how passable are you when CDed ?

[michelle64]

any more who cares...i guess i have been read but nobody has really confronted me ever...i agree the driveup window is where i fail..but the girls in the choke and puke are laughing and so am i...they have always been super nice though....i have been out for years (so i know makeup and the mannerisms) so i know how to deal with it which anymore is a who gives a damn....several weeks ago i walked into catherines as michelle and was greeted like a lady and sent right to the dressing rooms with SA toting many outfits...last week i went in as me and the same SA backed off and would only say "whats her size..you dont know her size?..i then replied "i am michelle" and the look on the face of the SA said it all.."im so sorry i can only see that now since you spoke"....one thing i have learned and this came from a SA...."this store is for 40plus aged women..the problem you and i have is in our mind we dont feel 45"....that pretty much sums it up...one thing many need to know if your loaded with testosterome yes you will struggle..i have little if any facial and leg hair, hips and a big butt plus being 5'10 or 5'9....and a small head....i have had several SA tell me my size is proportined like a womens and you have a small head...in fact my wig SA says the biggest problem she sees is guys have huge heads and it is the #1 problem they have with getting read...i dunno...i am with many here..who cares and go out and have fun...my biggest problem is guys wanting to pick me up and thinking i am a lady..been there many times..i hate guys so thats a big issue with me

[JaytoJillian]

Interesting responses. I say forget about the pass/non pass thing and just get out there and dance like no one is looking. Sure, some are gonna want to play "spot the dude in the dress." The goal should be to present oneself well enough so that when it happens--and it will happen-- those who read you as a dude in a dress will have to admit, "dude looks pretty damned good in that dress."

Cheers,


Jill

[KelliBennett]

Not very these days. I get stared at all the time, sometimes even giggles. Most everyone is confused when they see me and are starting to get the pronouns wrong constantly.....

...Oh you mean when dressed as a woman! No issues there, it's when I am dressed as a guy I have issues.

*sigh* I am stuck playing him for a little while longer...

[Loni]

i am very passable in drab or dressed as i do not drive that fast...Oops you ment... i thought you ment in passing as in driving...

as for passing/blending...well lets just say i will not get that date, even after beer thirty.





Loni.

[ReineD]

To pass or not to pass ....

Judging by the pics I see in the gallery, most of the CDs here are passable, as is my bf. She goes out frequently and has often commented (and I agree) that she does pass to most people. True some people have more acute gender radars than others, but for the most part, people go along with their busy lives not paying much attention to the people who fall within their periphery.

The next step as you mention, is when you order something. You feel your voice gives you away. If you work on softening it (just a bit ... it doesn't take all that much really), and you keep the sentences to a minimum, it is likely you will get served without most people raising their eyebrows. If they do wonder about anything, they will quickly stop thinking about it as soon as they move on to the next customer.

But here's the crunch. If you eventually want people to get to know you in femme mode, if you want deeper interactions than being assisted at a store or at restaurant, in short if you want to make friends outside the TG community, then it will entail having a real conversation with sustained attention to your facial expressions, body language, subtle voice intonations, etc ... and your natural attitudes and personality will shine through: the expressions you use, the topics you feel comfortable discussing. At this point, most people will know you are a CD.

This is not a bad thing. I prefer to think of it as the honest thing. The people that you meet while dressed who will want to be friends with you will have gone beyond the "oh wow, this is a CD" barrier. Believe it or not, there are many people out there who are perfectly comfortable with the idea that there are TGs, and there is no "ick" (can't think of a better word) factor at all. And if you are the first TG they've talked to, then your non-apologetic attitude, you non-attempts to hide who you are, and your pride in yourself will do more to dispel any misconceptions about CDs they might have to begin with.

So other than building your confidence, is passing really all that important or necessary?

[Leanne2]

I "sight" pass most of the time. However I "voice" pass about a third of the time. But a third is better than not at all. The last time I sight passed was today at the VA hospital to pick up some prescriptions. A man in line said," Ma'am, I think you are next." Leanne

[docrobbysherry]

(That's on a scale of 1 to 100, of course!)

[Byanca]

So other than building your confidence, is passing really all that important or necessary?

It will depend on the people one meet. How judgmental they are.

Often it may not matter. You can just move on and find someone more open. But sometimes it may matter. That it's really important that these thoughts don't cross their minds, as it's not relevant. Makes me feel extremely self conscious and uncomfortable. And trust me, I can tell. Even only on body language.

Wish it was not so. But people are people. There is not much you can do about them, so we have to do our self I suppose.

[ReineD]

Byanca, the trick is to find the friendlier places to hang out in. LGBT areas are TG friendly and they also attract the more open-minded mainstream people. Also, college towns are generally more liberal. After awhile you'll develop a sense for it all, you'll find a niche which you can then use as a base for expansion.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

This topic will forever be debated. I know some of us hate this topic, but it is so clearly a part of what we all deal with...

i know deeply suffering transwomen, that live as men because they won't pass...and frankly.. in real terms they wouldnt..but based on my experience they would have very successful female lives (not counting job issues we all seem to face)...they are middle aged people that are in desperate fear of not passing....this was my bugabooo for many many years...and when i finally forced myself out there...nothing bad happened, and i learned, and i grew in confidence.......and i did have some very embarrassing moments (falling in heels, car accident as busy intersection on my first day!!!!...)...still it was all fine in the end......do you pass or not pass??? i know you can't help thinking about it, but the best gift you can give to yourself is to try to never think of it again...


on the other hand
i've met a woman that came into my car, and to me looked completely like a man except for a pink belt eye makeup, and pink sneakers...we went for coffee and we got out of the car, she said, ohhh...i forgot, and got out of my car and took her wig out of her purse!!!! and just put it on her head, like a baseball cap!!...as we drank coffee , she informed that she completely passed everywhere, and showed me 100's of pictures....what can you say?

she is totally and completely oblivious to how people see her...she sees herself as a woman, and she is very happy with her life...she just assumes everyone see her that way she sees herself...what a great thing!

[AllThingsPretty]

If you met me as a man, you would never think that I could pass as a woman. But if I put a whole lot of effort into transforming myself, I get pretty close to passing. It does take me a HUGE amount of time to pull it off.

[eluuzion]

Whenever I find myself contemplating the "passable" issue in front of a mirror...

I always have the same thought jump up to the front of my thoughts...it goes something like this...

"Hey, when you were a kid, standing there in front of the mirror, in your blue pajamas with a red towel pinned around your neck...you were convinced you actually looked like Superman, too..."

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I can maybe slightly pull it off in still pictures at times depending on the angle. In the real world there's no way. To use the quote I look like a "line backer in a dress."

[Kendra (Tx)]

[SIZE="3"]In my outings, I have garnered my fair share of attention...I don't really know if I classify as being somewhat "passble"....I do try to do my best with being somewhat subdued in my appearance and not trying to look like the proverbial "hooker in a leather mini"...lol....I'm more of the "soccer mom" or the "Lady Realtor" sort if the mood strikes....I have gotten the "knowing smile" from a nice GG on occasion or have gotten "checked out" by a gentleman or two as I've walked by...( That is usually a rush ) Maybe the attention is due to the fact that I'm 5'15" in my stockinged feet and I always wear heels.....Oh well....Passing is usually about 90% "attitude" anyway...I just try to go out and enjoy being "me"..[/SIZE]

http://kendra954.com

[Sedona]

Unless GGs suddenly run about 6' 3", 200 pounds, and wear size 16 tops AND size 10 bottoms, not very much at all.

Oh well!

[monika]

I might be somewhat passable in some pics, but I don`t think I`d be in real life.
I am a also quite tall and that would make it even harder!

Maybe sitting in a very dark club, not saying anything or moving I`d be passable

[laura.lapinski]

I'd love to give it a try and find out.

[theresa]

Probably no-one is 100% passable but I have been surprised that I have been largely unnoticed while shopping in typical department stores and eating out at nice restaurants. I've done this in several towns and quite a few different places just to see if my "passing" had anything to do with the town I was in or the place I was in. It doesnt seem to matter.

Of course there are the occasional second looks and nice smiles where someone suspects, but those are fairly rare. I actually havent noticed anyone taking a second look at me over the last month, even from a table of women sitting next to me at a restaurant. Perhaps they do notice me and just are ignoring me, I've watched for that but I really do think they just don't notice me at all.

I do dress down when I am out in an attempt to blend in to the environment and look age appropriate. This probably helps minimize any attention and probably helps minimize my being clocked

When I go to TG clubs at night dressed to the nines, people clock me right away, but of course I expect this since it's a TG club and only the CD'r dress up.

[ArleneRaquel]

If everyone around is afflected with poor eyesight I pass.

[crusadergirl]

i would be more passable with a mask. There some that can tell right away like one of my friends at my local comic book store. The clubs i have gone to didn't know i was a guy till i showed my id. Its hard to tell i guess it just depends on the person thats looking. I don't really have a girl voice if u watch my videos you can tell i don't sound like one.

[Byanca]

Byanca, the trick is to find the friendlier places to hang out in. LGBT areas are TG friendly and they also attract the more open-minded mainstream people. Also, college towns are generally more liberal. After awhile you'll develop a sense for it all, you'll find a niche which you can then use as a base for expansion.

This is very good advice. But does not work like that for me. I can't go at it this consciously. And I also stay away from organized groups, or groups in general. I prefer people to mix freely. That's why my efforts must be directed that way, even if it's a more difficult path.

[Jenny Doolittle]

I am 100% passable when I hang out at the "School for the Blind"

Other places, well not so much!

[msniki48]

Hmmmmm How passable am I?

well like everyone here has said, it shouldn't matter. but if you are trying to fly under the radar as i am, then it is somewhat important to me.

I guess 5 yrs ago, i was passable at 15 to 20 feet away.

Today, i'm lucky if i don't get clocked at to 50 to 60+ feet.

i think my presentation is fine, it's just that age has not been kind, and the way this face is falling.... i probably look like Walter Mathau with a wig


needless to say, i have not been getting out much

hugs


hug

[Suzy Harrison]

I think it doesn't matter if you look really good or not.

There will always be times you are read and also times when you are not.

I've gone for as long as 3 months full time with not a hint at any time of being read - and then one day, someone will notice.

I now have come to terms that's it's impossible to wipe your history and you just have to accept it will happen every now and again.

.....but I've also met a lot of real women who do look like guys - so sometimes people might suspect, but not really know one way or the other

[TGMarla]

I guess it's really a question for others to answer, not me. But I think I pass the casual glance in my direction. At first glance, I'm sure no one doubts I'm a woman. However, I tend to dress in nice clothing that makes people take a longer, more appealing look. Closer inspection would certainly give me away. I'm most self-concious about my hands. They're not very feminine, and even when I dress them up with some nice nails (that helps, believe me!), they're still not very delicate. I don't shave them, which would also help, but that's a different matter. Overall, I can go out and walk around, and not garner too much attention. But like I said, I don't pass upon closer scrutiny.