I suppose that this should be considered a 'follow-up' to the plea I posted for advice a few weeks back. (See "need some advice"). Unfortunately, it is not a "happy" follow-up. In fact, since a full 2 1/2 years has passed since I sat down with my wife and came fully 'out' to her, I do not think that I could have predicted, even a couple of months ago, that I would be in this position. I have always been so proud that my wife was supportive of me and that she was so accepting. I do not mean to say that the path to that acceptance was, at first, totally smooth, but we worked through it, I thought, until recently.
At any rate, I took all the advice I was given by all of the wonderful members of this community, and sat down with my wife once more and asked her why she had apparently changed in her"attitude" toward my Cd'ng; and I must say I was amazed at how close to the truth so many of you ladies had come in your postings, regarding her feelings about my dressing. However, her feelings went even deeper and were much more derisive toward me than I had ever anticipated. I was told that, yes, I dressed up too much; even if it was just wearing en femme clothes (no make-up, wigs, forms)while hanging out at home; she confirmed that she indeed wondered where the man she had married had gone, etc. etc.
But then she told me, through tears and sobs, that watching me "flit" around that house and wanting to "walk like a woman" made me look ridiculous and made her feel sickened. She seems to have reverted back to the place that she was at more than 2 years ago when I first broached the subject.
When I asked why she had stopped talking to me about it, when she felt threatened, sickened, confused, etc, she said she thought it would be easier to just make me feel
embarrassed then confront the feelings head on. (She did this by treating me with derision; and also repeatedly telling me how "handsome" I am when dressed in drab.)
I listened to every word she had to say. I did not feel angry, or upset, just relieved that I had finally gotten her to talk to me about it. But when I asked her to tell me how much dressing up was tolerable for her, I recieved no answer; I asked her to think about it and let me know, and it is now nearly a week and she has not mentioned it. So once again, I will broach the subject and hope that I can get some idea about what she is thinking/feeling.
My fear is that she is going to say that she cannot tolerate it at all. I really do not want to go back to the closet in my own home. But somehow I have the feeling that that is where I am headed...............
Anyway, sorry for the long posting; I just felt the need to let everyone that took time to offer advice an update. (BTW, I did ask her if she thought it would help to chat with other GGs about this, and her response was that she did not think that she was inclined to discuss it with anyone.)
I am so conflicted and unsettled.........I just want to reach a resolution of some kind. is that unreasonable? Or am I in too much of a hurry?
Thanks to all---Vicky