Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 37

Thread: The Reasons for Crossdressing - A Theory

  1. #1
    Valenti Koka's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    137

    The Reasons for Crossdressing - A Theory

    There are lots and lots of theories about the reason and sexual connection for cross-dressing. After many months of experimenting dressing, sexual pleasuring while dressed and satisfaction for being able to be, feel and act as a girl, I am tempted to come to the following conclusion regarding this:

    Deep inside us cross dressers, we want peace and freedom - thus the good feeling that we obtained while being a girl in a calm and subtle way while dressed. Other feelings such as erotic ones, lust and exaggeration is inherited by our higher level of testosterone, which by default is part of our genes and most commonly higher in quantity than in women. Now, I am talking from a straight cross dresser’s point of view, however; it’s these inherited genes that make us feel and therefore think that we crossdressers sometimes want to be embraced in a man’s arms and love and feel loved like a woman. That in my opinion is a result of testosterone.

    To sum it up - I think the only way to get rid of these feelings (feelings such as erotic ones, lust and exaggeration) which sometimes ruins the whole experience is by educating our mind and body and by let them or allow them experiment the true female feelings by being present while dressed, be it at home or outside home. It is working for me - every Friday I am out and I am totally immersed in my female persona and I love it so much that the sexual urge diminishes and it is taken or overwhelmed by these other female sensations such as sweetness, delicacy, softness, compassion, girly behavior and love of colors, styles and all female trends. At these moments, if we feel sexual desire, it is not our female side, it is our male side that it is being blinded by the lust and desire to literally sexually take over the girl in you.

    What is you experience?

    Koka

  2. #2
    Trying to find balance wishing2bali's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    165
    I too, am a stright male. I pretty much feel the same way you do on this. When I first get dressed up, I am quite aroused at the thought and feeling of being in women's clothing, along with looking like one. As such, like you after the initial dressing up, I start to feel, act, behave, as if I were a female, and any sexual thoughts, or impulses are purely from the male part of me wanting to satisfy the woman in me. If that makes sense lol

  3. #3
    I scare myself sometimes! docrobbysherry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Orange County, Calif.
    Posts
    18,922

    Interesting theory, Koka!

    There must be something to it, too. I don't relate to a "female side" at all.
    But, I DO the "testosterone" part! Invariably, when I see that hotie in the mirror, I get EXCITED!

    Combine that with the sexy tactile feeling of the; hose, corset, and/or girdle, heels, forms, etc.
    And, the erotic thot the she is ME, and,------ well------!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  4. #4
    Complex Lolita...
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    2,769
    Quote Originally Posted by Koka
    I am totally immersed in my female persona and I love it so much that the sexual urge diminishes and it is taken or overwhelmed by these other female sensations such as sweetness, delicacy, softness, compassion, girly behavior and love of colors, styles and all female trends. At these moments, if we feel sexual desire, it is not our female side, it is our male side that it is being blinded by the lust and desire to literally sexually take over the girl in you.
    [SIZE="2"]It’s different for everyone, I think. I never had any direct sexual connection to my crossdressing – that world exists over in another compartment of my mind. Thus, education was not necessary. Indeed, I cannot dress up if I have any sexual thoughts dominating my mind – perhaps I’m alone in not wanting to “spoil” the feelings that I cherish, based on my own definitions of “feminine,” by introducing male desires. Imagine protecting yourself from yourself – I do that all the time!

    Of course, the sweetness, delicacy, softness, and compassion you talk about are there whether I’m in drab or en femme, it’s just that there’s a special “uniform” I wear to get more in touch with these lovely intangibles. In many ways I use crossdressing to keep debilitating lust at bay so I can get things done around here – it doesn’t take much to get in touch with useful feelings and evaporate any counter-productive male feelings I may be infected with at the time. I must say I never entertain any sexual thought while I’m dressed – to do so would be an insult to the entire enterprise. I choose to enter and remain in my chosen state, which resembles a form of relaxing meditation – a meditation on the true “self,” perhaps…[/SIZE]

  5. #5
    New England Angel Ashley Allen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    NH
    Posts
    79

    Thank You

    I don't want to say too much as anything I say will only take away from your well stated insight. I can relate very much to what you had to say and thus I must say thank you for sharing.

  6. #6
    Aspiring To Become Woman Michelle-Leigh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Posts
    284
    Quote Originally Posted by Koka View Post
    It is working for me - every Friday I am out and I am totally immersed in my female persona and I love it so much that the sexual urge diminishes and it is taken or overwhelmed by these other female sensations such as sweetness, delicacy, softness, compassion, girly behavior and love of colors, styles and all female trends. At these moments, if we feel sexual desire, it is not our female side, it is our male side that it is being blinded by the lust and desire to literally sexually take over the girl in you.
    [SIZE="3"]What you said ! My feelings precisely; dressing does not turn me on, just gives me an incredible special feeling.... but as I mentioned in another post, the sight of Michelle all made up in the mirror can sometimes wake up the tiger in my male half ![/SIZE]
    Last edited by Michelle-Leigh; 03-09-2010 at 11:26 PM.
    [SIZE="3"]Best Regards,
    Michelle-Leigh
    "We are now operating at a femininity level of 98% and rising...."
    [/SIZE]

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  7. #7
    Silver Member darla_g's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    terrapin station, you need to guess a little bit
    Posts
    3,109
    I liked what you wrote Koka. I do think there can be different motivations for dressing.

    I know when i dress now the goal is to be the best looking natural woman i can. Not overly ****ty or anything just natural.

    It is fun having someone who can share the entire sexual side of all this.

  8. #8
    Aspiring Member Sandy Banks's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    coastal carolina
    Posts
    500
    An interesting hypothesis.............next we have to gather data.....that could be an awesome task however...........
    [SIGPIC]

  9. #9
    New Member Eva's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Washington State
    Posts
    20
    Thinking about all that you're saying and I have to agree with you.

  10. #10
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    6,373
    the important part is to really understand and feel good about how you think of yourself...regardless of why, how or how much you fantasize, crossdress or transition, and my favorite? all of the above


    i like what you said in the OP simply because it seems you feel really good about it..

  11. #11
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Western Upstate NY, on a Lake Ontario city
    Posts
    1,135
    Imagine if all our mirrors wre broken and smashed! Goodness, what would we do, what would we do?

  12. #12
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    32

    Corollary

    A fantastic breakthrough theory Koka.

    Every great postulation requires a corollary-

    Gina's Corollary to Koka's Theory

    "As the subject enters middle-age the sexual desire is progressively overwelmed by the inate drive to experience female sensations such as sweetness, delicacy, softness, compassion, girly behavior and love of colors, styles and all female trends."

  13. #13
    Aspiring Member Imogen_Mann's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Hatfield, Hertfordshire. Uk.
    Posts
    884
    While I agree that in some cases you might be correct, I feel that you generalize somewhat with the assumption that we all want or desire the same things (peace and freedom, or any particularly heightened erotic feelings).

    I do agree strongly however that the best way to change ourselves it through self education. It's the best starting block for any life change... Learn about your feelings towards something, be that the need for a strong protective man, the need for a cigarette or the need for GRS... Discover why you feel a particular way, and then you can find ways to moderate or, as you say, exaggerate or behavior in any way we want, and so, when it comes to crunch time, You have done your research, and you can make balanced and well thought out decisions that improve your life and make the first date, the last cigarette or the first gender clinic appointment that important little bit easier to cope with.

    That's my opinion, I don't say its fact... Just opinion.

  14. #14
    Aspiring Member gabimartini's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    869
    Although most theories are valid, very few apply all across the board. Considering all replies so far, my experience is similar to Freddy's:

    Quote Originally Posted by Frédérique View Post
    [SIZE="2"]I never had any direct sexual connection to my crossdressing[/SIZE]
    I don't ever get aroused by my dressing. Never did. CDing brings me an intense felling of peace, femininity, self-expression, happiness. It's much more about expressing part of me and my feelings, than seeking sexual pleasure.

  15. #15
    Gold Member Maria in heels's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    NY & PA
    Posts
    9,046
    [QUOTE=Koka;2073726]There are lots and lots of theories about the reason and sexual connection for cross-dressing. After many months of experimenting dressing, sexual pleasuring while dressed and satisfaction for being able to be, feel and act as a girl, I am tempted to come to the following conclusion regarding this:

    Deep inside us cross dressers, we want peace and freedom - thus the good feeling that we obtained while being a girl in a calm and subtle way while dressed. Other feelings such as erotic ones, lust and exaggeration is inherited by our higher level of testosterone, which by default is part of our genes and most commonly higher in quantity than in women. Now, I am talking from a straight cross dresser’s point of view, however; it’s these inherited genes that make us feel and therefore think that we crossdressers sometimes want to be embraced in a man’s arms and love and feel loved like a woman. That in my opinion is a result of testosterone.



    Koka...indeed we had part of this conversation the other day, and I am so glad that I am able to agree with you in many ways. I think that inside of each and every male, there is a percentage of female persona, but it is up the person to either let her out, incorporate her into everyday life, or to just push her away and keep her hidden. It is as simple as watching those in a movie theatre...many times have I watched my wife cry during certain scenes as the producers want them to, and I can feel the tears swell up in myself as well. In the past, I, like friends who were ashamed to admit, would try to quell these feelings and "toughen up" instead of allowing the true feelings to show. Over the years, there is no issue anymore, and she in fact laughs when she see's my eyes get watery ... My wife does understand that Maria is an integral part of me, and is definitely the part of my true persona, and how and why I do the things that I do, as well as my decision making process

    Part of this is the stereotype that we are all brought up with...we can't be colorful, we must not wonder about girly things, just roll in the mud and "be tough" and "walk it off" when we get hurt. Women on the other hand, are praised for being so sensitive, kind, caring of others, and it seems that in the family life, that is actually taught. If we try to incorporate our female persona into daily life, we are sometimes looked upon negatively, or made fun of, even as far back as Elementary School, so we are naturally taught to react and hide, instead of learning to incorporate our other feelings into everyday life.

    There is a very feminine side to myself, and it took time for Maria to intertwine with my male self and present, together, the final project, which is a combination of both of us. I have dressed for many years...yes, some out of the "excitement" that you talk about, but also for the comfort of being able to "let my guard down" and just relax a little...I do not have to fully dress, and something as simple as wearing a pair of my heels, can put me into the relaxed state of peace and freedom that you mention.


  16. #16
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    909
    Wow Koka, you really got the wheels moving inside my brain this morning.

    I never really looked at it in that manner before, but now that you've brought this to light, I do believe that subconsciously I am somehow lusting for and ultimately ravishing that woman inside me.

    You've hit on something that until now was buried inside the dark recesses.
    I have much to ponder, and that's a good thing. I love trying to figure out what motivates me to do certain things.

    I also have a bondage fetish which is heightened dramatically when I'm en femme.
    It's now exclusive to when I am dressed.
    Have I captured her to do with as I please?

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

  17. #17
    Fab Karen Fab Karen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    CITY of L.A., Ca
    Posts
    3,421
    I'm not heterosexual, and I was in touch with my sexuality before I got in touch with & accepted my desire to dress. The sexuality has no tie to whether or not I'm in femme mode.

    Some women ( GG's ) feel desire etc. for men, and in general lust is not unknown to them regardless of their sexuality. Men and women aren't vastly different over-all.

    I'd say if someone's fantasies of being held by a man and making love with a man bring sexual arousal( different from having a fantasy & not getting aroused by it), it isn't because the person is crossdressed. The fetishists, who get aroused by lingerie & feel desire is tied to it are a different situation. I suppose for example they could fantasize about doing their taxes & feel arousal if lingerie were tied into it.
    [SIZE="3"]Gender is a state of mind[/SIZE]
    LGBTQ PRIDE
    As of Oct. 5th, go here to see my pics:http://www.flickr.com/people/fab_karen/
    A Yankee Doodle T-Girl
    proud of my President

  18. #18
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    East Texas for Now
    Posts
    19,378
    I am a bit older now - don't know how I might have responded to Koka's hypothesis twenty years ago, but I do think that as young CDs we may tend to associate dressing with sex (seems like everything is associated with sex at 15-24). But I suspect that a some point in life, many of us come realize that the two impulses are not intrinsically connected. We can have sex (gay, bi or hetero) dressed or not, and we can dress and enjoy that experience without having sex.

    Koka's suggestion that self eduction can help us separate the two is right on. I think it would help those who think they dress for sexual gratificaion to just try to forego that for a while - and see if they still enjoy dressing. It might help them sort out their motivations.

  19. #19
    Carbon-based Member eileendover's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Chicago
    Posts
    453

    getting into the "Girls Only" club

    It's very interesting and informative to see the deeper reasons that we all end up here. So, to confuse things even more, here's my take on the subject:

    I seem to have already done a pretty good job of integrating the feminine and masculine parts of my personality - I've always tried to express my emotional, creative, nurturing side along with my logical and practical side.

    But I've always wanted to see what it was like in the "Girls Only" club of clothing and makeup and hair and all the other activities that girls get to do, and that guys are supposed to think are just plain silly.

    Plus, in addition to the obvious biological differences between males and females, a large part of the attraction that guys have towards girls is based on these extra cultural ingredients. So CDing gives me the chance to explore and experiment with these additional gender cues, and to see if I can learn how to apply these to myself.

  20. #20
    Aspiring Member jenifer m.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    boynton beach florida
    Posts
    569
    very interesting theory,im streight and i used to get sexually aroused when i dressed but ive been doing it every day for so long now that i very rarely get turned on by it any more.its just part of my every day now.
    just a florida girly girl...................................what in the world can make this brown eyed girl turn blue(roxette)

  21. #21
    The Girl Next Door windycissy's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    California Girl
    Posts
    2,052
    Heavy stuff...I used to get aroused by being in the clothes, lately I get aroused by being with guys who dig me in the clothes, don't know where this is going but you've hit on a universal truth: out testosterone is a driving force, and we all adapt in our own way...

  22. #22
    I'm just peachy! TerryTerri's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Yuma, Arizona
    Posts
    694
    This is my spin on CDing for me. My perspective is that I am a transgender (mtf) who has been on hormone therapy for about a year, has no current plan to transition (but kinda thinks somewhere in the future it'll happen). At one point I was only aware of myself as a cross dresser. But, 'things' pushed me to further explore my gender stuff and I uncovered my truth, that I am transsexual (female in male body).

    Living with one's mind and body in disagreement on gender has a fracture in one's self. This fractured feeling was often my driving force (I wasn't consiously aware of this at the time) for Cross Dressing. When I would be dressed in femme, I just felt more complete, whole and less fractured. It's hard to describe better than that. I had only known the fractured feeling as my 'normal' for many many years, it was actually an odd feeling to feel internally more whole and less fractured inside.

    Anyway, once I started taking hormones wonderful things happened inside me. That fractured feeling has greatly dissipated due to the medicine. My desire to cross dress has diminished significantly, and that is a common reaction.
    After one year of meds my general disposition and outlook just gets better and better. I can't remember a time in my life when my mental self and emotions were this good. Considering the things I'm going through that's an incedible thing.
    IDK, But, I think it just helps point to the conclusion this is right for me! I still struggle with the internal acceptance issus of being transgendered. But, the fact is undeniable to me. I'm working on it.

    I think it important for everyone to explore their motives for doing the things they do. Two people can do the exact same thing. But, due to differing motives, it can be a very damaging thing for one person, but a very positive thing for the other. Motives are of key importance in our lives.

    Peace Out All!!!
    [SIZE="3"]Terri[/SIZE]
    ------------------------------------------
    [SIZE="2"]"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, The master calls a butterfly!"[/SIZE]

    The true measure of a person is in the questions they ask, not the answers they give.

  23. #23
    Junior Member RobynBella's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    East Bay, CA
    Posts
    69
    I don't often get aroused by dressing or even seeing myself dressed. Well, the other day, I was out trying things on with a friend, and I did have a bit of a problem with erections in the fitting room. I didn't really attribute that to the dressing though, more the excitement because she has really good taste and all the things she picked out I just couldn't wait to get on. But I do not dress because of any arousal I may feel from time to time. I dress because there's this girl inside me that WANTS THAT DRESS! I love the colors and the frills and flowy things. I want to be a man, but if I could wear women's clothes all the time as a man, I totally would.
    A transwoman trapped in a crossdressers body

  24. #24
    Gold Member NicoleScott's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Mississippi
    Posts
    5,000
    Quote Originally Posted by docrobbysherry View Post
    There must be something to it, too. I don't relate to a "female side" at all.
    But, I DO the "testosterone" part! Invariably, when I see that hotie in the mirror, I get EXCITED!

    Combine that with the sexy tactile feeling of the; hose, corset, and/or girdle, heels, forms, etc.
    And, the erotic thot the she is ME, and,------ well------!
    My feelings exactly, Doc.

    From the many and varied responses, there must be many different reasons we are compelled to crossdress.

  25. #25
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    The state of flux, U.S.A.
    Posts
    6,300
    I think that there are always going to be a lot of people who want to believe that there are many, many others who are just like themselves. It's one way of accepting ourselves, feeling that who and what we are is just as normal as the rest of the world, so that we can also believe that the rest of the world will feel that we are normal, and that they will accept and love us just as equally as everyone else. Just don't try to fool yourself that it's true. The only people who even might possibly believe we are normal are other crossdressers, and many of us have our doubts as well. That said, there are surely many different reasons that we crossdress; don't let that stop you from supporting someone who's reasons are different from your own.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State