How do some public TG avoid harassement?

[Nicole Erin]

Some claim they never get harassed. Even when they don't seem to pass well (based on their words or photos) they say, "I never hear any negative comments". Do they just ignore it or avoid people who look like they would be ignorant (hate to stereotype, but you can tell if someone is likely to be a moron or not)

Wish I were so lucky to hear nothing. I don't know for me if it is cause I live in an area full of morons or if it is cause anytime I hear someone laugh or say anything, I tend to assume it must be about me.

With my presentation, of course female, I don't really have a "Drab" mode anymore. Shorts, capris, or jeans, women's top, femme hairstyle, whatever.

How do some non-passers avoid it?

[Sheila]

When Debs went out to the garden center with Sandra and Nigella and myself (her first day outing), she was sat with Sandra waiting while Nigela and I brought the coffee and sandwiches over, a lady a few tables away stared at her, Debs looked her straight in the eye, & smiled, the lady then had the grace to look away ......... she coped just fine

[Katesback]

Ever watch the animal shows on TV? Ya see what happens when the preditors are hungry they tend to go after the weak animals that stand out.

People are no different. The preditors will go after those that appear as prey.

Your job is to appear confident and strong. If you do that you will see that you will not get crap from people.

It REALLY is that simple!

Katie

[Karren H]

Attitude!! Its 95%... Looks are 5%.

And I'm a fast walker.. "Whhoooooommmmm.. What was that.. Don't know but she was wearing a cute skirt".

[Nicole Erin]

Your job is to appear confident and strong. If you do that you will see that you will not get crap from people.

OK granted, I don't know if I appear weak or whatever, but let us assume for a second I sometimes do -
how to "look" strong and confident?

And Karren, as much as hockey players fight, I think someone would be shocked to crap if they tried to mess with you and learned you are NOT a sissy. POW!

[Mirani]

Some claim they never get harassed. Even when they don't seem to pass well (based on their words or photos) they say, "I never hear any negative comments".

Hi Nicole,
Sweetie, it isn't a claim - it is a reality. You sound suspicious of those of us who are out regularly without issues.

Some years ago, some inebriated idiots made me feel vulnerable and were "moronic" , but honestly, sometimes people may have a second look at me (particularly in a restaurant as I am sitting still for a while) and nudge a friend with a "don't look now but there's a T sitting over there" - but no harassment.

Brighton is the Gay Capital of the UK and trans people are not too odd amongst a cosmopolitan community. I may be lucky, but I am not harassed.

[Kathi Lake]

Nicole,

Part of it for me is that I am insane, as some have called me. Have I gotten negative comments? Sure. Maybe. I guess. I just don't hear them, though - kind of the way my teenage son doesn't hear me when I call.

So, why don't I hear the comments? They must happen, right? Is it because I present well? Is it because they don't know I'm a man and I slip right past their radar? Is it because I'm freaking gorgeous? Hah!! Gorgeous, no. Freak? Maybe.

I put it down to being almost pathologically well-adjusted. I like myself. I like those that like me. I don't pay much attention to the rest. Why should I? Does their opinion of me really matter? Heck, no! If I wouldn't actively seek that person's opinion, why should I care what it is?

Now, that said, I do try to dress in a manner that does fly beneath the radar. I don't wear 5-inch stilettos (they're only 4 - I swear!). I don't wear short skirts. I try to blend in as much as possible. For those that still get inside the bubble - whether I let them in or not - I will try my best to be the most charming, normal, nice person I can be. I basically don't give them a chance to realize that I'm anything but a nice, normal guy. Odd? Sure, but it works for me.

Kathi

[Niya W]

Couldn't tell you Erin. I've been out almost 6 years. I still get the occasional thats a dude or fagget. Happened to a few of the girls I was with in Vegas . Most of the time I walk like I don't care. I do make eye contact.

[Amanda Stubbs]

I recently 'debuted' in my own city, I'd walked miles day and night in other towns and recently met a friend in a pub, so I thought it was about time to meet some local girls. I acted as before in other towns, walked with confidence, smiled politely if someone starred while looking them straight in the eye and spoke and answered politely if adressed.

My home town debut nerves soon faded, it was no different to other towns. Most people don't really notice, those that do don't really care !

[t-girlxsophie]

Here in West of Scotland i'm afraid we have our fair share of Morons,infuriates me because I do subscribe to the view,that My Country is the "greatest little country in the world" (my bit for the scottish tourist board lol) why should I let the minority these moronic represent get to me.

Having said that more and more recently.I have gained Confidence to walk with my head high and not react to the negative comments,I dont know if it is my Imagination but I seem not to get as much hassle as I did when I was scared to look anyone in the eye,a situation I went through until recently,even after being out n about for many a year.go figure!!

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

Off the top of my head, I've only had two truly negative reactions when out. Once when I was out en femme, I was walking down the street with two GG friends of mine, and a car full of mouthbreathers went by and saw me and they circled the block and as they drove by again they slowed down and yelled out the window to try and get my attention, they kept yelling "Sir! Hey, SIR!"

The other was last winter when I was at a nearby mall in boy-in-a-skirt mode, and I walked in front of a group of male teenagers who were kind of thuggish and one of them said "Woah! what the f***" and the rest started laughing and carrying on.

Otherwise I mostly just get the occasional odd glance, or at least that's all I'm aware of, as was just said in another thread I don't really know what people say or think when they're out of my eye line or earshot. But in general I think what's happened for me is most people who do dislike it are polite enough or non-confrontational enough that they'll just keep it to themselves or their close company and not want to make a big deal out of it to me.

Making eye contact is definitely a good call, it really does do a lot to say "I'm not afraid." I think just carrying yourself with as much confidence as you can muster, or if need be, to fake, is the key.

[sissystephanie]

When my late wife was alive and did my makeup and fixed my wig, I really did pass. So there was never any worries. Now that she has passed on, I do just go out as a guy in a skirt! In over 5 years, I have never heard one negative comment! I think the main reason is the fact that I don't care what people think! And if someone does say something "nasty," I will certainly help them feel sorry for doing so. I may be older, but I am in good shape! Don't mess with me!!

[Michaela42]

To be honest you are a target of harassment or being singled out whether you are a guy, girl, CD, etc . . . Confidence goes a long way. Another is to be aware of your surroundings. Would you willingly go to a "redneck" bar to have a drink while dressed? Then you are going to (probably) be harassed. But like many of the other girls have said, most of it the fact that most people don't care, I guess. Dressed appropriately everyone just sort of blends in with the scenery.

[willowgurl]

Believe it or not the worst Harassment I face is from Gay Men, guess they see me as competition for boyfriends, and I am! Willow

[Karen564]

[SIZE=2]Do you think it's that maybe your the one inadvertently asking for a bad comment, like if you see someone looking at you the wrong way, do you give then one of those "what are you looking at " looks ? [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]I've seen other girls do that & their just asking for it by immediately being confrontational by a simple glance they take the wrong way from an onlooker..[/SIZE]

[DonnaT]

I might give them a smile, but mostly just ignore the remarks.

As long as no one gets confrontational remarks aren't a bother. Thick skinned maybe.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

[SIZE=2]Do you think it's that maybe your the one inadvertently asking for a bad comment, like if you see someone looking at you the wrong way, do you give then one of those "what are you looking at " looks ? [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]I've seen other girls do that & their just asking for it by immediately being confrontational by a simple glance they take the wrong way from an onlooker..[/SIZE]

I think you're definitely right about that here. Eye contact is a good thing, but a smile is the most important accessory that any of us can wear, regardless of how much or little we "pass."

[AllieSF]

For all the times (a lot) that I have been out, I have only "heard" one comment (not really negative, just acknowledging our crossdressing) from some young kids at night in the bar and club area of downtown San Jose, CA. So, if comments are made, I have never heard them, and I am not passable up close where I am to most people. As Karren says, I walk with my head up, shoulders back, a smile most of the time, and do not shy away from someones eyes. I also act like I belong wherever I am, i.e. not walking with head down and checking to see if anyone notices me. Maybe your facial expression, body language and actions may invite comments. Do you dress to fit in or to show off as a girl, woman, androgynous, etc.? Way different clothing calls attention, especially to those that may make comments.

[Schatten Lupus]

My fiance points out when people stare at us or say something, but I honestly never see or hear any of it. Some people I'm sure just don't notice it, and also how you carry yourself plays a big part in it. When people shout and yell at others, they usually just want a rise out their target. If they don't get that rise, then they'll move on.

[NathalieX66]

I have been out en femme in the public eye no less than a dozen & a half times (i'm talking gocery stores, restaurants, book stores) since I decided to become a "public figure" since Halloween 2009. I never once had a problem. Well, maybe it's because I'm a diminutive 5'6" that people really don't initially look my way, but even when they know, I have not had a bad reaction. Sometimes I get smiles, or the occasional snicker.

The saddest thing, unfortunately that I witnessed from another crossdresser who was dressed up in a frilly pink sissy dress on board a crowded New Jersey Transit train, was when a teenager yelled out "faggot!..faggot!" . I was not en femme that time, but I was ready to pounce the kid if need be.

[Daenna Paz]

[SIZE="3"]I agree with the comments here ... deportment is so important.
A great smile can also take you a long way.
Have only had one time, in a group, where we heard some drunk kids yell "hey guys" ... behind us.
No one in our group slowed or turned around.
There are always going to be the uneducated among us ... [/SIZE]

[ReineD]

My SO doesn't get harassed when she goes out alone or with me. She mostly goes out alone during the daytime. But we do avoid certain situations, for example if we're in a cafe/restaurant/nightclub area at night, she'll cross the street in order to avoid gangs of college age boys. Also when she doesn't feel safe with either someone approaching on the street, or if we're inside an establishment or a store, she will place herself so that I am in between her and them.

We do get some looks but not much more than that, because she is careful about where she goes. The looks don't bother me so much any more. I usually meet their gaze and they simply look away.

Edit ..
I have a friend who went through SRS in the last year. She's not been blessed with a petite stature, and it's been difficult for her to deal with other people's less than welcoming attitudes (although there's been little or no harassment). She is strong and I dare say she is developing a tough skin. She would not go back and change a thing.

[joandher]

Sticks and stones will break my bones --but-- names will never hurt me, that is what I was taught when i was little ,if you don't rise to the occasion there's no fun in it for them,so they move on to their next victim

AND THAT COULD BE ME



J-JAY

[StaceyJane]

Like the others said....confidence is the key. When I'm out I try not to look like I'm hiding and I walk standing straight up and really try to have a confident look like I have every right to be doing what I'm doing (which of course I do).

When I look at the videos I make I can see that people are barely even glancing at me. Most people just mind their own business.

[kellycan27]

They walk in backwards so that people think they're leaving?