How do some public TG avoid harassement?

[sterling12]

" or if it is cause anytime I hear someone laugh or say anything, I tend to assume it must be about me."

Don't Assume That! Yes, even if they know your there, (And they are usually talking and laughing about other things) you quickly fade into The Background and they move on to other subjects. I think you have named about 90% of your problem.

My "People" come from Indiana, I know that it's a hassle in a Small Town. Yes, you would be "talked about." In church on Sunday, and downtown The Rest of The Week. But you would be stupid to show up at The Local Watering Hole, and I think your smarter than that!

How far are you from Indy, or Bloomington, or Louisville? If you had to drive an hour or two and achieve anonymity, would that make any difference? Let's face it. NOBODY can Pass 100% of The Time. I suggest you find someplace other than your town for night time activities. Maybe if your not worried about local "opinion," you can relax, not be so worried, and keep things in perspective.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Super Amanda]

I'm only about one month full time, but in this small time, I've gone grocery shopping, pharmacy twice, got a new drivers license pic, and many, many more. But also in this time I've taken my son to three doctors appointments where I have no choice but to interact, and just today I had to go to the local DES office to renew my insurance and food stamps, where they took a new pic of me also. I even to my son to the Pima County Fair here in Tucson, which is the largest show of it's kind all year here. Every day I walk my Kindergarten son to and wait for him at his bus stop a couple blocks away from my house, which happens to be along one of Tucson's (we have about one million DOCUMENTED citizens) busiest roads, then I'm around about ten or twelve first to fifth grade students.

What I'm getting at is that I think that I'm not very passable at six foot tall, 230 lbs. My hair is still pretty short and after only two laser sessions on my face (until tomorrow that is!) I still have a noticeable shadow up close. In my own opinion, I believe the average person probably thinks me to be a crossdresser. So far I've been honked at once while walking to get my son, but nothing was said. I like to think they thought I looked good , and certainly I get funny looks here and there.

Anyway, believe me (and all the others who back me up) people are FAR more wrapped up in their own business, than to worry about someone elses. Like others have said, if anything, we're not much more than a quickly passing curiosity for most folks.

So, I don't like to get excited about things trans related to avoid disappointment, but I have to pat myself on the back for doing as well as I have so far. I'm a big chicken too, so for me little steps like just going into a convenience store or interacting with a clerk were enormous achievements. I've been exposed to lots of kids and teens, and tons of adults and if they are laughing at me or anything negative, they're doing it behind my back, because I've just not seen it.

Check out my two videos on youtube if you want to see how un-passable I can be, horrid voice and all.

http://www.youtube.com/user/SuperAmanda420


Also nearly 10,000 views between my two videos, and they are public and anyone can comment. As of today I have received ZERO negative comments.


It seems easier said than done, but life really does go on,as I'm finally staring to experience! Once the jitters wear off, the fun starts!

[Midnight Skye]

Anyway, believe me (and all the others who back me up) people are FAR more wrapped up in their own business, than to worry about someone elses. Like others have said, if anything, we're not much more than a quickly passing curiosity for most folks.

I believe in confidence first and foremost. And what Amanda points out. People are wrapped up in their own lives. While I am passable to 80% of the population. On a close look my beard shadow is always noticeable... and so when it matters most, up close and personal, people generally realize I'm not all woman. And it almost always is met with smiles. I've also been out all over the place many times and the worst I've encountered is laughing and pointing. But I just smile and move on... though sometimes I blush quite a bit

There will always be some folks out there... who will NOT like what we are. And if you do unfortunately encounter one of these folks. Best thing to do is shake your head (at their bad attitude) and move on. Other folks around you will generally see what you're seeing, someone with a bad attitude toward those that are different.

[Samantha Kelsey]

Wish I were so lucky to hear nothing. I don't know for me if it is cause I live in an area full of morons or if it is cause anytime I hear someone laugh or say anything, I tend to assume it must be about me.

Hi there Nicole,

AS you say you Assume that it's about you. Perhaps there's a little paranoia setting in there. Maybe it's just you who feels (wrongly) guilty and expect them to behave the way you think they are behaving.
Then again maybe they do act as you imagine but they act that way to anyone.

Samantha.

[Deborah Jane]

Easy, I dress as a woman, then no one recognises me

[noeleena]

Hi .
In my new pic ask the ? in your county would i pass .
or do i have things that are going for me that are quite different for you .
Does age have a bearing 62 , my attatude to who i am, how i carry my self ,my clothes , my bearing, how i get on with people ,& comfidence .& i walk with a purpose . i am a strong woman not a wimp. 12 years of being a woman,
To get there, I had to grow & learn ,
voice good enough to not to be worrying about

Now the down side ,i do not look like a girle girl hardly any make up not needed,
no hair & no wigs just what you see in my pic pretty much every day out in public .


& im not saying just a few people , at our do s 400 people up to 3000 . & over the last 2 years ill have been in front of some 5000 people . & been seen in the media nation wide.

Do photography that puts you in front of a lot of people .
& of cause people look at me because i am different & i expected that . . as to any thing been done or said behind my back or to my face . no , nothing ,

Iv all so spoken to 130 odd people at two groups concerning what its like haveing gone through the change of transition & had nothing eccept acceptance. iv been privileged in what iv been given ,& i have spoken to many more ,

We do have a lot better acceptance in n z most people i see & talk with are very accepting both of people who are different & of my self as a person.
in australia i have received the same acceptance where ever i went.
Hey its not about understanding because most people do not understand , as iv said before how can they , they are not like us ,

...noeleena...

[Kate Simmons]

About four years ago a friend here (Karren Hutton) said to me :"Just ignore the idiots and you will be just fine". That sage advice still applies especially when in public.

[Rogina B]

Confidence,good presentation,and a thick skin.Look them in the eye...Most people are too into their own lives to really care..

[Perlita85]

Nicole,

Part of it for me is that I am insane, as some have called me. Have I gotten negative comments? Sure. Maybe. I guess. I just don't hear them, though - kind of the way my teenage son doesn't hear me when I call.

So, why don't I hear the comments? They must happen, right? Is it because I present well? Is it because they don't know I'm a man and I slip right past their radar? Is it because I'm freaking gorgeous? Hah!! Gorgeous, no. Freak? Maybe.

I put it down to being almost pathologically well-adjusted. I like myself. I like those that like me. I don't pay much attention to the rest. Why should I? Does their opinion of me really matter? Heck, no! If I wouldn't actively seek that person's opinion, why should I care what it is?

Now, that said, I do try to dress in a manner that does fly beneath the radar. I don't wear 5-inch stilettos (they're only 4 - I swear!). I don't wear short skirts. I try to blend in as much as possible. For those that still get inside the bubble - whether I let them in or not - I will try my best to be the most charming, normal, nice person I can be. I basically don't give them a chance to realize that I'm anything but a nice, normal guy. Odd? Sure, but it works for me.

Kathi

Not to mention that you look beoutiful!!! and tha helps a lot

[Cheryl T]

Every month a few of us go to a diner after our Tri-Ess chapter meeting. Some of us are better suited to being in the public eye than others, but we all go and support each other. The management and staff at the diner know us as we are there regularly and always treat us wonderfully.
On occasion we have encountered those that are "less tolerant". We have never had a situation arise, but we have heard comments and of course some finger pointing. One night there was a large group of men who had just come from some dirt track races (the trailers were outside in the parking lot). They made some comments and laughed a bit and we just ignored them without incident.
Another night we were there for dinner and a large group of couples were seated nearby. They were laughing and staring and such and one of the girls in our group was getting upset. A few of the girls decided to go out for a smoke and I joined them. As we walked out we split up and slowly walked past the group surrounding them in the process, staring at them and smiling. Seems they couldn't take the pressure and averted their eyes. We of course did the same thing when we returned. They ignored us the rest of the time we ate.

Other than that I have never encountered any negativity while out and about. Just smile and be nice. It always seems to divert negative things.

[msginaadoll]

I tend to be shy when I'm out and a little nervous. I wouldnt say I walk with confidence... However I have never heard any negative or hostile comments when I'm out. I also have not noticed any stares, etc. Im not passible, I have been called sir a few times when out by sales associates, but that hasnt stoped me. I think sometimes we can be our worst critics- and can be hyper sensitive. I am working myself on being more confident.

[shirley1]

I think the hardest thing for me has been attracting male attention which I never did do so before. Wolf whistles from guys as I am walking past its just not something I was ever used to. I guess it should be seen as a compliment but it can be annoying in a sexist sort of way. I am never quite sure whether it is genuine admiration or making fun.

I am very perceptive and susceptible to anything I might see as negative. It is a lot about confidence. I was crossing the road once as I saw some teenage kids coming towards me and the one lad did shout over to me 'are you a man or a woman' I heard it alright but chose to ignore it besides my voice would have said more than my looks.

I always see the smiles off women as a sign of we know !!! but that don't bother me. I have no idea what passing is anymore I asked the question so many times, who knows 50 per cent maybe more in my case or less even.

I don't think you can always totally avoid harassment its a lot about being in the wrong place at the wrong time and who you are likely to encounter. I have travelled hundreds of miles on public transport and not had any knowing stares or comments off anyone and then also have gone no further than a local shop 10 mins walk away and been subjected to verbal abuse so like I say you just never know. I think area's also play a part the neighborhood you live in.

[TxKimberly]

. . .

I put it down to being almost pathologically well-adjusted. I like myself. I like those that like me. I don't pay much attention to the rest. Why should I? Does their opinion of me really matter? Heck, no! If I wouldn't actively seek that person's opinion, why should I care what it is?. . .

Wow! I LOVE that answer!

[Rachel Morley]

I have never (yet) had a person give me a hard time and I've never heard anyone say anything negative, either to my face or behind my back (not that I'm aware of anyway).

I have had a few people look at me a longer than I think they should have done, kinda like they are either trying to decide about me or that they already know and are just wanting to stare out of curiosity. I have no clue how passable I am or am not, but when I see people looking at me I either ignore them or sometimes I engage them by giving them direct eye to eye contact and then I smile at them. I let them know that I know they're staring but I smile to let them know that I am not threatened by them and that I'm totally harmless.

[Kayla Shadows]

No idea what it is.If some venture only into safer places and situations they might be left alone.Not even fully dressed I hear things at places like the mall.Ive heard people say that nobody really pays much attention to other people but I was specifically watching and it seemed a huge amount of people do take notice to things.The mall on a friday night anyway.It was just eye liner,a band t,girls jeans but nothing fancy and sneakers (black/purple).Long hair and nails kept nicely.I was like wow,maybe Im just some freaked out nut but the girl at one store didnt mind.Big smile,talking and very over friendly.Some other girl walking by was like,"hi..hi..I like your hair..i like your hat too..you look nice.." and something else as shes walking by,looking at me and walking right into her friend whos going,"Jill,Jill,Jill" Not even paying attention.Just walking right into that poor girl.It was too funny.She was pretty cute too though.I just said thank you and whatever else I could get out as I looked back..Some thuggish looking young people at the eating area made some sounds of disgust as I walked by..Oh well.Had fun,scored some new mac eyeshadows and foundation,left with no clothes but Im getting more comfortable trying things on.Did that this weekend and picked up cute jeans.She said,"These are more ladies style,you see?" and points to the lil stone accents and hearts and things.I just said its ok,I like.She smiled,said ok,put them in the bag and told me to come back again.

[Nicole Erin]

her friend whos going,"Jill,Jill,Jill"
..Some thuggish looking young people at the eating area made some sounds of disgust as I walked by..Oh well.

Now Kayla, I need to ask, did Jill or the thuggish guys run and clap at any point?
(Folks, this is an inside joke between Kayla and I, she will roll when she reads this.)

I don't know, riff raff just bothers me. As goes for all other humans I guess
Anyone not knowing what riff raff means - it is people you would not want as neighbors.

On count of what Kayla said about guys making disgust noises - We all wish to pass and be beautiful, what woman doesn't? I wonder though, would it really be easier, I mean say it was a babe passing said thugs, how would they act then?

Talking to GG's, turns out they often fear for their safety as we do.

My real concern is not comments, it is kind of the prospect of violent types.
Some tell me, "they are not gonna mess with you, you are not a small person". An insurance policy in itself but not perfect coverage.

[Kayla Shadows]

lmao Nicole.Too funny

The violent types are definitely something to watch out for.Its good to be observant to some extent with how people around you are reacting.When there is a few of them they are not going to be as concerned with how big or bad somebody is.On the other side,Im not a very big person but when I had to Ive stepped up to people Im sure that many wouldnt.Maybe stupid more than crazy but crazy none the less.One thing from the way I hear some men speak on the net is they seem to think TG means weak.People like that are gonna find themselves in trouble when they are out somewhere and pick on the wrong girl.

[Nicole Erin]

One thing from the way I hear some men speak on the net is they seem to think TG means weak.People like that are gonna find themselves in trouble when they are out somewhere and pick on the wrong girl.

Well true but one - it is not usually "men", it is acne-ridden teenagers trying to "pwn" someone.
Please don't aggrivate them, if they get mad enough their zits will start popping uncontrollably. We wouldn't want THAT now would we?

[Leslie Langford]

I have yet to have a negative experience when out in public as "Leslie".

If anything, I find that SA's and other GG's almost seem to go out of their way to interact with me or compliment me on what I am wearing when I am in their presence. I also find it nearly impossible to walk through the fragrance section of a department store without one of the counter ladies walking up to me and either offering me to sit down for a mini-makeover or else trying to spritz me me with one of their sample perfumes. I am not so naive as to think that I don't get "read" by them from time to time, yet it almost seems as if they pick up on my attempts to act and dress in a way that facilitates my blending in, and I am sure that this intrigues them in a positive way and then also encourages them to approach me to see what I am all about.

In my case, my "secret weapon" is that I try to dress stylishly and age-appropriately, and I like to think that I have good taste not only in choosing ensembles that go well together, but also in accessorizing them. And how many women these days can walk as well in high heels as the average cross-dresser ...and that's got to be worth a few bonus points in their eyes, right? !

As for those of us cross-dressers who try to present in what used to be called the feminine and lady-like manner - well, it's kind of hard to mock and look down on us when we we try so hard to accomplish our looks.

So, when a GG gives me a long and scrutinizing look these days that is often accompanied by either a tight or embarrassed smile, I like to think of it as less of a look of condemnation as opposed to one of grudging respect, curiosity - and yes - maybe even one laced with a bit of envy.

[linnea]

I have developed confidence, and I'm careful. I avoid situations that might become confrontational. I also avoid certain types of people--as has often been noted here, young teenage girls can be the worst. Ironically, women at other ages seem to be the least shaken or bothered by CDs; many of them that I have met, from 20-70 years, have been very accepting, supportive, and friendly.
Whether they think that I pass or not, they still seem welcoming or at worst indifferent but not harassing.
Men, on the other hand, can be dangerous. I have had very good experiences and some scary ones--one scary one happened because I looked too good to a particular guy. But many men are dangerous toward GGs too.
Build confidence, take care, be safe, and beyond all that, enjoy yourself--the laughter or murmuring you may hear, probably isn't about you anyway.

[Leslie Langford]

...I put it down to being almost pathologically well-adjusted. I like myself. I like those that like me. I don't pay much attention to the rest. Why should I? Does their opinion of me really matter? Heck, no! If I wouldn't actively seek that person's opinion, why should I care what it is?...Kathi

...and I feel exactly the same way you do.

When my wife begins to fret that my neighbors are starting to suspect that something strange is going on with "Leslie's" increasingly frequent comings and goings and their occasional "sightings", my response is usually along the lines of "Unless "XXXX" (substitute here: the nosy, gossipy female neighbor across the street) is willing to have sex with me, include me in her will, or is prepared to offer me a new and better-paying job, I really don't give a rat's a$$ what she thinks."

Not the answer my wife usually wants to hear, but it does help get her off my case as she walks away, shaking her head in exasperation !

[Tranny Tee]

Whenever I'm out and I hear someone laugh I know the laughter is directed at me. I usually discover it is not. I do not come close to passing but still enjoy goin out. I try to see people's reactions and usually they have not noticed a thing. I have received one rude comment and been called "Sir" a few times. One panhandler asked for spare change, "Sir, Ma'am, Whatever." The most frequent reaction I receive is a smile, not a smile of someone laughing at the freak but a smile of acceptance and support.

Going out is fun, I enjoy inflicting my beauty upon the world. An occasional rude comment is a small price to pay for all the support I receive.

[Kathi Lake]

...not the answer my wife usually wants to hear, but it does help get her off my case as she walks away, shaking her head in exasperation !

Now, now dear, let's not antagonize the wife.

Kathi

[AKAMichelle]

I don't think I pass very well and I haven't heard any negative remarks at me. I have noticed some people get uncomfortable around me, but I try to minimize the situation. Either avoid them or limit contact. Most of the time people are very nice to me and treat me with respect.

I handle anything that comes my way by realizing how some people act towards an overly obese man or woman. They don't want much to do with them because they are different than them. But that obese man or woman continues on with their lives never paying attention. The solution is to get a thick skin and realize that some of the comments will be negative, but it won't stop you. Then do yourself a favor and work and then work some more on your presentation. You would be surprised how much practice and the little things help the overall presentation. It takes time, but if you continue working on your presentation and confidence you eventually get to that point where a good number of people won't know and really think of you as a female.

[eluuzion]

OK granted, I don't know if I appear weak or whatever, but let us assume for a second I sometimes do -
how to "look" strong and confident?

You are probably broadcasting the wrong non-verbal "messages" to those looking for trouble. It is like (unconsciously) waving your arms around a bee-hive. Knowing how to broadcast the proper signals and how to recognize body cues of troublemakers allows you to avoid all of those problems, and produce whatever response you desire. 80+% of communication is non-verbal. (kinesics).

Alot of the outcome is determined by how you respond to those types, similar to cyberbullies on the net. No response is usually best tactic...they are looking for a reaction to engage.

Lots of free info on the net. Google agressive/defensive body language. (non-verbal behavior, kinesics, body language.)

PM me if you are interested in any specific resources.