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Thread: Being a woman, with full male rights?

  1. #1
    Member makin' it real's Avatar
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    Being a woman, with full male rights?

    Hi,

    I feel caught on the horns of a dilemma. I love dressing in women's clothes, thinking in ways that more resemble those of women, and shaping my body to more closely resemble that of a woman. Even though I was wearing women's underclothes, pants, and shoes all day today, I couldn't wait to get home and get my girls into something a little more supportive and built for their shape. !

    I've been using herbs for the past 4 months to help feminize my body, after finally coming to accept that this girlie part of me is worthy of love and respect, and permission to exist. That acceptance has been such a relief and release! Yay! I've given myself much greater freedom to buy and keep clothes, as well as start this movement toward feminization of my body.

    Here's my dilemma. I love how my changing body feels. The slightly wider hips, bigger butt, shapelier legs, and OMG I've got Breasts!!!!! It's my lifelong dream coming true!!! I enjoy the changed emotional state I've been in, partly hormonal, and largely due to the greater freedom to be ME. I would love to continue moving this direction, but am concerned about acceptance by others. My boobs have already received comment from a co-worker who asked if I've been working out (and I was even wearing an undergarment with slight compression that day).

    I enjoy the rights and privileges that come with being a man, and am sexually attracted exclusively to women. I want to continue sharing and growing in my professional relationships and personal friendships that have taken a lifetime to develop (I turn 50 next month), but I also want to bring more of this previously-shame-filled-now-seen-as-beautiful, life-affirming, joy-filled part of myself into greater personal and public expression.

    I'd sure love to hear how you girls have handled it. Any tips or suggestions? Questions to ask myself or others? And yes, I am in therapy with a wonderfully understanding and insightful therapist. Working with her has helped me get this far. Now I'm hoping to hear more from you.

    Thanks for listening.

    makin' it real

    _________________________________________

    “The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.” ~Albert Einstein

  2. #2
    Member Lainie's Avatar
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    the rights and privileges that come with being a man
    I guess you mean the respect of your colleagues, and the presumption that you are to be take seriously. Men & women enjoy the respect of colleagues by earning it. Let us know how it works out.

    Lainie

    You're only young once, but you can be immature forever!

  3. #3
    Aspiring Member gabimartini's Avatar
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    Read your post, quite a quandary you are facing there, huh?

    I understand your anguish. I mean, on one hand you are finally getting to experience who you really are, and are feeling great about it.

    On the other, it doesn't seem entirely right to have to throw 50 years of hard work and personal relationships down the drain to live that dream.

    Unfortunately, I don't think it is possible for you to eat your cake and have it. You are going to have to decide which way you want to go. And that decision will involve letting go of some stuff that may be dear to you.

    There's two ways to go about it. You either do it yourself, by proactively choosing the way. Or you can wait and let life decide for you. The latter is more inertial, seemingly comfortable, but generally produces worst results.

    My two cents.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by makin' it real View Post

    I've been using herbs for the past 4 months to help feminize my body, after finally coming to accept that this girlie part of me is worthy of love and respect, and permission to exist. That acceptance has been such a relief and release! Yay! I've given myself much greater freedom to buy and keep clothes, as well as start this movement toward feminization of my body.


    So you are transitioning? Acceptance is not something that comes easy. Also the fact that you are eager to make drastic, permanent and potentially deadly changes to your body, but have not even weighed the social consequences, then that is a huge red flag, and I'm scared for you.

    Hormones (ANY kind) can be very, very dangerous without proper medical supervision, and I'm shocked a therapist would agree that you should begin changing your body, while not even sure about your path.



    Quote Originally Posted by makin' it real View Post
    . I would love to continue moving this direction, but am concerned about acceptance by others

    To me, this implies that you don't need this, but just want it.


    And then, getting respect as a man would, but presenting as woman is something not even cis-women always achieve, and believe me, we trans folk have to fight for our rights.

    BTW, welcome to the forum! Sorry to be a downer!
    Last edited by Super Amanda; 02-08-2010 at 09:42 PM.
    I'm gone!

  5. #5
    Style Icon Sara Jessica's Avatar
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    Wow, another "herbal really works" thread.
    Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
    Sunlight falls, my wings open wide. There's a beauty here I cannot deny - David Sylvian, "Orpheus" (1987)

  6. #6
    Minus the triple six.. :)
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sara Jessica View Post
    Wow, another "herbal really works" thread.
    That too...
    I'm gone!

  7. #7
    Fashionista VeronicaMoonlit's Avatar
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    There's this thing called "Feminism", you might want to learn about that.

    Veronica Rogers
    If you believe in it, makeup has a magic all it's own -- Sooner or Later (TV movie)
    We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?- Marianne Williamson
    Have I also not said that "This Thing of Ours" makes some of us a bit "Barefoot in the Head"? Well, it does.

  8. #8
    Miss Conception Karren H's Avatar
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    I didn't think males had rights??? I'll have to go check it out with my wife and see....
    Current Obsession - Breasts and Lingerie!

    .......My Photos

  9. #9
    Loves ordinary miracles SuzanneBender's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Super Amanda View Post
    Acceptance is not something that comes easy. Also the fact that you are eager to make drastic, permanent and potentially deadly changes to your body, but have not even weighed the social consequences, then that is a huge red flag, and I'm scared for you.

    To me, this implies that you don't need this, but just want it.
    Dear I had the same reaction as Amanda. It sounds to me like you have yet to really make a decission yet you are throwing yourself down the road of transistion.

    If all the trappings of your male life mean so much to you then you need to consider not transistioning. The one constant of transistion is nothing will remain the same if you think the costs are too high find a way to bring balance without transistion.
    See yourself as a soul with a body not a body with a soul" Dr. Wayne Dyer


  10. #10
    Just an everyday girl Karen564's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sara Jessica View Post
    Wow, another "herbal really works" thread.

    I have a couple bridges to sell too.....I'll let them go for cheap & throw in a years supply of top notch herbals guaranteed not to work!! what a deal.!!!

    Payment by Cash, Check or Paypal happily accepted..



    As far as makin it real goes, I don't know what to tell ya, just keep doing what your doing, your old enough to live anyway you see fit..


    I'm thirsty & need a drink now....
    [SIZE=3]Karen[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=2]I really do have the...Right To Be Wrong.. [/SIZE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkSTG...eature=channel [SIZE=2]and my mistakes will make me strong![/SIZE]

    [SIZE=2]Just call out my name...and I'll come running...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SxTo...eature=related just lovin classic JT again...[/SIZE]

  11. #11
    Making a life for Tina! suchacutie's Avatar
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    a little lighter

    I was 55 when we discovered Tina. I was completely ensconced in the male world, married, and completely comfortable. Then Tina arrived.

    The world changed. Suddenly I needed to accomodate Tina with this male body. I lost 35 pounds, started shaping my eyebrows, added all the feminine skin techniques (takes me forever in the morning!), started learning about feminine movement and speech, changed my voice, and started spending money to outfit the feminine side of me (she's also a lush, but we won't go into that here). I like my male self but I can't do without Tina.

    So, we compromise. My male self is always first and foremost available to my wife. But, she likes Tina to visit as well, so we invite Tina as often as we can. It really is possible to adapt to both genders, and as time goes on I expect Tina will visit more often. In fact, my wife asked the other day if Tina was jealous of the amount of time I spend as my male self. Quite a perceptive woman I married.

    Hang in there and find your own balance. I see no need to only be in one gender when both fascinate me!

    tina

  12. #12
    Administrator Tamara Croft's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sara Jessica View Post
    Wow, another "herbal really works" thread.
    That's what happens when newbies post... they think we're gonna buy into the 4 months and you have breasts? wider hips... etc..etc.. Hmm... ok then...
    Administrator

    Missing my Libra babe Sherlyn, I hope she's rocking up there with the angels
    Missing our Rianna, doesn't seem right, gone to early, hope she's partying with Sherlyn

  13. #13
    Just an everyday girl Karen564's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tamara Croft View Post
    That's what happens when newbies post... they think we're gonna buy into the 4 months and you have breasts? wider hips... etc..etc.. Hmm... ok then...



    I just didn't want to be the one to put the bs flag up.......lol
    [SIZE=3]Karen[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=2]I really do have the...Right To Be Wrong.. [/SIZE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkSTG...eature=channel [SIZE=2]and my mistakes will make me strong![/SIZE]

    [SIZE=2]Just call out my name...and I'll come running...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SxTo...eature=related just lovin classic JT again...[/SIZE]

  14. #14
    Silver Member
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    I've been using herbs for the past 4 months to help feminize my body, after finally coming to accept that this girlie part of me is worthy of love and respect, and permission to exist. That acceptance has been such a relief and release! Yay! I've given myself much greater freedom to buy and keep clothes, as well as start this movement toward feminization of my body.

    Well dear, I can tell you one thing for sure.

    We are ALL waiting with baited breath to hear just what "herbs" you have been using to give you these results in such a short time. Please share.

  15. #15
    A California Girl Rachel Morley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tamara Croft View Post
    That's what happens when newbies post... they think we're gonna buy into the 4 months and you have breasts? wider hips... etc..etc.. Hmm... ok then...
    I agree. The "audience" here is way smarter than others might think. IMHO, I think the OP has underestimated who they're talking to.
    .
    The River City Gems - Northern California's largest and most active crossdressing & transgender support group!

  16. #16
    Member makin' it real's Avatar
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    Herbs, nah. Not gonna bite... yet.

    Well, I guess I'm not really askin you to believe, nor am I sellin anything. I've been reading the posts here for a couple 3 months and was initially quite taken aback by the lashings doled out upon those who ask about or comment favorably on herbals. I see some of that is still here, so I'm not particularly interested in engaging in that discussion. Yet.

    That said, I also very much appreciate the efforts to keep people from blowing smoke up other people's skirts. Truly, it is important to separate the wheat from the chaff, and there is so very much chaff out there.

    What I am interested in is starting to talk with you all, and getting to know you. And getting to be known by you. I've been reading the board regularly because the things you talk about are things that matter to me too. So thank you. I'm tickled that so many of you have responded already. I've enjoyed reading your posts, and, while I'm a little scared to start putting myself out there like this, even with the ostensibly anonymous nature of the internets, I'm also looking forward to it.

    I've never before taken part in chat rooms or discussion boards, so I don't know some of the protocols, or whether this next comment might seem odd. I know it seems a bit odd to me that I've read so many of your stories even though we haven't yet "talked." I just want to let you know how much I appreciate you being here and sharing. I regularly see lots of people signed in to the forums, but only 20 or so posting very much, so that tells me lots of others also appreciate this site being available, even if they don't say much.

    Yeah, Lainie, you nailed it. Yes, by male rights I do mean things like the assumption of competence. I work with quite a few highly competent women, and it's still quite clear there's a gender divide in which men earn respect far more easily than do women. Sad but true, and in many areas of life, not just work.

    I'm pretty darn clear I don't want to transition. At least, it seems pretty darn clear to me now, but then what do I know. I couldn't have predicted my current situation even a year ago. I do know I want to express my female side more freely and fully than I've ever let myself before.

    Like many of you, I spent years feeling shame and guilt, and self-loathing for this "twisted" part of me. I called it bad names, knew I was sick, and purged regularly. (See! I didn't even know that word use until I started reading here. It fits perfectly!) I can't do that to myself anymore. I know this part of me is here to stay, and I'm honoring it even by saying this here, right now. I like me, and I like this part of me. (Okay. Anyone wanna chime in with the full Stuart Smalley? )

    I like the term blending I've seen used here. That's the one that seems the best fit for where I am now. As Gabi (love your avatar, such a cutie) and Amanda (you look beautiful in your ID picture here) make clear, the path to transition is filled with all kinds of challenges that I know I'm not ready to take on. Much as I think I'd love to be a woman, I think the full deal is still just too foreign to me. I'm much more comfortable with maintaining my male identity while integrating as many of my female characteristics, physical, mental, and emotional, as possible.

    Suzanne, thanks for your heartful response. You're right, of course. I'm only just learning, finally, how to be a decent person as a man, and I don't want to give up those relationships that are now starting to blossom. And thanks, tina, for chiming in as well. Your story has been an inspiration for me. I love the grace and openness with which you seem to be embracing this newly-discovered side to yourself. Karen and Tamara, thanks for keeping things real, and I look forward to talking with you more, hopefully about all kinds of things, not just the one topic you have to do the most policing on .

    Karren, what can I say, but
    Love your humor, and ache with your heartbreaks too.

    Blessings to you all, and thanks for welcoming me aboard.

    makin' it real (I may have to come up with another name here, eh? This one seems a bit long.)


    ________________________________

    “The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.” ~Albert Einstein
    Last edited by makin' it real; 02-09-2010 at 02:45 AM.

  17. #17
    Silver Member kellycan27's Avatar
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    Yeah Tamara.. you do have a lot of policing to do.. You might want to start with your cadbury creme egg thread in which deputy Karen564 seems like the worst offender.
    Kel
    Last edited by kellycan27; 02-09-2010 at 03:07 AM.
    "one day I'll fly away..... leave all this to yesterday"

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  18. #18
    Just an everyday girl Karen564's Avatar
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    Don't believe a word of it Tamara, Kelly made me do it.....
    [SIZE=3]Karen[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=2]I really do have the...Right To Be Wrong.. [/SIZE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkSTG...eature=channel [SIZE=2]and my mistakes will make me strong![/SIZE]

    [SIZE=2]Just call out my name...and I'll come running...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SxTo...eature=related just lovin classic JT again...[/SIZE]

  19. #19
    Duality sometimes hurts.. PetiteDuality's Avatar
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    Makin it real:

    Be careful with hormones. You say you don't want to transition, but some changes induced by hormones don't have a return point. Your breasts will stay and you will loose fertility, even after you stop.

    If you don't want to transition, I guess you don't want those permanent changes.

  20. #20
    Member Misty G's Avatar
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    Having your Cake and Eating it too

    I personally don't see way you can't have your cake and eat it too. I honestly think that I have pretty much achieved this. I get to dress about as much as I want too and wear what ever is comfortable at the time. I work as a male and enjoy what I do and then present as female when ever I want too. Which almost daily. I always underdress as I don't even own any male undies I always wear hose of some sort. Most of the jeans I wear are womens jeans. Which is what I wear to work. When at home I will most times wear a skirt or a pair or shorts sometimes with a tank or Tee doesn't really matter to me if the top is male or female because I mix them all the time just like a lot of the GG's do.
    When I go out dressed or casual as a female or male it doesn't really matter. usually the only way to tell the difference is if I have in forms and a wig.

  21. #21
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    Herbals or meds or therapy notwithstanding, any real change can only come from within us. We can have all of the equipment and hype but if we are really not convinced, it's only just a facade that will not hold up in real life.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  22. #22
    Psyco Roller Derby Doll. Katesback's Avatar
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    I have met my share of Post-Op transsexual MEN. Yes I said MEN. Picture meeting this woman that is totally legally female and yet acts totally like a man. Has the agressiveness of a man and even goes to work presenting a man.

    I can tell you that these people I am talking about from my perspective were the most SCREWED up transsexuals I have ever met! These people likely made the mistake of getting SRS without really thinking it out.

    If you as a CD think you have issues with finding your place in society.........you havent even touched the iceburg comparred to these people!

  23. #23
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    I won't get into the validity issues about this post, and certainly can't offer advice to anyone contemplating transition. That's something that must involve professional consultation, as noted by Katesback.

    I do think that one can integrate various aspects of your identity in a way that fits the reality of your life. Unless you want everyone to know, your co-workers and professional associations needn't be impacted by how you live your personal life. I suspect subtle changes would go largely unnoticed.

  24. #24
    TJ Tresa TJ Tresa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by karren hutton View Post
    i didn't think males had rights??? I'll have to go check it out with my wife and see....
    agreed

  25. #25
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    shaping my body to more closely resemble that of a woman. Even though I was wearing women's underclothes, pants, and shoes all day today, I couldn't wait to get home and get my girls into something a little more supportive and built for their shape.

    I've been using herbs for the past 4 months to help feminize my body, after finally coming to accept that I've given myself much greater freedom to buy and keep clothes, as well as start this movement toward feminization of my body.

    I love how my changing body feels. The slightly wider hips, bigger butt, shapelier legs, and OMG I've got Breasts!!!!! It's my lifelong dream coming true!!! I enjoy the changed emotional state I've been in, partly hormonal, and largely due to the greater freedom to be ME. My boobs have already received comment from a co-worker.


    So, sweetie, with all due respect, we are still waiting. Really, this is a subject we are ALL interested in.

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