My (First?) Bad CD Experience

[bredalee25]

You can say what you want about my oppinions. I strongly think that mentally challenged people should never hold a job where they interact with the public. I'm all for them earning there keep but in the backroom where I don't have to see them or hear them.

I know most of you will consider my remarks as cruel and unjustified but this is america and i've got freedom of speech. Hate me if you must but I refuse to cave into peer preasure and go along with the thinking of most of the people in this country.

My oppinions wouldn't be different if I had a relative who was mentally challenged if they were in my immediate family IE: brother mother sister father i'd be the driving force dedicated to keeping them away from the public so as to not put another inocent person through an episode like this one.

[sissystephanie]

Many people who have mental disabilities do not have the ability to understand thiongs the way the rest of us do. You could have simply said, "I have several girl friends!," and let it go at that.

As for Nicole's response, there is simply no reason at all to get angry, or to hate people. The disabled lady probably did not even realize what she was saying! We should all learn to have a heart, and to use it!!

[EmilyCD]

Sounds like you did the right thing. I once had a cashier tell me the thigh highs i was buying would look good on me. She was being sarcastic and i had no idea what to say so i just laughed it off. If it happened today i would probably say thank you and smile

[Starling]

...We should all learn to have a heart, and to use it!!

Amen, sister! It works.

Lallie

[t-girlxsophie]

Sorry Brenda.but Lets hope no one comes up with an idea to pack all Transgender ppl off somewhere out of sight,out of mind.freedom of speech is all well and good but still dont make such extreme views right IMO

[Ms Jennifer]

You handled it very well,Always be the polite lady. Also make sure the purchases you get have the price on them.It would even be worse if the cashier had to get on the store microphone and say"I need a price check on Panties "Now that can be embarrassing

[Rianna Humble]

I guess it's good that I know not to let my guard down too much in the future when shopping, but it's a shame that I can't. I've spent a lot of time fantasizing lately of how nice it would be to be able to shop like everyone else - taking my time, not browsing from across the aisle while I pretend I'm looking at something else, and the ultimate - being able to try things on. I know some of you are that comfortable, but I am not close yet, and I guess a lot of you also know how frustrating it is. Especially when you haven't figured out your sizes yet!

You can get to the stage where you are comfortable buying stuff, at the moment you just haven't got there, but there is really no need to be guarded.

The woman did appear to have precisely Downs Syndrome. I don't know that that precludes her from being a bigot, but I'm positive that I would feel worse than I do now if I had been mean to her.

In some ways it might preclude her from being a bigot. Most people with downs syndrome don't progress much further than the mental age of about 13 or 14. Given that fact, her question was probably borne out of real incomprehension - these are not for men, so she doesn't understand why a man would want to buy them.

It was an awkward moment for you, but your response was probably the best and I would guess that the cashier may well have said something to the bagger when things got quieter.

[joandher]

I was once at the check out and had a new bottle of nail hardener clear polish and the girl looked at it and said does this work ?? so I replied well look at mine ( which were polished at the time ) oh she said I must get some and try it, the following week I had the same lady and guess what she had it on, and she said well it seems to be working and we both just laughed



J-JAY

[Cassandra Lynn]

Part of me is encouraged that I was able to handle this okay, but another part of me is dejected after just getting up the courage to shop at all. Do I have this or worse to look forward to in the future if I continue shopping?

The law of averages (by my account) says that you should not have any more troubles for quite awhile. Yes it gets much easier and try going to the bigger malls or department chain stores, their SAs are usually trained to be helpful and courteous to ppl such as us. mj (Cassie)

[clandestine322]

I think you handled it well Von. I find it amazing at how much information we actually volunteer to others when it is quite unneccesary. Some stores ask you for your phone number or zip code, etc. at time of purchase. In all reality we do not have to answer any such questions. There was no reason for the bagger to make comment but we should have some tolerance given this person's circumstance. There are many things that are no one's business concerning our lives and yet a lot of times we almost unconsciously answer. Maybe we should consider a change in behavior.

[Dena]

It gets easier. Generally, when you're relaxed and friendly while shopping, the clerks and sales assistants will be too. If you're nervous, they'll wonder why and may get a little nervous too.

[Raine]

"No? Well they're for a man now."

I stand my ground strong when people question my crossdressing. It's rare though for anyone to make a comment when I buy stuff intended for girls.

Like Dena says, people tend to reciprocate others. If you're friendly, they'll be friendly. If you're nervous, they'll be nervous.

[rocn4fun]

you as a shopper and ect. first time can be a bit of a hassle but, the personal satisfaction is best yea the kid prob. didnt know any better and has put all sorts of things into other peoples bags and had his share of mishapps ? on a daily if not hourly basis he was unknowingly kinda looking out as well as trying to do a good job its the thrill of that that makes it a bit of fun and puts a bit of personal passion into going on and getting what you personaly want for yoursielf with-out any disreguard upon anyone cause its for you and your buying it we dont need any newsflash hahah in the shakey process ive been seen and caught buying panties a few times by friends and im just into the fact so what i like panties as well as some of my girlfriends im a happy camper as for the girls and women that are in the lingerie dept buying or working they dont realy care there for the same item you are looking for and buying its all good there selling your buying and just keep with that and ask qu if you dont know what you want its best to ask a sales person one on one is more comfortable and they will ring you up on the side . if your nervous they can tell ,also buy what you want and its gonna fit rite cause we all look and make it our business when someone holds the line up on a return so go big to a real lingerie shop just too look and get comfortable with it not walmart

[pernille d]

again i must say you handled it well, as that was a hard one to handle .

Every situation is different and needs to be treated differntly ,and i have found out that at least here in DK most people dont care or are just extreemly polite , ( where i used to think OH NO ! what is she/he thinking.) The best thing is just to be possative and not show nereves and almost anything will go ,most people are stressed in supermarkets anyway so a little humor can get you out of a lot of situations .and maybe even brighen up ther day too.

i remember once at x-mas as check out i had a brought a nice underwear set, and i laid it on the convayor, and when i got to the check out it had fallen in to the persons before me shopping . i said " excuse me i think thats mine " to the man infront and he said "no its mine" looking down at the convayor i saw my set still there, what where the chance of that happening but we both had brought the same set , He looked very unconfortable as i am sure it was for his wife ( but who knows) .so i picked up my set and said "oh her is mine" and held it to my body and begain to joke about that his size would have never fitted me anyway and he had forgot the matching garter belt as a set like that i needed to have stockings with it . He smiled and the rest in the que laughed , and i could se he felt relaxed again as i took the pressure away from him .

what i am trying to say buy my little story is forget your worst fears as most people are not as mean as we think they are , and most often react compleately different to what we expect they will do .I find if you handle it in posative and confident way( not easily done for everyone) ,i know its more complicated than this but at the end of the day its only clothing we are buying and nothing to get so worked up about .

[DAVIDA]

I do all of the shopping! I don't mind it, I actually like to shop.(imagine that!)
Jean on the other hand, doesn't. I am always buying girl things. For both of us.
Well, I have had my share of comments from cashiers.
One asked if the pantyhose I was buying for me. They were actually for Jean. I said, without a beat, no, they are to small. I wear a queen size!

Atleast the young lady you had, had a really good excuse for a dumb question.

[zoe m]

you handled it well, like you say it would have been worse if you had gotten angry. it would be different if the person had not been disabled. by not getting angry you showed tolerance and understanding. you have to realize this will not happen most of the time. i've been doing all my CD shopping in stores, not online, and nothing bad has happened to me yet.

[Katari]

It doesn't only happen with the disabled...
I once was buying some female stuff for (who is now my ex) girlfriend and the cashier kept asking me what these are for? After asking for about the tenth time I finally answered that they are for me to buy and take home, now finish your job with me!

Sorry but had to respond after Brendas response...NO!! disabled people need to learn to react to the human equation as well as YOU do!

Katari

[TxKimberly]

You know, in my opinion this isn't really a bad CD Experience. I mean sure, it was embarrassing but that's about all. I would think that someone yelling things at you, assaulting you, or harassing you would be a bad experience. Having an ignorant person with poor social skills ask you why you are buying womens things just doesn't seem so bad to me.

[kellycan27]

You know, in my opinion this isn't really a bad CD Experience. I mean sure, it was embarrassing but that's about all. I would think that someone yelling things at you, assaulting you, or harassing you would be a bad experience. Having an ignorant person with poor social skills ask you why you are buying womens things just doesn't seem so bad to me.

Exactly, and to be perfectly honest... the only issue that I see is one that you personally made of it.

Bredalee25

A lot of people feel that way... about us! That we should stay hidden away from the public eye.. or worse. Nice attitude!....NOT!

[charlie]

Hello Von!
Welcome to the forum! I hope you appreciate and receive all that I do by coming here. At the very least you will appreciate that you have a group that understands and are in the same boat that you are. That said and going back to your post, you probably will one day have your complete set of clothes complete with a full set of fashions, wigs and makeup. When you do, you will probably want to get out and about. It is then that you are set to receive your harshest comments. We all usually get made when we go out at sometime. How it is done is what will make you label it as a harsh thing or not. Most people do not notice, some stare, a few make comments. Most of the time it is fun, exciting and wonderful!

[Petrina CD]

I had a hair tie experiance once while at work. I work at lots of different malls building new store interiors and one day I was at work and my hair was driving me crazey( I have veryyy long hair ) and I decided to step next door to the girls accesory shop and buy some hair ties . I allways wear my hair in a long biker style ponytail but that day I had forgotten to put all my ties in. ( it takes about ten hair ties at once to do my ponytail) I had only put in one and got sidetracked. So I go in and ask the girl to help me find some hair ties thinking she could easily read the situation, my hair flying everywhere, I'm in contruction macho dude mode and she takes me over and starts showing me all these pink and white lacey ponytail stuff and I looked at her and said "Sweety, I don't think those are going to work for me , I need to tie my hair back ,not get beat-up by my co-workers) Then she took me over to where the black hair ties were and I found what I was looking for.

My co-workers really wouldn't of cared If I wore pink-lacey hair ties but the whole experiance was kinda strange.

[Danamtv]

First of all, a quick sense of humor is a very valuable survival skill - just wait until you run into a pack of teenage girls!

Second, a special-needs person has to be treated respectfully, even if they haven't done the same.

Third, almost no one will believe the hair bands are for you. Sanitary products definitely aren't for you but could certainly wind up in your cart: ditto cosmetics or anything else. A quick smile and a response like "how do you think they'll look on me?" will defuse the situation, even if you are buying a matching red pushup bra and panty set, a leotard, and some lace hose.

Finally, accept the fact that even if you work really hard and have a lot of help when going out, most of us are going to get read often. And when it happens the first time, you think you will die. But, you don't! By the 10th time, you'll realize you didn't die even though the woman (usually) walking by you just realized you are a genetic male. so your confidence will grow. As your confidence grows, you'll become more passable. Oh, and having a couple of drinks first.....lol

[~Michelle~]

You can say what you want about my oppinions. I strongly think that mentally challenged people should never hold a job where they interact with the public.

I have lived a very long time across an institution for mentally challenged people, had contact with some of them and I must say that I strongly disagree with you. I'm not mad with you, I just think that you're not well informed.

In all those years we never had any issue with those patients when they were allowed outside the institution, which we can't say about some people who passed that same institution and who are supposed not to be mentally handicapped in any way...

Life is about tolerance. If we want our society to be tolerant towards crossdressers, TS, TG, etc, then we should start by being tolerant with such innocent, and often lovely, people.

[AKAMichelle]

That is a minor one. Wait until some child shouts it out to their mom or dad, why is that guy dressed as a woman? It could have been much worse.

[Loni]

sure it gives the "less developed" (for lack of a better word) a job and they can feel like they are doing something worth while, but the store must remember these people sometimes can not and should not mix with the "real" world, they sometimes just can not cope. (maybe they are better off than we are??)
i am sure no malice was meant, he was just trying to be polite and helpful.
but just does not understand some times (like at work) it is best to just do the job and not be too helpful.
as for you it is just "these belong in my bag" and go on with life like nothing happened. no need for a fuss or problem.