I cant find my emotions anymore

[Caitlyn]

Hi. I was just reading another post regarding crying while watching films, and I realised how lacking in any sort of emotion I now am. I know that to hide my true self I also hid my emotions in a fear of being found out, and I have now come to realise that ive become too good at not letting my feelings show. I admit to letting a few tears show when I first told my Dr of my ....need, and blubbering like a baby to my therapist for the first two visits, but, apart from that....dry eyes all the time. Ive even resorted to faking horror and shock where I deemed necessary to not seem too heartless. Has anyone else had this problem? I hope to start on hormones soon and ive read that they can make you weepy for no reason. I am tired of faking...ive done it all my life. Will i get my emotions back?

[Sierra]

Me thinks thinks anyway,haveing kids or growing old will accelerate the process.[hope that makes scense]Hormones probally affect me that way a bit more sensetive, but not like pms often[been on them scince ''99"]

[kazeparker]

It sounds like you shed tears when something that was truly emotional (to you) occurred, such as sharing your predicament with the therapist. Therefore your emotions are repressed, but aren't locked away. You've just changed in what sparks your emotions. Hormones might affect that, but it partly requires a long chat with yourself and realizing what is it you get emotional about, or how it is you repress your emotions. Also, if you're still in line for sessions with your therapist, why not ask them this question? They could probably help you realize those other things you keep hidden from yourself.

[Deborah757]

Has anyone else had this problem? I hope to start on hormones soon and ive read that they can make you weepy for no reason. I am tired of faking...ive done it all my life. Will i get my emotions back?

Yes, I had the same problem. I even wondered for a while if there was something wrong with me, that maybe I was sociopathic or something. The only emotion I could really express was anger and for nearly 30 years I only cried twice, once when my father died and once when my dog died.

But I got better. Maybe it was from hormones, mostly herbals, or maybe just from finally accepting myself and not locking "me" away.

[CharleneCD]

Caitlyn, The human brain is an amazing thing. It knows that fear means danger, and adjusts to protect you from what you fear. As guys we are tought not to show any emotion but laughter and anger. Fear of not fitting in has caused our brains to suppress the other emotions. They are still there, but it will just take time and effort to undo years of conditioning. Try watching a few tearjerkers on tv, and do your best to try and put yourself in the same emotional state you were in when first visiting your therpist. Either that or try to put yourself in the shoes of the character. If the eyes start misting over just relax and let it all come out. It might take some practice since we are so used to shutting that kind of thing down.

I wish you the best in finding out how to release those emotions.

[Darlene.]

I believe that being unable to express emotions is the result of being raised in an abusive home. If that is the situation I suggest therapy.

[Natasha Anne]

Zoloft made my tears dry up a lot. I can't say I do not experience emotions, because I do, I just don't find myself in the depth of depression that easily. Fear, love, joy are all things I express easily, and I still get sad, just not as sad.

Silly romantic comedies still make me shed a tear or two, but not as much as before I got put on the Zoloft. In a way it's a pity to me, I'm on my last prescribed month of Zoloft, and seeing my gender psychiatrist next week. I'll tell him these things.

Apparantly anti-androgens, which I'm on at the moment, can cause depression, and I guess the therapist gave me Zoloft to inhibit that.

The best thing I ever did to snap out of the depression was tell my wife I'm TS and still have her hang around, even though our relationship is now dramatically different. She's an awesome friend now.

[Jonien]

I can cover up my fem side and act all macho, after all I'v had a lot of years of to practice that, but to cover emotions never been able to, tears allways give me away, tears of joy tears of sadnes evern a song can tern on the taps

But tears to get my own way like a GG can just dosent happen o well cant have it all

[Caitlyn]

I used to be able to show emotion...as a child. Over the years ive had to keep stuff secret.....and bottled everything in, I guess I feared that if I showed emotions...or weakness that my ruse would be blown. I know that that sounds stupid, but when you actualy fear what you are (I dont now), being discovered is 2nd only to death itself. No, I wasnt brought up in an abusive home...just to clear that one up.
More to follow.

[Julie]

We kind of get the double whammy. On one side we, as genetic males, are taught to keep our emotions bottled up and after about 20-30 years get pretty good at denying them. Then there's the TG side that forces us to hide our true selves furthering our ability to deny and hide what's going on inside.

Female hormones will have an emotional effect on you but that varies from one person to the next. I've heard the crying for no reason statement before but never experienced it personally. I've also heard they make you feel more female but have never felt that either. So if you go on HRT just let them do whatever they do and don't have any expectations based on other's experiences.

[MarinaTwelve200]

Lacking emotions is a Problem? I don't consider myself an emotional person in male or fem mode.---Indeed, I tend to sorta look down on people who think with their hearts instead of their minds (a lack of dicipline) ---The mind is what makes a human human after all. Emotions are simply 'automatic" "stock" physical responseses to events that our brains have not gotten around to figuring out a response to. Its a protective mechanisim that keeps us out of trouble--as we cannot know everything. If we did not "fear" unknown dark places, and instinctively avoid them, for example, our ancestors would have been killed by Cave bears. Other emotions are of a similar nature----

We emote when we lack a previously thought out response to a given situation. ---it fills "gaps" in our minds, so to speak---if we dont have a response to something that happens, then we need a 'back up" response action to keep us from standing there like an idiot and possibly getting killed or whatever. The emotion is the "backup"

I really dont beleive in "emotional control, or bottleing it up---that's bad, but i beleive in "defusing emotions" instead.(there IS a difference) Applying reason and logic to a situation when possible, and recognizing the difference WHEN a "feeling" is merly a physical response to a recognizable stimulus or a legitimate "danger signal".

I suppose it started as a cultural thing---my Mother was GERMAN---and raised me not to depend on emotions, but exercise self dicipline--- Later, When I studied artificial intelligence, and discovered just what an emotion was, I was able to "defuse" them rather than bottle them up--and I have been very happy for that.---

I dont miss negative emotions--sadness, anger, etc.--and i still can enjoy Happiness and love.---but I seem to have a 'leash" on things. THATS likely why I AM a SCIENTIST.

Im sure other people much different than me about emotions. and i will conceed that point. The only thing that i AM FIRM on though is my beleif that an emotion is NOT a "higher form of unconcious intellegence" that knows better than the reasioning part of the mind(which seems to be the popular myth) And also the fact that emotions can "lie"---that is they will cause a similar reaction to a similar situation whether the response is approprate or not.---This is why emotional people(or should I say emotion-beleiving people) usually have a lot of problems in life. we have a choice, as humans to follow or not follow the urges our emotions suggest.

Sure I AM weird---all of us Here are. (Braces for the FLACK)

[emmicd]

Dear Caitlin,

For most guys it is hard to be in touch with your emotions because it is looked upon by society as being vulnerable and weak.

To me that is quite troubling and is probabaly a big reason why men die at younger ages. They have all this stress in their lives and they can't release it in healthy ways and must keep thing bottled up.

That is NO GOOD! and probably why so many men die of heart attacks.

So my advice to you is to cry as much as you want and need to. It is good to have a good cry. Also never be ashamed to be in touch with your emotions.

Also remember this that women do appreciate the sensitive side of men too! They don't always expect them to be tough and silent exterior all the time.

Good Luck!

Emmi