"Flight Con! I can't hold it! She's breaking up, she's break

[MarinaKirax]

Yes, that dialog is from the intro the the six million dollar man.

My gyroscope is out. I'm totally off balance. While I still feel connected with the CD issue and community, I'm not interested in dressing right now. I doubt even a pair of black shiny 4" stilettos and a brocade corset could interest me right now. I feel totally drab, totally male.

One month ago, I was obsessed with dressing. Eight weeks ago, I came out to my wife, after three decades of hiding this. I think maybe my initial obsession had something to do with a new found freedom, and a measure of acceptance from my wife, and a possibly pathologic desire to dissect what makes me tick.

I have had long periods in my life where my CD tendencies were dormant, but I always put them down to lack of opportunity, or to being dead tired from work. In summer,for instance, I don't think about it much because I am less likely to pass, not shaving my legs; I am hesitant to flaunt it in consistent bright light, not wearing shorts when everyone else is, no bare legs, etc. But I have never had a situation before where it is NOT summer, where I have FREEDOM to dress, and acceptance of my wife, and been.... well..... so what? I'd rather play hockey today.

Do you think I'm in some disequilibrium from the crazy events of the last 2 months, or do some of you feel the same way every so often? I'm not talking about not wanting to take 2 hours to dress and do my makeup, I'm talking about feeling lukewarm about the idea of dressing in general. As is increasingly the case, I will define myself and my idea of normal, based on your collective casual responses. MK

PS I really do value this forum. It's like Robinson Crusoe finding another high heel footprint in the sand.

[Kathi Lake]

Marina,

Relax! You're perfectly normal. Our desires ebb and flow. Our minds focus on new topics, and basically stress or even shiny things can distract us from our dressing for awhile. It may come back. It may not. The main point is, are you happy? That is what matters, not 4" pumps or a pretty corset.

By the way, your avatar picture is incredible!!

Kathi

[StaceyJane]

"Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to make the world's first bionic man. Steve Austin will be that man. Better than he was before. Better ... stronger ... faster

Most people don't know this but the dialogue in the beginning was from a real plane crash. The pilot survived and apparently didn't like having his crash replayed every week on TV.

I think it's okay to not not have the urge to crossdress for a while. Everyone's different and how each of us need to express our gender is different.

Just don't purge your stuff. Put it away nicely and when the time comes you can enjoy wearing them again.

[kimdl93]

Hi Marina,

I find I often offer advice and wonder who the heck I am to be giving it...but here's my take on things. 1) yeah, you probably felt rather euphoric in the days afer coming out to your wife...that can't last. 2) we have all had dormant periods....for most of us, the dormant periods don't last, but they can last for long periods. 3) Your a whole person with diverse interests...CDing isn't, nor should be your sole interest or define you as a person. 4) I have shaved my legs for 10+ years and nobody has noticed...don't worry bout it. 5) so you guys won the olympic Hockey Gold...jeez, do you have to rub it in!!! (just kidding!) Seriously, I hunt and fish...still am something of a gym rat, and do auto repairs, rough carpentry, etc...seriously guy stuff. But I spend most of my days, when I'm not doing those things, dressed...

so, don't feel too bad. I suspect the urge to dress may return, and let's hope that you can acheive a comfortable equilibrium in your life - your way too cute to dress like a guy all the time!!!

Kim

[suchacutie]

I have read so many forum threads that have started this way. First of all, your avatar is just superb! You are clearly accomplished en femme. Once given your freedom your en femme world exploded. All this seems so natural.

My wife is completely supportive. I would be en femme so much more but life just gets in the way. Then the other day I could have dressed but there wasn't a lot of time, and there were just other things I wanted to do.

It seems to me that you have suddenly been afforded the luxury of putting your femme self in perspective. It wasn't planned. Give it time. Put her away for a bit, but put a mark on the calendar to revisit the issue. Also, you might explain all this to your spouse with the idea that there might be a day soon where you might just find yourself en femme! Ask her if she would mind if you, without planning it, just did it! That way, if the desire hits you, you have a free card, and then see what happens.

Take the pressure off and let it happen. The one theme that seems to be common here is that no one can really stop forever, but that unless you really detest your male self, you probably won't be uniform in how you feel about being en femme. It will likely come in fits and starts, at least if everyone here is the norm!

Don't purge since in all likelihood you will be back en femme when you least expect it!

Tina

[gabimartini]

Marina, I went through something similar. I came out to my SO, then went into a thick pink fog, then into total lack of CDing drive for about 6 months. After that period, I had another thick fog which lasted for about a week after my first outing with my SO. That fog went away and ever since I have been able to live with some measure of balance between my female and male sides.

[jenifer m.]

ive gone through hot,and cold spells with my dressing all my life,but i some how find my way back through all the distractions life throws at me. i think what you feel is quite normal.

[msniki48]

Marina,

When you need her she will be there. Marina is part of you...not all of you.

yes you went thru the roof when you told your wife... a new found freedom. now you're content with being you, and that does not mean you have to be dressed all the time to find you. before you could have been compartmentalizing your personalities and dressing was the catylist. maybe you are now blending. i found this summer that for the first time in 8 yrs, i stopped shaving my body, and even grew a goat tee....WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT????? it actually thru me into a depression, but then i thought about what the therapist said...it's fluid, when you need her, she will be there.


BTW: i'm now dressing again and went to my first support meeting last week in this past yr....SHE'S BACKKKKKK!

good luck in your journey.

[Holly]

Relax, kiddo. Some may view this as heresy, but dressing is not the be-all, end-all of gender issues for a lot of us. To be sure, there are some who dress for fetish reasons and that is fine. For others being transgendered encompasses more... exploration of feminism, feminine psychology, deportment, being in public, acceptance by family and friends, passing (however you define it) and so on. Dressing for a lot of us is not the end result but is only one tool we use to discover more about ourselves. I would think it would be unfortunate indeed if we allowed one and only one activity to define us as a person whether it be dressing or bowling or our work. All the things we participate in go into what makes each of us unique and special. Maybe, since you don't feel like putting on the clothes right now, it would be a good time to explore other avenues in the universe of the transgendered and discover additional interests and truths about yourself. Best wishes.

[Cassandra Lynn]

Ditto all the above. Stress to dress is the last thing you want to do. Let your conscious be your guide. Allthough i did like the advice of not doing the awful purgeing routine and talking openly with your incredibly wonderful SO about where your at, especially the fact that it could come back at any time and possibly stronger. mj
p.s. wonder what bionic boobs would be like?

[Cathytg]

I am not surprised that you have periods of need with dressing and periods of not caring. That seems to be normal for a great many of us. Don't try to overthink it; just go the flow and do not throw anything away.

[mklinden2010]

>>Dressing for a lot of us is not the end result but is only one tool we use to discover more about ourselves. I would think it would be unfortunate indeed if we allowed one and only one activity to define us as a person whether it be dressing or bowling or our work. All the things we participate in go into what makes each of us unique and special.


Many good responses to your post.

CDing is just part of your journey in life. You may visit that place again, or, you may not, either way, you've been there and know about it.

I liked the bowling example. Bowling, after so many trophies, finally does become, "just a game." It's not "just" a game, but once you've done it enough times, throwing the ball another thousand times just no longer appeals to you the same as it did when you first got started.

That there are CDing times when you could "take it or leave it" tells me that you've reached a certain level of maturity with CDing. You've "been there and done that" and realize there are other things to do. Don't worry about it, a lot of women feel the same way about "dressing up" and only really care to do it when they have a reason to...

Congratulations, you've reached "normal" again.

[Renee_E]

Every now and then Renee just isn't home. Don't know if she out on vacation or what. Sooner or later she comes back.

[Paula Siemen]

"Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to make the world's first bionic man. Steve Austin will be that man. Better than he was before. Better ... stronger ... faster

Most people don't know this but the dialogue in the beginning was from a real plane crash. The pilot survived and apparently didn't like having his crash replayed every week on TV.

I think it's okay to not not have the urge to crossdress for a while. Everyone's different and how each of us need to express our gender is different.

Just don't purge your stuff. Put it away nicely and when the time comes you can enjoy wearing them again.

Yes we can rebuild him...prettier, more sensual than before....with fuller lips, less hair, larger breasts and more shapely figure. He'll know how to apply his make up, shop for the latest styles, pose for the cameras. Yes, we can rebuid Steve Austin to a better woman than ever before.

I WISH!

[tiffanytrapt19]

I have had these feeling every now and then also. For me, I'll be feeling this way and I think, "am I done? do I NOT want to dress anymore??" Then, next thing I know, one little thing sets me off wearing heels, hose and panties again . Trust me, I know you may FEEL like you could be done, just take a break, and it'll prolly come back, or it may not, but I doubt it.

[Lynn Marie]

I'm wondering what reaction your wife had to your revalation to her. Has that reaction on her part changed? If she isn't all that enthusiastic about your dressing, then I would think that your desire to please her would throw a damper on your desire to dress.

Just wondering.

Oh yeah, fabulous avatar.