Busted & Gossiped About!

[Persephone]

(Names changed, including the name of the gym).

Yesterday I received an interesting e-mail from a friend:

"Saw Shirley Bloom last night. interesting conversation about her last time running into you at "Women's World". call me when you get a chance. hope all is well, Lorraine"

About 16 months ago I was looking into membership in a women-only gym and spa and took a tour of the facilities. I posted about my visit here.

Well, it turns out that while I was there I didn't notice that Shirley, someone I know, was apparently also there at the time, and Shirley is apparently delighted to tell people about it.

According to Lorraine (who is not a person with a perfect memory), the conversation went something like this:

S: "I know you! Aren't you a friend of Darren?"

L: "Yes," followed by some more general chit-chat.

After a little while, Shirley once again approaches Lorriane and says, "He is a she."

L: "Huh?"

S: "Darren is now a she. I heard that he'd had some surgery [which could have been the prostate surgery I had about 2® years ago] and I saw her at Women's World. Did you know about that?"

L: "I guess so, she and I went to school together."

S: "It's amazing! He was such a manly man, outdoors, even went out shooting with my husband, and she's such a womanly woman, cooking, sewing, crafting."

Well, so far that's about all I have. Any suggestions?

[Kathi Lake]

Barbara, my friend, as your worlds "collide" this is going to happen more and more frequently. People will gossip. People will assume one thing when the other is true. You know what? looking at what was said, I'm encouraged. Why? What was not said? How it made them feel. I didn't hear any "Oh, I know, Lorraine! It's so sick when someone does that." What I did hear was matter of fact - statements of "he was, and now she is."

My question now is, Barbara, how do you feel about this?

Kathi

[TxKimberly]

. . . Any suggestions?

Sure - go on about your life. Face it, what's done is done so there is not much point to worrying too much about it.

[Eve_WA]

I agree with Kathi. Sounded very positive and factual. Just what we like hear. Coulda been a lot worse, thats fer sure!

[SherriePall]

While I realize how serious this is, I had to smile a bit as I read your post because it shows how gossip evolves; how it changes and/or grows. How Shirley naturally assumed that your surgery was the surgery -- GRS.
As the others have stated, what she said to Lorraine, on the surface, did not seem malicious, but rather matter-of-fact.
How did Lorraine react to this bit of news? Or, what did you answer to Lorraine when she relayed this to you?
My take on the matter is that what is done is done and no one can change that without a wayback machine (sorry, Mr. Peabody). What can be done is how you reply to any questions that now follow. In fact, if Lorraine knows you only en drab, then she may very well wonder if Shirley has lost it or has someone else completely mixed up with you.

[kimdl93]

I'd roll with it. Agree with others that nothing truly malicious was said, and it seemed somewhat nuetral. If you ever get to meet this person again, you might use the opportunity to gauge their feelings. They may be more positive than assumed.

[Persephone]

In fact, if Lorraine knows you only en drab, then she may very well wonder if Shirley has lost it or has someone else completely mixed up with you.

Ooooops, sorry! I forgot to put something in that I planned to include -- When Lorraine and I went to school together, as adult moms, not of typical college age, it was with me en femme and attending under my femme name.

Thank you everyone for the comments you have posted so far. I will answer y'all later -- busy day right now and I have a really fun story from this morning that I want to post as soon as I can.

[Sara Jessica]

Jeez, makes me want to dive head-first back into the closet and slam the door!!!

Then again, it's probably too late.

[Hope]

I'm with Kathi on this, that sounds like the sort of conversation you hope people have. We all know people are gong to talk, that is part of the risk of going out.

As to what you do about it... You could go and confront "Shirley" about it - but she didn't say anything confrontation worthy... I think the best option is to simply know that people in your community are talking and simply go about your life. If Shirley was telling people that you were out molesting llamas and that she saw you communing with the devil in Sadie's vegetable patch on the night of the last full moon... then you might want to have a talk with her.

[carolinoakland]

Well, I look at these situations as opportunities to educate. go for it. Apparently this woman likes to be seen as some one "who know's something juicy'' .

[Kate Simmons]

Well, Hon, you know you've made the grade when you are being gossipped about.

[Frédérique]

"It's amazing! He was such a manly man, outdoors, even went out shooting with my husband, and she's such a womanly woman, cooking, sewing, crafting."

[SIZE="2"]You know something, Persephone? If you could concentrate 100% on the latter, and completely give up on the former, you’d really have something worth talking about…[/SIZE]

[t-girlxsophie]

Gossip starts with a little titbit then before you know,Its snowballed into something very Imaginative,Thing is If they talking about you they are leaving someone else alone
Maybe Gossip is what gets that Lady by every day,she may be lonely and this keeps her feeling alive

[Cassandra Lynn]

Or you could let it get out that you had gender reassignment surgery as part of the witness relocation program and that you were once a covert ops agent and have had to kill very bad people numerous times. Then invite her over for a cup of a special tea recipe that you learned how to make in the jungles of the Amazon, while twitching your eyes repeatedly. mj (Cassie)

[Persephone]

Or you could let it get out that you had gender reassignment surgery as part of the witness relocation program and that you were once a covert ops agent and have had to kill very bad people numerous times. Then invite her over for a cup of a special tea recipe that you learned how to make in the jungles of the Amazon, while twitching your eyes repeatedly. mj (Cassie)

Wow! Actually, Cassie, you aren't too far off from some of the rumors (and perhaps facts? I really can't say ) that swirl about my life. Witness relocation isn't one of them, but as to the others . . .

Tea time? I do have a lovely little ring that Lucrezia Borgia would have found, ah, amusing . . .