who as seen a Therapist

[thechic]

Hi there

I have been having lots of issues lately with life myself and thing, and am stressed to breaking point, so so my sister had arranged for me to see my doctor, i Have been canceling this appointment several times with excuses as to many butterfly's in my stomach, so yesterday my sister picked me up had a coffee and took me to the doctors .shes been great support since finding out about me.
We arrived at the doctors and she just blurted out my issues to the doctor I'm greatfull she did as i was to nervous to say much,then we had to long talk.
Any way he has made an appointment with a therapist as there are issues to be addressed so i would like to know who has seen a therapist and what has been the out come, because I am just so nervous to go and thinking about not going.
PS
the wife does not want to get involved with this

bye
Geneva


http://www.flickr.com/photos/44936757@N07/

[KimberlyJo]

I have not, but I really want to. I wish I had someone pushing me to go like you do honestly. My wife knows about my dressing and has encouraged me to see a counselor, even said she would go with me.

I think it would help a lot to have someone to unload on and help me work through all this stuff rattling around in my head.

So in short, I think you should go, at least give it a chance.

[WendyH]

I have, with very good success. But be very picky about who you see; ask lots of questions to feel them out. Remember, they are working for you, not the other way around! I told my therapist upfront about my crossdressing to see what her attitude would be towards it; if she had been negative I would have been out of there. Fortunately, she was not, and has been very sympathetic and helpful. She has even met me in Wendy mode and was very encouraging. I tend to be able to relate and open up much more to women, so having a female therapist was a big plus in my case.

[DiannaRose]

I was very lucky. I put out a request to my local SISTERS group for recommendations for a marriage counselor, and was pointed to a wonderful woman who has been working with the LGBT community for the past two decades.

She's been great. In addition to the couples sessions my wife and I've been to together, she's seen me twice one-on-one, and both times were marvellously freeing experiences for me. Just being able to talk about what I do and feel without fear of judgement is a real mind-easer. (I even told her I liked her skirt once, which was the first time I'd ever said anything like that to a GG. That's how comfortable she made me.)

Yes, I recommend it. Think about it: if you were working on a hard math problem, and couldn't figure it out on your own, do you keep struggling with it, or ask the professor for help? There's no shame in therapy, Geneva.

BTW, you wife may need to get involved, if her own anxieties are getting in the way of your marriage. Look for an LGBT-friendly couples counselor, if you can.

And definitely get up the courage to make your appointment. It won't be nearly as bad as you anticipate.

Let us know how things go. We're behind you, Geneva!

[PaulaSF]

I went to a half-year of weekly therapy sessions about a dozen years ago.

Ostensibly to determine whether I would pursue going full-time, and transitioning. Thus, I specifically chose a gender therapist. That had followed a handful a sessions of a more general nature, thru my employer's benefits at the time I was breaking up with my first wife (current, second wife, knows about, sahares & enjoys my being TG, tho, understandably not to the same extent as I ;-)

I really got a great grasp of what was important to me, and really helped to settle my feelings and ease my mind on a wide-ranging variety of topics.

My personal "result," was deciding to stay part-time, and due to the expense ($100/hour, prolly $150 nowadays!) I didn't continue, feeling I had gotten the bulk of the value out of it. I'd imagine that a country with a medical care industry not being the definition of full-tilt capitalism might afford you better priced options (politically progressive San Franciscan, with anti "Tea-Party" flameproof thong, now donned ;-)

It was a huge factor in my gaining confidence, independence and being able to more fully embrace the femme side of myself, and giving me energy & motivation to best determine how to integrate a goodly amount of en femme time into an already busy and full life.

I found my particular therapist thru a local TG support group, and she took a Jungian approach which both appealed, and resonated with me (now to just wait a few months longer for the next pair of Christian Louboutin stilettos, and getting the somewhat spendy "Red Book" of Carl Jung, first...)

Perhaps breaking down/comparmentalizing your main issues (i.e. situation with wife/family, as well as gender issues, and how to proceed), and mebbe utilizing different therapists, as appropriate/affordable might give you the best value...

All the best with whatever your decision ends up...

cheers,
Paula

[Katesback]

Here is a site I made that has a list of TG competent therapists. Many of them are available for phone consult sessions. http://t-house.animantix.com/site/in...d=46&Itemid=53

[carolinoakland]

Hi, Yep, it's time for you to go. You must be prepared to be honest with yourself. No therapist worth their two cents is going to give you any answer's, they're already inside you. The therapist should be about getting YOU to ask the question, AND, answer it honestly. You know the truth, that's why you're so afraid to go, because once you know the truth, then you will have to act on it, or not as the case may be. But it's time. And I did go, and I did decide to transition. In fact yesterday was the one year anniversary of my RLE. I haven't seen my therapist since I started due to economic reason's and will return so that I can continue with the process of getting my surgery approval letters. But you need to sit and be honest with yourself. I hope to hear good things from you soon. Carol

[sandra-leigh]

It took me years of up and down treatment for depression before I was ready to be receptive to the idea of going to the therapist. I started two parallel streams with different therapists, one couples therapy with my wife, the other individual therapy. In both of them, my cross-dressing was raised in the first session. The couples therapist correctly identified it as far less important than the other issues -- not that we didn't talk about it at all. The individual therapist didn't have any trouble at all with it, especially as the main focus question I presented to her was "How do I take the good things I've found through cross-dressing and apply them to my 'everyday' life?"

We ended up not continuing couples therapy, so the individual therapy ended up being my general therapy including relationship issues. But most times I go dressed more or less obviously -- even if sometimes it's only that I'm wearing forms under the "stealth" clothes that I'll be wearing to work immediately afterwords.

After a time, when I was feeling that I distinctly wanted to come out and dress at work (as TG, not TS), I asked for a reference for a gender therapist, whom I have now seen about 7 times I guess. Sometimes that slides into general therapy (e.g., my job situation affects my impulse to dress at work). I had a session a couple of days ago, in which the therapist suggested that I consider refocusing not on gender identity, but rather on how I want to live my life. This is consistent with past sessions in which she has said that one should not start by labeling oneself, but rather should experiment and find out what is comfortable and desired... maybe the result will fall within a label and maybe it won't.

For example, I used to have the idea that the only tights I would feel comfortable wearing were very plain ones, black or white, brown at most -- things that could easily be mistaken as socks. But on impulse I picked up some lavender tights, as a sort of act of defiance... and turned out to love them. Since then I have all kinds of colourful tights that I wear to work regularly, including ones with roses and plaid ones. I didn't consciously decide that I liked colourful tights and go from there: I experimented and found what I liked that way. Develop your self-identity through practice, not through theory.

[msniki48]

Hi there

I have been having lots of issues lately with life myself and thing, and am stressed to breaking point, so so my sister had arranged for me to see my doctor, i Have been canceling this appointment several times with excuses as to many butterfly's in my stomach, so yesterday my sister picked me up had a coffee and took me to the doctors .shes been great support since finding out about me.
We arrived at the doctors and she just blurted out my issues to the doctor I'm greatfull she did as i was to nervous to say much,then we had to long talk.
Any way he has made an appointment with a therapist as there are issues to be addressed so i would like to know who has seen a therapist and what has been the out come, because I am just so nervous to go and thinking about not going.
PS
the wife does not want to get involved with this

bye
Geneva


http://www.flickr.com/photos/44936757@N07/

I have seen a therapist for 7 yrs. 1st to find out who...then to find out what to do. then to find out how. It was a most gratifying experience [ the journey] be honest...I had a woman therapist and felt close to her and i could see she understood my explanations even though i couldn't always verbalize it right.

Do not be nervous...they will not judge you or BITE YOUR FREEKIN HEAD OFF!

just kidding

good luck

hugs

msniki48

[Ruth]

When I came out to my wife she wanted me to see a therapist, so I did. I suspect my wife had ideas about therapy making me "see sense" and stop the CDing. In fact the therapist was marvellous, explored my feminine side with me, made me feel good about my CDing and more at ease with myself. She also uncovered and cleared out some old stuff that had nothing to do with CDing, which has made my life much better.
Fortunately, my wife has great respect for the therapist and has become more accepting of my CDing as a result of the therapist's obvious approval and involvement.
I hope you have as much success.

[Teri Jean]

I did after I couldn't function anymore at work, sleeping around three hours a night, etc.
I do have to say it was the hardest decission I have had to make in a number of years and the therapist has helped me a lot. Be honest with yourself and the therapist and you will get the most from it. Good luck and thank your sister for her help.

Teri

[Jonianne]

Going to therapy saved my life. I was blessed to find a Phd Psychologist that took payments on a graduated scale (my insurance didn't cover much). I went to weekly individual therapy for 3 years and more than 4 years in group therapy with the same Psychologist and his female partner. They were cognative and relationship therapists. I told them about my crossdressing and like someone else said, that wasn't high on their list. Self discovery and relationships were the most important. I was so relieved to find out they didn't judge me, but were there to help me find my own way.

[Bev06 GG]

Golly, didn't realise so many of you had to go see therapists. Must cost you a fortune. Excuse my ignorance but is this all to do with not accepting yourselves or seeking acceptance from others.
bev

[msniki48]

When I came out to my wife she wanted me to see a therapist, so I did. I suspect my wife had ideas about therapy making me "see sense" and stop the CDing. In fact the therapist was marvellous, explored my feminine side with me, made me feel good about my CDing and more at ease with myself. She also uncovered and cleared out some old stuff that had nothing to do with CDing, which has made my life much better.
Fortunately, my wife has great respect for the therapist and has become more accepting of my CDing as a result of the therapist's obvious approval and involvement.
I hope you have as much success.

DITTO Ruth! My 1st wife did the same. she thought the therapist would "cure me" instead she said....you are transgendered and that you are gender blessed etc. Once my wife realized that this wasn't a game or fetish for me....she was very supportive.

hugs


msniki48

[linnea]

I have, with very good success. But be very picky about who you see; ask lots of questions to feel them out. Remember, they are working for you, not the other way around! I told my therapist upfront about my crossdressing to see what her attitude would be towards it; if she had been negative I would have been out of there. Fortunately, she was not, and has been very sympathetic and helpful. She has even met me in Wendy mode and was very encouraging. I tend to be able to relate and open up much more to women, so having a female therapist was a big plus in my case.

I have had experience very similar to Wendy's. I am currently seeing a therapist, a woman, on a weekly basis. It has been very good so far, and I expect that it will continue to be good. I was very careful in making my choice, and I glad that I have done it.

[Stephanie-L]

I saw a therapist for about 6 months. Basically all she did was to help me admit that "Yup, I'm TG". She offered to write me letters if I wanted hormones, etc, which I do but am not in a place I can do that. She also said that probably the only way I am going to be able to deal with my wife and her reaction to me being TG, is to leave her, which is probably true. We didn't really solve any problems but I do feel better about myself....Stephanie

[Super Amanda]

Golly, didn't realise so many of you had to go see therapists. Must cost you a fortune. Excuse my ignorance but is this all to do with not accepting yourselves or seeking acceptance from others.
bev

Bev brings up a good question. For me, I knew I wanted to transition, and the only reason I had to see a therapist was for a psych eval to get hormones. My session was only 45 minutes, via video conferencing, and I was all set.

But back when I identified as a crossdresser, while still deeply closeted, I never wanted therapy. I wanted to explore my feelings on my own. I feel like most of us can figure out what we want to do on our own, if we can stop lying to ourselves, and just ignore your mind, and go with what your heart tells you.

I can't tell you how to do it, but somehow I achieved self acceptance, and that helped me come out. Once out, my family and friends became my therapy. Being able to fill in the blanks for them on my occasionally strange behavior over the years has been a wonderful, and often funny experience. Those once horrifying close calls of being "caught", now are funny anecdotes. I have heard many things such as "Now everything makes sense!" or "That explains everything!". That damned burden of the "secret" is just morally,emotionally and even physically devastating.

[kimdl93]

Ok, I have been to therapy, although it was a consequence of deep depression leading up to and following my divorce from my first wife, rather than directly from my cross dressing.

As I've noted on several posts, I was rather rudely "outed" by my soon to be ex during the divorce. It was something that I had to acknowledge to my attorney and to my therapist...otherwise why bother, right? Both were cool with it, and I survived the initial embarassment.

Anyway, my therapist worked with me to understand where it all came from - to sort out my sexuality and other aspects of myself that were expressed through cross dressing. It helped immensely...and I was comfortable with this part of myself to be able to share it early on in the relationship with the woman I eventually married.

So...yeah, I think can be very important, particularly if you're having challenges in dealing with life and your SO!

[DiannaRose]

Golly, didn't realise so many of you had to go see therapists. Must cost you a fortune. Excuse my ignorance but is this all to do with not accepting yourselves or seeking acceptance from others.
bev

I'm fortunate that my employer has a very comprehensive health care program that includes mental health. So for me the cost is minimal. Even if we had to pay out of pocket, though, I'd still keep going.

In our case, my wife is going through somewhat of an identity crisis, and my "issue" (her word) was adding to her anxieties. In addition to sorting through her own issues, she feels a lot of fear about my crossdressing (she tends to take bad news to the worst possible extremes in her mind, so she's been worried that I'm going to bring my CDing into her life and the kids', or need to be in a dress of we go out, or need to transition...you get the idea.)

Our therapist is helping her to realize that I am not a monster, that I'm not looking to make her a part of my lifestyle, etc. She's helping me to be patient with my wife and keep the pressure off her. She's helping both of us.

Plus my wife is seeing her own therapist for her anxieties and self-questioning.

We've done marriage counseling years before (sans CDing) to help us with some communication issues. that helped some, too.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Search my postings from about a year ago and you'll find another thread

This is what I said then, which is still true today, except I've gone several times un femme.

To specifically answer your question, a good therapist encourages a "judgement-free zone". This is a dual edged sword in that when I shred my makeover pics with her, she was very non-chalant also, which cilled some of my excitement for a while.


I have seen a marriage councelor (male) and have seen and am still seeing a therapist (female).

My wife and I saw the marriage councelor, because (see if you can guess) she discovered my crossdressing. I had some individual sessions with him, and had no problem discussing my crossdressing activities without going into detail. Once when my wife was out of town, I asked him if I could come in crossdressed. He discouraged it, so I didn't.

My therapist is a woman, and I've talked to her in some detail about my crossdressing. However, I think it would be more difficult to talk to her if she were really attractive, or wore clothes that I wished that I was wearing. I did go to one session dressed with her permission, again when my wife was out of town.

I went to the therapist to understand why I crossdressed, particularly, what I got out of it. One of my rules going in was no regression therapy. My parents are both deceased and there is no one who could confirm any incident that might have led me to crossdress.

I did come to a much better self acceptance, and that was worth it.

[Dee2U]

I had a number of sessions last year with a psychologist for anxiety and anger issues (no I am not abusive). I was specifically looking for a cognitive behavoural therapist because it matched well with my buddhist mindfulness work. The activities he set out for me were largely from David Burn's "Feeling Good" series. It was a lot of self-help really. It helped in understanding the irrationality of my self talk It also assisted in being aware of my emotions early on as they arose; allowing them to be observed and just flow through. The block I got to that we did not overcome was my inability to talk with my SO about issues where we had conflict (money, sex frequency etc). She gets very aggressive and her argument techniques are hard for me to deal with. I am still deep in the closet so ew never even got to my TG issues. I should go back but I think I need to work more on my own first.

I do recommend cognitive behaviour therapy. The peer reviewed research is very positive on it...Dee

[Sophie Lynne]

I have been seeing a therapist for years. Recently, I switched therapists to a Gender specialist and I have been to see her as Sophie a couple of times.

Does it help? Absolutely. I can't recommend it highly enough.

[JenniferR771]

Get a local support group recommendation. At my wife's insistance I saw an MSW suggested by her psychologist--bad idea. He knew almost nothing. Religious ideas. Convinced me to purge. OK guy, but he diagnosed me using DSM IV as "transvestic fetishism" (so my insurance would pay.) He thought I might be a sex addict so he recommended I read book by Patrick Carnes. There were only about two sentences about crossdressing. http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Out.../9781568386218
http://www.sexhelp.com/ and from Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patrick_Carnes

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi TC

My wife had one visit and together we had three sessions.
She thought it may help me I said I'm not the one that
needs the help you are. The Dr. basicly said to her that it is not
something that will go away.
Work insurance covered it.


I told her the only way it will go away is if
I take it with me when I leave.

With 46yrs.of marrage and in our mid 60'swe neither one of us want that.
So now it's tolerated ((it's a don't ask don't tell thinggie)) life is good.

Orchid

[Jamz1b]

What kinds of reasons do you (any one) have for seeing a counselor or therapist? I ask because I feel like I only fit the label (I hate labels though) of Transvestite.
My sweet girl went to see her counselor tonight, and he said he talks to many, but most are ones who have over the span of a life time and after many years of marriage and kids, have decided they were bi. I don’t want that, but I worry that my girl thinks I will. And I also don’t know what might be in 10 years...

I just don’t get the point of it, is there a problems with wearing something different? do guys in bolo ties need to see a professional? (ok maybe they should,,, bad example hehe).