"Inquiring minds want to know" WEEK 5

[Di]

Another week of questions from our wonderful GG's
If the question does not apply just put n/a and go on to the next. We thank you all for your time and input.

Week 5

13) Do you think your CDing makes you less likely to trust your SO enough to let her in, to be intimate and close with her? What can we GGs do to help with that?

14) To those who have accepting GG partners, is there anything about the CDing you do not want your partner to know?

15) If you are really one half girl, why can't you just share your thoughts and hopes and fears and feelings like women do? We talk, you don't. Why???

[msniki48]

Week 5

13) Do you think your CDing makes you less likely to trust your SO enough to let her in, to be intimate and close with her? What can we GGs do to help with that?

Since my wife has known from when i 1st met her, i don't think it is an issue, however, it took 23 yrs to tell my 1st wife, and being raised in the 50's...men do what men do, and women didn't....today men and women do pretty much everything.[ equality] so for me it was not having her know that i was anything less than the alpha male....of course after therapy i found there was a person in there.. that person was much more than just a man.

14) To those who have accepting GG partners, is there anything about the CDing you do not want your partner to know?

I don't think so, she knows of my struggle, and knows that life is in the way of me moving forward. She has always been honest about not wanting to loose the man totally, but i think we are in a good place for now, as i don't think i could transition even if i wanted to for now.

15) If you are really one half girl, why can't you just share your thoughts and hopes and fears and feelings like women do? We talk, you don't. Why???

I think, that because i am half girl, as you put it, i do have the ability to listen attentively and actually converse...[ communicate] we often have the neighborhood girls over, and i think they are sometimes a little jealous caues we actually have thought provoking conversations about feelings...
thanks Di, for making me think

hugs

[Shelly Preston]

13) Do you think your CDing makes you less likely to trust your SO enough to let her in, to be intimate and close with her? What can we GGs do to help with that?

I think trust can be difficult in the beginning particularly if it has been kept a secret, but like everything it can be fixed with communication

14) To those who have accepting GG partners, is there anything about the CDing you do not want your partner to know?

No

15) If you are really one half girl, why can't you just share your thoughts and hopes and fears and feelings like women do? We talk, you don't. Why???

I guess it all comes down to social conditioning
We are just not used to sharing our feelings
I guess it can depend a lot on the subject

[Deborah Jane]

13) Do you think your CDing makes you less likely to trust your SO enough to let her in, to be intimate and close with her? What can we GGs do to help with that?

I trust my SO completely, the intimacey and closeness we share is a natural part of our relationship, the C/Ding is just an integral part of it all.

14) To those who have accepting GG partners, is there anything about the CDing you do not want your partner to know?

My SO knows everything, we don't keep secrets from each other, either C/D related or anything else.

15) If you are really one half girl, why can't you just share your thoughts and hopes and fears and feelings like women do? We talk, you don't. Why???

Because I'm also one half guy, I need to think my feelings through in my own mind before I can talk about them.

[Raychel]

Week 5

13) Do you think your CDing makes you less likely to trust your SO enough to let her in, to be intimate and close with her?

Before she knew about the Raychel side of me, Yes definitly, The fear of being outed by her certainly did keep me in fear of telling her. Now that she knows everything, I do trust her to keep it mostly quite. Although she may slip up sometimes. I am not so sconcerned about the world knowing now.

What can we GGs do to help with that?
I guess just the reassurance that the secret will be kept, and that she will still love you and support you. Even if she does not really 100% approve.

14) To those who have accepting GG partners, is there anything about the CDing you do not want your partner to know?

Nope.

15) If you are really one half girl, why can't you just share your thoughts and hopes and fears and feelings like women do? We talk, you don't. Why???

Not really half girl, mostly just a guy in a dress.
I have tried to talk in the past. My wife always seems to change the subject, It seems as though she would rather not talk about it. So for me I guess will have to deal with the issues myself. Not much help or support from her.

[Annaliese2010]

13) Do you think your CDing makes you less likely to trust your SO enough to let her in, to be intimate and close with her? What can we GGs do to help with that?
N/A

14) To those who have accepting GG partners, is there anything about the CDing you do not want your partner to know?
N/A

15) If you are really one half girl, why can't you just share your thoughts and hopes and fears and feelings like women do? We talk, you don't. Why???
Oh believe me...that's not a problem with me...LOL. God...I'm so honest & open I honestly don't think most GG's (or any other human) can handle it - which is why 13 & 14 above are 'N/A'. (And to tell you the truth... I just don't get that...I mean, me not being w/anyone... 'cuz I'm quite effin amazing actually. No...really I am. I mean...money? Yep - got plenty. Intelligence? Yep - obviously. Looks? Good 'nuff as a male, I guess; better as a girl, I think - but IDK so...you be the judge. Fun? Hell yea! I love fun. Sex? Oh hell yeah. Employment, Security, Stability? Yep, yup, yes - solid 'n sound - I R.O.C.K. in the U.S.A. baby. Um...I better stop...this isn't right, saying all this, here, now... Right? Right. Ok then...good luck w/ur survey... )

[Babette]

13) Do you think your CDing makes you less likely to trust your SO enough to let her in, to be intimate and close with her? What can we GGs do to help with that?

It's quite the opposite. Since she knows all, we are very close. There was a time when she didn't know all of my desires. Developing our current level of intimacy/trust/closeness was a matter of timing. Raising a family had been our first priority. Becoming empty nesters was like dating all over again and rediscovering each other - what fun!

14) To those who have accepting GG partners, is there anything about the CDing you do not want your partner to know?

No.

15) If you are really one half girl, why can't you just share your thoughts and hopes and fears and feelings like women do? We talk, you don't. Why???

We do talk and often. To be successful, we both try to remain sensitive with each other's feelings. From my standpoint, I had to develop the skill of really listening to her, and then offering her compassion before anything else. This was a necessary step toward compromise.

Babette

[Renelle]

I'm single so I don't think 13 and 14 apply to me, but I think I can help with 15.

Expressing feelings does not come naturally. It takes work. I can go for days just trying to know if I even have a feeling. Then it can be days more trying to figure out what it is. If all goes well, there is the final problem on how to express it.

Knowing that women's feelings are often delicate and sometimes mercurial, there is also the question of timing. After waiting a week for me to figure it out, she may not want to talk about it anymore. There have been many times when I've arrived at an answer, only to find that the woman has moved-on.

[minalost]

13) Do you think your CDing makes you less likely to trust your SO enough to let her in, to be intimate and close with her? What can we GGs do to help with that?

Yes, no, maybe... yikes this one is really hard. It depends on the situation. Physically, no. Emotionally, maybe: we live in fear that our CDing will eventually drive our SOs away. So it's hard to work up the courage to have an intimate discussion of things related to CDing (at least for me anyway...). What could she do? Start the discussion herself - that way we no it's not "a bad time" or taboo...

14) To those who have accepting GG partners, is there anything about the CDing you do not want your partner to know?

NA - stands for Not Accepting.

15) If you are really one half girl, why can't you just share your thoughts and hopes and fears and feelings like women do? We talk, you don't. Why???

Because we live in fear. See answer above. Also, we're still half men, and men don't talk about these things (usually....)

[joaniecd]

Another week of questions from our wonderful GG's
If the question does not apply just put n/a and go on to the next. We thank you all for your time and input.

Week 5

13) Do you think your CDing makes you less likely to trust your SO enough to let her in, to be intimate and close with her? What can we GGs do to help with that?
i am close and intimate with my So and would only want it to be that way. We discuss the girly things , she gives me alot of support in being a woman.
14) To those who have accepting GG partners, is there anything about the CDing you do not want your partner to know?
i have no secrets from my GG partner
15) If you are really one half girl, why can't you just share your thoughts and hopes and fears and feelings like women do? We talk, you don't. Why???

I do talk with girls, as a matter of fact some of the girls at work say i should have been a girl . They cant understand why I can talk with them and there husbands and boyfriends clam up. I guess it just comes with being half woman. I have learned so much about being a woman just talking with the girls.

[Rianna Humble]

Another week of questions from our wonderful GG's
If the question does not apply just put n/a and go on to the next. We thank you all for your time and input.

Week 5

13) Do you think your CDing makes you less likely to trust your SO enough to let her in, to be intimate and close with her? What can we GGs do to help with that?

14) To those who have accepting GG partners, is there anything about the CDing you do not want your partner to know?

15) If you are really one half girl, why can't you just share your thoughts and hopes and fears and feelings like women do? We talk, you don't. Why???

I think I'll have to give up on these questions, the first few weeks could apply to any of us, now they are getting more and more specific to those with an accepting SO.

The nearest I can come this week is number 15:

I'm not one half girl, I am a woman trapped in a man's bidy and I can and do talk about my feelings, my hopes and my fears.

[PretzelGirl]

13) Do you think your CDing makes you less likely to trust your SO enough to let her in, to be intimate and close with her? What can we GGs do to help with that?

My CDing developed right in front of my wife's eyes, so she had input along the way. Now I am sure I held back some feelings/details in the beginning as I went along out of embarassment, but I have told her everything as I realized it wasn't anything to hold back. Now, she gets it all up front even as I am still processing it.

14) To those who have accepting GG partners, is there anything about the CDing you do not want your partner to know?

She knows it all. For me, the best way to keep her accepting is to keep her informed of my thoughts and wishes. If I hide anything, then I feel I am giving her a reason to not trust me.

15) If you are really one half girl, why can't you just share your thoughts and hopes and fears and feelings like women do? We talk, you don't. Why???

I think I do. Now this is something that was (and maybe still is to a small extent) evolutionary to me. I wasn't used to that much sharing, so it doesn't change overnight. But I think I am there or mostly there. If there is anything I am holding back, I am not conciously realizing it.

[sissystephanie]

13. My dear wife died 5 years ago, so no answer would be appropiate.

14. NO!

15. I am a man. not one half woman! Yes, I like to dress in female clothing but that does not make me half a woman! My late wife and I did talk a lot, about everything!

[Blaire]

13 and 14 are pretty clear cut no's.

15. I'd like to, but for many reasons, being a CDer just being one of them, it's difficult to just open my mouth and speak my mind, to volunteer. I'm not, and never have been a conversation steer-er. I'm not really one half girl either - but I'm fair certain that wouldn't change anything if I was.

[bredalee25]

# 13 My wife and I have a great relationship in all aspects of life she knows I dress and accepts me for who I am.

# 14 She knows I dress but doesn't know about my visiting this website. I'd tell her but I don't know how she'd react to finding out i've been dressing before she thought I started.

# 15 I tell my wife how much I love dressing and how it feels normal to wear womens clothes. My wife is slow to understand certain issues if I bombard her with alot of emotional issues I have she'd become overwelmed and get upset for her inability to understand. So I don't push it and cause her to feel stupid I love her to much to put her through the same crap her mother put her through.

[pj]

13) Do you think your CDing makes you less likely to trust your SO enough to let her in, to be intimate and close with her? What can we GGs do to help with that?

I kind of think the opposite. That it makes me more close to her.

14) To those who have accepting GG partners, is there anything about the CDing you do not want your partner to know?

No, I want her to know everything. Otherwise I kind of wasted my time coming out to her. One of my main motivations for telling her was that I wanted to stop hiding. From her and myself.

15) If you are really one half girl, why can't you just share your thoughts and hopes and fears and feelings like women do? We talk, you don't. Why???

Oh, I don't know - genetics? But I think I share more since coming out to her.

Funny though, one of the first things we talked about in the days after I told her was percentage of female vs. male. In everyone, not just me or us. Half girl is probably about right. But you know, sometimes I feel 50/50, sometimes 90/10 sometimes 100% - both ways. It's always been that way for me though. I fluctuate. Don't you?

[Nicole Erin]

13) Well, sometimes our SO will be cool with our TG-ness but other times not. It would help us if our SO were to not be negative about things just cause there is an argument

14) Mine was not accepting.

15) Cause then people will have stuff to use against you.

[carhill2mn]

Week 5

13) Do you think your CDing makes you less likely to trust your SO enough to let her in, to be intimate and close with her? What can we GGs do to help with that?

Most of us who CD have learned from a very early age that it is dangerous to "trust" someone with this knowledge. We also, usually, have a sense as to how our SO might react upon learning. As a result, we will often be hesitant to "let her in". Unfortunately, the "accepting" or "supportive" SO is the exception and not the rule. Also, how/why would the subject arise? Obviously, a SO that gives off vibes that would encourage the CD to "trust" her with his secret feelings would be a big plus.

14) To those who have accepting GG partners, is there anything about the CDing you do not want your partner to know?

Yes, but it is no longer applicable.

15) If you are really one half girl, why can't you just share your thoughts and hopes and fears and feelings like women do? We talk, you don't. Why???

I don't think that a lot of CDs consider themselves "one half girl". I would guess that a
majority of CDs (not those who consider themselves "girls in boys bodies") think of themselves as males that enjoy "dressing up" on occassion and would like to have the freedom to wear whatever they felt like whenever they wanted to - sort of like "tom-boys" have been able to do for decades. The "male" reluctance to "talk" is still very much present as are many other "male traits". There are real natural differences in how most boys and girls act, interact, play, resolve problems,etc. There are many studies that show that these differences occur from a very early age. The "male" tends toward actions and the "female" towards speech.
For most males, talking about problems etc. is a hard to learn skill. People that have studied the differences between the sexes point out that, generally, men want to solve a problem while women would rather talk about it.

[TxKimberly]

13) Do you think your CDing makes you less likely to trust your SO enough to let her in, to be intimate and close with her? What can we GGs do to help with that?

Maybe I'm crazy, but it seems to me that after you tell your wife that you cross dress, what is there left to be secretive of? What could you possibly be worried about that might be more embarrassing then telling her that?

14) To those who have accepting GG partners, is there anything about the CDing you do not want your partner to know?

How much money I spend on shoes?

15) If you are really one half girl, why can't you just share your thoughts and hopes and fears and feelings like women do? We talk, you don't. Why???

I do share my feelings and thoughts with my wife. In fact, for the first time in our 23 years of marriage I've recently decided that maybe I've been TOO quick to share my feelings and fears. A husband should try and provide for his wife and to make her feel safe and secure. I've been far too quick to share my concerns about my job and our finances where a thoughtful husband might have held his tongue so his wife could live with out the worry.

[Veronica Nowakowski]

13) Do you think your CDing makes you less likely to trust your SO enough to let her in, to be intimate and close with her? What can we GGs do to help with that?

No, though I'd might be very quiet about it in most instances, until I felt ready to open up about that. I was very intimate with an old SO and never said anything about that. She actually used to tell me I needed to lie sometimes because I was too honest.

If your spouse is generally distant from you, and it isn't about the crossdressing only, there's two reasons I can think about: 1) they aren't close in general or 2) they are standoffish because they feel judged and vulnerable based upon their crossdressing that you know about (or else you wouldn't be on this site).

14) To those who have accepting GG partners, is there anything about the CDing you do not want your partner to know?

N/A (though I did meet someone en femme just last night, so that may change :P)

15) If you are really one half girl, why can't you just share your thoughts and hopes and fears and feelings like women do? We talk, you don't. Why???

If they're one half girl, they're also one half man.... they will not be to your level. But even if they were 100% girl, think of what years of being taught by society that you're not supposed to be open about it will do to you. Think about how they were never encouraged to do just that. How much of your own openness is nurture, not nature?

[AmandaM]

Week 5
13) Do you think your CDing makes you less likely to trust your SO enough to let her in, to be intimate and close with her? What can we GGs do to help with that?

Yes, it's made it difficult to trust her. I can't seem to open up. It would help if she would get a little enthusiastic about it. Kind of encourage me.

14) To those who have accepting GG partners, is there anything about the CDing you do not want your partner to know?

That I've struggled with the TS question.

15) If you are really one half girl, why can't you just share your thoughts and hopes and fears and feelings like women do? We talk, you don't. Why

I do all that with my wife. Except the deepest secrets of my CDing. In every other aspect, we're open.

[flatlander_48]

Week 5

13) Do you think your CDing makes you less likely to trust your SO enough to let her in, to be intimate and close with her? What can we GGs do to help with that?

My wife knows just about everything. No particular suggestions.

14) To those who have accepting GG partners, is there anything about the CDing you do not want your partner to know?

Sexual fantasies

15) If you are really one half girl, why can't you just share your thoughts and hopes and fears and feelings like women do? We talk, you don't. Why???

Probably concern about the relationship changing if my wife knew everything.

[sandra-leigh]

13) Difficult to say. We are now closer in some ways, further in others.

14) There are different degrees of "accepting", and "accepting" is not the same as understanding or wanting a deeper understanding. So there are still some things that I don't think she would be comfortable with.

15) My wife ends up shutting down conversations. She might not consciously intend to, but she thinks I talk much much too slowly and so after every 3 or 4 words she interrupts and finishes the sentence, incorrectly, and then I have: A) what I wanted to talk about; B) frustration at being interrupted all the time; and C) a need to address what she projected I would say. It is not encouraging of sharing.

Also, my wife doesn't really accept how the situation affects me. For example, she's been telling me for a couple of weeks that it is time to go get my hair cut... preferably at one particular barber shop which does a good job on men's hair and which never claimed to be even just "competent" on women's hair -- thus indicating that she wants me to go from "sorta female style" to "men's style for sure". Yes, there are some parts of my hair that need some attention, but my inclination is to go with a style even a bit more suggestive of female. Hair might not sound like a big deal, but it is very individual, and it is no accident that "Get a haircut!" is a frequent argument in families (especially father to son.)

[Kerigirl2009]

13) Do you think your CDing makes you less likely to trust your SO enough to let her in, to be intimate and close with her? What can we GGs do to help with that?
I don't think it makes me less likely to trust, since I had the courage to trust her when I told her about me (albeit later than I should have) being intimate has not changed for better or worse although I hope that one day we will be closer because of it. I think it would be VERY helpful if my SO felt comfortable starting a conversation inquiring about my crossdressing. I can start a short conversation but it does not seem to build on anything substantial to help grow in our relationship.

14) To those who have accepting GG partners, is there anything about the CDing you do not want your partner to know?
I guess I really wish she would be able to accept it and really allow me the freedom to dress as I want when I want. So I think it would be the fact as to HOW OFTEN I think about being dressed which for me is pretty much all the time, but I think this is because I have to always wonder if it is OK.

15) If you are really one half girl, why can't you just share your thoughts and hopes and fears and feelings like women do? We talk, you don't. Why???
I so wish I could just relax and chat and talk with my wife about anything. The fear of freaking her out and the possibility of putting fears into her head that her husband is more of a woman than she can handle would be my reasoning why I can't always tell her what I am thinking. I love her so much that I don;t want to hurt her more than I already have already.

[KandisTX]

Another week of questions from our wonderful GG's
If the question does not apply just put n/a and go on to the next. We thank you all for your time and input.

Week 5

13) Do you think your CDing makes you less likely to trust your SO enough to let her in, to be intimate and close with her? What can we GGs do to help with that?

Umm.. My wife has known about my crossdressing since 4 days after we met, and her response then was "Yeah and"? We have been happily married for the last 8 years, and my crossdressing is integrated into our marriage.

14) To those who have accepting GG partners, is there anything about the CDing you do not want your partner to know?

Umm. No, we have very open lines of communication between us. That is one key to having a successful marriage, you MUST communicate. That means you talk WITH each other not TO or AT each other. You speak, she listens, she speaks you listen.

15) If you are really one half girl, why can't you just share your thoughts and hopes and fears and feelings like women do? We talk, you don't. Why???

I do not classify myself as one half girl. I am a man, who just happens to like the finer things in life. In that I mean I have come to appreciate the wonderful side of female clothing, make up, etc. My wife and I communicate wonderfully together, and that has helped our marriage and love remain strong for one another.

Kandis