Out once

[Jenny Aurora]

But why can't I come out again? Should I come out again?


Many years ago when I was young, I was on holiday with a friend. Things got really emotional for me and I have no idea how or why, but I ended up telling my mum about me and my crossdressing at the time. (it was through text message though). She told me we would talk about it when I got back, but we never did! Another time when I was older, I asked her something which had shocked me. I asked why we never talked about it and she basically said, did we really need to.

Since then, this whole area has been pretty much off limits. Its like we both pretend it does not exist, both pretend the other does not know. She tried to bring it up once (when I was eighteen or 19) and I cut her off straight away and told her quite sharply that we are not going to talk about this. I quite surprised myself.

Now, some things have changed for me in this whole area and it is making me wish I could talk to her so much about it. I am not sure why though or what I would expect out of it. But the feeling of wanting to just won't go away but gets difficult because of all the negative emotions that come up because of it. What if it was something I am meant to keep to myself?

Thing between us are not really good either, she is very loving and caring but I just can't share anything about myself to her..even 'normal' things. What would everyone suggest though? I hate the whole building up with I should do it, I'm going to do it which usually ends in some excuses on why I should not or defeat. You would think it would of been easier because of before, but it feels like that has never happened.

Any advice would be useful

[BRANDYJ]

I think I would copy what you juts wrote here, and e-mail it to her. It will help her understand why you both have put distance between you. It may be a way of saying, " But Mom, now I want to talk about it, and so much more with you."

[Soriya]

Jenny,

I would first ask yourself why you feel you need to talk to her about it. Do you need to talk about it for you? Do you need to talk about it for her? or do you need to talk about it for both of you. Along side of that is who you shut yourself down from actually going ahead with it. Is it a fear of rejection from her, that she wouldn't approve or might drive a further wedge between you both? I am just throwing ideas out but overall, I feel if you can better understand why you are struggling in the first place with telling her, you can then make a better informed decision on what to do.

I have been asking myself this as well however I have never told my mom I had been doing it, but she does know because she is the one who actually started it! For me, I am comfortable in what I know now and don't need to talk to her at this time, but that may change down the road. The same goes for her. I feel she needs to talk to me about it but is scared to but I can't control her or think for her. She has to make that choice for herself.

For things like this, I have learned to ask myself what I want or need to do and listen to the answers I give myself It can be difficult to do but I listen to my intuition rather the my ego. Our intuition will always tell us what we need to hear even if it doesn't feel good whereas our ego will always tell us what we 'want' to hear to avoid pain.

XO

Soriya

[Jenny Aurora]

Jenny,

I would first ask yourself why you feel you need to talk to her about it. Do you need to talk about it for you? Do you need to talk about it for her? or do you need to talk about it for both of you.

Thats a very good question and honestly, I guess I don't know. I know I am the one creating the distance between us and to blame for the way things are. Maybe I feel that if I could get over this, then maybe we could be closer and I would not be scared with being myself.

But then, I think a large part of it is for me too. I feel really stuck with where I am and very unhappy and lonely. I still struggle with the idea of what I am and accepting it so maybe I'm hoping it would help me along the way? Is that wrong? Is it selfish? I do worry that I would push things onto people who don't want it but what if you needed help?

Jenny,
I have been asking myself this as well however I have never told my mom I had been doing it, but she does know because she is the one who actually started it! For me, I am comfortable in what I know now and don't need to talk to her at this time, but that may change down the road. The same goes for her. I feel she needs to talk to me about it but is scared to but I can't control her or think for her. She has to make that choice for herself.

She started it? Do you mind if I ask how?

There was something she told me once when we were having a little chat.
She said about how a mother never stops caring and they act out of love and care, even if it may not be the best action. She said how she would never want their child to be unhappy but would worry about how life would treat them because of things about them and would not want to see them hurt. She gave a example of her boyfriends neighbours who are gay and were assaulted because of it.
We never spoke about me, but it really made me change how I saw things. Before that I used to blame her and even accuse her at times of hiding from problems which really, was very childish of me. Now I hope I understand her side more and how difficult things like this would be.

I guess it is something I want, because I really hope it would help me get out of this hole I feel I am stuck in. But every time I work myself up to it, it all starts to feel wrong and I should just shut up

[Soriya]

LOL Jenny, it's hard raising parents these days!!

I am going to send you a PM if you don't mind

[Jenny Aurora]

LOL Jenny, it's hard raising parents these days!!

Ok I think that gave me the biggest smile
It's a shame there are no parenting of parents book hehe.

[Jessy]

I think your mum may have had a hard time bringing it up herself, or perhaps was not sure sure if she should, if you were ready to talk about it more. And knowing you, you didn't bring it up yourself either, did ya?

What do you mean off limits? As in she doesn't accept it, or you just never talked about it? After your reaction, I can understand she won't bring it up anymore. I think it's your turn to make a move now, if you feel like having this conversation. Since she already knows, the hardest part of telling it is over. Just prepare for the possible questions she might ask.

If you decide to talk with her, don't go thinking too much, and certainly don't wait too long. You know why I say this, I just know you too well