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Thread: Some advice please

  1. #1
    Gen thechic's Avatar
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    Question Some advice please

    Hi there

    Ive basically out of the closet but not all my friends now about me yet.I now have my face and hair with the feminine look ware female tops etc 24/7.
    Any way ive got a friend who works on a farm out of this area coming to visit me for the day,Ive changed alot since i last sore him, should i just meet him as i am now and tell him about me,or should i just try and make myself more masculine ,thanks for you advice.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Angie G's Avatar
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    If you want to be out be out. If you think he will be okey with it.
    Angie

  3. #3
    Aspiring Member joann426's Avatar
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    WELL I BE IN MALE MODE FIRST AND SLOWLY BREAK THE NEWS TO HIM AND SEE IF HE IS OK WITH IT

  4. #4
    Silver Member Teri Jean's Avatar
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    Geneva, I would say that if you are meeting someone who has not seen you for some time it would be good to let them know of changes you have made beforehand. If they were friends of yours, you may want to give them a headsup as you would if the shoe was on your foot.

    Do onto others..................................... JMHO.

    Teri

  5. #5
    Junior Member olga's Avatar
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    I agree with Teri. Give him a call and prepare him somewhat… also, maybe you two could meet first in a restaurant for brunch beforehand, to start off in “neutral” territory… might be easier to break the ice.

    Hope it goes well!

    olga

  6. #6
    Gold Member Maria in heels's Avatar
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    I think that you should call first as Teri & Olga said...so that way the visual is not so "shocking". If you are coming out to everyone, I don't think that you should turn around that try to hide...continue on the path that you are taking...

  7. #7
    Senior Member Stephanie Miller's Avatar
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    Give him a chance to prepare or cancel.Maybe drop an e-mail with your avatar pic followed by a phone call.

  8. #8
    Fab Karen Fab Karen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teri Jean View Post
    Geneva, I would say that if you are meeting someone who has not seen you for some time it would be good to let them know of changes you have made beforehand. If they were friends of yours, you may want to give them a headsup as you would if the shoe was on your foot.

    Do onto others..................................... JMHO.

    Teri
    Sound advice. And if he decides to shun you, he was never a friend.
    [SIZE="3"]Gender is a state of mind[/SIZE]
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  9. #9
    TJ Tresa TJ Tresa's Avatar
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    I agree with Teri, you should give him heads up. Try putting the shoe, so to speak on the other foot. What if it were you going to visit a long time friend whom you haven't seen in awhile and he/she dumbs this on you without warning you first. I think you should warn him and ask him if he would be comfortable enough for you be dressed while he was there. If he isn't then you have avoided an embarassing situation for you both.

  10. #10
    Suddenly I See
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    Def give a heads up, it will make the intro to your new self that much smoother. If you don't it will be like throwing a snowball in his/her face when they arrive, they just won't know how to react.

    Chances are, if they are a good friend, you sharing it beforehand will help them get on board with your changes.

    Hugs
    Kaylee

  11. #11
    Member Lover girl's Avatar
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    Post That's what I would do!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Fab Karen View Post
    Sound advice. And if he decides to shun you, he was never a friend.
    The other posts were well put. Let them know ahead of time. Then Fab Karen said it best. If there true blue friends they would want you to be happy no matter how you dress or act!!!!
    The lonely flower in the desert wearing HEELS

  12. #12
    Chickie Chickhe's Avatar
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    Depends on the person... if you are out then just be yourself.
    Chickie

  13. #13
    Loving Life Dressing Jill's Avatar
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    If you lived in Texas you had better break the ice before had. Too many bubba's here.
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  14. #14
    Silver Member
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    Oh, absolutely. Let him know beforehand. Don't surprise him. That's very impolite. Just call or write him before he arrives. If he sounds upset, then "butch" it up for his visit. Otherwise, just be yourself. But don't sandbag him.

    Stephie

  15. #15
    Silver Member Jilmac's Avatar
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    Perhaps start off with a few pictures of Geneva and ask friend's opinion. You could start by saying that you want to introduce him to a very special girl you know. See if he recognizes the girl, if he doesn't tell him she's your alter ego and see where it goes from there.
    Luv and Jill


    Straight, into Fantasy Land

  16. #16
    XpoisonXgirlX Kayla Shadows's Avatar
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    Tough one..I might give him a heads up and let him know things have changed,but I wouldnt be somebody Im not to meet him.I defintely wouldnt try to be more masculine if thats not me.Like a gg friend who I came out to just said,"Your 'friends' dont mind you being who you are".
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  17. #17
    Silver Member AKAMichelle's Avatar
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    I would just be open and tell him. I might dress a little more masculine at first, but let him know all the same.
    Michelle

  18. #18
    Silver Member Tomara's Avatar
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    I would also give him a little information about the changes he should expect in you since the last time you saw each other I think it will be less stressful on both of you.
    Good luck.
    Tomara

  19. #19
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Chic, U know him BETTER than WE DO!

    Personally, I wouldn't tell a close friend unless it was in person! That way, I could gage his/her reaction as we went along.

    Most "regular" folks have LOTS of questions! Many may be too personal NOT to be disgusted alone and in person!

    Maybe just "tone down" your chic look upon meeting him? Then, be yourself AFTER the "talk"!?
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  20. #20
    Rotten 80's child Nicole Erin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dressing Jill View Post
    If you lived in Texas you had better break the ice before had. Too many bubba's here.

    What about Cleetus, Cooter, Ichabod, and Billy-Bob?
    And lest we forget Mary-Lou
    It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.

  21. #21
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    In my opinion it's best to be yourself the way you feel most comfortable.
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  22. #22
    Silver Member
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    I would go for a gentle reveal myself

  23. #23
    Aspiring Member
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    Tone it down, go slow, and recheck as you go.

    Quote Originally Posted by thechic View Post
    Hi there

    Ive basically out of the closet but not all my friends now about me yet.I now have my face and hair with the feminine look ware female tops etc 24/7.
    Any way ive got a friend who works on a farm out of this area coming to visit me for the day,Ive changed alot since i last sore him, should i just meet him as i am now and tell him about me,or should i just try and make myself more masculine ,thanks for you advice.

    If you have doubts about how much to do, rather than what to do, dial it down to what you consider your minimal level and let him visit the person closest to what he has every reason to expect you still are.

    Then, by way of catching up, tell him what he needs to know for you both to be on the same page, if not necessarily on the same line and same word on the same page.

    People need time to process and too much information at once can result in misunderstandings. So, take a minimal approach to the subject and see how things work out. Go slow - you have hours to get this "introduction" worked out.

    If you get started talking about "things" and it winds up he has strong views against, for example, gay marriage, or, young people getting tatoos and earrings, you might want to back off on considering this likely to be a close friendship going forwards.

    Frankly, I find it best to do a little at a time on such big issues and to do "follow-ups" over time. If I tell someone my views on something, they can just give me lip service at the time. If I mention it four more times, over the next two weeks, I have a much better idea what their true feelings and reactions are...

    Again, they need time to think about it - and you need time to think about them and if their words and actions keep matching up favorably.

  24. #24
    New Member
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    You should tell him first and let him decide whether he wants to further pursue visiting with you. Even if he decides against it maybe he will continue consideration and at a later date decide it is not enough to come between the two of you and friendship.

  25. #25
    Senior Member Jennaie's Avatar
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    First of all, you have to decide how dedicated you are to being out and if you are willing to take the risk involved. Then, you need to decide just how important his friendship is to you and whether or not you are willing to let it go. These are questions you have to ask of yourself and answer for yourself, pretty girl.
    [SIZE="3"]Jennaie`[/SIZE]

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