When did you finally realise that something was definitely wrong with your body and decide to do something about it?

For me, I knew 100% something was wrong when I was a child…I acted out on my feelings very young…the exact reason I decided to do something about it was by going BACK to dressing as a female in my early teenage years…it was THAT that made me decide to get treatment, cause I COULDN’T cope! I couldn’t live like that, it’s was f*cked up!

Anyways, why am I asking you this?

I have known my partner for 15-16 years now, we grew up together. We lost contact when I reached 14 and was moved over 300 miles away [and I never had internet back then so it wasn’t easy!]. I thought over the years at how masculine she had acted, she was a LOT like I was. I wondered if she and I were the same. I wasn’t the only person who thought that about her many members of her family thought that way too.

However, today she had a talk with me and now alarm bells are ringing once more. She told me a lot of things which have been playing on her mind. She told me she felt she had to dress extra feminine for me, because she is my (girl)friend? It made her feel wrong. She said she feels more comfortable in men’s clothing. I knew this about her from the start, I didn’t expect her to dress up all extra feminine, but she felt it was her duty or something. Basically what has happened, she’s cracked…she knows if anyone is going to understand, it’s ME!

See though, I have thought this about her for a while but it’s not up to me to say anything! She told me she has dreams were she has a complete male body and it makes her so happy…she thinks about what her mother would have called her if she had been born male…she even told me she’s told her aunt a few years ago that she was the same as her male cousins…but not.

The weird thing is, I do not speak to her about exactly how I felt as a child, growing up, my dreams, my emotions…yet while she’s talking to me, she’s hitting the nail in the head every time…same sh*t I was thinking…

Though she did add that she hasn’t told me sooner because she felt I might accuse her of “copying” me [lol I laughed at that…] or that I would feel I was “encouraging” her to be masculine, confusing her. I told her this wasn’t the case at all, I could understand though because when I first told someone it was my mother’s MtF friend, and SHE had been accused of this by my family…of confusing me! When actually, she OPENED my eyes and gave me a name for what was wrong! What if that’s what I have done for her? I might have given her the name for her problem, if she even has one…

Most importantly, she asked me what she should do, I told her to speak to the doctor about a referral to a specialist, I would guide her in the right directions…but she said if she changed, would I stick by her as her partner…

…of course I would. He’d be my boyfriend?

It would be pretty sh*tty of me to reject him? After all, if ANYONE should understand, it is ME. How I’d have loved having someone who is going through or been through what I was about to go through, maybe I’d have got through less stressed? If this is what is going on with him? I’m gonna try and make things as smooth as possible for him cause I know how horrible it is… >=[

My own conclusion to this is, they are scared. They has seen FIRST hand how hard it is for me…and thinks it will be the same struggles for them. No, I told them if they were 100%, I’d do them lot of fighting for them cause “been there done that” aye? I’m not going to push them into it, I will go with their flow.

I’m scared for them. Really. Cause I know what’s they are letting themselves in for, but I can’t sit back and expect them to suffer because they feels it’s their duty to be the clichéd (girl)friend…I told them I am happy if they are…we’d always be friends if anything else! We’ve always been friends, always will!

So…guys…girls…what made you finally realise what was going on, and what made you decide to do something about it. What age were you?

My partner has just turned 19.

[Now I know how hard it is for partners on here to write in regards to pronouns of their [pre-transition ] partners…that was some struggle for me trying not to seem ignorant…cause if they are male, then I would use male pronouns but cause they are figuring out their next step I don’t wanna use male or female…f*ck.]

I’ll speak to them later again tonight.

I just thought I’d add in female pronouns to begin with so you know they’d be “female-to-male” if transition would take place.

I’m nervous and scared. I know what comes after the courage is built for transition…life has a way of sh*tting on you…God help them! =[