She kicked me out

[cdsteph]

It's been a rough road for the last 10 years, I've been kicked out of the house maybe 20 times, this time I'm not going back.
Crossdressing is only a small part of it as my ex SO has a borderline personality disorder and flies into abusive rages from time to time.
I kept going back, hoping for improvement, but knowing that it wasn't going to happen.
This time, I decided, would be the last, slept on the back seat of the Jeep for a week, made it to payday and bought an older but nice motorhome.
The relief of not walking on eggshells is fantastic...

She is now telling all that will listen that I'm a homosexual crossdresser....I'm hetero and all our friends know it, so they are skeptical on the crossdresser part as well... but i've come up with a response that some of you may like to use if needed.

Simply tell them that your partner is the one that likes to dress you up and that you have put up with it from time to time because the sex is great.

At any rate, All my femme clothes, shoes, wigs, forms and such are either destroyed, (or being displayed to friends) and my non CD personal possessions and most importantly, the photos of my kids are being kept from me unless I return for more abuse.

I hope that no one else here has had to go through this living hell.

There is a bright side! In a month or so, when she realizes that it is very much over and no longer on the attack... I'll have the freedom to enjoy dressing as I wish when I wish and will no doubt be shopping like mad, maybe even attend a CD event or two.... and as soon as I can add a laptop with wifi to my motorhome, I'll likely be more visible on the forum...

Thanks to all of you whose writings have helped me through the past few years and no doubt will in the future.

I'm gonna breath a huge sigh of relief now and get on with a brighter future.

Guinness, anyone?

[Loni]

if your friends believe you on one issue just do not talk about the other issues. let the wife hang her self...be the one that is upstanding by NOT slinging any mud.
get any info on her that would be needed in court, but do not use ageist her in public, play the better card.
speak to a counselor for you, you have been battered,(yes even men can be the victim here) and will need a bit of guidance. get a lawyer and a divorce, via the courts you can get some of your items back and access to your children. do not talk with your soon to be ex, let a lawyer/courts do this.
have NO direct contact with her...or her close friends.

[Sheila]

Steph I wish you well as you move forward with your life, nobody deserves to be repeatedly abused (and yes you have been) her BDP is only a part of her but it will make life difficult for you both. I do hope that you get decent legal help & are able to arrange visitation with your kids.

[Freddy12]

Congratulations!

I know that things are difficult right now, but you have taken the courageous actions needed to make your life a bunch better.

It is so very unfortunate that people can be so vindictive - holding pictures of loved ones away from their owner is just mean.

Best of luck, and hope to soon hear how things have improved.

[TxKimberly]

I don't whether to give congratulations or condolences so guess I'll settle for a hug

[Priscillia Smith]

Wow. I am sooo sorry to hear about your ordeal. Look at it as a good chance to be who you want to be. No one should have to deal with abuse like that. As far as this dummy broadcasting this to anyone and everyone that will listen, remember this, your not to blame. As for friends, if they're true friends, they will be there for you as support. And the most important part is that not all crossdressers are "gay, homosexual, freaks". There is nothing wrong with you and you need to remember that. She is the problem. Good luck and let us know what happens.

[Chari]

Very good advice from previous posts. You made the wise choice to stop the abuse and move on with YOUR life! Remain as quiet as possible, do not have any contact with her or her close friends (that's for the lawyer to do), and continue planning YOUR new future. Stay strong, and keep moving in a positive direction.

[BRANDYJ]

Steph, they say it takes two to tangle, but from what you say she is doing now is a hint of what you must have been going through for 10 years. My heart goes out to you. I wish you luck and happiness.

[Marcia Blue]

[SIZE="3"]I hope only the best for you. My ex is bi-polar with a personality disorder to top it off, and is always off her meds. The attacks, when they occured were relentless. I feel your pain and freedom.
Lots of hugs you will need them,[/SIZE]

[AKAMichelle]

Frankly I wouldn't tell the story that she made you do it. That makes you a victim. You're not the victim here. You're the one who just walked away from the years of bondage and became a free man / woman. That is worth so much more than any price tag.

I know because I just did the same thing. I have been married for 25+ years. Over the years I have had to take an awful lot. We have been separated 8 times now and I'm free. I won't be going back regardless of the cost.

One day after some of the pain goes away, you can begin to understand what happenened and accept it. Then the real healing will begin and you will be able to enjoy your life. Maybe even find a partner who accepts. Hang in there. You have just started to live.

[kimdl93]

I agree with Michelle in that I wouldn't make up stories to counter those offered by your ex. Its much wiser to simply acknowledge that she has a lot of anger in her and leave it at that. People can reach their own conclusions. The most important thing you can do is step back and resist the temptation to argue, defend, or retaliate in any manner. You'll earn respect, support and empathy from friends and family by demonstrating calm, reserve and dignity. And most importantly, your goal here should be to create a safe and secure environment for your kids - they should not have to be witnesses to nor participants in the conflict between your ex and yourself.

[pinkeverything]

I'm enjoying my newfound freedom from hell, as well. Sure is nice not to get punched in the face because you're pretty, eh. What a relief.

[Shelby]

I have no experience with what you are going through or have any new advice that hasn't already been given, but I agree with what has been said. Take the high road. No contact with her, get a lawyer, replace your stuff and let your friends see her for who she is. Sometimes the best way is to just stay silent and let the crazy people sputter away.

[kym]

I've been where you are now girlfriend, it is a tough place to be for sure. you are away from her now and that is the best thing that could happen, unfortunately it sounds like you are away from your kids as well and that is tragic. Go get a good lawyer, be honest with him or her, they can can not defend you effectively if they get hit with a surprise in court. Get your kids back and all of your important things, just remember everything but lives and memories can be replaced. When it comes to your ex slinging mud about your crossdressing, let your friends come to their own conclusions, most will not believe it or support you in it, either way let her be who she is going to be and don't fall to her level with that kind of thing. on girl said no contact and she is right, once you get a lawyer the lawyer needs to tell your ex that she can get in touch with you through the lawyer only, that way what you here can be filtered and you only hear the important things and not the stupid crap. One major mistake i made and urge you not to make is not getting some kind of therapy for the breakup, you have kids and you have been mentally abused, go get help. I wish you luck sis and if you need to talk or have any questions feel free to PM me at any time.

[Jenniferx1]

Best wishes to you for your future life and things have to get better.....everyone goes through crap, unfortunately some like yourself have to endure a lot more than can be reasonably expected ( if at all)

to life and it`s ever changing moments

[DonnaT]

Does your ex stay at home all the time?

Surely she goes out at some point which would give you a chance to go gather your things, what's left.

[suchacutie]

From a legal standpoint, no one can throw you out of your house, and I would suggest that you quickly get some legal advice about this. No one can keep you from what is yours, and moving out could have negative ramifications in a divorce. Please look into this as quickly as you can.

tina

[kym]

if there are still things of yours in the house, go to the sherrifs department or the local police department and get them to escort you to the house. Its better to have law enforcement there when removing things so no one can come in later and say he/she took/ kept this with out my knowledge. Plus there will be a "paper" trail of it in case its needed, remember its better to have more documentation that you may or may not need than not to have it and need it.

[Karen564]

but i've come up with a response that some of you may like to use if needed.

Simply tell them that your partner is the one that likes to dress you up and that you have put up with it from time to time because the sex is great.

[SIZE=2]Sorry but, [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]You think she's the one with borderline personality disorder? [/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Why not start by telling the truth for a change instead of lying..[/SIZE]

[NicoleScott]

[SIZE=2]Sorry but, [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]You think she's the one with borderline personality disorder? [/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Why not start by telling the truth for a change instead of lying..[/SIZE]

Ease up, Karen. Steph is a hetero crossdresser who chooses to stay in the closet. There are good reasons why some of us need to keep our CD activities private. Some of us are dress-for-pleasure CD's, and NOT just going through a phase on our way to being a TS. Yes, lying does have its problems, and maybe the best way to avoid both lying and coming out of the closet is by declining to answer questions about deeply personal matters.
Take the high road, Steph, and your friends will come to know the truth as to who has the disorder.

[Schatten Lupus]

as my ex SO has a borderline personality disorder and flies into abusive rages from time to time.

You have my sympathies on this. My fiance has borderline personality disorder, and the only reason we are still together is because I finally convienced her that I can't mentally take anymore, and she started seeing a therapist and psychiatrist.
But it sounds like she has more problems than just that. My fiance has said some very mean things during her 'episodes,' but in her normal state of mind she doesn't try to destroy my reputation, my things, or keep things from me.
But, I'll likely be single myself if the meds don't work out. I love her very much, and I always will, but three years, almost going on four, has taken such a mental toll on me that I think I'd just prefer to be single.

[Chickhe]

Another great response, is to tell your friends she is in to BDSM and crossdressing is the most you would do because it is harmless fun. Most people will just drop the conversation at that point and if not, you just tell them beyond what you said, you are not one to gossip etc... No one is going to listen to an abusive gossip. Most people don't care what you do and they care even less to get involved in a dispute that is between you and your SO. Oh and later on...if anyone figures out that you are CDing....you just say, she messed you up so bad you need to do it to relax. But...it is no ones business anyhow. I'm not totally out, but all of my friends have seen me dressed up for fun parties, so if anyone was to spread a rumor, all my friends would respond with...ya so what? we've known that for years... good luck.

[ClaudiaDawn]

You have my sympathies. I agree that the sooner you can get legal advice on this matter, the better for you and your children. I also don't think telling that story about your crossdressing is a good idea, at that point you are lowering yourself to her level and you are openly lying to your friends; if in the future the truth about your crossdressing, they will know you lied to them and you may hurt their friendship. You can always say, "I am not gay" and leave it like that. I think you have to be the better person on this one.

I wish you the best. Hugs,

Claudia Dawn

[minalost]

This is rough. It looks like you're getting good advice on what to do next. I'll just add that it sound like you're better off out of that relationship.
Good luck!

[Bobbie Bee]

It sounds like your taking a step in the right direction. Splitting from a long term partner is never easy, but sometimes there is no choice. I wish you much happiness and hope that things will improve for you.