Inqiring minds want to know - Week 2

[Tina Dixon]

4) Do you really listen to your SO when she tells you about her concerns/worries?
Yes I do, but my SO just don't let thing bug her.

5) Why do you feel you cannot express your softer feelings (empathy, nurture, sensitivity) in male mode?
I have been told I don't have feelings, but just me both ways.

6) Are you turned on sexually by women in the same way that a non-CD male is?
It don'y matter what I'm wearing, a sexy women is still a turn on!

[CherryZips]

4) Do you really listen to your SO when she tells you about her concerns/worries?

Is this not more of a heartfelt request?

As in "Please listen to your SO when she tells you about her concerns/worries."

I feel for those involved.

5) Why do you feel you cannot express your softer feelings (empathy, nurture, sensitivity) in male mode?

As others have said. This is an obvious one. In general men cannot express feminine traits and expect to continue their role in the community. Careers, relationships and family problems can be expected.

I'd say effeminate gay men face more prejudice than macho gay men.

Also the average woman does not appreciate femnine man.

Most of the crossdressers here probably started out with feminine traits that they learned to hide early on and have perhaps found a lifestyle in which they are free to express them. And good for them.

6) Are you turned on sexually by women in the same way that a non-CD male is?

I certainly hope not.

But then I don't want the average woman.

[Andrea Reynolds]

4.Yes I do listen, when she is making sense and not just nit-picking trivial matters.
5.Social standards. However, I am pushing this one aside as rapidly as I can.
6.Yes. Actually, I admire others of both sexes equally and respectfully (with only a little bit of ogling). Andrea

[Veronica Nowakowski]

4) Do you really listen to your SO when she tells you about her concerns/worries?

No SO to listen to.

5) Why do you feel you cannot express your softer feelings (empathy, nurture, sensitivity) in male mode?

In general, that will get you thrown in jail. I still remember a professor explaining how if a child falls and scrapes their knee, a teacher picks her up and pats her on the back saying "poor baby," there's a completely different reaction if it's a male or female teacher among society at large. It's just great if the teacher is female, she's a good, caring teacher. If the teacher is male, he's a sicko and a pervert.

However, I don't think that the emotional expression is the only issue with dressing up. It is a part of who you really are, and different people have different levels of preference in having a female body. You have those who get excited, those who feel more comfortable, and those who want to just chop it off. It's about showing yourself to the world, and, of course, it is easier to show that emotional side if you're showing your true self all around.

6) Are you turned on sexually by women in the same way that a non-CD male is?

Have you ever seen a lesbian? Heard of one? Yes, the attraction's going to be the same if you have it. If your SO is a crossdresser, there's no reason to believe they are not physically attracted to you. There's still testosterone pumping through them th'ar veins after all.

However, that does not mean I view a woman differently than a non-transgendered man. Most men think of women as physical conquests, and even married men focus on the physical in the bedroom. With transgendered women (still biological men), it is much more emotional. When I lost my virginity, it felt like a spiritual experience to me.

I've also always had different tastes in women than most men. I found many women that were passed over by other men as attractive and never cared for the bleach blonde bimbo with huge tits. I've also really been affected by what a woman wears, so I imagine you won't be able to dress down as much in front of a transgendered SO, but neither will they.

[Roxi Loh]

4) Do you really listen to your SO when she tells you about her concerns/worries? I do and I have changed plans when she showed a concern.

5) Why do you feel you cannot express your softer feelings (empathy, nurture, sensitivity) in male mode? I do and I think that is what she appreciates about my dressing.

6) Are you turned on sexually by women in the same way that a non-CD male is? I am very turned on by women despite what kind of plumbing they have.

[Di]

Thank you so much keep em coming ladies/

[Fab Karen]

Maybe the titles should reflect: for those with a female SO.

4) Do you really listen to your SO when she tells you about her concerns/worries?
once again, don't have one. If I had a female partner I would listen & discuss it.

5) Why do you feel you cannot express your softer feelings (empathy, nurture, sensitivity) in male mode?
Wow- what's with this assumption?

6) Are you turned on sexually by women in the same way that a non-CD male is?
Seems kinda vague & general- if we throw out EXACTLY, yes. I'm pansexual.

[BRANDYJ]

Week 2
4) Do you really listen to your SO when she tells you about her concerns/worries?
Yes, I do. I am always very aware of her concerns and what's on her mind. I can honestly say I put her concerns or worries before my own.

5) Why do you feel you cannot express your softer feelings (empathy, nurture, sensitivity) in male mode?
I have no problem expressing my softer side in either mode. Those traits don't change with my mode of dress or presentation. They are part of me always.

6) Are you turned on sexually by women in the same way that a non-CD male is?
I don't think so. I think I am much more turned on by women
any non-CD male could ever be. I think I see women as more beautiful,
more erotic, more sensual, and desirable then those men that have not felt their own feminine side or even acknowledged it's existence.

[sherri52]

#4 When married I listened to my wife but CD'ing was not an issue during the marriage only at the end of it.
#5 I can be sensitive around women while in drab but around men it is a sign of weakness and I try to act like one of them. OK so it doesn't always work
#6 A beautiful woman is a beautiful woman, And I look at them the same in both modes

[suchacutie]

4) I sure hope so!! We have been in this together from the beginning (5 years) and I can't imagine doing anything to hurt her support or her love, so meaningful 2-way communication is a must!

5) Who says I can't express my softer feelings as a male. I did for 55 years before we knew about Tina. What I didn't understand was that Tina was an identifiable part of me that we can now explore separately. We can even go farther and really discuss what it's like to be feminine, grow up feminine, and how girls act together! It's just better communication!

6) I've been on both sides of this was only in male mode for 55 years and my feelings for my wife have never diminished, including the last 5 years knowing Tina!

[girlygirl152]

4) Do you really listen to your SO when she tells you about her concerns/worries?
Definetly, I love and respect her and listen to everything she has to say.

5) Why do you feel you cannot express your softer feelings (empathy, nurture, sensitivity) in male mode?
I have no problem expressing my feelings with her under any circumstance. we always talk to each other about how we feel. I believe thats why we are so strongly connected

6) Are you turned on sexually by women in the same way that a non-CD male is?
without a doubt.

[Di]

Really appreciate everyone joining in.

[CharlotteB]

4) Yes I think I do.
5) The softness spills over to the my male side I think and hope.
6) Absolutely the same, except if she wears a lovely nightie to bed I might be a little envious and imagine trying it on.

[Mary Jane]

Week 2
4) Do you really listen to your SO when she tells you about her concerns/worries? Yes, very much so.

5) Why do you feel you cannot express your softer feelings (empathy, nurture, sensitivity) in male mode? I have never tried to hide my sensitivity when around others. I have always been that way and could not hide it.

6) Are you turned on sexually by women in the same way that a non-CD male is? Of course, after all I AM a male.

[zoe m]

Week 2
4) Do you really listen to your SO when she tells you about her concerns/worries?

5) Why do you feel you cannot express your softer feelings (empathy, nurture, sensitivity) in male mode?

6) Are you turned on sexually by women in the same way that a non-CD male is?

4) I try to in general, though we all tend to forget to do that sometimes or we space out while the other person is talking. If you mean concerns/worries about CD issues, well, my SO has only known about it since about a week and a half ago when I told her (we've been together for a year and a half). She didn't have a lot of concerns/worries, in fact she was really positive about it, kind of accepting and intrigued at the same time. She did ask "so what comes next?" and I wasn't sure what to answer, it's not like she's seeing the CDing right now since we live in different towns, I had to travel 8 hours just to tell her. Maybe she'll have more concerns in the next few weeks.

5) I think I do tend to express all 3 when I'm in male mode, esp. empathy, maybe a bit less the other two. I don't feel uncomfortable expressing those as a man, whether I succeed is not for me to answer. For me crossdressing is not about those 3 emotions but more about beauty and mistery - that's at the conscious level, of course a lot of it is at the subconscious level too. I have been told by women that I'm too rational and analytical, but I think that happens also when I'm in "female" mode, my personality doesn't really change, only the superficial expression of it.

6) Hard to know what others feel, but I would be inclined to say yes. I don't like to go around beating my chest and saying "I'm heterosexual", because I think that reinforces heteronormativity, and in any case I don't think even heterosexual crossdressers are "regular" heterosexual men. But the fact remains that throughout my life I've been attracted to women almost exclusively, I'm not at all opposed to homosexual sex and I'd like to think that in principle everyone is at least somewhat bi, but it's just never really happened for me. Since I was a kid, before I knew what sex was, I've liked girls, the way they looked at me, as a teenager I began to be attracted to them, at the age of 17 I began to date. I had several relationships and I experienced the things I assume "normal" heterosexual men feel - attraction, infatuation, being upset when getting rejected, etc. And I haven't often even thought about crossdressing when being with a woman, only very few times. All this would often lead me to a state of denial about the crossdressing and to assume that I was just a regular guy. And yet in spite of all of the above, I had this whole other fantasy world that seemed unacceptable and that would come and go. I sometimes think of it as having two parallel sexualities, that are probably somewhat linked at some unconscious level but at the conscious level seem separate. Both crossdressing and interpersonal attraction have a sexual and a non-sexual component. The sexual part of crossdressing is not really about being attracted to "the woman in the mirror" as seemed to be implied in question 3 (in the last set), it's more about being turned on by a state of mind and of being, to which the clothes are accessories.

I think on a purely sexual level I could be attracted to many kinds of women, including the very feminine women that form the "ideal" in society, but in practice I've always tended to be more attractive to women who were at least a bit androgynous, rebellious and non-conforming. Maybe because I felt closer spiritually to them due to my own issues. I'm also a bit androgynous even in male mode - I have a small body, and my attitude is not super macho, I've been told I'm more ying than yang (though I forget which one is which).

Sorry for rambling. All of the above applies only to my own experience and thoughts and is not meant to represent other crossdressers.

[SherriePall]

4. Do I really listen to my wife when she expresses her concerns/worries?

I like to think that I do. I imagine that sometimes I may not say exactly the right thing, but I try to listen.

5. Why do you feel you cannot express your softer side when in male mode?

Assuming that I cannot, it is probably because of the way I was brought up by every external influence imaginable. Parents, relatives, neighbors, television, friends, the military, etc.

6. Am I sexually turned on by a woman in the same way as a non-CD'er is?

And this question, Di, is worth the price of admission. No, I believe that I am not.
Some have touched on this, but I believe I am not. Magazines touting the wonder and beauty of the female naked body apparently do not do as much for me as my friends who, I believe, are not CD'ers. They undress woman while I "dress" them.
I much more prefer the female body with clothing on. The soft curve of hips accented by a cute skirt, dress, or pants. Breasts slightly hidden beneath a lovely top. A bum tightly caressing that skirt, dress, or pants.
A leg peeking or fully showing above a nice pair of pumps, strappies, or flats.
A face with some make-up or totally done -- with a warm smile.
Hair, well kept and styled.

Plus, from my advantage, I also find that how a woman relates to others, how she treats others to also be stimulating.

[Sarah Doepner]

4) Do you really listen to your SO when she tells you about her concerns/worries?

I really try. My biggest problem is when I focus on something I tend to tune everything out, including her. All too often this is when she wants to share and it takes a bit to bring my focus back to where it should be. I believe we share a lot of the same concerns and worries after 35 years, so I do have a bit of a leg up there. Sometimes I do get a little bogged down on the details and I think that's my "Y" chromosome beginning to filter the conversation. It's that time when I have to give myself a little whack on the head to get priorities back where they belong.

5) Why do you feel you cannot express your softer feelings (empathy, nurture, sensitivity) in male mode?

Who said I can't? It you talk to our children, now all adults, you will probably find that I was the one doing the nurturing and taking the softer approach much of the time.

6) Are you turned on sexually by women in the same way that a non-CD male is?

I don't know for sure, but probably not. I can share much of what my buddies and guys I worked with had to say, but my take on women is (I hope) much more nuanced than theirs. I pay a lot more attention to the details of women, what they wear, their hair, makeup and accessories than my friends, I do know that. While they know all the Internet porn sites, I've visited once and never returned. Those sites offend me in how they exploit and reduce the image of women and the relationship men have with them. That isn't to say I don't like the look of a womans naked body, it's without comparison and very attractive sexually. It just should be handled with a lot more respect than a lot of men seem to be able to muster up.

[johnboy23]

Im always in male mode. I still listen like a male.

I still get turned on by the same things non cd guys do. I don't get turned on but I look at girls the same way gg's do.

[Rachel Morley]

4) Do you really listen to your SO when she tells you about her concerns/worries?
You bet I do. Her happiness is my happiness. Also, I'd like to think that when I listen, I actually listen to what she is really saying (without interrupting her) and without rushing to "fix it" like most guys do. She wants my empathy, and support first, the fixing can come second.

5) Why do you feel you cannot express your softer feelings (empathy, nurture, sensitivity) in male mode?
I don't think this question applies to me. Expressing my softer feelings and especially my emotions is one of the things my wife told me she was most attracted to when she first got to know me.


6) Are you turned on sexually by women in the same way that a non-CD male is?
Humm ... not sure. I do have a slight problem (if it is a problem) in that I have no great desire to have sex with just anyone. I have to either be in love with them or have very strong feelings for her before I feel comfortable enough to want to go that far. I don't think that's typical in a non-CD male, at least that's to say, not the one's I know.

[Renee_E]

4) Do you really listen to your SO when she tells you about her concerns/worries?

Yes. I always have.

5) Why do you feel you cannot express your softer feelings (empathy, nurture, sensitivity) in male mode?

I always have let my softer side show. Never could pull of the macho act effectively.

6) Are you turned on sexually by women in the same way that a non-CD male is?

I guess so. I have never been a non-CD male so I can't compare effectively.

[bredalee25]

1 of course I listen because I LOVE her with all my heart

2 The male is looked apon in society as the butch male not the butchette male we would be thought of as being weak and sissyfied.

3 I would'nt know i've never been a nonCD male

[TxKimberly]

4) Do you really listen to your SO when she tells you about her concerns/worries?
I'm sorry - we're you saying something? Just kidding - stop yer yelling. Of course I listen to her. I've gotta listen to her so that I know when she is done yapping and I can start telling her about my vastly more important and interesting day.




5) Why do you feel you cannot express your softer feelings (empathy, nurture, sensitivity) in male mode?

Tsk tsk - that question paints us all with the same brush and assumes that we all feel that way - I don't. I am the same person whether dressed as male or female. My feelings nor my expression of them change based on my attire. I will tell you that I love you just as quickly in male as in female mode. I will also be just as big a jerk when I am wearing a skirt as I would be otherwise. People who think of themselves as two different individuals sort of weird me out . . .


6) Are you turned on sexually by women in the same way that a non-CD male is?

The question assumes we know what turns on your average "normal" male. Still, I would have to say that I don't think it is quite the same for me.
I think most men can't wait to get the woman out of her clothes and do what comes naturally and I would be much happier (and turned on *blush*) if she were wearing something sexy or pretty. Unlike what I think your average guy would like, I'd rather have the prom queen IN her gown than out of it.
And for those of you who are cynical, it's not necessarily the clothes that are the turn on, though that is a factor. It's more the combination of someone I find in attractive in something I find attractive. This irritates my wife because it makes her feel like it is not her that turns me on, but the clothes, but in the end it's not something I can change. I can't help what turns me on any more than I can help going bald or getting old. It is what it is . . .

[Petra Bellejambes]

4) Do you really listen to your SO when she tells you about her concerns/worries?

She has not expressed concerns as such. She did quite pointedly indicate the first time she saw me dressed that she did not have lesbian tendencies. I listened closely, and do not try to introduce a different lover / bedmate than the one she married.

5) Why do you feel you cannot express your softer feelings (empathy, nurture, sensitivity) in male mode?

I do not feel that way. I have been happy finding out how integral these things are to me, and deploying them in all aspects of my days. Cross Dressing has made my access to those characteristics easier.

6) Are you turned on sexually by women in the same way that a non-CD male is?

O god yes. Except I probably notice details of style, movement, carriage, accessorizing, setting appropriateness, skill in the application of make up, and the O so powerful deployment of beautiful feminine guile, charm, seduction and etc....

Women are so much more interesting than fellows are you know...

[StacyCD]

4) Do you really listen to your SO when she tells you about her concerns/worries?

Of course, listening to my SO has nothing to do with being a crossdresser and it has everything to do with being a good spouse.

5) Why do you feel you cannot express your softer feelings (empathy, nurture, sensitivity) in male mode?

Who says that I can't/don't. I like don't think my 'softer' side only comes out when I'm wearing a dress.

6) Are you turned on sexually by women in the same way that a non-CD male is?

I appreciate a well-dressed woman probably as much as the next heterosexual crossdresser. Yesterday, I saw a woman wearing stratospheric stilettos and I found myself staring at her/them. I was torn between the idea of going over and doing her right there or asking where she got the shoes. What a dilemma!

[Samantha_Smile]

4) Do you really listen to your SO when she tells you about her concerns/worries?

I try my hardest. Work and a busy life causing fatigue usually strain my ability to nail it 100% of the time though

5) Why do you feel you cannot express your softer feelings (empathy, nurture, sensitivity) in male mode?

I've not got to the bottom of this yet. All I know is that 'dressing makes me feel softer and more sensitive from the second Ive got a bra on.

6) Are you turned on sexually by women in the same way that a non-CD male is?

Very much so. Have no interest in men.
Men just arent sexy.