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  1. #1
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    My (First?) Bad CD Experience

    I just 'introduced' myself yesterday, and this is my first real post. I've just started dressing a little. I don't understand why, but I think about it pretty often and feel compelled to do more. Nevertheless, I've been resisting this urge, and have mostly just worn women's underwear under my regular clothes. Which is all another post to come, but I wanted to provide a little context for the experience I had today.

    I only own a handful of women's clothes - not even a complete outfit. But I've bought underwear myself a couple of times. Last weekend, on a whim I stopped and decided to buy something more. I was nervous and self-concious, but ended up ggrabbing a really nice pair of shorts at least. I got a doubletake from a woman selling me bras once. But otherwise I felt like the cashiers were extra polite each time.

    Today I was at the supermarket, and again on a whim decided to buy some cute pastel hair bands from the pharmacy section that caught my eye last time I was there. I figured they would mostly be lost in the cart full of groceries and such, and I'm fairly masculine - any one would assume they were for my wife/girlfriend/daughter... And if not it would be really just the cashier that noticed, and it seemed unlikely that it would be a problem. The hair bands were buried amongst other stuff on the conveyor, and I figured they would be quickly in a bag and no problem. A pretty woman came behind me, and smiled at me. The cashier didn't raise an eyebrow and gave me my total - and I used the debit payment pad to pay.

    The (very busy) store hires some people with mental disabilities to 'bag' purchases -which is fine and commendable. Generally. This particular bagger picked up the hair bands, said "Miss, here are your hair bands" very loud and reached past as I was paying to hand them to the woman who had smiled at me. The woman smiled again, but shook her head (no) and looked down - as if she were perhaps embarrassed for me. I looked at the bagger, and said those are mine. She stood there holding them, and said "these aren't for men, what are you doing with them?" I just stood there (outwardly) calmly staring back at her. I was almost too shocked to respond. It would be hard to script a more thoughtless, offensive scenario - from involving the pretty young woman who had smiled at me, to daring to question any customer as to why they were buying anything. By the time I gathered my wits, it occurred to me to say they were for my daughter. But I didn't. Why should I have to answer such a question at all, much less be forced to lie? Then I almost said "just put the @#% in the bag and mind your own business - which is what I would certainly done, if she weren't disabled. I've had this same bagger before, and she is usually complaining about how hard she works, as she mixes things in bags they shouldn't be in - but I figure it's a small donation to society to overlook this and help someone who is facing obstacles I can't imagine to keep a job. I largely feel the same about this, though part of me is still upset. I have to say, I ended up handling it pretty well. After I stood there just looking at her for a minute, she put everything in a bag. I stood there smiling at the absurdity of the situation. I didn't break out in a sweat or feel I had to slink out of the store. And I'll be back next week. Just for groceries though.

    Part of me is encouraged that I was able to handle this okay, but another part of me is dejected after just getting up the courage to shop at all. Do I have this or worse to look forward to in the future if I continue shopping?

  2. #2
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    U did very well, Von!

    Good for u!

    However, u mite change your name to "Ralph" if they treat u like THAT again!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  3. #3
    Diamond Member Persephone's Avatar
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    It sounds like you handled it very well, Von. There are certain types of disabilities that can cause people to say odd things or to react in unusual ways.

    For example, many years ago I had a small class of special ed students and, as it happened, only one member of the class, a boy named P.W. was African-American (whatever that is).

    There was another boy who was largely withdrawn and uncommunicative and who almost never participated in classroom activities (I specifically do not want to label or categorize his type of behavior).

    Every once in a while, out of the blue, when I asked the group a question, he would raise his hand. Now, there was every possibility that someday it might be for real, that he would have a moment of shining clarity and actually be participating in the activity, but, during the course of the year that was never the case.

    Still, when his hand went up, I would call upon him with hope in my heart, only to have it dashed by the same statement he always made when called upon, "Did you know that P.W. is a Negro?"

    Fortunately, although P.W. was very bothered by this, he understood the situation.

    I've never encountered quite what you did, but I guess there are somethings you have to just take in context. It wasn't about you, it was really more about the bagger, and you did your good deed for the day.

    Besides, just think of all the little encounters of life that you can look forward to, like the day you go out en femme for the first time and some guy drapes his hand across your body and says, "Hey, babe, what's your sign?"
    "If you are living the life you want to live you've successfully transitioned to being the person you want to be." - Eryn.

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  4. #4
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    There is no reason to be embarrassed buying hairbands. Think how you would have felt if you had been 17 and buying your first box of condoms. Think how much pleasure that exchange would have amused the other customers.

  5. #5
    Member Paula W's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tranny Tee View Post
    There is no reason to be embarrassed buying hairbands. Think how you would have felt if you had been 17 and buying your first box of condoms. Think how much pleasure that exchange would have amused the other customers.
    Hah, I remember when I was in high school I was buying a box of condoms and got in a line with someone that looked like they wouldn't care. There were a couple people ahead of me so it took a while and as the person ahead of me got done the cashier was going on break and someone else came to take over for them. I had that sinking feeling in my stomach when the new cashier was a cute girl that sat next to me in English class.

    There are far worse things you could buy than hairbands and have someone else find out about it

  6. #6
    Aspiring Member VanessaVW's Avatar
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    Von,

    You did the best thing, which is not make a scene. I've shopped at department stores and never had a problem, not even when it's busy around the holidays and you are about #12 in line. Just relax, it's a free country.

  7. #7
    A California Girl Rachel Morley's Avatar
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    Oh gee .... that is a tough situation to be in for a newbee, you have my sympathies ... but like others have said, I think you handled it remarkably well. You can't really blame the "mental disabilities person" but then again, you can't really blame the store either. It's just an unusual and rare situation and unfortunately, it had to be you on the receiving end this time. I have had situations happen to me like this in the past but I was so paranoid that I always had some sort pre-rehearsed answer in my mind ... just in case, yet, guess what? ... 99.9% of the time I never had to use my excuse. Btw, the one about it being for your daughter was a good one, and of course, the most obvious one, which means the most believable one too. Don't let this put you off buying nice things for yourself when you want to.
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  8. #8
    Member meri's Avatar
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    Star Trek

    Jordi LaForge wore a hairband as a prosthetic for "seeing". Just never know what you might do with something like that!

    When you encounter people like that, it's really just a "test" for you. A chance for you to act in a calm, logical manner like nothing odd is happening here. The universe will always arrange such tests for anything you "worry" about or are afraid of. We live in a truly magical place!

  9. #9
    Member Anneliese's Avatar
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    I shop in public, at thrift stores, regularly. One cashier always comments on how pretty something is, or how she wishes she'd seen that, or do you think that will fit? I have no problem with it. I did hear a child ask her mother once, why is that man looking at dresses?

  10. #10
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    It is common for people to act stupid, I get it sometimes too.
    This has made me quite bitter and hateful of people.

    I probably would have made a scene.

    The most civil response I could have mustered would have been, "Yes it is for me, got a problem with it?"
    Or just hold up the line and get the manager over.

    One might say, "but people with mental disabilities don't know better" but I have come across ones that do act polite, civilised, non-judgemental.

    Thing is, if it is genuinely someone with down's syndrome, that might be one thing but the ones who act stupid that I don't make any excuses for are the hillbilly types.

    It sucks but if you plan on going the dressing route, there will always be someone who is an ass. It is unusual to have bad shopping experiences, I can say that.

    With not saying or doing anything, that is pointless cause that does nothing more than condition someone that they CAN get away with taking advantage of you or being rude.
    Last edited by Nicole Erin; 05-22-2010 at 05:15 PM.
    It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.

  11. #11
    Member Michaela42's Avatar
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    Good job

    Von, the best tactic (to me at least) is not to make a scene. I did a little shopping this week at Lane Bryant and as I was making my selections there were several other women in the store. They were all a bit older in age (like back from the time when people did not do "certain" things in public, if you know what I mean) and as I held up a skirt to my waist the one woman chuckled and whispered something to her friend. I ignored it and went to pay for my purchases. The two women were close by and made some other remarks that I did not quite make out, but caused them some amusement. The SA, who I had dealt with before, whispered something to me about ignoring them and I replied with a "Ignore who?" and a wink. The fact of the matter is that disabled or not you are always going to be judged whether you are buying hair berets or are driving a certain model of car; that is society and nature. You just have to ask yourself if the person who is doing the judging really matters in your life. IF not then to heck with them. It is your money, your life, and your choice; you do not owe anyone an explanation.

  12. #12
    Member FemmeElastique's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nicole Erin View Post
    It is common for people to act stupid, I get it sometimes too.
    This has made me quite bitter and hateful of people.

    I probably would have made a scene.

    The most civil response I could have mustered would have been, "Yes it is for me, got a problem with it?"
    Or just hold up the line and get the manager over.

    One might say, "but people with mental disabilities don't know better" but I have come across ones that do act polite, civilised, non-judgemental.

    Thing is, if it is genuinely someone with down's syndrome, that might be one thing but the ones who act stupid that I don't make any excuses for are the hillbilly types.

    It sucks but if you plan on going the dressing route, there will always be someone who is an ass. It is unusual to have bad shopping experiences, I can say that.

    With not saying or doing anything, that is pointless cause that does nothing more than condition someone that they CAN get away with taking advantage of you or being rude.
    LOL! The whole situation is kinda funny and embarassing, but I do see the underlying issue. It seems like all you can do in that situation is just look at her, or even stare and not answer it. I think you handled it calmly.
    Nicole, I love how you would respond to it! LOL holding up the line and getting the manager. That I'd love to see. And you bitterness towards people is totally understandable.
    One thing is to just say "they're mine" and that's it.

  13. #13
    Just an everyday girl Karen564's Avatar
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    [SIZE=2]Your right, you don't need to lie or have to say who they were for...[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=2]But I think you should of responded to the rudeness without hesitation to the bagger with, Why do you think those are for me?[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=2]Sorry, I have no tolerance for the bagging police, handicapped or not...Wow, I can be such a bitch at times, huh...lol[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=2]If the store manager is so blind that he can't see an employee that doesn't know how to interact with all the customers with courtesy, then something is very wrong there...[/SIZE]
    Last edited by Karen564; 05-22-2010 at 08:07 PM.
    [SIZE=3]Karen[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=2]I really do have the...Right To Be Wrong.. [/SIZE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkSTG...eature=channel [SIZE=2]and my mistakes will make me strong![/SIZE]

    [SIZE=2]Just call out my name...and I'll come running...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SxTo...eature=related just lovin classic JT again...[/SIZE]

  14. #14
    Aspiring Member marny's Avatar
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    I've been kicked off before for just bitchin, does this qualify

  15. #15
    Chickie Chickhe's Avatar
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    A good response is to deflect the question and avoid answering it. Just say, 'is it you job to comment on my purchases or to bag them?' or make a joke, like...'oh my gawd! I must have picked up the wrong ones!!! Can you go exchange them for the Batman ones so I don't look like a fool when I wear them!!!?' One way to look at it... good thing you were not buying a plain jane bra which might have caused you to blush... but, if you were no you know how to handle it.
    Chickie

  16. #16
    Loving Life Dressing Jill's Avatar
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    That was sweat of you not to hurt the handicapped person. My uncle works with people like this and they will always keep you on your toes. They don't even realize what they are doing most of the time. You have to be commended on your super cool attitude.
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  17. #17
    Aspiring Member JulieK1980's Avatar
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    It sounds to me that you handled yourself fantastically!!

    As for your question, in the many years I've been shopping, I have yet to have any kind of incident, and after awhile your comfort level will grow enough, that you won't care one way or the other.

  18. #18
    Human Raine's Avatar
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    "No? Well they're for a man now."

    I stand my ground strong when people question my crossdressing. It's rare though for anyone to make a comment when I buy stuff intended for girls.

    Like Dena says, people tend to reciprocate others. If you're friendly, they'll be friendly. If you're nervous, they'll be nervous.
    [SIZE="1"]The beginning of your story may never be edited, but your story's ending has yet to be written.

    Website | DeviantArt[/SIZE]

  19. #19
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    you as a shopper and ect. first time can be a bit of a hassle but, the personal satisfaction is best yea the kid prob. didnt know any better and has put all sorts of things into other peoples bags and had his share of mishapps ? on a daily if not hourly basis he was unknowingly kinda looking out as well as trying to do a good job its the thrill of that that makes it a bit of fun and puts a bit of personal passion into going on and getting what you personaly want for yoursielf with-out any disreguard upon anyone cause its for you and your buying it we dont need any newsflash hahah in the shakey process ive been seen and caught buying panties a few times by friends and im just into the fact so what i like panties as well as some of my girlfriends im a happy camper as for the girls and women that are in the lingerie dept buying or working they dont realy care there for the same item you are looking for and buying its all good there selling your buying and just keep with that and ask qu if you dont know what you want its best to ask a sales person one on one is more comfortable and they will ring you up on the side . if your nervous they can tell ,also buy what you want and its gonna fit rite cause we all look and make it our business when someone holds the line up on a return so go big to a real lingerie shop just too look and get comfortable with it not walmart

  20. #20
    nylon addict pernille d's Avatar
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    again i must say you handled it well, as that was a hard one to handle .

    Every situation is different and needs to be treated differntly ,and i have found out that at least here in DK most people dont care or are just extreemly polite , ( where i used to think OH NO ! what is she/he thinking.) The best thing is just to be possative and not show nereves and almost anything will go ,most people are stressed in supermarkets anyway so a little humor can get you out of a lot of situations .and maybe even brighen up ther day too.

    i remember once at x-mas as check out i had a brought a nice underwear set, and i laid it on the convayor, and when i got to the check out it had fallen in to the persons before me shopping . i said " excuse me i think thats mine " to the man infront and he said "no its mine" looking down at the convayor i saw my set still there, what where the chance of that happening but we both had brought the same set , He looked very unconfortable as i am sure it was for his wife ( but who knows) .so i picked up my set and said "oh her is mine" and held it to my body and begain to joke about that his size would have never fitted me anyway and he had forgot the matching garter belt as a set like that i needed to have stockings with it . He smiled and the rest in the que laughed , and i could se he felt relaxed again as i took the pressure away from him .

    what i am trying to say buy my little story is forget your worst fears as most people are not as mean as we think they are , and most often react compleately different to what we expect they will do .I find if you handle it in posative and confident way( not easily done for everyone) ,i know its more complicated than this but at the end of the day its only clothing we are buying and nothing to get so worked up about .

  21. #21
    Super Moderator DAVIDA's Avatar
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    I do all of the shopping! I don't mind it, I actually like to shop.(imagine that!)
    Jean on the other hand, doesn't. I am always buying girl things. For both of us.
    Well, I have had my share of comments from cashiers.
    One asked if the pantyhose I was buying for me. They were actually for Jean. I said, without a beat, no, they are to small. I wear a queen size!

    Atleast the young lady you had, had a really good excuse for a dumb question.

  22. #22
    also known as maya :) zoe m's Avatar
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    you handled it well, like you say it would have been worse if you had gotten angry. it would be different if the person had not been disabled. by not getting angry you showed tolerance and understanding. you have to realize this will not happen most of the time. i've been doing all my CD shopping in stores, not online, and nothing bad has happened to me yet.

  23. #23
    Senior Member charlie's Avatar
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    Hello Von!
    Welcome to the forum! I hope you appreciate and receive all that I do by coming here. At the very least you will appreciate that you have a group that understands and are in the same boat that you are. That said and going back to your post, you probably will one day have your complete set of clothes complete with a full set of fashions, wigs and makeup. When you do, you will probably want to get out and about. It is then that you are set to receive your harshest comments. We all usually get made when we go out at sometime. How it is done is what will make you label it as a harsh thing or not. Most people do not notice, some stare, a few make comments. Most of the time it is fun, exciting and wonderful!
    Charlie

  24. #24
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    hair bands

    I had a hair tie experiance once while at work. I work at lots of different malls building new store interiors and one day I was at work and my hair was driving me crazey( I have veryyy long hair ) and I decided to step next door to the girls accesory shop and buy some hair ties . I allways wear my hair in a long biker style ponytail but that day I had forgotten to put all my ties in. ( it takes about ten hair ties at once to do my ponytail) I had only put in one and got sidetracked. So I go in and ask the girl to help me find some hair ties thinking she could easily read the situation, my hair flying everywhere, I'm in contruction macho dude mode and she takes me over and starts showing me all these pink and white lacey ponytail stuff and I looked at her and said "Sweety, I don't think those are going to work for me , I need to tie my hair back ,not get beat-up by my co-workers) Then she took me over to where the black hair ties were and I found what I was looking for.

    My co-workers really wouldn't of cared If I wore pink-lacey hair ties but the whole experiance was kinda strange.
    Last edited by Petrina CD; 05-24-2010 at 06:41 PM.

  25. #25
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    First of all, a quick sense of humor is a very valuable survival skill - just wait until you run into a pack of teenage girls!

    Second, a special-needs person has to be treated respectfully, even if they haven't done the same.

    Third, almost no one will believe the hair bands are for you. Sanitary products definitely aren't for you but could certainly wind up in your cart: ditto cosmetics or anything else. A quick smile and a response like "how do you think they'll look on me?" will defuse the situation, even if you are buying a matching red pushup bra and panty set, a leotard, and some lace hose.

    Finally, accept the fact that even if you work really hard and have a lot of help when going out, most of us are going to get read often. And when it happens the first time, you think you will die. But, you don't! By the 10th time, you'll realize you didn't die even though the woman (usually) walking by you just realized you are a genetic male. so your confidence will grow. As your confidence grows, you'll become more passable. Oh, and having a couple of drinks first.....lol

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