amazing freedom

[StephaniAnn]

so basically as long as your lying and deception is ok with you, then its ok to lie because your motives are good?

the old fear of what else is he lying about is a totally normal response to being lied to. (yes it is...that's why I mentioned it; not everyone's thought processes work that way, though)

and please don't embarrass yourself and compare this to saying "you don't look fat" so your wife doesnt get mad

Actually, my thoughts go back to Vanessa's situation and how this worked for them. I doubt Vanessa uses "schemes" to cheat on her wife. Yes, I could be wrong but Vanessa is apparently very much in love with hers and didn't want to lose her.

Obviously lying is usually a bad thing in and of itself but telling your wife she's not fat (when she is) still is technically lying. That's why I say it's the motives that count.

I've had 2 ex's that were pathological liars, that lied just for the hell of it (psychological problem). It can leave you in a daze when someone lives in their own fantasy world like that.....I had to keep reminding myself they weren't doing it intentionally to harm me. (but they obviously weren't trying or able to protect myself and others from their problem, either)

It's not a good practice to go around lying but there are instances where (deception) is a (necessary) means to an end.

[bridget jones]

Good for you,I'm a little envious though. What you have right now sounds like a dream come true.

[StephaniAnn]

The other ten percent? Basically that's the not calling her a crazy b&*@h to her face when she was acting that way, or keeping my mouth shut when I knew I couldn't reason with her. Simple as that. Not saying what we really think at the right time is a godsend, and is a KEY FACTOR in every...single....marriage in existance.

You've had some psychobich bitter-halves too, I take it?
Keeping my mouth shut at certain times, I'd argue, has literally saved my life. Some people have to be kept on a need-to-know-basis for their own good as well as your own safety.

[Samantha_Smile]

I like how you planted the seed in your wife's mind about how crossdressing is a great way to relax, re-open lines of communication and 'keep check' on how your testosterone manifests itself.
I do that's a nice way to introduce the concept.
It may be very easy for you, at the end of the 45 day period to say
"Y'know honey, I never expected it, but Ive actually quite enjoyed the last 45 days. More so, I love how much closer we are blah blah blah, I think I might keep my girl stuff to wear on a more regular basis"
Wife assumes that the 45 day trial got you hooked and her encouragment and positive commentry gets you off the hook with that in some respects.

But seriously, you're getting a second chance with your wife?
How about just giving her the straight forward truth?
Or is that a dirty word?
Many of us will have lied and regretted it (myself included) the lies are usually motivated by fear of losing your partner due to rejection of your newly admitted trait (I know mine was). But those of us who did lie know how much worse the lie is than just being honest from the get go.

Take it from me, just tell her the truth.
If she stays, she's yours.
If she leaves then it was never meant to be.

[StephaniAnn]

Take it from me, just tell her the truth.
If she stays, she's yours.
If she leaves then it was never meant to be.

I would change that last part:
If she leaves, then she's probably a closed-minded dingbat.
I don't believe in fate. I think we make our own and...I also believe in taking the engineering route: life was meant to be tinkered with...solutions come from within, not without.

[Vanessac48]

Tomm. will be 24 weeks the days coint 168! I won't respond to the good or bad opinions that have been shared here, everyone knows what is best for someone else, but can never realize what is best for them. My wife and I are as happy as we have ever been, we have not had one single fight since this started, and we are both more giving than we ever were before. I think she needed to see me care about here, and since I have been doing this I have opened up emotionally to her 10 fold. In turn, she has become the wife I dreamed of, in every way thinkable. I'm not proud this is how it came to be, but like someone wroye in this thread, I know her better than anyone with an opinion, and it was the only option I saw that even had a chance, a gamble for sure, but a calculated risk instead of a stupid risk. It may never work for anyone else, you may not like it, but above all else, I know this saved my marraige, and she does to. I dress every single day, and make sure we go out and do things as husband and wife at least once a week so she can see me as a man. I know this will never end now, and for me, I have not had a single stressful day in 168 days.

[busker]

StephaniAnn,
there's an old saying that goes something like this:
a doctor who has himself for a patient, has a fool for a doctor. I agree here that what this "doctor" has prescribed for himself, is a placebo--it feels like it is working , but after a while, it isn't going to cure what ever ails this marriage.
On a person note, I think this is pure and simple fabrication, and the wife may be hundreds of miles away at this point. It simply sounds too good to be true and if it is, it usually is too good to be true. This is certainly one to be added to the "cures" in DSM IV (or whatever it is up to now). Or, maybe in the update to Games People Play.
It is story that simply doesn't have the ring of truth to it. a 180 degree turn just can't be accomplished this easily, unless the second party is a mental defective, and then it would be doubtful."oh honey, I'll be a better husband, if I can just wear the panties in the family". The sad part is that some people really want this to be a valid approach to solving our dilemma and it can't possibly be the solution. Every shrink in the country would be proposing this as a solution.

[k lynn]

This post has been here off and on now for 4 months know gg that I know would fall for that bs my ex would not nor my current girlfriend like persh gg said and all the gg I know truth goes a long ways lies will get you left out in the cold been there dont want to go back truth is the best policy just my thoughts.