A Philosophical Question on Same-Sex Relationships

[Veronica Nowakowski]

As I got my masculine and feminine energies balanced, I started having an interest in sexual relations with men. I began to think that I was becoming bisexual, which I welcomed. However, after reflection, I'm realizing that it wasn't that at all. In my case, I have no attraction to any particular male, something I have all the time for women, but the idea of such relations is attractive because it makes me feel more feminine. It sort of reminds me of a statement I once heard about women seeing men as accessories for themselves.

Here I am actually losing that balance and feeling more feminine than masculine, which though I think the balance is preferable I just don't care, even thinking of starting hormone therapy, and it's becoming clearer what that is. I know most of the other posters are strictly heterosexual, but are there others who have experienced anything similar?

[Joanne f]

I would say that there are a great many who have or do feel the same and i know a lot will not like it but i think it is going to be an inevitability for most TGs to have thoughts like this (and i did not say all) and in one sense it would be only natural as males think like males and females think like females so if you are both then why should you not think like both on all aspects of life, being TG can play about with your head in more ways than just wanting to wear the clothes.

[NatalieBliss]

I started having an interest in sexual relations with men. I began to think that I was becoming bisexual, which I welcomed. However, after reflection, I'm realizing that it wasn't that at all. In my case, I have no attraction to any particular male, something I have all the time for women, but the idea of such relations is attractive because it makes me feel more feminine.

I totally understand that part. I consider myself a heterosexual crossdresser. But it's not from shutting myself off from entertaining other notions. I just don't find men appealing.

[Shari]

I'm not, nor have I ever been in a same sex relationship.

I can think of no one man who I've ever looked at in the same manner as a beautiful woman. Everyday guys, movie stars, sports figures, etc. don't turn me on.

When I'm dressed though, the thoughts become much stronger.
There is a faceless fantasy man who lives inside my tiny brain and visits me on some of these occasions.
There comes a warm curiosity when I look at myself in the mirror and imagine this man coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist.

Wow, it's getting hot in here, isn't it?

[Nicole Erin]

I see and hear about these so called sexy or attractive men, and I don't get it either.

[Veronica Nowakowski]

It's sounding more common than I thought.

[Byanca]

Welcome to the club

That's exactly how it is for my. But it's always been like this. But I'm obviously not gay as I become very shy with men. And can do everything except me getting all naked, since that does not feel right, some real transsexualism there I suspect, since I so much want too, but soo embarrassed. But I've had the pleasure of being hit on by a guy out. He was very on.... opened doors for me, took me with him home. Then after a while almost jumped me on the sofa..lol. The whole thing was really great, I've never felt so much as a real woman. But that's just me, lot's of ways to go about this.

[Veronica Nowakowski]

That sounds like a lot of fun. I think I need to have an experience like that before I settle down.

[minalost]

"I dress like a woman therefor I must be attracted to men, right?" I think this is just our own brain fooling with us. I've felt the same thing too, but when it comes down to "walking the walk," it turns out I'm just not that interested. It's more of the "man as the accessory..." thing. It could also be argued that you'll "look more fem" or "pass" better if you're hanging on the arm of a very male man; its a contrast thing.

So don't feel bad or weird just because you have these feelings. Many of us do, even if we don't act on them. 95% of crossdressers are heterosexual.

Just my .

[Veronica Nowakowski]

I have to doubt that statistic given that only 90% of the general population is.

[dawnmarrie1961]

veronica, a healthy sex life is a good thing. But be careful. I don't really understand the whole bi-sexual thing. It's a bit confusing to me.

Living as i do I'm often invisible to women, unless they are into girls.

Guys on the other hand are a pain in my ass. I'm not attracted to them and yet they won't leave me alone, even when they are aware of who I am. I've got kids old enough to be my kids making passes at me.

Doesn't anyone understand the word "NO" anymore?


Mtf doesn't automatically mean a change in sexual preference. I think a big misconception is that because the vast majority of transgendered people consider themselves hetrosexual it doesn't mean we all of a sudden are into men.


Be safe. Be smart.

Dawn Marrie

[StarrOfDelite]

There's a thread on the board entitled 'crossdressing and dating guys?' It was started in December, 2009 and it has over 200 posts by now. ReineD did an analysis of it several weeks ago, at the 166 post mark, and it revealed this:

40 of the posts were general in nature or multiple posts.

34 said they weren't interested in being with a man or a M2F TG

62 said they would be interested in, or had been with a man

30 said they were/would be interested in men while dressed but not in drab

Some interesting comments in the thread. You might be interested in reading them, since many of them are relevant to your original question which was, if I understood correctly, do we trend towards becoming more accepting of the concept of being intimate with a man as we become more involved in the TV/CD world?

I think the answer is a tentative yes, or at the very least confirmation that your leanings are not unique.

[Frédérique]

Here I am actually losing that balance and feeling more feminine than masculine, which though I think the balance is preferable I just don't care, even thinking of starting hormone therapy, and it's becoming clearer what that is. I know most of the other posters are strictly heterosexual, but are there others who have experienced anything similar?

[SIZE="2"]Yes! A philosophical question! Cool!

I’ve experienced something along the lines of what you’re talking about, but I went in that direction unconsciously. Your results may vary, but bear with me. Rather than put a name on it, I just enjoy being in this new state of awareness. I’ve always felt more feminine than masculine, since the males who surrounded me while I was growing up were repulsive, save for a few kindred types I briefly came in contact with. Would things have been different in the company of females? The truth is I sought out their nurturing company -- I was just drawn that way. As such, it’s difficult for me to contemplate being truly bisexual. I have too many memories of certain behavioral attitudes I care not to remember. I’ve become more bi-curious as the years go by, but my crossdressing isn’t sexual in any way, shape or form – it’s purely tactile, done to cultivate feelings I hold dear. I guard against any intrusion into this private world, so I keep most males at arms length, since I don’t expect THEM to understand. I know there are others like me, so I only come out here, where I have many sympathetic friends. I don’t really think about maintaining a “balance” of some sort, since I tipped the scales away from masculinity a long time ago. He still sits over yonder, on the other end of this gender see-saw. I can see him quite clearly. I keep him as far away as possible, but, unfortunately, I need him for my own equilibrium… [/SIZE]

[Alicia_lynn419]

I'm kinda in the same boat.... I'm not consciously attracted to men, but sometimes the female part of me is attracted to the notion... yea, I understand the faceless fantasy man. But instead of worrying about being bi or straight, I prefer to think of it in terms of hetroflexible.

[Barbara Dugan]

You are not alone Veronica I feel almost the same way .. I consider myself gay I like guys 100% of the time the more masculine the better but when I dress is even better I feel more whole...like when you said your femenine side gets stronger.I know some people may object what I said but when I have a relationship with a guy I dont feel like it is gay relationship..I can have and I think it s a lot easier for me to have a gay relationship but to me have one while in femme is more fulfilling even sometimes the idea of having the whole body and equipment has crossed my mind too

[Veronica Nowakowski]

I do recall my gender therapist telling me that if you're really a woman on the inside, it isn't gay :P

[prene]

Like:
Alicia_lynn419 said:
"I'm kinda in the same boat.... I'm not consciously attracted to men, but sometimes the female part of me is attracted to the notion... yea, "

I love the notion of feeling totally female . . .

[Dee2U]

I am married so I wouldn't cheat - man or woman...BUT....my fantasies have definitely strayed at times into the feminine role with a man. I am always the receptive partner seeking to please him. In my mind I am a woman during these daydreams / fantasies and never use the part that men have....Dee

[Rianna Humble]

I do recall my gender therapist telling me that if you're really a woman on the inside, it isn't gay :P

This seems to be one of the perennial questions around here, but I think your therapist is right. If you are really a woman, then relations with a man are heterosexual. The UK gender legislation recognises that for people who have gone through transition.

If push comes to shove, I would probably have to class myself as a lesbian - I'm not interested in men and I'm only really interested in women if I'm one.

[charlytuna]

when I start looking and thing about men I just step back and take at my "Bunnie" and all that I was feeling about another man vanishes

[Joan Merrie]

No offence, but men are nasty, creachers.

[MarciManseau]

We're both totally bisexual, and very open about it. For us, it's more about the person, not their gender. If someone is nice, good looking and fun, and there's a chemistry, I say go for it.

Hugs, Marci

[Katesback]

Human sexuality is very interesting and it runs all across the board. This artificial construct that society has created (refering to Hetrosexual) is just that......artificial.

I have seen CDs at Southern Comfort that would call themselves hetrosexual as thier male self but........give them a wig, heels, and makeover and all of a sudden they are ready to take womanhood to a whole new level.

Is this normal? Well to tell you the truth I really could care less if something is normal or not. I gave up trying to figure people out a long time ago. These days I just go with the flow.

KAtie

[Michelle-Leigh]

Here I am actually losing that balance and feeling more feminine than masculine, which though I think the balance is preferable I just don't care, even thinking of starting hormone therapy, and it's becoming clearer what that is. I know most of the other posters are strictly heterosexual, but are there others who have experienced anything similar?

[SIZE="3"]I have, despite my heterosexuality and lack of attraction to men; and there are so many others experiencing this effect that I believe it can be a potential side effect of spending increased amounts of time en femme. As I have a wife and child, I have taken measures to redirect my thinking so that my sexuality is returning to its original balanced state....[/SIZE]

[Susie Mae]

I am one of those who always fantasizes about being taken as a submissive girl, whether it is by an older woman or a man. The important thing in either situation is that they want to arouse me, to control me, and to use me totally.

I was trained to cross dress within my own family, all women, as I grew up, and the sexier I made myself look the more I was praised and rewarded. Although I had a best-friend JO buddy in High School, we weren't queer and I didn't dress when we played together.

When it's really been a long time, though, I do go to bars-- straight men's clothes over my frilly women's lingerie--and see if I can find action. I like TV bars better than bath-houses, where there is no clothing to excite me.