's a jerk: not disputing your judgement, it is just a reminder (if we needed it) that we CDers are people like everyone else, and you can judge a person positively or negatively regardless of a trait like CDing.

[dennisGTS]

...that is a terrable way for him to get outed; not on his own terms and during such a terrible divorce situation.

I'm not trying to defend the guy or am siding with him but each partner has their own "version" of the story that brought them to their current situation.

It goes to show you that there are guys out there that CD that you wouldn't even expect to. I'd do the same thing you'd do and not talk to the guy about CDing; if you don't know him, he could very well be an a$$ and involve you somehow in his bad divore situation for his gain. I'd be watching from the sidelines also.

[April Renee]

Doesn't sound like she is the type of person I would call a friend. To out someone for any reason let alone revenge is plain wrong. Seems like she has issues in her life as well, and maybe her behavior and attitude in general was cause for him to be a jerk..maybe she pushed him into situations that he felt trapped...two sides to every story and it sounds as if you and your S.O. Only have one...
And if I were "friends" with her I'd drop her like a hot rock...no telling where she would stop running her mouth for attention. In the long run I bet He's better off without Her....
.
April

[Carole Cross]

I guess this goes to show trhat people are more accepting of CDing than we think and don't really care how we dress.

[Cristi]

Interesting that she was unable to stir up any reaction by describing his CDing. I guess it's a good sign though I don't know enough of the whole situation.
Interesting also that you think he's a jerk: not disputing your judgement, it is just a reminder (if we needed it) that we CDers are people like everyone else.

I haven't had much contact with him... but even before this I remember coming away from any time I've spoken to him with the thought 'Wow, this guy is a bit of an ass". OTOH, I've run into him a few times since this has all come up (and I don't even know if he is aware of it all yet) and have noticed that with a bit of makeup he'd be VERY passable. He has a slim build and can't be over 5'6. I was also checking him over for other 'signs' (pierced ears, signs of underdressing, shaped eyebrows...)

Doesn't sound like she is the type of person I would call a friend. To out someone for any reason let alone revenge is plain wrong.

Yes, this has made me re-evaluate our friendship. Before this incident, I don't think I'd ever have pegged her as somebody to have this kind of reaction. She's always struck me as a very open and accepting person. Her closest male friend is openly gay.

I suspect that it is not the crossdressing she is against (from the sounds of it, it was part of their relationship for a while), it is now just an easy target for venting now that things have gone bad.

I can't really drop her as a friend since she is more of a member of a group I hang out with... so the only way to 'drop' her would be to dump that entire group. It HAS certainly colored my relationship with her, though.

[April Renee]

it is now just an easy target for venting now that things have gone bad.

I can't really drop her as a friend since she is more of a member of a group I hang out with... so the only way to 'drop' her would be to dump that entire group. It HAS certainly colored my relationship with her, though.

.
We are easy targets for ignorance and intolerance...shame. You say one of her friends is openly gay, did she out him too? (Doubt it) what I mean is maybe she could say something about him to someone that doesn't like gay people and he suffers the consequence. And as far as the group of friends there's two ways to view that...where there's one, there's some. All it takes is having one side of a story to form an opinion for some people. But, maybe with her running her mouth and public display of revenge the others in the group might see her childish behavior and form their opinion..
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April

[Jenny Beth]

Wow that sucks. There's nothing worse than someone trying to extract revenge for one reason or another. It's a good idea to steer clear of both of them.

[Presh GG]

I would avoid the women at all costs. She's nothing but mean-spirited.

my
Presh GG

[sherri52]

She is not likely to get another guy if all she does it to bad mouth her last one. The next guy she gets may not be as nice as a cd.

[giuseppina]

Hi Cristi,

If she's vindictive now, there is the possibility that this is not new. Her behavior may be affecting the man. There is a documented causal link between abuse and its effects on the abused, and the effects are not pretty or nice.

He needs support, not shunning.

[Lorileah]

Good to see she took the high road in the break up and has moved on.

This isn't an uncommon scenario and true or not now has planted roots. When one person starts throwing ---- against the wall to see if it sticks, then things go go from bad to worse.
His best defense is to let it go. If he responds, especially in kind, she will have won the battle. His other choice is to own up if it is true and take the ability to "use it" against him out of the equation.

In any case, she has just shown she is a pretty low, spiteful person who will probably have trouble finding a new mate for the pool of friends she has. These women in her group now know that they can't tell her anything because if she gets PO'd it will become common knowledge

[catriona36]

my ex gf and i had a nast break up as well a few years back now.
at the time i was not dressing and never realy gave it any thought. if she knew i did that now and tried to out me, or even back then if i was dressing, no one would have belived her anyway.
she did leave me with charges for something i never did or had anything to do with tho, even with that none of my friends or family would have belived her anyway.

in regards to the ex boyfriends case that you talk of, lets hope
that her vissions of her own self importance is not what she belives, and that no one takes any notice of her.

[kimdl93]

wow, this strikes close to home! My ex wife knew and participated in my cross dressing - underdressing mostly during a long marriage. While we were married she swore she'd never out me - she said she "had too much class to do that". But when we broke up, for reasons unrelated to dressing - she was very angry and angry people do mean things. She outed me to everyone she could - it was really amazing how far and wide she spread the word.

Strangely enough, it seemed to backfire on her. Some people brought it up, but usually in the context of "did you hear the crazy things she said about you..." I always left it at that and no one ever treated me any differently. People know that anger is part of obreak ups and discount the things said in anger.

But I also learned a lesson. I made sure that I was open about my dressing with new gf's. It ended a couple of relationships very early on, but that's just as well.

Now, I have one thought. If this woman is a friend, perhaps the diplomatic thing would be to tell her that its not helping her case any to disparage her ex...even if its true. Maybe even suggest to her that everyone has secrets they would rather not share. She lessens herself by betraying intimate secrets out of spite.