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Thread: My (First?) Bad CD Experience

  1. #1
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    My (First?) Bad CD Experience

    I just 'introduced' myself yesterday, and this is my first real post. I've just started dressing a little. I don't understand why, but I think about it pretty often and feel compelled to do more. Nevertheless, I've been resisting this urge, and have mostly just worn women's underwear under my regular clothes. Which is all another post to come, but I wanted to provide a little context for the experience I had today.

    I only own a handful of women's clothes - not even a complete outfit. But I've bought underwear myself a couple of times. Last weekend, on a whim I stopped and decided to buy something more. I was nervous and self-concious, but ended up ggrabbing a really nice pair of shorts at least. I got a doubletake from a woman selling me bras once. But otherwise I felt like the cashiers were extra polite each time.

    Today I was at the supermarket, and again on a whim decided to buy some cute pastel hair bands from the pharmacy section that caught my eye last time I was there. I figured they would mostly be lost in the cart full of groceries and such, and I'm fairly masculine - any one would assume they were for my wife/girlfriend/daughter... And if not it would be really just the cashier that noticed, and it seemed unlikely that it would be a problem. The hair bands were buried amongst other stuff on the conveyor, and I figured they would be quickly in a bag and no problem. A pretty woman came behind me, and smiled at me. The cashier didn't raise an eyebrow and gave me my total - and I used the debit payment pad to pay.

    The (very busy) store hires some people with mental disabilities to 'bag' purchases -which is fine and commendable. Generally. This particular bagger picked up the hair bands, said "Miss, here are your hair bands" very loud and reached past as I was paying to hand them to the woman who had smiled at me. The woman smiled again, but shook her head (no) and looked down - as if she were perhaps embarrassed for me. I looked at the bagger, and said those are mine. She stood there holding them, and said "these aren't for men, what are you doing with them?" I just stood there (outwardly) calmly staring back at her. I was almost too shocked to respond. It would be hard to script a more thoughtless, offensive scenario - from involving the pretty young woman who had smiled at me, to daring to question any customer as to why they were buying anything. By the time I gathered my wits, it occurred to me to say they were for my daughter. But I didn't. Why should I have to answer such a question at all, much less be forced to lie? Then I almost said "just put the @#% in the bag and mind your own business - which is what I would certainly done, if she weren't disabled. I've had this same bagger before, and she is usually complaining about how hard she works, as she mixes things in bags they shouldn't be in - but I figure it's a small donation to society to overlook this and help someone who is facing obstacles I can't imagine to keep a job. I largely feel the same about this, though part of me is still upset. I have to say, I ended up handling it pretty well. After I stood there just looking at her for a minute, she put everything in a bag. I stood there smiling at the absurdity of the situation. I didn't break out in a sweat or feel I had to slink out of the store. And I'll be back next week. Just for groceries though.

    Part of me is encouraged that I was able to handle this okay, but another part of me is dejected after just getting up the courage to shop at all. Do I have this or worse to look forward to in the future if I continue shopping?

  2. #2
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    U did very well, Von!

    Good for u!

    However, u mite change your name to "Ralph" if they treat u like THAT again!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  3. #3
    Diamond Member Persephone's Avatar
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    It sounds like you handled it very well, Von. There are certain types of disabilities that can cause people to say odd things or to react in unusual ways.

    For example, many years ago I had a small class of special ed students and, as it happened, only one member of the class, a boy named P.W. was African-American (whatever that is).

    There was another boy who was largely withdrawn and uncommunicative and who almost never participated in classroom activities (I specifically do not want to label or categorize his type of behavior).

    Every once in a while, out of the blue, when I asked the group a question, he would raise his hand. Now, there was every possibility that someday it might be for real, that he would have a moment of shining clarity and actually be participating in the activity, but, during the course of the year that was never the case.

    Still, when his hand went up, I would call upon him with hope in my heart, only to have it dashed by the same statement he always made when called upon, "Did you know that P.W. is a Negro?"

    Fortunately, although P.W. was very bothered by this, he understood the situation.

    I've never encountered quite what you did, but I guess there are somethings you have to just take in context. It wasn't about you, it was really more about the bagger, and you did your good deed for the day.

    Besides, just think of all the little encounters of life that you can look forward to, like the day you go out en femme for the first time and some guy drapes his hand across your body and says, "Hey, babe, what's your sign?"
    "If you are living the life you want to live you've successfully transitioned to being the person you want to be." - Eryn.

    "If you truly care about me you should damn well want for me what I want for myself" - Michael Westen (Burn Notice)

    -.-. --.-/-.-. --.-/-.-. -../ Persephone™ and Persephone™ are trademarks of Persephone herself, accept no substitutes. The terms "en femme" and "en drab" originated with Marcia Sampson/Staylace (OBM).

  4. #4
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    There is no reason to be embarrassed buying hairbands. Think how you would have felt if you had been 17 and buying your first box of condoms. Think how much pleasure that exchange would have amused the other customers.

  5. #5
    Aspiring Member VanessaVW's Avatar
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    Von,

    You did the best thing, which is not make a scene. I've shopped at department stores and never had a problem, not even when it's busy around the holidays and you are about #12 in line. Just relax, it's a free country.

  6. #6
    Member meri's Avatar
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    Star Trek

    Jordi LaForge wore a hairband as a prosthetic for "seeing". Just never know what you might do with something like that!

    When you encounter people like that, it's really just a "test" for you. A chance for you to act in a calm, logical manner like nothing odd is happening here. The universe will always arrange such tests for anything you "worry" about or are afraid of. We live in a truly magical place!

  7. #7
    Member Anneliese's Avatar
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    I shop in public, at thrift stores, regularly. One cashier always comments on how pretty something is, or how she wishes she'd seen that, or do you think that will fit? I have no problem with it. I did hear a child ask her mother once, why is that man looking at dresses?

  8. #8
    A California Girl Rachel Morley's Avatar
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    Oh gee .... that is a tough situation to be in for a newbee, you have my sympathies ... but like others have said, I think you handled it remarkably well. You can't really blame the "mental disabilities person" but then again, you can't really blame the store either. It's just an unusual and rare situation and unfortunately, it had to be you on the receiving end this time. I have had situations happen to me like this in the past but I was so paranoid that I always had some sort pre-rehearsed answer in my mind ... just in case, yet, guess what? ... 99.9% of the time I never had to use my excuse. Btw, the one about it being for your daughter was a good one, and of course, the most obvious one, which means the most believable one too. Don't let this put you off buying nice things for yourself when you want to.
    .
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  9. #9
    Rotten 80's child Nicole Erin's Avatar
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    It is common for people to act stupid, I get it sometimes too.
    This has made me quite bitter and hateful of people.

    I probably would have made a scene.

    The most civil response I could have mustered would have been, "Yes it is for me, got a problem with it?"
    Or just hold up the line and get the manager over.

    One might say, "but people with mental disabilities don't know better" but I have come across ones that do act polite, civilised, non-judgemental.

    Thing is, if it is genuinely someone with down's syndrome, that might be one thing but the ones who act stupid that I don't make any excuses for are the hillbilly types.

    It sucks but if you plan on going the dressing route, there will always be someone who is an ass. It is unusual to have bad shopping experiences, I can say that.

    With not saying or doing anything, that is pointless cause that does nothing more than condition someone that they CAN get away with taking advantage of you or being rude.
    Last edited by Nicole Erin; 05-22-2010 at 05:15 PM.
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  10. #10
    Member Michaela42's Avatar
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    Good job

    Von, the best tactic (to me at least) is not to make a scene. I did a little shopping this week at Lane Bryant and as I was making my selections there were several other women in the store. They were all a bit older in age (like back from the time when people did not do "certain" things in public, if you know what I mean) and as I held up a skirt to my waist the one woman chuckled and whispered something to her friend. I ignored it and went to pay for my purchases. The two women were close by and made some other remarks that I did not quite make out, but caused them some amusement. The SA, who I had dealt with before, whispered something to me about ignoring them and I replied with a "Ignore who?" and a wink. The fact of the matter is that disabled or not you are always going to be judged whether you are buying hair berets or are driving a certain model of car; that is society and nature. You just have to ask yourself if the person who is doing the judging really matters in your life. IF not then to heck with them. It is your money, your life, and your choice; you do not owe anyone an explanation.

  11. #11
    Member FemmeElastique's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nicole Erin View Post
    It is common for people to act stupid, I get it sometimes too.
    This has made me quite bitter and hateful of people.

    I probably would have made a scene.

    The most civil response I could have mustered would have been, "Yes it is for me, got a problem with it?"
    Or just hold up the line and get the manager over.

    One might say, "but people with mental disabilities don't know better" but I have come across ones that do act polite, civilised, non-judgemental.

    Thing is, if it is genuinely someone with down's syndrome, that might be one thing but the ones who act stupid that I don't make any excuses for are the hillbilly types.

    It sucks but if you plan on going the dressing route, there will always be someone who is an ass. It is unusual to have bad shopping experiences, I can say that.

    With not saying or doing anything, that is pointless cause that does nothing more than condition someone that they CAN get away with taking advantage of you or being rude.
    LOL! The whole situation is kinda funny and embarassing, but I do see the underlying issue. It seems like all you can do in that situation is just look at her, or even stare and not answer it. I think you handled it calmly.
    Nicole, I love how you would respond to it! LOL holding up the line and getting the manager. That I'd love to see. And you bitterness towards people is totally understandable.
    One thing is to just say "they're mine" and that's it.

  12. #12
    Just an everyday girl Karen564's Avatar
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    [SIZE=2]Your right, you don't need to lie or have to say who they were for...[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=2]But I think you should of responded to the rudeness without hesitation to the bagger with, Why do you think those are for me?[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=2]Sorry, I have no tolerance for the bagging police, handicapped or not...Wow, I can be such a bitch at times, huh...lol[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=2]If the store manager is so blind that he can't see an employee that doesn't know how to interact with all the customers with courtesy, then something is very wrong there...[/SIZE]
    Last edited by Karen564; 05-22-2010 at 08:07 PM.
    [SIZE=3]Karen[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=2]I really do have the...Right To Be Wrong.. [/SIZE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkSTG...eature=channel [SIZE=2]and my mistakes will make me strong![/SIZE]

    [SIZE=2]Just call out my name...and I'll come running...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SxTo...eature=related just lovin classic JT again...[/SIZE]

  13. #13
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    Dear, that really wasn't a "bad" situation. There was NOTHING to be upset about unless you felt guilty. Which you did, to some degree. But as others have said, you did just fine. It's absolutely NO ONES business what you buy at ANY time. So all you need to say is, "Yes, I am buying those." Who, or what, they are FOR does not need to come into the equation at all.

    And try real hard to ditch the guilt and shame. There is NOTHING wrong with you buying hairbands. Eventually you will be buying more and other things. Try to remember that you have a RIGHT to buy whatever you want. And ditch the guilt.

    Stephie

  14. #14
    Joanie sterling12's Avatar
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    And do you know what all those other people standing behind you in line thought? Probably, "Jeez...I wish they would hurry up, I need to take care of my business and get out of here!"

    Your new and being hypersensitive. Can you imagine how many guys come in a Store every day and purchase something that The Wife or GF asked them to pick up? It's not an unusual situation; "Hey Hon, I forgot to get some Scrunchies yesterday, when your at The Store would you pick some up for me? Just get The Variety pack...that way you can't get The Wrong Color!"

    So, what did you have? A mentally-challenged Bagger asking a rhetorical question, which probably got about 2 seconds of everyone's brain-computation time. Next time, purchase some Feminine Hygiene products....everybody in line knows that's what husbands are designed for!

    Peace and Love, Joanie

  15. #15
    Member Paula W's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tranny Tee View Post
    There is no reason to be embarrassed buying hairbands. Think how you would have felt if you had been 17 and buying your first box of condoms. Think how much pleasure that exchange would have amused the other customers.
    Hah, I remember when I was in high school I was buying a box of condoms and got in a line with someone that looked like they wouldn't care. There were a couple people ahead of me so it took a while and as the person ahead of me got done the cashier was going on break and someone else came to take over for them. I had that sinking feeling in my stomach when the new cashier was a cute girl that sat next to me in English class.

    There are far worse things you could buy than hairbands and have someone else find out about it

  16. #16
    Silver Member Billijo49504's Avatar
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    You just got newbie nerves Go to Wallmart, they're open all night. And the reason they are is to make money. And your $$ are just as good as any GG. As you go on, it get's easier, to the point that you really won't care about the other ppl. Practice makes purfect...BJ

  17. #17
    Senior Member Carly D.'s Avatar
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    "WHOLLLLY CRAP!!" (Excuse my language but) What a nightmare.. for me it would be anyway.. I've never had this happen to me, but the one time I had a close call it was from something I was buying that the bar code was missing and they had to look all over for it.. Turns out the skirt was in the clearance rack and I think they thought it was odd someone was wanting to actually buy it.. I figure these things get the old five finger discount when it costs under a fiver.. But I do have that what if.. feeling when I go to pay for something. And while most guys wouldn't buy womens clothing without their SO there I love the rush of buying this stuff.. Looking at it and buying it in the store.. Good times..
    This is what I mean by "every guy can look like a girl from the right angles".. this is one of the first pictures of me dressed up.. very vague look.. almost fem...

  18. #18
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    I'm starting to think CD's are probably measurably more intelligent than a similar cross section of the general population. More empathetic too, though that's not surprising. Such great responses (and interesting people). I'm very glad I registered here.

    I would have never thought of a Jordi Laforge reference Meri, but that cracked me up (I'm only slightly less embarassed at getting it than I was at the supermarket - not really). But good point to look at it as a test.

    I guess it's good that I know not to let my guard down too much in the future when shopping, but it's a shame that I can't. I've spent a lot of time fantasizing lately of how nice it would be to be able to shop like everyone else - taking my time, not browsing from
    across the aisle while I pretend I'm looking at something else, and the ultimate - being able to try things on. I know some of you are that comfortable, but I am not close yet, and I guess a lot of you also know how frustrating it is. Especially when you haven't figured out your sizes yet!

    But the bottom line is I've been wearing a purple hairband all evening (at home, but it still feels nice)!

    P.S. The woman did appear to have precisely Downs Syndrome. I don't know that that precludes her from being a bigot, but I'm positive that I would feel worse than I do now if I had been mean to her. I have considered talking to the management and explaining that I don't want her to get in trouble, but that perhaps they should address sensitivity to such things with her (and perhaps all their employees). I can't remember who made that point, but it did cross my mind that it might help prevent similar probems for someone else in the future if a company is made aware that it's unacceptable. It's probably a good practice (not that I hope to get much practice at that).

  19. #19
    Aspiring Member marny's Avatar
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    I've been kicked off before for just bitchin, does this qualify

  20. #20
    Chickie Chickhe's Avatar
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    A good response is to deflect the question and avoid answering it. Just say, 'is it you job to comment on my purchases or to bag them?' or make a joke, like...'oh my gawd! I must have picked up the wrong ones!!! Can you go exchange them for the Batman ones so I don't look like a fool when I wear them!!!?' One way to look at it... good thing you were not buying a plain jane bra which might have caused you to blush... but, if you were no you know how to handle it.
    Chickie

  21. #21
    Loving Life Dressing Jill's Avatar
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    That was sweat of you not to hurt the handicapped person. My uncle works with people like this and they will always keep you on your toes. They don't even realize what they are doing most of the time. You have to be commended on your super cool attitude.
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  22. #22
    Aspiring Member JulieK1980's Avatar
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    It sounds to me that you handled yourself fantastically!!

    As for your question, in the many years I've been shopping, I have yet to have any kind of incident, and after awhile your comfort level will grow enough, that you won't care one way or the other.

  23. #23
    Silver Member Starling's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Von View Post
    I'm starting to think CD's are probably measurably more intelligent than a similar cross section of the general population. More empathetic too, though that's not surprising...
    I'm sorry to say that, by and large, this thread has not demonstrated that proposition to me.

    Lallie
    Time for a change.

  24. #24
    Aspiring Member MargaretJ's Avatar
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    Von, you handled that well. I have to admit to being short tempered, but when en femme or buying girly stuff, I behave differently to avoid any chance of causing a scene, and making things worse. Maybe this will cross over to my male side and make me less stressed, who knows. I usually have the stand by line it's a birthday present for someone, if anyone gets to nosey about what I'm buying.

    Paula, that is a great story.
    "She snuck up on me from behind. You'd think women would make more noise with those big high heels, but they don't, they've got this stealth thing going..."

  25. #25
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    I think you handled it very well, in particular since you are still where you get nervous picking up items.

    This is something we all will probably see now and then. There are programs that put handicap people in jobs so they can start developing skills. Not being rude was a very good thing. The next step (and hard to do when your mind is racing and nerves are up) would be to say something like I am picking these up for my daughter. The person is trying and they aren't asking because they are trying to be rude. They are thinking and trying to process it and it is their way of working through it. Just a little education is a good way for us to do our part.

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