My biggest fear had to do with my presentation. Once I solved that, voice became my biggest fear. With that out of the way, nowadays I'm terrified of ever stumbling upon people I know.
What about you? What's your biggest fear, one that prevents you from going out more often (or gong out at all for that matter)?
No fear at all.
Used to be fearful of being laughed at and threats or violence ... but got over it some time ago.
"What are fears but voices airy?
Whispering harm where harm is not.
And deluding the unwary
Till the fatal bolt is shot!"
---- Wordsworth
Last edited by Mirani; 04-29-2010 at 01:13 AM. Reason: added quote
Mirani - [meer-rahn-nee] Beauty to Behold; to "See" beauty
My concerns about going out have followed a similar trajectory. I was most worried about my look. I feel like I have improved enough in that area to at least consider going out, but voice definitely worries me.
I think I'm most afraid of running into people I know... but then again, I've only been out twice, both times were to LGBT events.
I have no real fears...
Now I have no fear but for some reason youngsters used to wotrry me
I strut my stuff, I feel so proud,
I need to shout, to scream out loud,
I am Tricia I am she,
I am who I want to be
http://tricia-dale.blogspot.com/
I don't worry so much about violence or stupid remarks, the thing that bothers me most is getting read. I don't care about the reactions so much as it is annoying to not be able to pass. Altho when they do make it a point to call me "sir" (like some bitch working at the chinese restaurant I went to yesterday) or ask stupid crap like "is that a man or a woman" it is annoying.
It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.
My main reason for not going out isn't fear its that i have no pockets to keep my money in. Other than that no real reason at this point.
Good bye i'm at wacko taco .com now
My biggest fear? well, I don't really have a fear. But I'm always concerned about my voice. If I try to change it I sound like Minny mouse if not I have a deep male voice. Best just keep my mouth shut eh?
.
Samantha K
It's so hard being me
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
[SIZE="1"]Now I shout it from the highest hill,
Even told the golden daffodil.
At last my hearts an open door,
And my secret love's no secret anymore.[/SIZE]
See Sams pics at;
http://cid-b4480c99b9b4cdd9.skydrive...e.aspx?lc=1033
lets see....
so far, if I dont open my mouth, I pass. I got the look and the movement/gestures down.
but since I already know that my voice is not to be used...thats not really a fear. I am working on my voice but I know I cannot use it for a while...
so I would have to say being read would be horrible. I know it will happen to me someday, but its still an experience I am not looking forward to...but as long as nothing nasty or demoralizing is said, I will carry on
My fear is being seen by my neighbors and people I know. I don't know why when I stop amd think about it, odds are they I will not be recognized. I feel my fear is unrational. I have started working on softening my voice, my dead give away, while in public. This helps me get out there and by doing that I start to lose that fear.
The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself and spiders !
[SIZE=4]That I will be late for work or have toilet paper hanging from my slacks...[/SIZE]
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
I am a licensed Cosmetologist (hair stylist, not cosmonaut), work as a hair and wig stylist, makeup artist and permanent makeup artist, dressed as you see in my avatar and albums.
My web site www.apparentlyfemale.com
I have over 2,500 pictures on my Flicker site located at http://www.flickr.com/photos/9315394@N02/
I don't fear all that much either, except for maybe my femme voice which is a work in progress, but I don't let that stop me from going out. My overall presentation makes up for it and I don't worry too much as I know there are GGs with deep sounding voices.
I've crossed paths with friends who don't know I dress, but I never panicked by ducking or evading. I nearly ran into one friend while shopping at a Target store and I actually interacted with another friend as I served her morning coffee while volunteering at a fundraiser for breast cancer. Those were some interesting encounters, but a great learning experience in how to stay calm and a true testament of how much confidence I have in myself.
I guess the only thing I really fear is how much I'm going to spend while out shopping. LOL!
Hugs!
Last edited by joann07; 04-29-2010 at 10:09 PM.
JoAnn
I love to see a beautiful woman in a nice dress, but then again, I also want to wear that dress.
One of the trans CD girls I know was afraid to go to my Janruary roller derby game as a girl so she went in boy mode. Days after the game she told me she sat ten feet from the bench and that I had looked her way a number of times and never identified the guy as the girl I know. She was correct.
My mind as well as the average person is not tuned to pick out the same person when they are presenting a boy and a girl at different times.
One the positive side she has recently been going to the derby games as a girl!
KAtie
my fear is presentation - I don't have a lot of confidence in my ability to disguise masculine physical features. I don't worry about running into anyone I know since this is a big city.
The most common fear related here is about your voice. I am always surprised by the number of guys who are worried about or WON'T go out because of their voice.
Listen up!
VOICE is the one thing you CAN change. Of all the attributes that peg you as male, VOICE is the one aspect everyone can change. Your height? Sorry. Your shoulder width? Out of luck. You big hands and feet? You're stuck. Thick waist? Difficult. Big arms? Live with it.
But your voice? Entirely changeable, by anyone. Oh, I agree, it's hard to do. But if you put the same amount of work into your voice that you put into your look, you would surely make a difference.
Do your attempts at a female sounding voice sound weird and unnatural to you? Of course they do. But think about it for a moment. Women's voices are all over the map. How many weird sounding women's voices have you heard in your life? Lots. So, you will be a woman with a weird sounding voice.
Ya gotta talk. You can't go out as a mute. So get your voice up out of your chest. Turn down the volume a bit. Put a little more musicality in it. A little more breathyness Smile when you talk. Heck, smile more anyway. Use your hands. And just do it. You're not Marilyn Monroe. You are NEVER gonna sound like that. But nobody expects you to be perfect. I am right, you know.
Lovies,
Stephenie
what a good question.
I would think everyone has some kind of fear unless they have been out for quite a while.
Since I have been out a long time. Have been noticed or read a few times I found it was really no big deal. I just enjoyed the day out anyway. There will always be someone who can upset you some how so just move on and live life.
As for friends seeing me. obviously sooner or later that will happen no matter how hard we try to avoid that. It has not really happens yet except with those who already know. Even then I noticed then they did not notice me. Many wives live in fear that it will happen. I always suggest don't lie to your wife because if you do and get caught she may use the door after that.
My biggest fear now is that they won't have that pretty dress that's on sale...in my size...
I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !
Not to many fears anymore....you won't leave the house if you let them overwhelm you. But I do worry about leaving the house in a hurry before the wife gets home and forget to take my guy clothes with me. Did that a couple of weeks ago.
I was getting ready to head back home after being out, I brought my jeans and sweat jacket but forgot my guy shoes!...fortunately I was wearing black dress flats that day and not heels, managed to sneak into the house through the garage and change my shoes real fast.
Regina
I think my biggest fears of going out crossdressing are running into people I know, like from my church. I'm not afraid of being seen by people I don't know but I am afraid of strangers coming up to me and start talking to me and what the heck I am going to say other than just politely say hello, be shy and brush them off I suppose but open to listen should they have anything positive to say. This community is pretty accepting, especially the part of town I live in.
It's odd too that I'm not afraid of being seen by neighbors even though some already have. It's more fear of them telling my wife about me, even if it's just casual conversation or accidental.
Fear is always a problem and something I need to work on, yesiree....
To put them in some order.
Being read by someone i know well.
" " " a GG who could get vocal and mean about it.
" " " anyone who might cause a scene.
Then the vocal aspect.
The reason i mention the part about being caught by real females is that i think i could walk away from ridicule by males and not feel particularly bothered, but i was lambasted by a GG in the lingerie section of a store once (in drab) and it was very phsycologically painful. Made be remember the way i felt when my i confessed to my ex. mj (Cassie)
My male self has admitted to being a control freak. Ok, he controls it pretty well, but there is no way he would let me out in public view without being sure that I was in control of any perceived eventuality. He is always well-prepared and he needs me to be that way to be comfortable. Like many of you, I have ticked off the list of issues to be overcome in order to feel in control and that, in itself, has felt really good and positive! This topic does focus on what I do and who I am, so it's a great way to move forward asap!
tina
Don't want to here "Hey look at that guy in a dress"!!!!
My initial fear is on leaving the house in broad daylight. My next door neighbor is retired, so they are often at home, they know my car and that I'm the one who drives it, and they know my wife and what she looks like. Watching an unfamiliar woman leaving my home in my car either brings up a question of who that woman is, or leads them to the conclusion that the guy next door likes to parade around as a woman.
Once away from the house, things get easier for me. I don't want to be read, although I'm sure that'll happen. But I really don't let it bother me much. But all the usual small and petty fears of the unknown, like the car breaking down, or getting pulled over, or running into a pack of rednecks looking for trouble (hey, let's beat up the fairy!) stay with me in the back of my mind as well.
Other than that, I generally like it when I manage to get out.
Any money found in the laundry is MINE!
"This is no social crisis....this is me having fun!"
www.flickr.com/photos/tgmarla/
my fears have changed over time, and are no longer really fears, just cautions and concerns. When i first started going out, i was fearful of a lot - passing, being recognized, being ostracized, violence, seeing people i know, etc. Now that i have been going out on a regular basis (5-6 times/mo), I have overcome these fears:
Passing: I assume i don't pass - when i do, great, but i don't dwell on it. I try to present myself as a well put together crossdresser. I do like to dress nicely, but not in a style that you would not expect to see a gg wear. Now, I do like my heels, so that is often an attention-getter. However, gg's in heels get my guy attention, so i don't think i am out of line there. On average, I like to be among the better dressed girls out there, passing or not.
Being Recognized: I am still concerned about being recognized, but a few things have happened to attenuate this. First, I like and accept myself, and am prepared (i think) to handle any exposures. Second, Renee is so different than my guy mode that i am fairly confident that no one would make the connection. Case in point: I spent the last several days in Memphis at a hotel that i stay at about 20 days/yr. 2 nights ago i went out to a concert at the Orpheum dressed to the nines ( see post in pictures section). On my way out of the hotel, i stopped at the front desk to ask the gal there about directions. We talked for about 15 min and she even took a bunch of pictures of me. She was off duty when i returned, but the next day (yesterday) i came back from business meetings en drab and she was at the desk. I chatted briefly with her (bought a beer actually!) and she registered absolutely no recognition. A few hous later i headed back out, well-dressed for another concert. She immediately recognized me from the night before and was very chatty. I asked her point-blank if she recognized me from earlier en drab and she literally had vapor lock - she just couldn't connect the two of me! This really solidified my notion that, even if i don't pass, i don't look like my guy self
Being Ostracized: For me, it's all about being confident and engaging when interacting with people. i try to act naturally and not creepy. When people are engaged in conversation, they generally lose their reservation quickly. I now have several SA's and waiters who were initially standoffish but now know me by name and are really fun to be around
Violence: I follow my instincts and stay in safe places - i don't generally go places i wouldn't take my wife, like biker bars, etc. I really should get a cwp, though
Seeing people i know: Having said all of the above, i still would rather not run into someone that has not met Renee. So, i usually, but not always, go out when i am out of town
Sorry for the long post. . . .
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