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Thread: Trip to the therapist...

  1. #1
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    Trip to the therapist...

    Hi Girls,

    It has been a while since I've been on crossdressers.com or posted anything. Things have been really busy with the holidays and trying to catch up. Work has been really busy too. Lucky for me, I'm going to stop traveling for work so I'll have more time at home and more time to go out here in Dallas.

    Yesterday I had my first appointment with a therapist. I've never been to a therapist or counselor of any type before. It was actually a very good experience so I thought I would tell you a little bit about it and see if anyone of you have been to one.

    So here is a little background on why I went...

    I came out to my wife April of last year. Things have been going well for the most part. There have been some ups and downs but mostly ups. I've been wanting to do somethings to progress a little. Things like get laser hair removal on my beard and start dressing around the house and out in the general public more. To this point I mostly go out to clubs in the gay part of town.

    My wife was resistant to any more changes because she thought that one thing would lead to another and I would eventually want to get my male parts removed. I don't have any desire to do that but she thought that if she gave into some of these little things it would lead to bigger things.

    As long as I feel like there is hope then I have no problems. If I feel like there is no hope then I start to get depressed. Some financial issues, not related to my gender, have been a burden on us lately. That coupled with my gender issues were starting to build. I was feeling really bad about being trapped in the middle. It was almost better when everything was hidden and repressed. I was having a lot of depression problems and was crying a lot. I really felt that I needed to get some professional help to sort things out.

    Things hit rock bottom about 3 weeks ago. She was thinking that I was going out when I traveled and thought I was having an affair. I got tired of being accused of things I wasn't doing so I just laid it all on the line. I told her, "Whether I'm going out of not, you think I am. Whether I am having an affair or not, you think I am. So from this point forward you just need to assume that I am going out and that I am having an affair and you have to decide if you still love me and if you want to stay with me." She didn't take it well. One day we were talking and she told me that she thought we should separate.

    I heard the one thing that I never wanted to hear. I can't live without her. She is everything to me. Without her love I am nothing. So I told her that I was going to throw all my stuff away and just quit. Maybe I would go get some psychological help and take drugs or whatever I needed to do to stop it. I got up and started throwing my stuff in trash bags. She told me that if I didn't stop she was going to leave. So, I was trapped. I could stop. She wouldn't let me. But I also couldn't do the things I wanted to do to move forward.

    I set up an appointment with a therapist that has a lot of experience working with the transgendered community.

    A day or two later I stayed home from work and just laid in bed all day. I had a lot of time to think. I decided that from this point forward I was going to stop crying and whining. Stop acting like a little baby. No matter what I was going to keep a positive outlook. I have always been the person that everyone goes to for help. You would NEVER know if I was having a bad day or if things weren't going perfect. I think that is one of the reasons my wife loves me. I was becoming something that no one would ever want to be around.

    Things started getting better almost immediately. She told me it was ok to do whatever I needed to do and she would love me and support me. I know that I can't just run out and go crazy. I didn't plan to do that in the first place. But now she had given me complete freedom.

    I was going to cancel my appointment with the therapist but forgot to so I had to go.

    It was a really nice experience. The therapist was very helpful and kind and it felt good to get some things out. I don't know whether I'll go back again or not. I'd love to have my wife and I both attend some sessions together because I think most of our issues are not with my gender, but instead with trust and our relationship in general. We have a great relationship but I think it can always be better and sometimes having a guide can be helpful.

    So that is where I am. I just wanted to update my friends here on my progress and encourage everyone to seek help if you need it.

    Until next time...

    Kisses,

    Allie

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
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    Therapy has an undeserved negative connotation for some people...that there's something "wrong" to be fixed. Its actually about helping us understand ourselves a little better and deal realistically with life...life that comes with its share of challenges and circumstances that are out of our control.

  3. #3
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    I agree. We can all use a little counseling from time to time. That is why most of us are members to groups like this. This is a form of "online therapy". This or any other form of help shouldn't be looked at as a negative. It is an opportunity to explore one's self.

    When I said, "if you need help", I didn't mean to quit it. I meant to understand and embrace it and work it out in your mind and with the ones you love.

    I think that is all positive.

    Kisses,

    Allie

  4. #4
    Silver Member Tomara's Avatar
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    Hi Allie
    First of all welcome back , we missed having you here.
    Sorry to hear that you are having some difficult times in your life , I think that happens to all of us at one time or another and if we want things to change we have to take control and make them happen , in my opinion therapy is an excellent tool to help fix personal problems , you have someone who is trained to help guide you in the direction you want to go in.
    From reading your story I would suggest that you continue with your therapy , make a list of things you want to talk about if you have to , I don't think one visit can be very helpful , the other thing would be to go to couples therapy with your wife to work on the trust issues and her fears of your going too far.
    I have amazed myself in how much I have grown since I have gone to therapy and not just with my cross dressing but with all of my life , I am a much happier person.
    The best of luck to you.

    Tomara

  5. #5
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    Copying and pasting my post today from another thread:

    I have a therapy appointment today. It's only my second and I came out to her last week. I was very pleasantly surprised that she knew that TG is such a diverse area, even though I'm seeing her primarily for other reasons. I did pick a female therapist though because I never felt I could come out to my first one, a man, a couple of years ago.
    I felt so damn good after telling somebody else. My wife is extremely supportive, and I can dress around her, but it's still very reassuring to be able to talk about these things with a therapist.

  6. #6
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    You're absolutely right, Allie. We can all benefit from some guided introspection!

    Quote Originally Posted by AllieSummers View Post
    I agree. We can all use a little counseling from time to time. That is why most of us are members to groups like this. This is a form of "online therapy". This or any other form of help shouldn't be looked at as a negative. It is an opportunity to explore one's self.

    When I said, "if you need help", I didn't mean to quit it. I meant to understand and embrace it and work it out in your mind and with the ones you love.

    I think that is all positive.

    Kisses,

    Allie

  7. #7
    Aspiring Member Philipa Jane's Avatar
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    Uplifting message

    Dear Allie
    When I first came here you were quite prolific with your posts and I looked forward to your insights.
    I did think that you and your wife were so in harmony,and it comes as a surprise to me that you have both had issues.
    I fully understand the depression side of things when we kind of get caught in a trap of our own making.
    There have often been times when I needed a person to talk to other than my wife and I guess a therapist may have been a solution.
    I think I would be too introverted to open up to a stranger and this site for me has been a God sent opportunity to ease some of the pent up feelings.
    To talk to so many people anonymously has been great therapy but to meet one of the members in person was the best.
    Like so many here my wife knows but does not accept and as long as I am discrete that's OK.
    This is a subject that has not been broached for some months and is something I accept as we have been very good together.
    I feel glad that things are working out for you and look forward to your participation here again.
    Big Big hug.
    PJ


    Philipa Jane

  8. #8
    Gold Member sherri52's Avatar
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    I went to a therapist when I was married. It was my wifes and I agreed to go to help save the marriage. After a few sessions the therapist seemed to be siding with me so my wife who was not understanding canceled the sessions and later we still ended up in divorce. The sessions didn't go her way therefore therapists are no good. I did love my wife but now many years later I don't even think of her.
    Put a little lipstick on you'll feel better

  9. #9
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    Allie,

    My therapist feels that 'dressing' is just another form of therapy for those of us with gender issues. I continue to see my therapist as well and think that many of us do well by continuing to see therapists.

  10. #10
    GG AKASadieGG's Avatar
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    Allie,
    I'm happy that you have so many people to talk to. As a wife, I'm wondering if your wife has anyone she can go to? Is she a member here? If not, maybe you could suggest that she join and become a member of FAB. It's really nice (for s/o's) to know that they are not alone in this and that they are not the only woman going through these types of issues. They not only offer experienced advice but friendship as well. I wish you and your wife the best.

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