I have just come out/been discovered by my wife, and things are different for bot of us. Different in a generally good way, though. She has been amazing, and very strong. I feel worthy of being loved unconditionally, for the first time, ever.
That said, I did sign on with a name on this forum. it's a name I used on Second Life, one that was more or less generated by computer, and it became my femme personna. But SL was something I hid from my wife, part of the deception that hurt her so much, and something she was suspicious of. For a long time she thought I was a sexual deviant who was trolling other sites to engage in sexual encounters with others, outside our marriage. Imagine her relief when she found out all I did was wear womens clothing, and the SL avatar was my repressed femme side in digital form!
My point is, I have a name, this name, but it comes with baggage; baggage I would like to shed. My wife asked me if I needed a name, and I think I do. I tried to tell her it's not that I want to be a woman everyday, but that I enjoy portraying a feminine side, passing is part of it, and so is having a name for my femme side. I don't want to choose a new name that has connotations or references to women I know or that my wife knows of. Do we all need a name for our femme self? and how did you choose? MK