Whew, alright, get ready for a rant. I promise it won't be took Wall of Text-ish, but here it goes:

When I started therapy last October, I initially went in thinking about transitioning when I got into graduate school, thinking it would be far too stressful and hard for me to transition during my undergraduate years of university. Those thoughts crossed my mind several times over the next few months until in December I decided that I needed to transition soon because transitioning during my master's degree would be far more stressful on me than it would be now, plus I simply need my mental health.

Every year I go without doing something about this, it gets harder and harder for me to function well at all. I know this sounds crazy but... it keeps me from speaking up in class, keeps me from getting to know people, keeps me even from going outside because I have to constantly hide this fact from others and can't really be me. Ever since I got raped by my ex in spring 2009, I've been even more paranoid about someone finding out before I'm "ready." It's finally getting to the point where I'm simply tired of it. Hiding it is becoming more and more hard on me.

I know I need to call my therapist and tell him to refer me over to another clinic here. I'm hoping I won't have to do too many more months of therapy simply because I thought I would be able to make it a few more years without transitioning. I'm starting to think I can't. I greatly desire starting on T and having all those (many permanent) changes take place, especially since my partner is getting started on hormones themselves. I don't really feel it's necessary to hide my status once I'm transitioning (I feel I'd be much safer transitioning than being someone still entirely in the closet) and I've actually planned on coming out to people after I start T.

In a way, I'm procrastinating because I really do fear having to wait to start T- and explain in the middle of fall 2010 why my voice is changing and why I'm asking to be referred to by a male name (which, of course, is becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy).

Okay, I'm done. I know it isn't too coherent, I know I'm not posing a question or really asking for discussion... there's just so much on my mind right now. I don't know any TG/TS people in Oklahoma personally, especially those who have transitioned during college. Mostly I'm more worried about being treated with respect, as in being called "he" instead of "she" and by Walter and not my birth name.