how to react when being hit on by a man?

[TommiTN]

Never happened to me en femme, because I don't go out in public dressed. As a guy - its has happened. In the service, I was approached by a Staff Sergeant who was notorious for getting drunk and hitting on guys. He was really a good guy when sober ...I turned him down (This was pre-Don't Ask Dont Tell...so don't believe there weren't and aren't gays in the service) Also in the service, I had a room mate, well,we had a mutual attraction. And recently a cute little clerk at a pet store commented that I had pretty eyes. Nothing happened-I'm married and monogamous, but I thanked him for the compliment

Yup, happened to me, too. He was the supply sergeant at a remote AFB and I was a young kid fresh out of tech school. He was friendly enough, in fact a bit too friendly. One day we both had to go to the main base, a couple of hundred miles distant from our billet. We rode together and he kept rubbing my thigh and talking about going out that night to get some "sex life". I didn't know what to do, never having been hit on by a man before that. It gave me the creeps, or more to the point, he gave me the creeps. The fact that he was physically very unattractive just added to my dysphoria. When we got to our destination he tried to get us a room together in the NCO quarters. I would have none of it and made it a point to "disappear" for the evening. After that our relationship was pretty frosty (believe me, a supply sarge is one of the last people you want to piss off). All the other airmen at our billet knew about him, but no one warned me. I guess it was one of the rites of passage for a newbie at the base. I didn't mention my little adventure to anyone, but I think they knew nothing happened due to the way he treated me from then on.

[kimdl93]

Yup, happened to me, too. He was the supply sergeant at a remote AFB and I was a young kid fresh out of tech school. He was friendly enough, in fact a bit too friendly. One day we both had to go to the main base, a couple of hundred miles distant from our billet. We rode together and he kept rubbing my thigh and talking about going out that night to get some "sex life". I didn't know what to do, never having been hit on by a man before that. It gave me the creeps, or more to the point, he gave me the creeps. The fact that he was physically very unattractive just added to my dysphoria. When we got to our destination he tried to get us a room together in the NCO quarters. I would have none of it and made it a point to "disappear" for the evening. After that our relationship was pretty frosty (believe me, a supply sarge is one of the last people you want to piss off). All the other airmen at our billet knew about him, but no one warned me. I guess it was one of the rites of passage for a newbie at the base. I didn't mention my little adventure to anyone, but I think they knew nothing happened due to the way he treated me from then on.

this sounds like it could be another thread. At least I was forewarned, and knew it was the booze talking. Interesting thing to me is that we all knew the SSG was gay or bi, and it didn't affect morale or discipline...ya just had to know how to handle the situation.

[jenifer m.]

i was asked to dance at a drag club once but i was nervous,and told the guy"you know im a man right?",and he said oh i figured you were but i still would like to dance with you.i said ok as long as there is no touching.he agreed,we danced for one song then he said thanks for the dance,and went back to his table.it was weird but i tried to keep in mind the whole time that i looked like a girl to him so i just went with it.(thats back when i passed really good)he was a gentleman and respected the fact that i said no touching,and he knew i was a guy,so there were no supprises,i wouldent want to get beat up over my dressing,and trying to fool a potentually streight guy.maybe if you just feel out the situation you can find out what the guys intentions are.in my case it was nothing more than a dance.

[Lorileah]

Simple answer is "I am very flattered. You are so nice to ask but right now I am not looking for a date or relationship. But it is really sweet of you to ask." followed by ignoring them. Or if they are really nice and willing to buy drinks and dinner you can discuss the weather.

Best way I handled it was "How nice you asked and as soon as the doctor clears me I will consider your offer. They have no idea what it is but it is so contagious even touching my hand like you are right now can pass it on." I would not recommend this unless the guy is just persistent.

One guy asked "What should I call you." and I answered, "Let's use your wife's name so you don't accidentally scream my real name later in bed."

Of course you can use the "What state are you from Senator?"

You can get really loud and say "You want to do what???? That is so gross. I cannot believe you even asked that. Is there a manager here??"

Rings? Have you been out in a place where men are looking for something something and ever see a ring stop him? The old adage "a ring don't plug no holes." fits everywhere. Maybe if you threw it at him it would work.

[mklinden2010]

Can't imagine why you'd ask unless you wanted to be entertained by the answers or were looking for more effective ways to get picked up.

This question comes up a lot but it's not a crossdressing issue. I've been hit on more as "a guy" than as a woman. As a guy, I'm just a target, I suppose, and a "normal" target who happened to be standing still long enough to be approached. As a woman, I'm a tall woman, and that may put off a lot of people asking.

To your question... I usually respond in context. If it's meant as fun, it's taken as fun. If it's meant as a predatory effort, it's summarily rebuffed for what it is.

Whatever the context, my predisposition is, "Not interested."

How YOU react is up to you.

I guess we both know why you're asking....

Good luck with that.

[tamarav]

[SIZE=4]In the old days I simply asked if they had a big or small-block in their Corvette...[/SIZE]

[Veronica Nowakowski]

I've been hit on by men many times, including while in drab. But while en femme, I spoke with my normal voice and introduced myself by my drab name and, well, they stopped hitting on me but were cool about it, in general.

[Cassiecd]

Lorileah

I just love those retorts!

I find this a fascinating discussion but it really can be broken up into several different situations which need clarification.

Is the guy doing the "hitting"
1) aware that your are a CD and is a "trannie chaser"?
2) not aware (congratulations..you are "passing"!)

These are very different situations and could call for different responses depending on YOUR wishes about the advance.

I have not been out in public but some day I hope to. In my wildest dreams I would love to be "passable" in a public place and have a gentleman approach me who thought I was a gg. What a wonderful validation of my presentation and ego boost that would be! I would never let a situation like that go too far. Of course the danger there is if the man figures out he was "fooled" and may be very upset about it.

[MsJanessa]

Depends on the guy

[Sherry Ann Evans]

hi girls wanted to know if any of you have been hit on by a man? if yes what happened and how did you react to it? where were you? i'd like to know so when i go out dressed if it happens i dont run off scared hehe.

I've only had that happen at gay bars. It happened a few times, and I just went with it and basked in the flattery! Just because you accept a compliment and flirt back, maybe let him buy you a drink, etc. doesn't mean you are going to .... you know.

[msginaadoll]

It has happened a few times when I was at gay/lesbian bars on there cd nights. It depends on the man, the nice ones I will flirt with and talk to. The creepy ones I brush off/ignore. It tends to happen when I am alone, or as mentioned when I am dressing less conservatively. I guess a short skirt and tight top keeps them from focusing on my face. But oh well as Tammy Wynette sang "After all he's just a man." Can I help it if they sucumb to my charms?

[willowgurl]

If I think he's cute, I respond as the girl I am.

[victoriamwilliams1]

I rarely ever get hit on by guys because I wear a engagement type ring on my left hand. Yes! I went to JARED!!!
Also, I dress appropriately and to impress, but avoid dressing scantily or trashy so as not to draw their attention.

Hugs!

I wear one to and I have been hit on and one guy almost had me! Guys do not care and even those who know that were are not what we appear to be seam to be more persistant.

I wear a wedding band and engagement ring but do get hit on every now and then, I just say I'm married and no thank you.

I was asked what does my husband do by one guy! I guess they say my Husband did not go to Jared

[SIZE=4]I work in a beauty salon. I work with GGs all day. All of us get hit on everyday by men. (Sorry, but you would not believe how badly some of the women I work with really look. It is true that every woman faces male advances, regardless of looks, demeanor, etc) [/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]Men are pigs. Men can be blind, deaf and dumb and still hit on women, real or otherwise. In your career as a woman, you will get hit on, be out there enough and a man will find you and hit on you, it is simply "their" nature. I love to say that since I do really know..[/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]Since we CDs don't have years of intense training like GGs do in handling men, we tend to react oddly. Men making a pass at a woman(or a perceived woman) are simply fulfilling their role in life, acting like a testosterone infused male on the rut. (Please, no disrepect to the FtM members reading this, but testosterone is a potent drug)[/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]No need to out yourself simply to aviod a guy making a pass at you, just tell him thanks but no thanks. I often just stand there and look them up and down, ask them to turn around and then proceed to tell them they aren't my type, or whatever suits me. I can do that, you might not feel comfortable using that tactic. And, I wear a wedding ring all the time, makes no matter to 83.77% of the guys out there. I have been told that having an affair with a married woman is "safer" since it has no inherent committment....[/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]If they persist and won't take no for an answer, I simply hand them a card and ask them to meet me on Thursday night at the Dojo where I instruct Karate. They usually back away quietly.[/SIZE]

I love this! and you are 100% right.

For me I grew up in a single parent home with my mom and I guess because she wanted a daughter real bad I was taught on what women want as well I was privy to most of the how men are comments between her and her friends.

I myself when I am out as Victoria I understand that I must act as a woman does and when I guy looks at me I do some of the same looks to let the guy know I am not interested and for the guys who see me while driving and they give that stare and look of wanting I give it back with the your a dog look following and they get the hint!


It is all part of presenting as a woman and being in public we all will get hit on at least once and I say go with the flow and tell them no. I am almost 7ft and I get hit on! So far I have only fell for one guy who was hitting on me every time I would shop at the store and I have said this before, he was smooth and he liked the t-girls so I will say he put out the net and he almost pulled me in!

[NicoleScott]

Happened twice. The first time long ago, I was walking to my car and a guy was heading my way. I made it to my car just before he did. He was at the passenger side window, and said he just wanted to talk. I was scared to death (but not for my safety), shook my head and sped away. Reflecting on it later, it was scary but exciting.
The second time was in a tg-friendly club. I was having a nice conversation with a guy, and he knew I was a cd. As is my preferred style, I was wearing a pretty dress, high heels, blonde wig, long eyelashes, and heavy makeup with dark red lipstick. He said he wanted to kiss me, I suspect because he may have had a lipstick fetish (as I do). I politely explained that I was very flattered, but had no interest in guys, wasn't looking to hook up, and just like to dress up. Disappointed, but he accepted that explanation.

[charlie]

Hello Dana!
So many of us get carried away being dressed and female that we want to be carried away by a man. It just wasn't what it seemed to be in our dreams. The doors opening, being kissed on the hand, dancing and having drinks bought is all fun, but when the sexual stuff starts, I was really at a loss and put off. It wasn't fair to either of us. When out, young girls seem to find us exciting as do men who want to experiment with being with a man, but wants the dresses and lace on him so so he doesn't feel gay. At bars I wear a nice wedding ring, accept conversation, small hugs and compliments, but never leave with anyone but friends.

[Sherry Ann Evans]

If I think he's cute, I respond as the girl I am.

Exactly! Right now I'm in a relationship and not interested in cheating on her, but when I've been single in the past (or if I'm single again the future), that's exactly my response. Being flirted with is FUN, so even the homophobic CDs should just go with it and BE GIRLS!!!

[Carroll]

Happened to me. We were playing a Halloween gig. During a break this drunk comes up to me and wants to dance. I told he I did want to dance and he persisted. I told him again I didnt dance and that I was a guy. He still made advances on me. After a few more minutes, one of my band mates gets on the mike and says "Dude, he's not a girl, he's got a &$&#ing d!@k. This guy was kicked out when the bartender heard him say he did care if I had a ;;;; or that I was only 14, he was still going to "have me".

[Sherry Ann Evans]

Happened to me. We were playing a Halloween gig. During a break this drunk comes up to me and wants to dance. I told he I did want to dance and he persisted. I told him again I didnt dance and that I was a guy. He still made advances on me. After a few more minutes, one of my band mates gets on the mike and says "Dude, he's not a girl, he's got a &$&#ing d!@k. This guy was kicked out when the bartender heard him say he did care if I had a ;;;; or that I was only 14, he was still going to "have me".

The original poster asked about being "hit on" .... you're talking about being harassed and borderline threatened by a drunken jerk. Completely different.

[FireFoxAngel]

flattered when hit on nicely. Grossed out when too dirty.

[wendy68]

Well , it did happen once about seven years ago late at night at a quiet intersection. Being a summer night I had my window down and a pick-up truck pulled along side of me. This guy in the truck said " Hey baby are you lonely tonight?" I just smiled and told him " No not really , the pizza Im having at home is plenty thanks". Well , his eyes bugged out a bit and he appeared to be gasping for oxygen, then pleeded out of the interestion. Poor guy -hope he made it home alright

[Jocelyn Quivers]

It's happened a few times while in male mode. I was actually quite flattered and my reaction each time was "yes I know I look good thanks." A compliment is a compliment no matter who it comes from in my opinion.

[ReineD]

[SIZE=4]I work in a beauty salon. I work with GGs all day. All of us get hit on everyday by men.[/SIZE]

OMG we must be living in two different worlds. I very seldom feel as if I am being hit on. Men have struck up conversations with me and vice versa, but I've always figured they were just being social. It usually happens in benign places like waiting in line, and just recently I had a nice conversation with someone while riding a metro. He told me he and his wife had just returned from Paris. On few occasions I've tired of the conversation sooner than they have, so I tell them it was nice talking to them but now I need to move on. I've never had any issues.

hi girls wanted to know if wany of you have been hit on by a man? if yes what happened and how did you react to it? where were you? i'd like to know so when i go out dressed if it happens i dont run off scared hehe.

If you want to experience being at the receiving end of a man's attention, your best bet is to go to pickup place like a club or a bar. If you don't want to get hit on, then don't go there. Otherwise, if people strike up conversations with you in public, just carry on with the conversation and move on when you need to. Chances are they're not going to ask you to have sex with them. Lol.

[JaytoJillian]

I've been approached by guys quite a few times while out. I let them know that while I appreciate the compliments, I'm not interested. I don't do this in a mean or bitchy way, but I try to subtly communicate that I am not to be screwed with. If need be, I can go from femme to butch in a couple of heartbeats, but I'd prefer not to have to resort to that. By the way, I've learned that a smile can diffuse lots of situations.

Cheers,


Jill

[5150 Girl]

Yea, I've been hit on a few times. Usulay they've taken no for an anser. But I had one guy who wasn't going to give up. He kept trying to put his arm arround me. First couple times i brushed his arm away politey, the third i sunk my nails into his arm, told him I was a lesbian, and kissed a GG I was in the process of hooking up with. (the same night i hooked up oficaly with my Polar Bear)

a drab story- One time many years ago, when i was still a news videographer, i was doing a folowup story at a firehouse, and one of fire fightrers took note of my long hair and nails, and must have put 2+2 together...
Well, when the chief wnt to get some papers to refer to as i interviwed him, and this is when th guy made his move. he came over, sat next to me on the bumper of the truck, and started complimenting me on hair, nails my sent (B&BW's warm vanila/sugar) ect... Then he starts bragging about his motorcycle collection, and asks me if I'd ike to see it some time. Then he starts with what a total b***h his ex wife is and how women can't be trusted.
Fortunately about this time the cheif returned, and the guy disapeared for a few... When he retuned (to fake like he was doing some upkeep things on one of trucks), his uniform shirt was gone, and he was in a skin tight t-shirt. After concluding buisness with the chief, I packed my gear quickly and quietly, and got the hell outta there!

[cute_michelle_cd]

My best advice is..... treat them like you would want to be treated. If you are not attracted to them (who ever them is) then say no thank you. or something polite. You would not like someone to be rude to you like being ignored, or no way or anything of the sort. I have been hit on dressed and not dressed. i dont hide or anything. It is a wonderful feeling to have someone hit on you no matter it you are interested or not.

michelle