becoming a woman

[Melissa Charlotte]

I've just moved into my own place with my girlfriend. Its been fantastic! I have the freedom to be dressed all day if i wish, which i have done on many occasions. Ive never spent so much time dressed up and now im drepressed when every im not.

This is becoming a huge problem for me. Im not happy unless im feeling like a woman. I think becoming a woman is the next step for me. When i spoke 2 me girlfriend about it she was very upset. She cannot be with me if i change. I want 2 be with her and i want 2 make her happy. On the over hand id like 2 be happy when i look in the mirror.

I can understand that my girlfreind wouldnt want 2 be with another woman but if she loves me she wanna be me even if i was the same sex right?

i really don't know how 2 go about this. Crossdressing now makes me feel bad for liking it.

any advice girls?

cheers melx

[Carole Cross]

Maybe this is the time to speak to a therapist.

[jennifer easton]

ditto on the therapist, it's that time to make up your mind, make her happy or make you happy,the therapist is not going to tell you what to do, but he or she will help you decide what you want for your life, they'll run the pro's and con's buy you and ask question to aid you in YOUR decision, good idea, look for one, it will make your life a whole lot easer

[Mirani]

I can understand that my girlfreind wouldnt want 2 be with another woman but if she loves me she wanna be me even if i was the same sex right?
cheers melx

WRONG!

Turn it around. By your logic, if you loved her you wouldn't change sex.

She didn't sign up to your dream - be fair. Better that she is honest with herself and you - and for you to be with her also.

[Melissa Charlotte]

i see your point. I'm being very selfish. It may be a good idea 2 see some one.

melx

[sherri52]

Obviously you GF is not a lesbian and that is why she can't stay with you if you change. You have to decide what you want more, your GF or being a woman. Your GF you have now and with any luck; forever. Becoming a woman will take years. The others are totally right, it is time for a therapist, even if it is to find out what you really want.

[jenifer m.]

i kinda get what you mean about being dressed or not,im only really happy,and comfortable in female clothing now.most days.i hate when i have to be dressed as a man,and loathe the thought.like i said in one of my threads im always in some sort of drag.i hate drab! as far as your gf gos you need to consider her feelings. is it not good enough that she lets you walk around the house dressed as a girl?she loves you for who you are but she problably doesnt want to be with a woman who used to be her man.she may not be down with that plan. if you love her and respect her then ask her streight out what she will tolarate and do that and nothing more,or you may find yourself alone.just a thought is all.my two cents.

[Leslie Langford]

...that is the question.

Now I wonder what William Shakespeare would have said if he had ever confronted such a situation, given that he had such great, timeless insight into the human condition as seen in his complex, thought-provoking plays...

[docrobbysherry]

I think that's a BIG factor in the advice folks r giving u.

For example, if you're UNDER 25, u probably don't NEED a steady GF! If u have one, I predict you'll part in a few years, or less, regardless of your gender bending!

If you're closer to 35, I like the, " see a therapist", advice!

Over 45? All bets r off!

[Karen564]

[SIZE=2]Being a woman is more about what's inside between your ears, than wearing womans clothes...[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Clothes don't make you a woman.....If it's ONLY womans clothing that make you FEEL like a woman, then I would call that something else......[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Think it's time to step back & re evaluate what's happening...[/SIZE]

[Sara Jessica]

[SIZE=2]Being a woman is more about what's inside between your ears, than wearing womans clothes...[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Clothes don't make you a woman.....If it's ONLY womans clothing that make you FEEL like a woman, then I would call that something else......[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Think it's time to step back & re evaluate what's happening...[/SIZE]

Thank you...I was thinking the same thing as I read the replies so far. Obviously, I agree with you 1000%!!!

[Nicole Brown]

Hi Melissa,

I totally agree with the advice that Karen has given you. The clothing that you wear does not determine your gender, it only determines your appearance. History has shown that when there is a desire to wear woman's clothing that desire will most likely remain with you for the rest of your life. It may go into remission at times, but it will most likely return.

I strongly encourage you to find a qualified experienced therapist who is well versed in crossdressing and transgendered people. You are at a crossroad in your life and making the wrong choice can lead to a lifetime of pain and unhappiness. We all want to be happy with ourselves and we can only achieve this goal if we truly understand ourselves and make proper choices. Good luck as you move forward and make your lives choices.

[julie w]

I think you are pushing it with your girlfriend , there is point when she will
have enough , If you love her you may won't to tone it down ,If you
can't then living on your own might be the best option then you will
be free to pursue you Cd Tg lifestyle which can be quite nice IMHO

[Kate Simmons]

Becoming an object is never a good thing. Many think of a "woman" as a thing they want to become. Becoming yourself is better and then whatever "window dressing" we choose naturally follows.

[Wen4cd]

If I was a therapist, and if you walked into my office and stated that same worry to me as you wrote it here, my ears would tend to hear loudest the part that said "I am not happy unless I'm feeling like a woman."

This is because I like people to feel happy, I guess.

So then I would wonder: what would happen, realistically, if you allowed yourself to feel like a woman all the time?

Me, I'm the same way. I still tend to be happier when I feel like a woman. Also, people seem to respect me, hear me, and like me more, almost magically, when I am feeling like a woman. Hell, when I'm feeling most like a woman, my wife starts saying I am radiating her idea of a caring, copmassionate man, a dream romantic model of a caring man, and I secretly think "hehe, it's because I am happily feeling like a woman."

When I explained this to her in these terms, after she saw and felt, and experienced me 'feeling like a woman,' she became an active participant to nurture it. When I am feeling bad, and not at all 'feeling like a woman', she picks up on it, and says 'you should go get back in touch with your feelings.' Which means, quite literally, "go dress up and spend some time with yourself."

Eventually it might not be as much 'like a woman' as it turns into 'how I want to feel' and one can gradually find the 'keys' to help do it in any situation, and do it more, until it's habitual, and finally becomes 'like myself' and you have achieved the positive change in yourself that you sought.

One reason I personally dress, when I dress, is to immerse myself in that feeling, to get to know it, to acquaint myself with that energy, so that I can reach it more easily in any situation, be it in the shower, when I'm wearing nothing, or in any other place I can imagine.

I do so love the feeling. It feels like me - unrestrained by self-limitations.

As your imaginary therapist, I might possibly prescribe 'dressing sessions,' as learning sessions, to learn how to better feel like a woman. They would be work, fun work, but you'd still have to learn the feelings and be able to demonstrate them. I would possibly tell you that when you are dressing, concentrate on the feeling. How do you carry your frame differently? Do you pull your shoulders back and fix your posture, how does it feel? How do you hold your head, high or low, forward or back. How do you breathe differently? etc...

What does it physically feel like to 'feel' like a woman? What is the posture and energy you feel?

Once you get acquainted with those sensations, you can associate them, and feeling like you want to feel, emotionally, can start to be triggered by repeating the postures and physiology. I find it amazing how feelings spread from feelings, and how they affect each other. It's the basis for a lot of yoga, and it works just as well here.

I might even suggest that learning 'how to feel like a woman' may be your key to learning how to be happy, and a fuller person all around. It might be worth exploring the feeling for a time before worrying yourself or your girlfriend too much over it.

[mklinden2010]

>>This is becoming a huge problem for me. Im not happy unless im feeling like a woman. I think becoming a woman is the next step for me. When i spoke 2 me girlfriend about it she was very upset. She cannot be with me if i change. I want 2 be with her and i want 2 make her happy. On the over hand id like 2 be happy when i look in the mirror.


Yeah, that's a huge problem.

Part of the problem is how do you know what it feels like to be a woman? Do women feel cold differently? Are they hungry in a different way? When a bug bites, does it feel different than a man does? Does good music sound better/worse? For that matter, is "good and bad" different for men and women?

Many women have discussed all this with me (over several decades) and almost all, to date, report that basically they play the cards they have - not imagine so much cards they don't have. They "deal with the real" for the most part, or, they wind up getting help to figure out what real is... Or, they just keep messing up and being unhappy.

Seems like that's where you are... Messing up and being unhappy. Meanwhile, your GF is not interested in a three-some with you, her, and, you-as-another-woman, or, with her and you/your other self rolled into one chronically unhappy"you."

So, yeah, get some help with where you're trying to go and what it costs to get there. You may or may not lose the GF along the way, but that's not the thing you need to worry about. You need to worry about not messing up over and over again cause you didn't do all your homework in life.

Work the problem to find some better outcomes.

Good luck.

[Sheila]

[SIZE=2]Being a woman is more about what's inside between your ears, than wearing womans clothes...[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Clothes don't make you a woman.....If it's ONLY womans clothing that make you FEEL like a woman, then I would call that something else......[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Think it's time to step back & re evaluate what's happening...[/SIZE]

Being TS is about far more than just the clothes