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Thread: Yay!

  1. #1
    <3 NiCo Marc's Avatar
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    Talking Yay!

    So last night I asked NiCo to email my mum about myself and my hopes to transition, which he did accordingly. I was really nervous but it got to the stage where I couldn’t keep it to myself anymore and really needed to start doing something about it NOW. This is what he said:

    Hi J*,
    (old name) has requested that I email you this to tell you something that could potentially shock you. (old name) is trans-gendered just like I am and wishes to transition to male. He told me a long time ago, I have known since we were both children but of course it’s been kept quiet because he’s been scared how you would react. The thing is, he’s seen how loving my parents were towards me before I told them and they were open minded towards trans-gendered people [my mum had a trans-woman friend] and then when they discovered I was male, they disowned me…you’ve seen how my mum is acting about it all, refusing to accept Nicholas exists…well, he has the same concerns.
    He feels like you will feel disappointed and angry with him, after all he is suppose to be your only “daughter” and felt for a long time that he had to live up to that. He can’t do it anymore. He’s told me to write this email because he can’t bring himself to do it and cracked today and told me to just get it over and done with because he can’t handle it anymore and wants to get the ball rolling as soon as possible.
    He’s sorry if you do feel very upset and angry with him, he wanted to try his best and live how he was expected to, but he can’t go fooling anyone anymore nor lying to those he loves. He’s about to have a nervous breakdown.
    Also to let you know, our relationship is not over, I always knew he was male and I always respected that, after all I know exactly how he feels =[ I have treated him like a man when we are in private because I didn’t want people to click on about him, exposing him to potential hate, or uncomfortable questioning.
    I’m sorry if this seems sudden and shocking to you. I really am sorry but I know exactly how he has felt over these last few months watching me progressing in transition life, while he’s stood still looking on. It’s been hard. And I know it will be hard for you, and for his little brother C* and everyone else directly involved but know that I will stand by him no matter what he chooses. I love him.
    He’s requested I mention that it would probably be good not to contact him for a few days, he’s scared of your reaction, and he’s really nervous about it all…but feel free to contact me, perhaps he might soften if he realises everything is okay with you?
    Anyway, I’ll leave you to process this. Take care and I apologise if this has upset you, it was neither of our intentions. I promise.
    Nic x

    This morning I received a text message which went a little like this:

    (old name) I wont pretend this is not a shock, I’m saddened you could not talk to me and a little hurt! But I love you very much and always will no matter what happens. P.s- I want my dress back x

    I think this is a brilliant reply to the email that was sent.
    I also called the Gender Dysphoria clinic today, the same one NiCo attends, and they have given me my first appointment for the 19th May. I’m so happy with the quick appointment time, I expected to wait way longer than 3 months! It’s all moving so quickly now but that is what I wanted, I have found my courage and I’m not holding back now. NiCo is very supportive.
    Well that’s all I have to say, I’m very excited about what’s to come but also quite cautious as I’ve seen first hand how stressful and distressing it can be.

  2. #2
    Aspiring Member NiCo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marc View Post
    Hi J*,
    (old name) has requested that I email you this to tell you something that could potentially shock you. (old name) is trans-gendered just like I am and wishes to transition to male. He told me a long time ago, I have known since we were both children but of course it’s been kept quiet because he’s been scared how you would react. The thing is, he’s seen how loving my parents were towards me before I told them and they were open minded towards trans-gendered people [my mum had a trans-woman friend] and then when they discovered I was male, they disowned me…you’ve seen how my mum is acting about it all, refusing to accept Nicholas exists…well, he has the same concerns.
    He feels like you will feel disappointed and angry with him, after all he is suppose to be your only “daughter” and felt for a long time that he had to live up to that. He can’t do it anymore. He’s told me to write this email because he can’t bring himself to do it and cracked today and told me to just get it over and done with because he can’t handle it anymore and wants to get the ball rolling as soon as possible.
    He’s sorry if you do feel very upset and angry with him, he wanted to try his best and live how he was expected to, but he can’t go fooling anyone anymore nor lying to those he loves. He’s about to have a nervous breakdown.
    Also to let you know, our relationship is not over, I always knew he was male and I always respected that, after all I know exactly how he feels =[ I have treated him like a man when we are in private because I didn’t want people to click on about him, exposing him to potential hate, or uncomfortable questioning.
    I’m sorry if this seems sudden and shocking to you. I really am sorry but I know exactly how he has felt over these last few months watching me progressing in transition life, while he’s stood still looking on. It’s been hard. And I know it will be hard for you, and for his little brother C* and everyone else directly involved but know that I will stand by him no matter what he chooses. I love him.
    He’s requested I mention that it would probably be good not to contact him for a few days, he’s scared of your reaction, and he’s really nervous about it all…but feel free to contact me, perhaps he might soften if he realises everything is okay with you?
    Anyway, I’ll leave you to process this. Take care and I apologise if this has upset you, it was neither of our intentions. I promise.
    Nic x
    Damn you have exposed me to be a big softy really! I have a reputation to uphold! =[

    Quote Originally Posted by Marc View Post
    (old name) I wont pretend this is not a shock, I’m saddened you could not talk to me and a little hurt! But I love you very much and always will no matter what happens. P.s- I want my dress back x
    HAHAHAAA I thought this was f*cking awesome! You’re mum really does crack me up! Funny as!

    Oh and even though I was there when you got the reply I’d like to say here that I’m really pleased you got the reaction you hoped for. You're very fortunate, because as you get to know a few people on here you’ll realise they weren’t so lucky. Cherish it. I’m sure you already know that.

    Quote Originally Posted by Marc View Post
    NiCo is very supportive.
    Of course I am, you have been supportive of me and I understand exactly how you feel because I’m feeling the same about myself. I’ll always stand by you, relationship or not. We have been friends for 15 years, we’ll be friends forever no doubt.

    I’m so happy for you x
    [SIZE="3"]-Broken out of a window in hell-[/SIZE]

  3. #3
    Senior Member pamela_a's Avatar
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    Congratulations Marc. It's a huge step. Best of everything to you.
    "Willfully turning aside from the truth is treason to one's self." - Wizard's Tenth Rule:
    "Life is the future, not the past." - Wizard's Seventh Rule
    "Deserve victory." - Wizard's Eighth Rule
    "Be justified in your convictions. Be completely committed. Earn what you want and need rather than waiting for others to give you what you desire."

    There is just one life for each of us: our own - Words from a fortune cookie

    Do or Do Not. There is no try - Yoda

  4. #4
    Leetle FtM WalT's Avatar
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    Congratz on how well the coming out process is going for you! Can't lie, I'm a little jealous because I know I probably can't expect the same amount of understanding and, well, chillax from my parents, especially my father. I'm sorta dreading it because I know I'll have to come out to them, but I know the sooner it's done after I get my letter and start T the better. I guess it'll give me more reason to actually get an apartment with my partner.

  5. #5
    Platinum Member Sheila's Avatar
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    great news Marc

    Nico you are a star
    I allow myself to set healthy boundaries ..... to say no to what does not align with my values, to say yes to what does.
    Boundaries assist me to remain healthy, honest and living a life that is true to me

  6. #6
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    Thanks for sharing this momentous occasion with us. I congratulate both of you and your Mom. That is what friends and family are for. Good luck.
    Last edited by AllieSF; 02-16-2010 at 05:49 PM.

  7. #7
    Fab Karen Fab Karen's Avatar
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    You're lucky she's looking at you as a mother, with love no matter what. Sometimes it can help a parent to talk to someone else about their child, to get a more objective viewpoint. You're lucky to have Nico there for you.
    [SIZE="3"]Gender is a state of mind[/SIZE]
    LGBTQ PRIDE
    As of Oct. 5th, go here to see my pics:http://www.flickr.com/people/fab_karen/
    A Yankee Doodle T-Girl
    proud of my President

  8. #8
    GypsyKaren
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    Loved ones do have a way of surprising you, I'm glad that things are going so well for you...and I've always known that NiCo was a big softy, can't fool Mother Gypsy.

    Karen

  9. #9
    Senior Member Felix's Avatar
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    Hi Marc I'm thrilled for you on all counts xx Felix
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    Me, Myself and Felix!!

  10. #10
    Gentleman Thornton's Avatar
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    1) Well, that's just awesome!
    2) Welcome!!!!
    3) Nic, does this mean he's our brother-in-law now?
    The ZP Poem
    Everytime I go to pee, I'm gonna be thinking:

    "There's this kid somewhere in PA named Ze. I wonder if Ze has to pee. Does Ze have to hold it, or can Ze let free? There is no fun with infected kidneys.
    Not everyone's body matches their psyche. Whether be sir or whether be she, everyone deserves a safe place to pee. So come on people, let people be."

    And then I'll realize I've been rhyming to myself and the guy in the urinal next to me will beat me up.

  11. #11
    Aspiring Member NiCo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thornton View Post
    1) Well, that's just awesome!
    2) Welcome!!!!
    3) Nic, does this mean he's our brother-in-law now?
    Aye I think it does...

    ...HOLD UP...Brother-in-law suggests marriage...when was I gonna be told about this?!

    [Hijacked thread]
    [SIZE="3"]-Broken out of a window in hell-[/SIZE]

  12. #12
    Transman Andy66's Avatar
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    Yay! That's awesome, Marc! And you're very brave.

    I hope your transition will go as smoothly as possible. It seems like you have a great support system.

  13. #13
    <3 NiCo Marc's Avatar
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    Thanks everyone for comment on this. Will keep everything updated on here.

    x Marc x

  14. #14
    Gentleman Thornton's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NiCo View Post
    ...HOLD UP...Brother-in-law suggests marriage...when was I gonna be told about this?!
    We were gonna get to it eventually...(hides wedding invitations under sofa )
    The ZP Poem
    Everytime I go to pee, I'm gonna be thinking:

    "There's this kid somewhere in PA named Ze. I wonder if Ze has to pee. Does Ze have to hold it, or can Ze let free? There is no fun with infected kidneys.
    Not everyone's body matches their psyche. Whether be sir or whether be she, everyone deserves a safe place to pee. So come on people, let people be."

    And then I'll realize I've been rhyming to myself and the guy in the urinal next to me will beat me up.

  15. #15
    Gold Member sherri52's Avatar
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    Marc: I'm glad your mother is going to survive your outing and future changea. We never know what reaction we will get from our loved ones.
    Put a little lipstick on you'll feel better

  16. #16
    Epicurean Elric's Avatar
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    Bravo! Well done. I've no doubt that with this hurdle behind you, that you'll be able to forge ahead with very positive energies.

    Cheers.
    Elric

    [SIZE="1"]"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field."
    -- Niels Bohr[/SIZE]

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