I know how you feel. Even when we had money to play with my gf got pissed when she saw how much I spent on clothes.
I know how you feel. Even when we had money to play with my gf got pissed when she saw how much I spent on clothes.
Once you remove the household and living expenses (and this includes putting money aside for retirement, household maintenance & repair, and it includes a budget for the necessary clothes (such as replacements for things that have becomes tattered), etc), you are left with discretionary income to be used for pleasure or extras. Being married, the discretionary income is for fun stuff for you, extras for the home that benefit both of you such as furniture, household items, electronics, and fun stuff you do together such as dining out, vacations, etc.
If all your discretionary income is spent on yourself, I can see why your wife would wonder where she and your relationship stand in your list of priorities? Also, if your earning power is greater than or equal to hers and she feels she does the greater share of the discretionary spending for the both of you, or she feels she cannot afford to get things for herself like you can, it can seem as if you are self-centered in your spending habits. I am not saying this is the case just bringing up a different way for you to think about it.
Your wife may also be concerned if you cannot practice self-control when it comes to your wardrobe, since a lack of self-control is a sign of a compulsion. Again, I am not saying this is your situation, but some of the signs are not being able to go more than a few weeks without buying any items for yourself, or having to buy something for yourself almost every time you go shopping in physical stores or the internet, and feeling deprived if you don't. Other signs are having many items that are unused or using the shopping as a reward if it's been a little while since you've shopped.
This next part is hard for me to bring up, since it has the potential to be taken out of context by both CDs and GGs.
A much as a GG accepts the CDing, it's hard to move beyond the notion we all grow up with that the guy is 'supposed' to enjoy seeing pretty things on his wife more (or with a CD at least as much as) on himself. The entire fashion industry revolves around the principle that a man is visual and he is motivated to see his GG partner looking attractive. And ads that are filled with men who want to adorn their wives. I'm thinking of the Zales ads at Christmas. I know that saying this sounds cruel especially in this forum and I'm sorry, but I'm guessing that most accepting GGs do believe they are in relationships with their CDs who are also guys, who are sexually motivated by the visual of their wife looking beautiful. So it can be jarring if the husband's feminine shopping takes precedence over or seldom includes his wife, especially if it borders on the compulsive. This is not a comment discounting a GG's ability to adorn herself, but just her appreciation when she believes her husband thinks she is sexy enough to want to see her wear pretty things.
Jenifer, none of what I've said may apply to your situation, since you really didn't give us a whole lot of detail to go on, save for the $100 shoes.So please ignore what doesn't apply.
Reine
Spot on... as ever!Originally Posted by ReineD
This next part is hard for me to bring up, since it has the potential to be taken out of context by both CDs and GGs.
A much as a GG accepts the CDing, it's hard to move beyond the notion we all grow up with that the guy is 'supposed' to enjoy seeing pretty things on his wife more (or with a CD at least as much as) on himself. The entire fashion industry revolves around the principle that a man is visual and he is motivated to see his GG partner looking attractive. And ads that are filled with men who want to adorn their wives. I'm thinking of the Zales ads at Christmas. I know that saying this sounds cruel especially in this forum and I'm sorry, but I'm guessing that most accepting GGs do believe they are in relationships with their CDs who are also guys, who are sexually motivated by the visual of their wife looking beautiful. So it can be jarring if the husband's feminine shopping takes precedence over or seldom includes his wife, especially if it borders on the compulsive. This is not a comment discounting a GG's ability to adorn herself, but just her appreciation when she believes her husband thinks she is sexy enough to want to see her wear pretty things.
Sorry dear but had to say this is spoken like someone who is probably not married. I mean no harm what-so-ever but that would not be good on many parts, it proves nothing regarding the spending issues, and well we know better than to wear our spouses things.
I like what Reine commented on and I will quote that here [/Quote=ReineD] A much as a GG accepts the CDing, it's hard to move beyond the notion we all grow up with that the guy is 'supposed' to enjoy seeing pretty things on his wife more (or with a CD at least as much as) on himself. The entire fashion industry revolves around the principle that a man is visual and he is motivated to see his GG partner looking attractive. And ads that are filled with men who want to adorn their wives. I'm thinking of the Zales ads at Christmas. I know that saying this sounds cruel especially in this forum and I'm sorry, but I'm guessing that most accepting GGs do believe they are in relationships with their CDs who are also guys, who are sexually motivated by the visual of their wife looking beautiful. So it can be jarring if the husband's feminine shopping takes precedence over or seldom includes his wife, especially if it borders on the compulsive. This is not a comment discounting a GG's ability to adorn herself, but just her appreciation when she believes her husband thinks she is sexy enough to want to see her wear pretty things.[/QUOTE]
She is upset about the spending and spending on CD'ing. Acceptance does not always = complete agreement. She may accept the fact that you CD and might not argue or put up a fight when you dress, or buy things, but I am sure that there are parts of this that she is still struggling with and needs to feel like you both agree on. Talking to her and having a dialogue about your spending even if it is your money (that is money not designated for joint spending) gives her more control in your relationship together and makes her feel like a part of your life. I work a part time job and use this money if it is not going bills as my mad money or sometimes called my walking/folding money. I use this for motorcycle trips, drumming things, and my wardrobe. She is cool with this, but I think would also wonder about my spending that much on shoes. I do love those clogs and have been conversing with a friend on here about the Dansko clogs. I would love a pair of them!
Last edited by 2b.Lauren; 03-17-2010 at 01:53 PM.
Enjoying the softer side of life!
I have to agree with the others who said "marriage is a joint venture". All of our finaces and assets are combined.
Another quick comment, even those who have finacial where-with-all to spend as they please you should always check with your spouse for anything major. The monetary amount is relative but the respect it conveys is not! we always talk about purchases first and saves needless disapointment later (unless it's a birthday surprise!)
Michelle
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