I just 'introduced' myself yesterday, and this is my first real post. I've just started dressing a little. I don't understand why, but I think about it pretty often and feel compelled to do more. Nevertheless, I've been resisting this urge, and have mostly just worn women's underwear under my regular clothes. Which is all another post to come, but I wanted to provide a little context for the experience I had today.

I only own a handful of women's clothes - not even a complete outfit. But I've bought underwear myself a couple of times. Last weekend, on a whim I stopped and decided to buy something more. I was nervous and self-concious, but ended up ggrabbing a really nice pair of shorts at least. I got a doubletake from a woman selling me bras once. But otherwise I felt like the cashiers were extra polite each time.

Today I was at the supermarket, and again on a whim decided to buy some cute pastel hair bands from the pharmacy section that caught my eye last time I was there. I figured they would mostly be lost in the cart full of groceries and such, and I'm fairly masculine - any one would assume they were for my wife/girlfriend/daughter... And if not it would be really just the cashier that noticed, and it seemed unlikely that it would be a problem. The hair bands were buried amongst other stuff on the conveyor, and I figured they would be quickly in a bag and no problem. A pretty woman came behind me, and smiled at me. The cashier didn't raise an eyebrow and gave me my total - and I used the debit payment pad to pay.

The (very busy) store hires some people with mental disabilities to 'bag' purchases -which is fine and commendable. Generally. This particular bagger picked up the hair bands, said "Miss, here are your hair bands" very loud and reached past as I was paying to hand them to the woman who had smiled at me. The woman smiled again, but shook her head (no) and looked down - as if she were perhaps embarrassed for me. I looked at the bagger, and said those are mine. She stood there holding them, and said "these aren't for men, what are you doing with them?" I just stood there (outwardly) calmly staring back at her. I was almost too shocked to respond. It would be hard to script a more thoughtless, offensive scenario - from involving the pretty young woman who had smiled at me, to daring to question any customer as to why they were buying anything. By the time I gathered my wits, it occurred to me to say they were for my daughter. But I didn't. Why should I have to answer such a question at all, much less be forced to lie? Then I almost said "just put the @#% in the bag and mind your own business - which is what I would certainly done, if she weren't disabled. I've had this same bagger before, and she is usually complaining about how hard she works, as she mixes things in bags they shouldn't be in - but I figure it's a small donation to society to overlook this and help someone who is facing obstacles I can't imagine to keep a job. I largely feel the same about this, though part of me is still upset. I have to say, I ended up handling it pretty well. After I stood there just looking at her for a minute, she put everything in a bag. I stood there smiling at the absurdity of the situation. I didn't break out in a sweat or feel I had to slink out of the store. And I'll be back next week. Just for groceries though.

Part of me is encouraged that I was able to handle this okay, but another part of me is dejected after just getting up the courage to shop at all. Do I have this or worse to look forward to in the future if I continue shopping?