Should I come out to the neighbors?

[Ashley S]

I'm looking for some thoughts on this.
My SO is understanding and very supportive, which has helped me to not feel so negative about my crossdressing, so I've been dressing quite often recently. I've already come out to my sister and some close friends, with excellent results, but I'm just trying to figure out the best way to deal with my neighbor/semi-friend who lives in the apartment across the hall.

It's just a pain trying to hide it from him and his gf as I never know when he's going to knock on the door to visit or borrow a dvd or something.

I don't know/don't really care about the other people in the building, it's just very inconvenient to have to get changed or pretend I'm not home or can't hear the door when the neighbor knocks.

He's in his twenty's and I don't think it would be that much of a problem for him, but I don't know how to bring it up, etc...

There's been several close calls already, where the neighbor has knocked when I've been lounging en fem, and almost said "Come In" without even thinking.

Any advice?
Thanx everyone.

[sherri52]

If you don't think it will be a problem for him then I would tell him. Find some kind of news article with CD'ing on the cover or page your reading and let him see it. Ask how he feels about crossdressers. If you like his answer tell him. If you don't, stay in the closet as far as he is concerned

[Ashley S]

Thanks. He's also trying to get a job in modeling, so I figure he should be fine with alternative lifestyles and fascination with clothes.

[eluuzion]

"Give them an inch, and they will take a mile...

Unless this guy is your boss, IMO, you have the cart pulling the horse. Why do you feel you have to cater to his needs and adjust your life to accomodate him/her? Do you answer your door to everyone who knocks on it?

Why does it matter what the neighbor thinks? If you out yourself, and they "have a problem with it", what are you going to do next, ask him if he wants you to move out and find another place to live? What if he does not like the color of the walls in your apartment? Would you ask him what color he likes, and repaint your place?

Here is an option to put a bandaid on a problem, but not resolve it. Tell him you do business on the phone, and sometimes cannot answer the door. Hey sometimes you might take a shower, or a nap.

He has "trained" you by default. If you want to live your own life, you must be assertive and work in the opposite direction. If you do not want him to arrive unannounced, you simply respectfully teach a person with weak manners, what is acceptable behavior when interacting with you. It is always possible to disagree with someone, without being disagreeable.

You seem to be making yourself suffer needlessly. What if his car breaks down on the way home from a bar at midnight? Would he knock on your door for help? Would you answer the door? Would you offer to let him drive your car and stay home from work? Of course not.

I know my neighbors well, but none of them would consider knocking on my door without advance notice. They also know I rarely answer my doorbell.
They still survive and we are friends.

just a thought...

[Ashley S]

The bandaid solution is what I've been employing successfully for a while now. I just don't answer, and if he asks later I say I was napping or talking on the phone, etc...

So I guess I'm trying to establish whether I'm comfortable enough to just do it and see what happens.

[crystalann]

What I found out most people just don't care, they will look at you and point and talk, but in time they get use to seeing you and at that time they will be over it. You cant live your life for others if you do you will never be free and happy. Best of luck

[Cheshire Gummi]

I'm more or less with eluuzion on this.

Just dress as you would dress; don't bother changing for him and his girlfriend. If he asks, answer his questions honestly. If he doesn't ask and stops showing up, then you know he wasn't really a friend to begin with.

And, since this isn't high-school, if he harasses you about your CDing, just call the ol' Five-Oh.

So you are aware, this advice was given to me by my good friend Jose Cuervo. Take it as you will.

Another sunrise anyone?

[kellycan27]

Has you wife given you her opinion about coming out to the nieghbors?

Kel

[Joanne f]

Apart from telling your wife/SO and possibly family members i am not sure that actually telling others is necessary, if they see you in something let them make their own mind up , i have done the telling thing and i really don`t think it works in the way that we would like it to and if i had my time again i would not do it .
I think that there is a certain point in that if you want it to be treated as natural then act natural which does not really mean you tell people what you do (if that makes sense)

[Genifer Teal]

I'm sure my neighbors know something. I am not sure how much or what they thing it means. They all still talk to me, so I don't feel there is any need to clarify. Whatever they are thinking seems to work for them.

I do have a flag pole at the front of my property and I have been tempted to add a a special flag underneath it - either trans or the rainbow. Now that would really be telling the neighbors.


Gen

[Michelle-Leigh]

[SIZE="3"]Just don't answer the knock when you are dressed, unless:

(1) Your wife approves.
(2) You are as bold as I am and don't care if anyone sees you in your clothes.[/SIZE]

[Ashley S]

It seems to me that if I want to leave the apartment dressed at all, they're gonna notice fairly quickly, and there's only three vehicles in our parking lot, so mine is very easily identified.

I'm just trying to decide how badly I want to leave the apartment dressed. It'd be nice just to go for a drive, or use the laundry room en femme, since I haven't done either yet.

I figured it would be better to tell them while in drab, rather than have them be surprised the first time we see each other in the hall.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

LOTS of people crossdress....they all have neighbors...

try to think of it as a practical matter...are you gonna get beat up by someone? (thats not a joke, its a consideration), is your need to express yourself trumped by your embarrassment (if you are not beat up, and you are not embarrassed, there is no problem)...is your SO ok with it?

if you make it more complicated than this, you're making it more difficult for yourself.

[AKAMichelle]

If you ever go out dressed, he could be ready to knock on that door as you open your door. I think it is time to tell. If he doesn't like it, it is one less knock on the door to interrupt your cd'ing time.

[PortiaHoney]

There's been several close calls already, where the neighbor has knocked when I've been lounging en fem, and almost said "Come In" without even thinking.

If you just act like it's normal, it shouldn't be a problem. A bit of a surprise for him maybe. Your SO is OK with it, so avoid the guilt trip and the fear. AND it's your place he's coming to. Everyone has a right to do their own thing in their own home.

Who knows, he might stop pestering you to borrow stuff.

What's a girl to do? Whatever she wants.

Huggs

Portia

[christine55]

I have been seeing the our secretiveness, while sometimes necessary, is usually not. I have come out to a couple of folks, almost all of my neighbors probably already know, as I have been out often, at times during the day. I love going out during the day, but I still worry about neighbors seeing. Seems like if I'm fairly discrete and dress well and act politely there is no trouble.
Hugs, Christine

[mklinden2010]

**It's just a pain trying to hide it from him and his gf as I never know when he's going to knock on the door to visit or borrow a dvd or something.


This is all you need to just get on with it.

You like your neighbor well enough not to have this as a problem between you and you sense you'd all be more comfortable if you just cleared this up between you.

I've told people, "Look, I'm working on some outfits to wear to some parties and stuff coming up. And, you know what, I kinda like some of 'em more than others..."

This gets the general subject in the open and leaves the door open to whatever you want to do. If you get around to "liking" crossdressing and working with it most and they see it later... Well, that's just the one you liked most and you're still "Larry next door."

Your neighbor lives in a world of people with kinks already. Give 'em the chance to say, "Hey, some of my best friends are..."

Time to give 'em a "heads up" - and to enjoy more of your life.

Don't worry about it another day.

My good neighbors are fine with it and the sourpusses couldn't get any worse anyway.

Life goes on. Arrange it to suit yourself.

[Rachel Morley]

I don't know what to say to you but I can tell you my situation as I think it's kinda similar. My wife is very supportive and encouraging of my dressing. We go out as "two girls" most weekends.

Up until just recently the people who lived next door and directly across the road from us (both houses can easily see our front door and driveway close up) were people that we hardly ever saw at all. Now both of these houses have different people living in them. The neighbors that are closest to us have two young redneck looking guys who are always outside the front of their house repairing up old cars. They can easily see who comes and goes into our house by just looking over the top a fence that is only about 5ft tall.

The other house across the road now has a family with kids and they are often outside in their front yard. They have even put a swing seat out there. The last few times I've left the house dressed has been pretty scary to say the least. I haven't directly seen them looking at me but I have seen them there and so they can't possibly have not seen me and my wife leaving. We're often both wearing cute dresses, cardigans and high heels so we kinda stand out a little bit too.

Anyway, so far I've just carried on regardless. I keep thinking feminine thoughts and tell myself that they either don't know or don't care. Time will tell, but at the moment my recommendation is that you not let someone else control your enjoyment in life just because of something that "might" happen. Just do what you want and worry about it "if" it ever happens .... which it probably won't worry about then.

[Staci G]

I posted that I came out to my neighbor today. He is openly gay and we had a long talk about the closet I told him about my crossdressing and he just said wow I would never have thought it. It goes to show you that we never know what skeletons are in each of our closets. If the truth be known I can only imagine what goes on behind closed doors in the rest of these apartments.

[Cassandra Lynn]

It seems to me that if I want to leave the apartment dressed at all, they're gonna notice fairly quickly, and there's only three vehicles in our parking lot, so mine is very easily identified.
I'm just trying to decide how badly I want to leave the apartment dressed. It'd be nice just to go for a drive, or use the laundry room en femme, since I haven't done either yet.
I figured it would be better to tell them while in drab, rather than have them be surprised the first time we see each other in the hall.

Now that you have given a practical reason for telling them, then that changes things. I agree with you that the younger folks these days seem to be a litlle more open and liberal, so maybe you should think about it. One other thing you haven't mentioned is his gf, as far as possible reactions. What is your perception of her? I tend to, in general, feel the same as Joanne F, outing yourself can ask for more problems then it is worth, but in your situation it would be beneficial. What does your wife think? At any rate, i wish you the best. mj (Cassie)

[crossdrezzer1]

nmope,,,dont come out,,,just leak out as they will see as you live your life,,if they are any good types they will know and sooner or laqter approch you and ask,,then you can tell them what they already know,,,but once again they are good people right?