"Inquiring minds want to know" WEEK 5

[JulieK1980]

13) Do you think your CDing makes you less likely to trust your SO enough to let her in, to be intimate and close with her? What can we GGs do to help with that?

No, not in my marriage. But when I was younger and dated, I had trouble trusting anyone. I don't think the trust issues were correlated to the crossdressing though.

14) To those who have accepting GG partners, is there anything about the CDing you do not want your partner to know?

I want my wife to be involved in all of my life. A part of being together, is being able to share experiences.

15) If you are really one half girl, why can't you just share your thoughts and hopes and fears and feelings like women do? We talk, you don't. Why???

I always share my thoughts, hopes, and fears, not always immediately though, I'd rather wait until I have all my thoughts complete in my head first. Otherwise, what I say may not reflect my actual thoughts. My brain needs time to process my thoughts.

[Tina B.]

Week 5

13) Do you think your CDing makes you less likely to trust your SO enough to let her in, to be intimate and close with her? What can we GGs do to help with that?
Having "let her in" over thirty years ago, I have never felt like anything else was so big it couldn't;t be shared. She has protected that information, and sheltered me from others all this time, how could I trust her more?

14) To those who have accepting GG partners, is there anything about the CDing you do not want your partner to know?It's all right there for her to see, The clothes hang in the closet next to hers, She is usually with me when I purchased them , or when she does. She buys as much of them as I do. I spend much of the winter at home dressed in them.
So it's all out front.

15) If you are really one half girl, why can't you just share your thoughts and hopes and fears and feelings like women do? We talk, you don't. Why???
Well I'm really not half woman, I have never worked in the circus, as half man /half woman. But I was raised by a woman, and we spent a lot of time just sitting and talking, much like her and my sister used to do. As a child I always enjoyed hanging out around the women, rather than the men, found the talk more interesting. So I think I picked up some of that.
But even so at times the guy thing creeps in and I just want to leave it bouncing around in my head until I figure out just where I stand, then and only then am I ready to talk about it.
Tina B.

[StacyCD]

Week 5

13) Do you think your CDing makes you less likely to trust your SO enough to let her in, to be intimate and close with her? What can we GGs do to help with that?
I had the talk with my SO in December 2006 but she has never really accepted my crossdessing other than to let me know if she is coming home early. I think that because of her level of acceptance it has hindered intimacy.

14) To those who have accepting GG partners, is there anything about the CDing you do not want your partner to know? I don't want to hide anything but since she is not totally accepting of my crossdressing, my clothes reside in a closet in the basement.

15) If you are really one half girl, why can't you just share your thoughts and hopes and fears and feelings like women do? We talk, you don't. Why??? Everyone is different. I don't think of myself as being half male/half female. So on the male-female scale some things I'm closer to male and others closer to female.

[Lexine]

13) Do you think your CDing makes you less likely to trust your SO enough to let her in, to be intimate and close with her? What can we GGs do to help with that?

Not at all. I have a clear defined definition of what CDing is in my life and it's not to fulfill a psychological crevasse. If trust is an issue, then there's something wrong with the relationship, not any extra-curricular activities involved.

14) To those who have accepting GG partners, is there anything about the CDing you do not want your partner to know?

She knows and accepts everything I do. I have nothing to hide from her. She knew about my CDing before we even started going out, as I told her about it. In fact, she wants to CD as well.

15) If you are really one half girl, why can't you just share your thoughts and hopes and fears and feelings like women do? We talk, you don't. Why???

I do do this, just not to everyone, primarily because a lot of people can take advantage of this and see this as a sign of weakness.

[BRANDYJ]

13) Do you think your CDing makes you less likely to trust your SO enough to let her in, to be intimate and close with her? What can we GGs do to help with that?

No, not at all. If I was hiding my CDing from my SO, which I'm not, why would I not trust her with everything? It makes no sense to not trust her beyond the love and acceptance she has already given me. in fact, I trusted her more and let her in more intimately and become much closer.

14) To those who have accepting GG partners, is there anything about the CDing you do not want your partner to know?

Honestly, no. She knows my every wish, dream, fantasy. I have absolutely nothing to hide from her. Neither of us hides anything from each other.

15) If you are really one half girl, why can't you just share your thoughts and hopes and fears and feelings like women do? We talk, you don't. Why???

I'm not sure I'm half girl, but know part of me is. I do share my thoughts and hopes and fears with her. Just as she has shared so much of her own with me. We do talk. Maybe that's the biggest part of me that is girl.... the need, desire to communicate openly with empathy, care and concern for her, the nurturing part of being a girl, that's me.

[Joanne f]

Week 5

13) Do you think your CDing makes you less likely to trust your SO enough to let her in, to be intimate and close with her? What can we GGs do to help with that?

I trust my wife enough to let her know all about my CDing but for those who may have problems i think it helps if you just treat the CDing as natural as possible which would help to make the CDer feel more relaxed about it .

14) To those who have accepting GG partners, is there anything about the CDing you do not want your partner to know?

There is nothing about my Cding that i would not want my wife to know and there is also nothing about my TG issues that i have not told my wife but there are times when i know i have to back off with it a bit .

15) If you are really one half girl, why can't you just share your thoughts and hopes and fears and feelings like women do? We talk, you don't. Why???

That is something that is often said to me "if you are half female"
maybe it is that i know i cannot completely give in to it .

[kimdl93]

Another week of questions from our wonderful GG's
If the question does not apply just put n/a and go on to the next. We thank you all for your time and input.

Week 5

13) Do you think your CDing makes you less likely to trust your SO enough to let her in, to be intimate and close with her? What can we GGs do to help with that?

14) To those who have accepting GG partners, is there anything about the CDing you do not want your partner to know?

15) If you are really one half girl, why can't you just share your thoughts and hopes and fears and feelings like women do? We talk, you don't. Why???

13) Not in my case. All one can do to get an CDer to open up, if they cannot, is to keep asking and make it clear that you (the GG) are open to whatever ...not judgemental.
14) not really.
15) I don't know if I'm really 1/2 girl. I know I cope with the same communications hang ups that most men presumably have, but my wife is pretty good about opening me up.

[Sarah Doepner]

13) Do you think your CDing makes you less likely to trust your SO enough to let her in, to be intimate and close with her? What can we GGs do to help with that?

No. I trust her completely. Our biggest intimacy problem is cancer not trust or crossdressing.

14) To those who have accepting GG partners, is there anything about the CDing you do not want your partner to know?

Not really. She has so many other things that interest her more, and are actually much more important to our lives, than my crossdressing that it's rare for her to have any questions. I offer occasionally but she would rather deal with the issues around the grandkids than what we discussed at the Tri-Ess meeting.

15) If you are really one half girl, why can't you just share your thoughts and hopes and fears and feelings like women do? We talk, you don't. Why???

I'm not even 1/16 girl on my mother's side. I grew up an only child and spent the early social years with other taciturn boys. I was amazed as a young adult at the incredible range of emotional vocabulary that the women I knew had developed. I was barely Neanderthal and have only made a few advances since. I'm guessing here, but I believe women have a much more active emotional filter to their thoughts, hopes, fears and feelings run through than men do. We tend to be programmed to limit our discussions to the Jack Webb "just the facts" format. It's definately not as rich a soup. I've tried to open it up a little more, but I'm not doing very well. I believe someone has the following on their signature line; "I have a birth defect, I was born with a Y chromosome."

It's like this. A guy forgets a birthday. He processes the information on one level, "I'm in trouble." He buys a belated card and an extra gift and is ready to move on. The woman forgets a birthday. She processes the information on multiple levels. "How could I forget that?, Will they be hurt, of course. I need to make it up to them so they feel better. A card and a gift now, but I think we need to do something together so I can apologize and see what is going on with their family. How could I get so out of touch, I better check my planner to make sure there is nothing else I'm missing." It's totally different and I understand that I've missed a lot here. So I'll keep trying to improve if you will be patient with me, okay?

[Jonianne]

13) Do you think your CDing makes you less likely to trust your SO enough to let her in, to be intimate and close with her? What can we GGs do to help with that?

Because I was open and honest with my cd'ing before we married and she was so accepting, we have had wonderful closeness (she felt safe to share things about herself as well). With my first wife, cd'ing was definatly a reason we could not be close and kept emotional distance.

14) To those who have accepting GG partners, is there anything about the CDing you do not want your partner to know?

Absolutely not. We have discussed all of it, my likes and dislikes, my fantasys, her feelings, her likes and dislikes, etc.

15) If you are really one half girl, why can't you just share your thoughts and hopes and fears and feelings like women do? We talk, you don't. Why???

Cause I'm half guy and you know how guys are!
Actually we do share our hopes and fears and feelings quite a bit with each other. Emotionaly we are very close. Politicaly we are opposite, so some of those subjects are a bit taboo.

[Lorileah]

13) Do you think your CDing makes you less likely to trust your SO enough to let her in, to be intimate and close with her? What can we GGs do to help with that?

Nope that would not be the reason. It is just the way I am.

14) To those who have accepting GG partners, is there anything about the CDing you do not want your partner to know?

Everyone has secrets but if the question is asked, I will answer. Off hand I can't think of anything but I cubby many things.

15) If you are really one half girl, why can't you just share your thoughts and hopes and fears and feelings like women do? We talk, you don't. Why???

I am a chatterbox and even more so when I am dressed.

[zoe m]

13) Do you think your CDing makes you less likely to trust your SO enough to let her in, to be intimate and close with her? What can we GGs do to help with that?

14) To those who have accepting GG partners, is there anything about the CDing you do not want your partner to know?

15) If you are really one half girl, why can't you just share your thoughts and hopes and fears and feelings like women do? We talk, you don't. Why???

1. Yes, I think it did, before I told her. That´s why I told her, and now I don´t have any secrets to keep from her.

2. It´s still early, but I don´t think there´s anything about it I don´t want her to know. I do think I will try to show her the best side of it that I can, though, so in that sense, I do select what I show her, but not what I tell her.

3. I don´t know that I really am one half girl, I might be more just androgynous or bi-gendered, or something close. But if I really am one half girl, then the male part of me still keeps me from sharing all my feelings .
I should add, though, that the fact that I got some grief when I was a kid because of my CDing also made me shut away more. I think that´s something to take into account too, since it may be a factor for a lot of CDs.

[Renee_E]

Week 5

13) Do you think your CDing makes you less likely to trust your SO enough to let her in, to be intimate and close with her? What can we GGs do to help with that?

No it does help me to be more open.

14) To those who have accepting GG partners, is there anything about the CDing you do not want your partner to know?

I never wanted to be a male

15) If you are really one half girl, why can't you just share your thoughts and hopes and fears and feelings like women do? We talk, you don't. Why???

When I was young i did. My father's and my brother's influence taught me to not show my feelings. Now I find it hard to express my true feelings even when I want too.
__________________

[StaceyJane]

I'll just answer #14

The one thing I really haven't discussed with my wife is how far I am leaning toward being transsexual. She thinks it's just about liking to wear women's clothes.

[t-girlxsophie]

#1no,my wife and I enjoy Intimacy when am CDing,as well as when I'm in drab,more so actually

#2No my wife knows everything about me,I owe her nothing less

#3I always talk to my wife about my feelings,wasn't always the way though,but I have learned that sharing any fears,doubts with her is best for us both

[Crystal Alberta]

13) Do you think your CDing makes you less likely to trust your SO enough to let her in, to be intimate and close with her? What can we GGs do to help with that?
To be honest, I think my CDing has had the opposite effect. I've always felt that my SO deserves to know me exactly for who I am (I've read too many stories about relationships strained by secrets and discoveries), and I've tried to be as open and honest with her as I can, to let her know that I'm not hiding anything. It seems to me that intimacy is more than just physical, and that revealing yourself completely to another is the most intimate thing of all.

14) To those who have accepting GG partners, is there anything about the CDing you do not want your partner to know?
No. (See above)

15) If you are really one half girl, why can't you just share your thoughts and hopes and fears and feelings like women do? We talk, you don't. Why???
I do talk about myself, my thoughts, my hopes, my fears, and my feelings. (Maybe too much - I sometimes worry that I'm being a bit self-indulgent.) Maybe it's my girl side coming out, but I really enjoy heart-to-heart chats with my SO.

Crystal

[Jenniferpl]

13) Do you think your CDing makes you less likely to trust your SO enough to let her in, to be intimate and close with her? What can we GGs do to help with that?

My wife knows the full extent of my dressing. She has few ground rules that I have followed so I would not lose her trust. The only item that concerns me is that she has or will tell her friends or co workers.

14) To those who have accepting GG partners, is there anything about the CDing you do not want your partner to know?

There is nothing now. The last item I kept secret are my large breast inserts. I was standing by her when she found those. Her only response was boy they are large aren't they. In fact since then we had more discussions than before that. It has been like peeling back the layers of an onion.

It would be fun to role play but with teenage boys around, finding private time to pull that off is impossible to find.


15) If you are really one half girl, why can't you just share your thoughts and hopes and fears and feelings like women do? We talk, you don't. Why???

Uncertain if I am half girl. I certainly think more like a woman than the average guy does. GG's grow up with other woman as role models that taught you how to share your thoughts, ideas, and fears openly. My dad taught me to keep my fears, feelings and pretty much everything else inside. This question makes it sound like it is easy just beacuse we wear female clothing. It is not easy changing. Acceptance from my wife has been slow or I have taken it slow with her. It is easy to tell when she has had enough talking about it. She will either role over in bed or get up and leave the room. There have been nunerous time I have wanted to have a discussion about my crossdressing with her but fear of rejection has stopped me. Being a crossdresser and having a marriage that works is a mine field. I do not hide anything from her but than again I do not throw it in her face either.

[Claire Cook]

13) Do you think your CDing makes you less likely to trust your SO enough to let her in, to be intimate and close with her? What can we GGs do to help with that?

If anything, maybe we've become closer. Maybe I'm beginning to appreciate her points of view from a more gener-neutral perspective

14) To those who have accepting GG partners, is there anything about the CDing you do not want your partner to know?

Not really, unless it's the time I spend at the forum

15) If you are really one half girl, why can't you just share your thoughts and hopes and fears and feelings like women do? We talk, you don't. Why???

This is interesting. When I am out with GG friends, they comment that I am much more chatty and open about my feelings than when I am in drab. Maybe i'm starting to be more that way when I am not dressed.

[suchacutie]

13) "We" started CDing together, so the whole process has been shared. I rely upon her knowledge and opinions, so we share everything, and I do mean every thought and desire and expectation.

14) Again, I need her to know everything as that's how Tina learns and progesses in every way.

15) Well, answering your direct question, I agree entirely that finally identifying the fact that I have a feminine self as a strong part of me, the subtleties of conversation and way women classically talk to each other was an eye-opener to me. I do think the understanding about being feminine has helped our conversations, in general. The one thing that I still just can't seem to get the hang of is what my wife calls "chit-chat" when en femme. We can't figure out why this is so hard, especially that it is seems possible for me to do that in male mode with her! So strange! But, my wife and I converse well, and certainly better since Tina has arrived.

tina

[corrinediane]

13) Do you think your CDing makes you less likely to trust your SO enough to let her in, to be intimate and close with her? What can we GGs do to help with that?
As a male being intimate with my SO before she knew was ok but there was always that part I hid. After she knew I was much better but she always wondered if I was satisfied. No matter the answer she always wondered. It's like when I let her in she wasn't sure if she was in. Believe what your told and maybe explore a little if you need the reinforcement. There are questions you can ask and like all people, sometimes we may need a gentle push to open up. It's super scary for us wanting to dress like you and be accepted. Especially the intimate part when were dressed.

14) To those who have accepting GG partners, is there anything about the CDing you do not want your partner to know?
Maybe

15) If you are really one half girl, why can't you just share your thoughts and hopes and fears and feelings like women do? We talk, you don't. Why???
Walls. We need time to adjust just like you. I was always better with that when I was dressed. It's like I opened a door when I put on the clothes.

[AKAMichelle]

13) Do you think your CDing makes you less likely to trust your SO enough to let her in, to be intimate and close with her? What can we GGs do to help with that?

NO - in fact in my case it would have the exact opposite effect.

14) To those who have accepting GG partners, is there anything about the CDing you do not want your partner to know?

NO - I don't think I would ever hide anything from an accepting GG. Once you get connected on the deepest levels, then hiding things is impossible. The GG knows without a single word being said.

15) If you are really one half girl, why can't you just share your thoughts and hopes and fears and feelings like women do? We talk, you don't. Why???

I would have no trouble with this. Both halves form the whole me. I accept that now and would love to share that with someone.

[BobbiU]

13) Do you think your CDing makes you less likely to trust your SO enough to let her in, to be intimate and close with her? What can we GGs do to help with that?

No change in trust, We've had a great, trusting relationship for over 20 years, no change.

14) To those who have accepting GG partners, is there anything about the CDing you do not want your partner to know?

Actually, the reverse, Right now, she's accepting and encourages me to dress in lingerie at night, wear panties to work every so often, however, she's commented about things like Bra's and makeup. Now, I do not want to go out as a female, i do enjoy wearing female lingerie out, but I would like to become more female like in the house. So, working on this,

15) If you are really one half girl, why can't you just share your thoughts and hopes and fears and feelings like women do? We talk, you don't. Why???

I do not feel like a 1/2 girl, and do not want to. I love lingerie, and have had an affection for it for years, and wearing it in private is fine for me. As one who likes to be submissive to my wife, when I am in lingerie, I do open to her more, and we talk more. She always wants more affection, and dressed in lingerie and nighties, I'm more open, and willing to do whatever she request, and answer more openly.

[RozalynLove]

13) Do you think your CDing makes you less likely to trust your SO enough to let her in, to be intimate and close with her? What can we GGs do to help with that?

No, I do not believe my cross dressing affects my ability to trust anyone, or to open up to the people that I wish to. I think the best way for a GG to help people who feel like this is for them to be accepting and supportive to the best of their ability from the first moment the person tells them about their cross dressing. Also being non-judgmental and trust worthy as it relates to the other things that your SO tells you would go a very long way to helping them feel comfortable sharing it with you.

14) To those who have accepting GG partners, is there anything about the CDing you do not want your partner to know?

I do not have a partner right now, but any that I do have will most certainly be accepting of my cross dressing, and there will be no aspect of it that I will want to hide from them.

15) If you are really one half girl, why can't you just share your thoughts and hopes and fears and feelings like women do? We talk, you don't. Why???

I am not one half girl, I am a man, and a man that can share his thoughts, hopes, fears, and other feelings like a woman can, and a man that does. You are being very sexist by assuming that I cannot simply because of my gender, and I think you would benefit from seeing people as individuals.