Hi there, my husband and I have been talking a lot the past week about his need to CD and how important it is in his life. As MarlaGG mentioned in a previous post this week, I realized I was in denial about his CDing as a need and not an "interest" as he bashfully led me to believe. (I knew of it from the start but did not fully recognize, due to my denial and his shyness about the topic, still.) I never wanted him to feel ashamed of it, and never thought to try to tell him to deny this need, but on the same token, I told him "I just don't understand..usually I can empathize but I just can't understand this need."
Well, after thinking about it and discussing it with him some more, I think maybe I CAN after all.
I can't understand the need to dress up, because I don't care much to dress up myself. In fact, looking into it little further, I don't feel natural or comfortable in very feminine, frilly styles of clothing. I never liked skirts. I hate loud patterns (except leopard print, polka dots and camoflage). I love pants - jeans, t-shirts, sneakers, boots. So yes, I don't understand why anyone would want to spend hours getting dressed up.
But what he pointed out to me, is that as a woman in our society today, I can totally wear men's clothes and do what would be considered traditionally masculine things, and never be questioned about it. In fact, he pointed out to me I was wearing a men's item during our conversation. I have worn men's clothes here and there (Tshirt, boots and shoes, even men's deoderant becuase I hate flowery smells) for my whole teen and adult life. We have discussed in the past, if you could choose your gender, what would you be? For me the answer has always been...a man.
As I thought about this more, I realized that maybe I really CAN relate. Puberty was so hard for me, I didn't want to grow up so fast to be this woman. I just wasn't ready..I wanted to be less womanly and was uncomfortable in this womanly form.
I love to go to the gym and lift weights, in my tank top and shorts, with my ponytail, and feel in shape and in control. Zumba is my favorite workout - because it embraces my masculine and agressive side without denying my femaleness.
I love to go hiking and camping. I feel very comfortable in jeans and a tank top.
Even when I get dressed up, it's sort of plain and masculine. Lots of eyeliner and dark colors, lots of A-line and pinstripe clothing. No cleavage. Silver hoop earrings - very bold. I paint my toenails but only because it takes 10 minutes and looks good. Fingernails are just too impractical for me. The vast majority of the time I wear pants, unless I'm feeling particularly girly or traditional.
Bathing suits: boy shorts and a tank.
I pride myself in my strength, both physically and emotionally.
If you ask me if I am a straight woman, the answer is yes! I have no gender identity crisis and I am not a lesbian. I am attracted really manly men, actually, because they make me feel very feminine, naturally, by comparison, which I don't often feel. But there is also a side of me that I have never denied - my masculine side.
The only difference is, no one has ever asked me to deny it. I have never felt uncomfortable expressing myself as who I naturally am... a natural woman, to be sure, but....plus.
My husband has been told from the start that to express this NATURAL side of him was not an option, not okay. How difficult it has been for him to be honest with himself - he did not have the privilege of never having to think about it, as I did.
Well...now that I feel I may understand...I don't feel afraid any longer, and I feel guilty and sad that I ever questioned it as anything other than his nature...a straight man...plus.
On the positive side, I really am looking forward to embracing this side of him which I have acknowledged, as well as this side of myself that I actually had to say out loud for the first time in a while (although I have always thought it and known it). There is a whole other dimension to each other that we can explore now.
I know not every woman has this kind of masculine side (but feminine identity) that matches up so perfectly parallel to her mate's feminine side. How did we end up so well paired? It must have been something we were attracted to in each other. I would be lying if I said I was not attracted to, and comforted by, his feminine side. His tenderness and sensitivity, and his motherly sensibilities with my daughter, even his taste in Lilith Fair -type music, was fascinating to me. Just like many CDs are fascinated by their wives, well, I'm fascinated by my husband. His gentleness. His understanding of women. His beauty. Yes, beauty! This can't be an accident. This part of him is part of the whole package that I fell in love with, and now I realize, perhaps my "plus" side, incorporated in my womanly self, may be part of what he fell for too.
The natural me, with all of my sides. Well, I am going to embrace all of his sides too..and I am in fact looking forward to it..he can be the ying to my yang in this regard.
Do any CDs think I'm totally off the mark or wrong my making this comparison?
Do any CD SO's relate to what I am saying, about having a "plus" side even though you are totally a woman in every way?
Just wanted to share, since I feel I may have had something of a revelation here.
Thanks all for your input and for reading what I had to say!
wow!
)
Originally Posted by HappyWife42
Jiveturkey, your post reminds me of my husband. Most of the time, he is himself, as a man. But sometimes, he needs to move away from his maleness and embrace his feminine side. Dressing as a woman helps him to feel this release, but he does not think of himself as a female during these times. He is...himself..the very same person..plus. Somewhere between man and woman but always in my heart. 
