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Thread: What's your biggest fear about going out en femme?

  1. #1
    Aspiring Member gabimartini's Avatar
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    What's your biggest fear about going out en femme?

    My biggest fear had to do with my presentation. Once I solved that, voice became my biggest fear. With that out of the way, nowadays I'm terrified of ever stumbling upon people I know.

    What about you? What's your biggest fear, one that prevents you from going out more often (or gong out at all for that matter)?

  2. #2
    Cant help smiling Mirani's Avatar
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    No fear at all.

    Used to be fearful of being laughed at and threats or violence ... but got over it some time ago.

    "What are fears but voices airy?
    Whispering harm where harm is not.
    And deluding the unwary
    Till the fatal bolt is shot!"
    ---- Wordsworth
    Last edited by Mirani; 04-29-2010 at 01:13 AM. Reason: added quote
    Mirani - [meer-rahn-nee] Beauty to Behold; to "See" beauty

  3. #3
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    My concerns about going out have followed a similar trajectory. I was most worried about my look. I feel like I have improved enough in that area to at least consider going out, but voice definitely worries me.

  4. #4
    RocketGirl SummerJ's Avatar
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    I think I'm most afraid of running into people I know... but then again, I've only been out twice, both times were to LGBT events.

  5. #5
    Tricia Dale tricia_uktv's Avatar
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    Now I have no fear but for some reason youngsters used to wotrry me
    I strut my stuff, I feel so proud,
    I need to shout, to scream out loud,
    I am Tricia I am she,
    I am who I want to be

    http://tricia-dale.blogspot.com/

  6. #6
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    I don't worry so much about violence or stupid remarks, the thing that bothers me most is getting read. I don't care about the reactions so much as it is annoying to not be able to pass. Altho when they do make it a point to call me "sir" (like some bitch working at the chinese restaurant I went to yesterday) or ask stupid crap like "is that a man or a woman" it is annoying.
    It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.

  7. #7
    Kirra Scythe crusadergirl's Avatar
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    My main reason for not going out isn't fear its that i have no pockets to keep my money in. Other than that no real reason at this point.
    Good bye i'm at wacko taco .com now

  8. #8
    Samantha K Samantha Kelsey's Avatar
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    My biggest fear? well, I don't really have a fear. But I'm always concerned about my voice. If I try to change it I sound like Minny mouse if not I have a deep male voice. Best just keep my mouth shut eh?

    .
    Samantha K
    It's so hard being me
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    [SIZE="1"]Now I shout it from the highest hill,
    Even told the golden daffodil.
    At last my hearts an open door,
    And my secret love's no secret anymore.
    [/SIZE]


    See Sams pics at;
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  9. #9
    8rys, going on walkabout
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    My fear is being seen by my neighbors and people I know. I don't know why when I stop amd think about it, odds are they I will not be recognized. I feel my fear is unrational. I have started working on softening my voice, my dead give away, while in public. This helps me get out there and by doing that I start to lose that fear.



    The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself and spiders !

  10. #10
    Banned Read only
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    lets see....
    so far, if I dont open my mouth, I pass. I got the look and the movement/gestures down.

    but since I already know that my voice is not to be used...thats not really a fear. I am working on my voice but I know I cannot use it for a while...

    so I would have to say being read would be horrible. I know it will happen to me someday, but its still an experience I am not looking forward to...but as long as nothing nasty or demoralizing is said, I will carry on

  11. #11
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    I can't pass in general, and specifically my voice is terrible and my beard shadow always shows (but this is better than it used to be since I have started electrolysis.) The thing I fear most of all is being read and causing an embarrasing scene.

    I used to worry most about getting into trouble with the law for using the womens' room, but nowadays I only go where I know there is a safe restroom available.

    Fear aside, the sheer amount of time it takes me do my makeup, dress and everything else is the main reason I don't dress more. It just takes too long to be practical most of the time.

  12. #12
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    What's your biggest fear about going out en femme?

    The initial stage of leaving the house and being recognised by neighbours.
    After that my voice, my voice is waay to deep to be taken as female. Even as a guy there have been comments that my voice is so deep, that it sounds like when my b*lls dropped, they went through the floorboards!! [Mind you...I can do a pretty neat Barry White impression when I sing ]
    Last edited by Deborah Jane; 04-29-2010 at 03:07 AM.

  13. #13
    Silver Member Jonianne's Avatar
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    I used to have the fear of being "read" and there were two ways of dealing with it. One is, if you have a femme enough face, work on becoming passable to the point that you are so confident you will never be read or;

    Two, be OK with people knowing you are a crossdresser, whether you get read or not, ie TxKimberly and most of the out and about CD'ers.

    I opted for number Two. When I started going out, to overcome that fear, I just went out with the assumption that everybody could tell I was male. I found out that most people don't pay attention or if they do, they don't say anything. The few times I have gone out, I have only had one person openly disrespect me by loudly laughing and pointing. That just showed the fear he was living within his own self.

    I think my biggest fear now, is being attacked by some wacko, but going to safer places and at safer times, helps ease that fear.
    Joni

    "Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free" Bob Dylan

  14. #14
    I Love to be fem
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    My fear is not passing and being read. I pass perfectly from behind but not facially, tried all types of makeup ways but still look like a bloke in a dress. I also have a deep voice I have tried and tried to fem it but can't seem to soften it enough

  15. #15
    Truth, Love, Freedom Angiemead12's Avatar
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    I fear I will see someone who knows me or knows of me. I live in a small country!

    and to loose respect from my co workers! coz I like getting the job done!

  16. #16
    Super Moderator DAVIDA's Avatar
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    Since I couldn't pass even with a note from my mother, I really am afraid of the violence.
    I am afraid that I would smack some fool around when they laughed at me!

  17. #17
    Silver Member BRANDYJ's Avatar
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    Since I would not pass due to mostly size, I am not going to put myself out there to be ridiculed, laughed at, or otherwise humiliated.
    My fears include the above and also in making someone else feel uncomfortable around me. I think many people do not know how to take us and would be very uncomfortable in dealing with me in stores, restaurants or other public places.
    Then of course the fear of friends, coworkers etc, finding out. So I remain mostly in the closet except for going to places where we are very welcome and accepted.

  18. #18
    Tamara Ann Valla tamarav's Avatar
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    [SIZE=4]That I will be late for work or have toilet paper hanging from my slacks...[/SIZE]
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    I am a licensed Cosmetologist (hair stylist, not cosmonaut), work as a hair and wig stylist, makeup artist and permanent makeup artist, dressed as you see in my avatar and albums.

    My web site www.apparentlyfemale.com

    I have over 2,500 pictures on my Flicker site located at http://www.flickr.com/photos/9315394@N02/

  19. #19
    Pantyhose forever! joann07's Avatar
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    I don't fear all that much either, except for maybe my femme voice which is a work in progress, but I don't let that stop me from going out. My overall presentation makes up for it and I don't worry too much as I know there are GGs with deep sounding voices.

    I've crossed paths with friends who don't know I dress, but I never panicked by ducking or evading. I nearly ran into one friend while shopping at a Target store and I actually interacted with another friend as I served her morning coffee while volunteering at a fundraiser for breast cancer. Those were some interesting encounters, but a great learning experience in how to stay calm and a true testament of how much confidence I have in myself.

    I guess the only thing I really fear is how much I'm going to spend while out shopping. LOL!

    Hugs!
    Last edited by joann07; 04-29-2010 at 10:09 PM.
    JoAnn

    I love to see a beautiful woman in a nice dress, but then again, I also want to wear that dress.

  20. #20
    Psyco Roller Derby Doll. Katesback's Avatar
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    One of the trans CD girls I know was afraid to go to my Janruary roller derby game as a girl so she went in boy mode. Days after the game she told me she sat ten feet from the bench and that I had looked her way a number of times and never identified the guy as the girl I know. She was correct.

    My mind as well as the average person is not tuned to pick out the same person when they are presenting a boy and a girl at different times.

    One the positive side she has recently been going to the derby games as a girl!

    KAtie

  21. #21
    Platinum Member
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    my fear is presentation - I don't have a lot of confidence in my ability to disguise masculine physical features. I don't worry about running into anyone I know since this is a big city.

  22. #22
    GerriJerry Gerrijerry's Avatar
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    what a good question.
    I would think everyone has some kind of fear unless they have been out for quite a while.
    Since I have been out a long time. Have been noticed or read a few times I found it was really no big deal. I just enjoyed the day out anyway. There will always be someone who can upset you some how so just move on and live life.
    As for friends seeing me. obviously sooner or later that will happen no matter how hard we try to avoid that. It has not really happens yet except with those who already know. Even then I noticed then they did not notice me. Many wives live in fear that it will happen. I always suggest don't lie to your wife because if you do and get caught she may use the door after that.

  23. #23
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    The most common fear related here is about your voice. I am always surprised by the number of guys who are worried about or WON'T go out because of their voice.

    Listen up!

    VOICE is the one thing you CAN change. Of all the attributes that peg you as male, VOICE is the one aspect everyone can change. Your height? Sorry. Your shoulder width? Out of luck. You big hands and feet? You're stuck. Thick waist? Difficult. Big arms? Live with it.

    But your voice? Entirely changeable, by anyone. Oh, I agree, it's hard to do. But if you put the same amount of work into your voice that you put into your look, you would surely make a difference.

    Do your attempts at a female sounding voice sound weird and unnatural to you? Of course they do. But think about it for a moment. Women's voices are all over the map. How many weird sounding women's voices have you heard in your life? Lots. So, you will be a woman with a weird sounding voice.

    Ya gotta talk. You can't go out as a mute. So get your voice up out of your chest. Turn down the volume a bit. Put a little more musicality in it. A little more breathyness Smile when you talk. Heck, smile more anyway. Use your hands. And just do it. You're not Marilyn Monroe. You are NEVER gonna sound like that. But nobody expects you to be perfect. I am right, you know.

    Lovies,
    Stephenie

  24. #24
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    My biggest fear now is that they won't have that pretty dress that's on sale...in my size...
    I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !

  25. #25
    The journey has begun.... Regina's Avatar
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    Not to many fears anymore....you won't leave the house if you let them overwhelm you. But I do worry about leaving the house in a hurry before the wife gets home and forget to take my guy clothes with me. Did that a couple of weeks ago.

    I was getting ready to head back home after being out, I brought my jeans and sweat jacket but forgot my guy shoes!...fortunately I was wearing black dress flats that day and not heels, managed to sneak into the house through the garage and change my shoes real fast.





    Regina

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