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Thread: OK now what?

  1. #1
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    OK now what?

    I'm not sure where to begin here it's more of a blog than a question I guess. But here goes. I've been wearing more and more womens clothing the last 4 months, and working alone most days. On occasion I would have to go pick something up and at first I would change to boy mode to go out. After a few weeks I started going out with a bit more fem mode. Most of
    the time in fact all the time I dont think anyone really noticed or cared and if they did I didn't really notice much other than the occasional glance. The past month I have been wearing breast forms and bra (38C) all day and sometimes a stretchy top, often sleeveless, I love those, with a jacket over the top, and womens jeans. With my hair in a short pony tail a bit of make up. I have gone out to pick up some things, lunch, office supplies etc. with no real issues. I have watched my weight and I'm down to about 155# at 5'11" I must be passing sorta. takes a lot of attitude! I've not really dressed up with the exception of one Friday evening to meet some other Xdressers for drinks. I didnt know anyone other than by email. But I dressed up, skirt nice blouse showing some cleavage (Thank you hormones), new shoes etc. I felt like a fish out of water! I had to leave I was around my tribe and I couldn't handle it. I wanted to purge everything again. I didnt but the urge was very strong having done it countless times. So why? They all looked just like men in bad dresses, Ok they were, but It really didnt work for me. I was much more comfortable talking with GG's. I am so confused now. I did come around the next day and I will continue to dress as I have been each day going a bit deeper but I'm not comfortable around men in dresses but I am one...

  2. #2
    Just a touch of class Lynn Marie's Avatar
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    That's quite the conundrum, Annie. You're right though, even the best of us are still guys wearing dresses, and as you noted so are you. You might be on to something here though. So many of us really don't want to get together with each other. It's almost like we're afraid of becoming friends as if that will make us homosexual or something. Yet we can be and are a tremendous support to one another. Going out in pairs is so much nicer than on your own. There's a certain safety in numbers and, of course, a friend to talk to.

    Also, we've all noticed how much easier it is to talk to and interact with women when we're dressed. It's so much like we really understand each other and there is this weird mutual respect and understanding.

  3. #3
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    I get the impression that it made you feel more uncomfortable about yourself, than you felt about them. It's like they were holding up a mirror and you didn't like what you saw, which could also explain your urge to purge.

    I wouldn't worry about it too much, I don't find it a strange reaction, just continue to enjoy what you have and let it grow on you, over time you will have less problems with such situations.

  4. #4
    Out and About Jannette H's Avatar
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    OK, Now What

    Some things I had a hard time accepting when I was out the first few times were the men in dresses across the room in a club or any where. I didn't know what to expect or what to say it's not the easiest thing to do and spent a lot of time out alone but that's not fun, you miss a lot. You're kind of insecure no mater even in secure surroundings. I has happened to me and a few months a go I watched another lady (CD) come in set alone in a corner then leave. Others tried to talk to her and I had to remember that was probably me. In time I got past it and it's really fun being out, love every moment. Last fall I was out clubbing Sat. night setting at the bar at the Silverstone in Tacoma when this younger FtoM CD sat down in the next stool wearing a mans tuxedo. I looked at him and said "would you like to dance with an old lady" He said OK and we did. He's from out of town and that was all I know. I never told anyone about this. Crazy night. It's a lot more fun when you can interact with people.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  5. #5
    Miss Conception Karren H's Avatar
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    I've had simular feelings around other crossdressers... Its almost like in my minds eye I see myself as such a normal person but they seem just too strange! Lol and I'm not attracted to them or men...Soooo... Kind of hard to explain.. And confussing... It's the main driving force that makes crossdressing for me a personal sport vs a team sport! I've never needed any support (except a good bra).. And if I had needed that I assume that everything would be different?

    Speaking of sports... Go Pens!!
    Last edited by Karren H; 04-28-2010 at 08:28 AM.
    Current Obsession - Breasts and Lingerie!

    .......My Photos

  6. #6
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    Now What

    Yes Annie it can be quite confusing. When I first started dressing I had no clue, like most, how to really dress or do proper make up. At 6’ 3” I get noticed when I a out in drab or dressed. In the beginning I only went to places where I knew there would be no issues. The more I go out the more I do regular everyday things. Now, unless the other CDs have been out for a bit, I find myself a little uncomfortable out with them. As I am sure others felt about me when I first started going out. And yes I too feel more comfortable talking to women when I am out. Being out with other CDs has not made me feel like I needed purge my things, it has made me feel like I need to do a better job choosing my outfits and doing my make up.

    So you have to decide, obviously you are are happy dressing up and being able to go places and from the sound of it you present well, do you keep going or revert backwards. I vote for keep going.

    Best wishes
    Hugs Phyliss

  7. #7
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    I'm happy to hear that others have had the same first reactions. After writing and reading comments I realized perhaps I was looking for too much, not sure what that was, instant friends instant acceptance a form to discuss the whys and ways of cross dressing, don' know. I was the drop in, and one all most always feels strange in that spot. As for that mirror Michelle, a bit of that too I suspect, I thought about that driving home. But on that mirror thing, I wanted to ask, but didnt, why a guy that is 220# dresses like a girl of 120#? Look around and see what women wear. Women can do the same thing by dressing to young or like a model (sorry most of us missed our chance there) with mini dresses that shouldnt be mini. Most GG's are very aware of their look and style. I watch very closely (and can be real catty at times) and I need a better wardrobe myself Phyliss.

    As I reflect on things I realize that I have always hung with the girls when in drab, so why would it be different in a dress? Chatting it up with the guys beer in hand in a dress and heels, na didnt work.

    Side bar here... most women dont tip back on there chairs... LOL>>>

    One huge thing happened to me however and sort of creepy too, men stared at my chest, just stared. They included some of the group I was with. I suddenly felt a bit like an object, wow, what a revalation to actually feel what women have said they experience. But they keep dropping their neck line and so will I...

    For now I'll keep going, maybe I will just evolve, I can't just stop that didnt work either.

  8. #8
    Kari Ann is enjoying life
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    Interesting Thought

    Quote Originally Posted by irenetancd View Post
    I do know that some of the heterosexual CDs are more comfortable hanging out among GG or lesbian, than gay men and MtF CD.
    Irene... that is an interesting thought... one that I've not really thought about before, but would have to agree with totally. As I've started coming out more and more over the past few weeks, I've had troubles with being with other MTF CD's and have gravitated more towards GG's. Maybe because I find myself wanting/desiring to be like them, a part of their crowd, and have always felt this natural desire and comfort of communicating with them, not in a sexual way, but just every day conversation.

  9. #9
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    The topic of sexual preferances brings out an interesting thought. My bachelor's is in in art, so I have spent lots of time around women and gay men, straight guys too. Gay men don't bother me at all infact most are a lot of fun to be around and dress really well!. Lesbians are more difficult, the ones I know seem to have a chip on there shoulder about life, beats me why. As for me, I am only attracted to women when in drab or dressed. I've not spent much time dressed around women or gay men or lesbians to really know which group would be easy to be with. Adding to things my mom had a dress shop while I was gowing up and dad was gone or at the bar most of the time. Hmm do you suppose thats my source for this behavior?

  10. #10
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Annie, just RELAX! And smell the perfume!

    Quote Originally Posted by Annie M View Post
    I'm happy to hear that others have had the same first reactions. After writing and reading comments I realized perhaps I was looking for too much, not sure what that was, instant friends instant acceptance a form to discuss the whys and ways of cross dressing, don' know. I was the drop in, and one all most always feels strange in that spot. As for that mirror Michelle, a bit of that too I suspect, I thought about that driving home. But on that mirror thing, I wanted to ask, but didnt, why a guy that is 220# dresses like a girl of 120#? Look around and see what women wear. Women can do the same thing by dressing to young or like a model (sorry most of us missed our chance there) with mini dresses that shouldnt be mini. Most GG's are very aware of their look and style. I watch very closely (and can be real catty at times) and I need a better wardrobe myself Phyliss.

    As I reflect on things I realize that I have always hung with the girls when in drab, so why would it be different in a dress? Chatting it up with the guys beer in hand in a dress and heels, na didnt work.

    Side bar here... most women dont tip back on there chairs... LOL>>>

    One huge thing happened to me however and sort of creepy too, men stared at my chest, just stared. They included some of the group I was with. I suddenly felt a bit like an object, wow, what a revalation to actually feel what women have said they experience. But they keep dropping their neck line and so will I...

    For now I'll keep going, maybe I will just evolve, I can't just stop that didnt work either.
    U sound like you're filled with expectations, and judgements!

    EXACTLY like me, when I first arrived here over 2 years ago!
    I HATED the "man-in-a-dress" look. Yet, there were all these avatar and pics of men in dresses all over this site. YUCK!

    I hated my OWN pics previously, too, until I resolved ways to cheat and look more fem.
    Then, at other sites, CDs and guys started HITTING ON ME! EEK! I'm STRAIGHT, u see! I was flattered, but very DISTRESSED that I was attractive to males!

    So, fast forward 2 years here, I've made some lovely CD friends, kind of got used to the guys-in-dresses look, as well as being a sex object to some. I went out dressed for the first time, at the SCC. I had a great time! Meeting and hanging with some of the nicest and most interesting people, (males), that I've EVER met in my 60+ years!

    If you'd told me I'd be doing THAT 2 years ago, I'd have told u you're NUTS!

    So, give it a little time, Grasshopper! Remember, GGs have been just that, their entire lives! Now, you've got to take the time to discover who Annie really is! Enjoy the journey!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  11. #11
    Senior Age Member sissystephanie's Avatar
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    Like DocRobby, I have been a female sex object for men and a male sex object for GG's!

    It doesn't bother me in the least, and never has! I know that I am a Crossdresser and I long ago learned to live with it! Since I no longer have my willing wife around to fix my wig and do my makeup, I just don't bother. Still dress enfemme and go out in public, but as a man wearing a dress or skirt. Been doing so for 5 years now, and so far have never heard a bad comment. Had compliments on my outfits, but thats all!
    Stephanie

    Lady on the outside, but man underneath!

  12. #12
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    I don't mind other CD/TS women. HAve some friends that are such.

    For you, you are just becoming a woman is all. HRT, being comfy going out dressed instead of running home to change clothing...

    I know the feeling of being more comfy around GG's though.

    Everything is normal for you.
    It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.

  13. #13
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    Just go where you're comfortable. If its GGs, that's fine. You don't have to grade yourself based on some fixed standard, choose friends based on anything but who you like, or meet anyone elses expectations!

  14. #14
    Senior Member carolinoakland's Avatar
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    sounds like you don't want to be seen as a man in a dress. And you were afraid that you did. And that you were more interested in talking to the women, and not "the men in dresses" say's volume's. Carol

  15. #15
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    We sort of have to decide whether our perceptions, reactions and acceptances are our own or those that have more or less been imposed and dictated by society and tradition. Since we are a part of society, we have the prime opportunity to change those preconceived notions. It has to start somewhere, no?
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  16. #16
    happy to be her Sarah Doepner's Avatar
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    mixed signals

    As a guy in a dress, I understand your concern. I do my best with hair, makeup, padding, wardrobe and mannerisms, and still feel bad when I'm out with others and they might be able to pass or go unnoticed if they didn't have this big lunk with them. I'm honored that in spite of that they will stick with me.

    It's difficult to figure out exactly what we are doing sometimes. We (the heterosexual CD's) work very carefully on crafting the best female image we can, using our bodies and faces as the canvas. If we have any success at all and attract positive attention from another man, we feel a combination of elation and revulsion. We have created what we wanted but fear what that success might bring. What if we feel like reciprocating and flirt back? It will force us to address our self identity. We are a group that seems to specialize in creating mixed signals and then attempting to figure out why our world is so damn complicated.

    Well, it will force you into that conundrum since no one has been fooled for long by my efforts.
    Sarah
    Being transgender isn't a lifestyle choice. How you deal with it is.

  17. #17
    Meberette Hope's Avatar
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    I think one of the reasons we have such a hard time organizing is that we are such a cliquish group of people. We are often unwilling to associate (publicly) with others of our own kind. It's weird but true. I think there are a few reasons for it - we see in each other the things we most hate about ourselves. Bad beard cover, clumsy wild gestures, deep voices. That never makes a person feel good. Add to that the tendency for a lot of transgendered folks to have some unsavory personality quirks... and I think it is natural that you were uncomfortable with "your own tribe." A lot of us are.

    Quote Originally Posted by carolinoakland View Post
    sounds like you don't want to be seen as a man in a dress. And you were afraid that you did. And that you were more interested in talking to the women, and not "the men in dresses" say's volume's.
    Also - this.
    Last edited by Hope; 04-28-2010 at 03:14 PM. Reason: It's FUN for all ages!
    "I don't mind living in a man's world, as long as I can be a woman in it." — Marilyn Monroe

  18. #18
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    Hope has a point. At the local club here CD/TG weekend is coming up next month.Not every CD there is a "fashion plate". I know of a few who look and talk like longshoremen and say something like"Hi, my name is Lisa." At least they have the guts to do it. That in itself gives them a lot of credit in my book. To be accepted we have to be accepting of others.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  19. #19
    Junior Member SusieK's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Annie M View Post
    I felt like a fish out of water! I had to leave I was around my tribe and I couldn't handle it. I wanted to purge everything again. I didnt but the urge was very strong having done it countless times. So why? They all looked just like men in bad dresses, Ok they were, but It really didnt work for me. I was much more comfortable talking with GG's. I am so confused now. I did come around the next day and I will continue to dress as I have been each day going a bit deeper but I'm not comfortable around men in dresses but I am one...
    Is it any wonder then that many GG SOs have a hard time coming to terms with who we are and being comfortable around a man in a dress?

    Quote Originally Posted by Annie M View Post
    I was much more comfortable talking with GG's
    I'm actually quite surprised (based on reading other posts on this site), how many GGs out in the real world appear to be comfortable talking with those of 'our kind'.

  20. #20
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    It is really wonderful to have so many responses to the conumdrum I'm in and that we all seem to face at one point or another. And I feel much better knowing I'm not alone here. Honestly it is comforting.
    My concerns say volumes to Carolin, I would like to know what those volumes say I'm often at witts end trying to figure things out. Though a lot has come to light from this thread for me.
    In regard to SO's I can relate to their concerns, I talked to a couple of them that evening I spent with the men in dresses. They have a difficult time attending gatherings but they do! And to make it clear not everyone was a fat guy in a dress. A couple were VERY convincing. Gota learn more 'bout makeup I don't want to look like a cadaver.

  21. #21
    Gold Member sherri52's Avatar
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    I have found that I am a man in a dress surounded by women in overalls and boots. I really have to move.
    Put a little lipstick on you'll feel better

  22. #22
    Lady By Choice Leslie Langford's Avatar
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    My feelings pretty much mirror yours, Karren...

    Quote Originally Posted by Karren Hutton View Post
    I've had simular feelings around other crossdressers... Its almost like in my minds eye I see myself as such a normal person but they seem just too strange! Lol and I'm not attracted to them or men...Soooo... Kind of hard to explain.. And confussing... It's the main driving force that makes crossdressing for me a personal sport vs a team sport! I've never needed any support (except a good bra).. And if I had needed that I assume that everything would be different?

    Speaking of sports... Go Pens!!
    ...and I would add that another disincentive for me to mingle with other crossdressers is that the odds of being "read" and not blending in when in their company increase exponentially compared with going out solo en femme.

    Kind of like the old adage that when groups of two or more teen-aged boys get together, the collective I.Q. immediately drops by 50% .

  23. #23
    mini kilted chick t-girlxsophie's Avatar
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    We have just to make do with what we have.These "men in dresses" are doing their best.I would never reject them for this,am prob in that catagory myself.Though I always put my heart and soul into my dressing.
    If anyone GG,CD,gay,straight wants to be my friend,then I would be,am not fussy who am seen hanging out with
    We look to Scotland,for all our Ideas of Civilisation-Voltaire

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  24. #24
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    I defiantly don't want this thread to develop into smashing or rejection of others regardless of there style, persuasion or disposition. I know I have limits of my own. My only point was things didn't work out for me the way I had thought they might and I was a bit blind sided by my own attitude. So it was time to regroup and evaluate my reaction and intentions. This discussion has allowed that to happen in an open friendly manor and with a bit of humor to keep things in context.

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