To the CDs who are fully or partially in the closet

[NatalieBliss]

As you mentioned wanting some clarification as to where on the spectrum:
I am currently partially in the closet, my little sister and some friends know. I consider CDing part gender-identity and part self expression. I don't really mind being a genetic male, kinda like it most of the time actually. But in ebbs and flows comes femininity that I like to express. Or simply put, I do not plan to transition to any degree.

Answer proper:
I would love to come out to everybody as it gets tiresome having to censure myself and at times I push the envelope out of frustration or tiredness. Though it hasn't always been the case, I have found peace with not being to express or revel my gender variant nature. Probably because I realized a few years ago I would eventually reach a place where I was comfortable or just plain fed up enough to tell all that matter most.To me, telling my family before they hear from someone else is paramount.

I would like to write of the rest of world and say I wouldn't care, but I worry about my families and my personal professional life. I doubt that anything truly heinous would happen, most likely nothing even tangible, but it worries me. I am pretty non-confrontational in general so if it would be too much an issue I would most likely not dress for work or a family event if it would make others significantly uncomfortable.

[ReineD]

Thanks for all your responses so far. I still have questions for some of you though.

I make no special effort to 'hide' myself...nor do I make any special effort to 'advertise' myself. Those who know about me and accept are special friends indeed. Those who know about me and do not accept, have an issue I cannot solve. Those who have not figured it out...well that's no issue at all.

Thanks Susan Marie. Does this mean that you are as out as you would like? Do you live any part of your life in guy mode still?

I would love to be out of the closet,but it is not possible.To enjoy my secret life,I have
had to use mothers clothes,mostly her dresses,skirts,tops,blouses&dress slacks&her
large selection of shoes.If I was to be discovered,fully dressed in one of her good
business suits&wearing a pair of her heels,I'd be introuble

But Mike, if the people close to you knew and were OK with it, and if you worked in a place where it made no difference whether you showed up dressed or in drab, in other words, say the world is different now and you can be your femme self comfortably, can you see any reasons to continue presenting as Mike?

I wouldn't shout it out to all the world, but I would go out in the world more. Those I don't know (well) or work with can take me as they see me, my main worry is the people closer to me.

I know this is a big "IF", but assuming you are met with positive responses by your family, friends, and work, would you feel the need to continue to live your life in guy mode as well?

I know that being out will cause even more anguish and trouble to the people close to me and those are the things I try to avoid.

But Barbara, the question is if you were comfortable being yourself in most places .. if being out was accepted in your life, if you could swing it with your family, friends, even your work, would you feel inclined to be your guy self still?

As you mentioned wanting some clarification as to where on the spectrum:

Thanks Natalie. The question isn't so much about where you're at on the spectrum right now. It is more about imagining the conditions in your life to be changed .. if you could be accepted in your family, with your friends, at work, would you see any need to live a part of your life in guy mode?

[TrekGirl1701]

When I come out, I will be out for good. I'm not going to pick and choose who knows and who doesn't know. Whoever knows me personally and every stranger who sees me out in the world will know. Will everyone accept me? Probably not. But whoever doesn't needs to realize that this is who I am and their comfort level isn't going to stop me from being myself.

As soon as that happens, I don't think my male side will be much of a factor in my life, if at all. I've just about had it with men's clothes. I hate all the male clothes that I own and I would go out and buy new clothes, but the men's department in any store is a desolate wasteland that caters to the male side of me that at this point in my life is nothing more than a dim, flickering light. And let me tell ya, that light will probably burn out any day now.

I now own the most female clothes than I ever have all at once. The combined total before each purge would probably add up more, but a purge hasn't been on my radar for quite some time. And my clothes are hanging up in my closet for all to see. I really don't care if somebody sees them. In fact if somebody does see them, it wouldn't even technically be getting caught since I'm practically inviting them to see.

My family is already getting used to me having longer hair. My hair is currently about twice the length that it's ever been and I intend to grow it out until it reaches my shoulders. They joke around with me about it, so I'm pretty sure they have no inkling as to the reason I'm doing it.

I totally think being out of the closet is the next step for me in my life. I have a plan of how it's going to happen. Whether or not it'll work depends a lot on me being devoted to coming out. Everybody's way of life is different. I've never been content with maintaining a status quo. I think I'm always surprising my family and friends with my taste in a lot of things and the way that I act. So I'm really hoping for the best when I finally do come out. I want those closest to me to take the journey with me just as I've rode along with them through their happy moments and their trials and tribulations.

[NatalieBliss]

Thanks Natalie. The question isn't so much about where you're at on the spectrum right now. It is more about imagining the conditions in your life to be changed .. if you could be accepted in your family, with your friends, at work, would you see any need to live a part of your life in guy mode?

Yes I would need/want to live partly (mostly for me) in guy mode. Guess my post could have been much shorter!

[TG-Taru]

I know this is a big "IF", but assuming you are met with positive responses by your family, friends, and work, would you feel the need to continue to live your life in guy mode as well?

Need? Don't think so, it would still remain the lazy option though unless the positive feedback would motivate me to daily put the effort in to be presentable enough.

[Tina B.]

Right now I am out only to the wife, and as my mother is 93 I don't see ever telling her. my brother is a bit of a red neck, and I doubt he would even try to understand. But if we lived in the world you describe and I did come out to family and friends. and if all where excepting and comfortable with me, I would still go guy, maybe as much as 25% of the time. But I can assure you that would only be in the beginning, because the more I stay dressed, the less I want to go back to being just a guy. So I think he would probably fade out with time.
Tina B.

[TGMarla]

I'm kind of in this boad, Reine. I identify myself as a crossdresser with some rather deep-seeded transexual tendencies. I wish I were female, yet I will not be transitioning to correct this. My wife knows I dress, but wants nothing to do with it. The rest of my family is unaware of this, and I have no inclination to tell them.

So for me, the scenario that you paint, where one can slowly emerge and integrate the feminine manifestation into regular life, is only a pipe dream for me. However, lest one get the idea that I am resentful of this, let me say that this is my choice. I love my wife dearly, and I choose to remain her husband and be her man. Unfortunately, this rather cramps the woman in me, but that's the way it is, and that's the way it is likely to remain. I'll live with that.