Advice on "coming out" for younger CDs?

[docrobbysherry]

After reading a number of recent posts on coming out, it occurred to me that older, experienced CD/TGs may have valuable info for some younger ones!

Since MY compulsion to dress started later in life, I ONLY had to deal with the AVERAGE problems of a young man growing up.
It's hard for me to imagine trying to deal with gender identity issues at the same time!

I've read about young CDs trying on mom's or sis's clothes. Or, hiding their own somewhere in the house! Sneaking around to try things on! Wondering if they should TELL anyone about their urges? And WHO?

I've read posts from older CD/TGs. Whose compulsion is NOW tearing them apart! After years of denial, or simply not having a desire to dress!

It seems to me, no matter how difficult exploring your CD/TG issues may SEEM to be when you're young, it's MUCH MORE DIFFICULT later in life! When what u do, MAY directly affect SO MANY PEOPLE u care about!

I don't mean u should start wearing dresses to your history class. But, why not wear a little eye liner, or let your hair grow out? Or, whatever suits u? Just little hints to those around u, that you're a bit DIFFERENT now?

If u start doing that when you're YOUNG, friends and family won't feel so betrayed, or mislead, if u come out later.
Which is EXACTLY the problem I see older CDs having with their SOs, family, and friends. Because for many of them, the dressing comes out of left field!

I would appreciate input from older CD/TGs. Almost all of whom have MORE experience with this than I! And, I may be WAY off base here!

Would u recommend that young CD/TGs explore their gender, as well as sex issues, while they're young? Or, wait until later in life?

[Jessy]

It's a personal thing, so don't shoot me if anyone doesn't agree.
I think the younger you manage to come out, the better. Why? Well simply because it gives you way more time of life to enjoy it without the trouble of secrecy. And it gives you the opportunity to meet a SO that accepts you fully, without having to go through trouble later.

But knowing very well that it would be the better option... (and I really wanna come out very badly myself)... I also realize it is not that easily accomplished by just everyone.

[Lina_Wang]

Good topic to start actually! Being a young CD myself, I at least believe if it's something you want, it's something you should pursue all the way! Part of growing up is discovering yourself, why would you deny yourself experiences and learning opportunities only to have it bite ya in the ass later?? I'm pretty sure all us 'ladies' can agree, that when you're in the CD club, you're a member for life, irregardless of all the purges you go through! Something valuble i've learned since joining this forum, reading all these posts from my older sista's, is that keeping CDing a secret from your wife can lead to...well... hardship?? So i've learned, well, doc put it out nicely, the reasoning is sound, I think coming out earlier is definitely better. My friends and family all know, they're all cool with it, so it allows me to spend my youth doing what I want, expressing myself how I want, overall happier! So that's how I see things at least!... I do realize not everyone's situation is or would be the same as mine, but for you other younger CD's, trust me on this, find at least ONE other person who you could trust and be open with, and then just do it, even if it's just that one person and you're in private, it's much better than just being alone and living in dreams...

[DonniDarkness]

I do realize not everyone's situation is or would be the same as mine, but for you other younger CD's, trust me on this, find at least ONE other person who you could trust and be open with, and then just do it, even if it's just that one person and you're in private, it's much better than just being alone and living in dreams...

Lina, i have often wondered this myself....My wife is my one person, tho currently things are shifting on my side of the CD realm and my wife and i are growing closer from communication about where we are with crossdressing.

[Angelofsomekind]

I think the younger you manage to come out, the better. Why? Well simply because it gives you way more time of life to enjoy it without the trouble of secrecy. And it gives you the opportunity to meet a SO that accepts you fully, without having to go through trouble later.

I think you also end up surrounding your self with friends who accept the fact that you dress since everyone knows.

[Chari]

Great advice from previous posts! IMO, no matter when you start to "dress", you should always be comfortable and confident with who you are and whatever you choose to wear. We are all at various points and ages on the CD/TG scale, but more often it is telling someone of our different desires/needs that is most arduous. Compare beginning CDing to thinning our eyebrows - just a little at a time, and not too many will notice the change.

[minalost]

It's a personal thing, so don't shoot me if anyone doesn't agree.
I think the younger you manage to come out, the better. Why? Well simply because it gives you way more time of life to enjoy it without the trouble of secrecy. And it gives you the opportunity to meet a SO that accepts you fully, without having to go through trouble later.

But knowing very well that it would be the better option... (and I really wanna come out very badly myself)... I also realize it is not that easily accomplished by just everyone.

My biggest regret when it comes to CDing (and right up there on my list of top regrets for my entire life) is how late in life I stopped fighting it and started enjoying it. Too many missed oportunities, too much secrecy, too much pain...

Arg! I'm getting weepy! Hate that, makes the mascara run !

Anyway, just be yourself, and be happy WITH yourself .

[Nicole Erin]

Most times it is better to start anything when you are young.

For the "coming out" younger TG,
Pros -
No spouse or kids yet, your life belongs to you
No career to ruin yet
If you want to transition, they say the younger the better, maybe ideal time being 18 years old
You don['t have any other real baggage yet.

Cons -
You are probably still living at home, and if the parents are a pain about things
You don't know much about life yet. Young adults think they know it all, but are still way naive, and the world WILL manipulate your lack of knowledge about life.

Once you are the crepid old age 35 like I am, you will know everything there is to know.

[tricia_uktv]

A really good question. I do believe the younger you are, the easier it is because you will potentially hurt fewer people; but then they get used to it after a while anyway.

I think the key is that if you don't come out early you are lying to yourself and everybody else. Having said that I understand that its the hardest thing to do.

So I didn't and ended up with three daughters who I absolutely adore. So I suppose, now I am out, I have the best of both worlds.

Funny, but I was thinking about a thread in a similar vein. How do you come out to work colleagues? It could work well with this one so I think I'll start it.

[MissKara]

Exellent post there

For me, I am only 24 and I only recently came out and I am a better person for it I am glad I came out and wouldnt change it for anything... But I am also lucky to have friends and family who are supportive or at the very least, accepting.

If I had a different family, which wasnt accepting, I probally wouldn't have done it I think coming out is important in ones development, especially with gender issues, but it also depends on how willing they are to accept the consequences of their actions.

Lots of Love,
Miss Kara

[Sophie_C]

I think it's better, GIVEN THE SUPPORT NETWORK THAT NOW EXISTS, for people to figure things out when they're young. Had what exists now been there when I was a teenager (I was utterly aware of my situation as of 14) I probably would have had a life, from that point forward, as a woman, had my body developed right, etc, and actually a borderline normal life.

[kellycan27]

I was out at least to my parents at 15. It was a tough fight, I simply refused to stop my activities basically telling them to do whatever they wanted to me, but any chance I got.... and it was on. They hated it, by seventeen they didn't say a whole lot, but they took away my car, and said that they wouldn't pay for college. When I garduated they shipped me off to california to go to school, and after that..Forget about it! I was out of control. By 20 I was living full time as a girl People already think we are weird, and they don't pay much attention what we wear..look at punk and goth.
Kel

[docrobbysherry]

My biggest regret when it comes to CDing (and right up there on my list of top regrets for my entire life) is how late in life I stopped fighting it and started enjoying it. Too many missed oportunities, too much secrecy, too much pain...

Arg! I'm getting weepy! Hate that, makes the mascara run !

Anyway, just be yourself, and be happy WITH yourself .

What a poignant post, Mina! Now, I can't see to type!

I think I'm learning more about being a young CD from these posts, than the whippersnappers!

Makes me sorry I missed out! ( NOT really! I had PLENTY of OTHER ISSUES!)

[NicoleScott]

I'm sure it benefits some CD's to come out early in their lives.
For me, I can't think of any time in my life when I had more to gain than to lose by coming out.
Regrets? I wish that I had fully dressed and made up more as a young adult to the extent and way I do now. I had a small, slim body and a smooth face with no prominant masculine features. I could have gone out more and passed easily but lacked the confidence and courage to do so.
It was later (in my forties and beyond) that I more sucessfully achieved the over-the-top look that I love. Whether or not others like the look doesn't drive me, but I do like compliments for those that do, and understand that some dislike the style. No problem.
It would have been nice to do what I do now with a younger, more youthful face and body. Overall, I've had a really satisfying life as a mostly-closeted CD with few snags along the way, and had countless pleasure-filled dressup/makeup sessions.
But I don't regret not coming out, and don't think young CD's should always be encouraged to come out. There may be harsh consequences for some, and you can't put toothpaste back in the tube once it's out.

[JenniferR771]

But what about the disapproval and shame factor? Years ago--fuzzy memories--I was caught or allowed myself to be caught--but my parents were very upset. Threatened me with punishment or being sent to a head-shrinker. Unless I promised it would never happen again--it was just a phase--just curiosity--right?

i learned to hide it better.

[thatcuteemochick]

im concidering coming out to my parents i dont think they'd mind they've always said if i was bi or gay or a crossdresser id get full support, i guess ive just liked keeping it as my own little secret though i think they already know though haha

[MrKunk]

Very valuable topic, but lengthy. I will come back to it and take notes later.