Hello all! My name is Jesse. I'm 21 years old and I'm an art student currently studying Illustration.
I've known for a long time that I'm not a "girl." Probably since I was able to be aware of myself. I had an older brother and I always wanted to hang out with him. I used to want to walk around without a shirt on and all of my best friends when I was little were boys. Not that this really means anything, it's just funny that I always "knew."
I started thinking I was gay when I turned 13. I began noticing other girls. I got my first real girlfriend when I was 17, and a year later I broke up with her because I fell in love with my best friend. She (my best friend) confessed to me four days after my 19th birthday. I had just gotten my lip pierced and I was in love with life.
A year of painfully hiding my love of her from our parents and our friends later, we moved to the capital city and she started going to school to become a veterinary technician. She said she wanted to take a break to concentrate on school, I was hurt but I understood and wanted to do everything to help her out. We never got back together. She wonders if she is straight, and if I am enough to keep her happy. Sadness.
It was then that I started to realize what I had always known was true, I am really a guy. I had been having confusing feelings in the past, but after watching a few documentaries and reading up on it, I realized I wasn't alone. I had started to accept who I am and what that meant.
I'm still not "out" to the people in my life other than my ex, and a few really close friends. I haven't begun transitioning other than letting my confidants know that I prefer to be referred to as "he" and I've binded a bit.
I'm not quite sure where to go next. I would like to get into therapy but I don't know if I have the time or the resources to do it. I've researched some, and found a clinic for transexuals to get therapy nearby, but I'm not sure if I'm ready. I hope you guys can help me out and give me the courage to keep on going!
I guess any websites or blogs or something talking about someone's transition or how to go about transitioning would be a huge help! Thanks!!
