Frustrations

[Emily252]

Ok, I'm not really sure how to start this off so ill just jump right in on it.

With out giving much away, I am a soldier and a rather big guy. Standing 6'2" barefoot and wieghing in at around 230 Lbs, I have a very solid build. Trouble of it is this, my body build makes it very hard for me to pull off a strong female look when im taller and bigger than even average males. Never mind the posture that is ingrained in me as a soldier. How ever as I prep for my second combat tour, I am wanting to get out in public as Emily and unfortuantly I only have a few more days to get the nerve up to do so. I REALLY want to do this, and I know there is no reasonable cause for me to be overly concerned with what other people think when I know I will never ever see them again, but it bothers me greatly. Hiding my frame isnt to hard with the use of flowey, loose clothes to break up my outline, but any crash course in tactical camo will tell ya that (Army training in use in a way they never imagined lol) make-up still evades me though im slowly getting a hold on it. My voice is a lost cause as is trying to "move as a lady" but oddly enough as self-consiouse as i am that doesnt bother me. It's just getting the nerve up to just take that step out the door in heels and a skirt and wig and make-up ect ect. And its not like anyone doesnt know. My mom knows and is very supportive, two of my best friends from high school know and are cool with it. I guess to sum up my incoherent rambling I'll leave with one question.

Anybody have any advice as to how I can overcome this mental brickwall in my mind and just get out there.

Soory for the rambling anture of this but if any clarification is needed please ask.

[Mandy]

[SIZE="3"]Hi Emily

Unfortunatly its one of those gut feelings which suddendly hits you & says "right, I'm off out & I dont really care who see's me".

Trust me this does take time, as I'm a similar build to you & there is that feeling about being watched & who will actually see you whilst your out & about.[/SIZE]

[charlotte_sp]

Hi Emily,

Here are some small steps that helped me work up the courage:

1. Dress up and walk around late at night (safety-permitting) when no one's around. Just getting outside helps a great deal.

2. Drive around (if you have a car) while dressed. If you're afraid of someone seeing you, do it at night.

3. Looking good does wonders for your confidence.
The biggest boosts, in my opinion, come from covering up the beard successfully and having a decent hairstyle.
Try doing a little googling for your face shape and what hairstyles would suit it best.
I can help you out if you'd like, and I'm sure many others here would too.

Best of luck,

Charlotte

[Andy66]

any crash course in tactical camo will tell ya that (Army training in use in a way they never imagined lol)

I know the best way to motivate ME is when I make plans with someone else, because I wouldn't want to let them down. Is there a friend you could go out with?

Another way to get me to do something is to tell me I can't. So... I bet you can't go out dressed, Emily.

Best wishes and prayers for your upcoming tour.

[Simply_Vanessa]

I was in the same boat only 1.5 months ago...I am a tall ex-bodybuilder in my case, with a solid frame as well. I got over the fear of stepping into public by meeting about 40 other crossdressers for a dinner in a rented out banquet hall. If you live in a big area maybe you might have an organization to hang out with. They all told me I looked good enough to pass so I tested it...and they were right! And since then I have been going into public with my head held high

If I can do it I know you can too! If worse comes to worse...just remember to have the confidence of a soldier to face society

[Freddy12]

I think that Charlotte had some very good ideas.

Going out at night, in a car is a great way to get a start. Going to a gas station where there are few customers will make stepping out of the car easier. When you realize that everyone is too caught up in thinking about whatever is on their mind to notice you, you will gain the courage to do more.

What you are feeling is something that virtually all of us have experienced!

Going out the first time is the hardest!

[Deborah Jane]

Anybody have any advice as to how I can overcome this mental brickwall in my mind and just get out there.

I'll tell you what I was told on here after umming and ahhing about going out for the first time .......

"Just go to the front door, take a deep breath, then step outside and quickly close the door behind you"

I was as scared as hell, but I did it, since then I've been out a few times and even now still have second thoughts sometimes, but if we want to live our lives as we want, it's something we need to do!!

It's a leap of faith and eventually one way or another, most of us end up taking it

Go for it and good luck Emily

[AKAMichelle]

The same way that you got over the firing of a weapon at you. You just fight through the fear and do it. Only this time you didn't receive any training as the army doesn't have a course called walking in heels. A lot of us don't pass any better than you will.

You are just going to be wearing the clothes of a woman. So just find something to wear and do the best you can and do it. Whether it is a full frontal assault of the mall or a flaking position on a park near dusk. Find some place that you feel safe and go for it.

[Laurie A]

Emily,
I share your frustrations. I have never had enough courage to step outside. Put those tactical camo skills to good use!
I mostly wanted to say thanks for your service, and I hope your return safely from your next tour.

[StaceyJane]

Emily, I know how you feel. It was just a few months ago that I really started going out in public. The best thing to do is just do it.
Get dressed, take big breath and walk out the door.
You will find a whole new world and you won't regret doing it.
I promise.

[Angiemead12]

Hi Emily,

Im still have the same frustration even though I have been out already, its still as scary for me!

[sissystephanie]

Emily, there is only one way to do what it is you want to do. That is to do it!!! That may sound stupid, but believe me it works. I started going out dressed when I was a teen ager, and after I got married to a very supportive lady I went out a lot more. Now that she has passed away, I still go out but as a man wearing feminine clothing. No wig or makeup, just a guy in a skirt! I live in a very metropolitan area, but never get any bad commments. BTW, I am 5' 10" tall and weigh 175. Most of my body is in my chest and shoulders. I do have natural 40 B's!!

Dress yourself up, put on your makeup and go out!! You will enjoy it!

Bless you for your service, and be careful!! I am an old Vet!

[JulieK1980]

I'll tell you what I was told on here after umming and ahhing about going out for the first time .......

"Just go to the front door, take a deep breath, then step outside and quickly close the door behind you"

I was as scared as hell, but I did it, since then I've been out a few times and even now still have second thoughts sometimes, but if we want to live our lives as we want, it's something we need to do!!

It's a leap of faith and eventually one way or another, most of us end up taking it

Go for it and good luck Emily

This.

[MarcyRex]

.... I got over the fear of stepping into public by meeting about 40 other crossdressers for a dinner in a rented out banquet hall. If you live in a big area maybe you might have an organization to hang out with. They all told me I looked good enough to pass so I tested it...and they were right! And since then I have been going into public with my head held high ....

I'd like emphasize and clarify Vanessa's comments. I am also former military, 6'2" w/large frame/Bass voice. First off, acknowledge that passing is not gonna happen. Second, I have found it is about presenting yourself (with confidance or rather care less attitude). Third, Most folks will give ya a look over but will resume their own business. Finally, Go out with others for a built in support network.

My first meeting with Tri-Ess was very liberating. 2nd and third just as much and wife attended. She has also come a long way thanks to this group. I recently went to a GLBT Pride fest. Very relaxing to let your guard down and be yourself without expectations of gender conformity even though I was definately in the minority I had the best fashion sense.

[Emily252]

Firstly, I want to say thanks for the words of encouragement. I think its going to come down to "just doing it".

Secondly, I plan right now to just do it tomorrow with a trip to the outer banks of NC and finding a relativly lonely stretch of beach to walk. I know the odds of finding a lonely bit of beach this time of year in NC is nigh impossible but oh well. Ill post up here tomorrow to let yall know how it goes, if it goes at all.

TASK: Conduct crossdressing operations in vicinity of coastal north carolina.

CONDITIONS: Given a warm, sunny day with a slight breeze. A somewhat vacant stretch of beach and one superbly dressed individual, me.

STANDARDS: To maintain a "I dont care what others think" attitude during the duration of this operation and to complete the operation with out need for a tactical withdraw.

Just my way of trying to have a bit of fun with this by using the typical task, condition, standard format the army is so fond of before the undertaking of any task. Will give the AAR (After Action Review) NLT 230010JUL2010 (thats 11pm EST tomorrow lol)

[Marcia Blue]

[SIZE="3"]You go girl, have a great day. I wish I could come along, but I will be there in spirit.
Hugs,[/SIZE]

[dennisGTS]

That was a bit odd to read the Task, Condition, Standard format on this website... I secretly CD in the Military also, so it was strange for me to read that since I go to this website to get away from all that Army testosterone filled BS.

Anyhow, good luck in venturing out while crossdressing! You're one step ahead of me! I am curious to read how your adventure went though.

[Sarah Doepner]

Emily,
Hi, I'm 6'1" and over 200 (but not much of a body builder) and have gone out, but that first trip wasn't easy. In fact it was a result of many, many attempts in a variety of different environments. I tried the late night walks, the drives and the very early Sunday morning trips as well as finding myself stuck in a motel room with my hand on the door knob many a time.

What it came down to was that moment when I looked in the mirror and the woman looking back at me was ready to go out. I don't know what the key is, but continue to work on your makeup, play with your hair and try different outfits until she is ready. Your nerves may be shot and you will probably be hyper-aware of everything going on around you. I can't even guarentee you will enjoy the time you spend out until you return to the safety of your room or home. However, when you get back in the room it's likely the first thing you will say to yourself will be "I want to go back out."

A support group could also be a great option. The others who mention something like a Tri-Ess meeting are giving you a good advice. It took a trip to a different city and a support group and a lot of practice to make it happen for me. Be patient.

[suchacutie]

Emily,

When Tina first arrived on the scene my wife made it clear to me that I was going to be a "big" girl. Like you probably are, I've got a big chest, but my waist is smaller than my hips so with a little help I can get a reasonably curvy shape. Just keep the stipes verticle, keep the collars V'd in the front, and wear a loose over top to hide those strong arms. If your face is round keep the hair to no more than shoulder length and not "large hair".

Then, contact a local TV/TS group that goes out to socialize together and they will love you!!! You don't have to go alone and I'm sure that after the planned socialization there will be some girls going out privately!

Best of luck, and even bigger girls can be fashionable

tina

[Crysten]

Ok, I'm not really sure how to start this off so ill just jump right in on it.

With out giving much away, I am a soldier and a rather big guy. Standing 6'2" barefoot and wieghing in at around 230 Lbs, I have a very solid build. Trouble of it is this, my body build makes it very hard for me to pull off a strong female look when im taller and bigger than even average males. Never mind the posture that is ingrained in me as a soldier. How ever as I prep for my second combat tour, I am wanting to get out in public as Emily and unfortuantly I only have a few more days to get the nerve up to do so. I REALLY want to do this, and I know there is no reasonable cause for me to be overly concerned with what other people think when I know I will never ever see them again, but it bothers me greatly. Hiding my frame isnt to hard with the use of flowey, loose clothes to break up my outline, but any crash course in tactical camo will tell ya that (Army training in use in a way they never imagined lol) make-up still evades me though im slowly getting a hold on it. My voice is a lost cause as is trying to "move as a lady" but oddly enough as self-consiouse as i am that doesnt bother me. It's just getting the nerve up to just take that step out the door in heels and a skirt and wig and make-up ect ect. And its not like anyone doesnt know. My mom knows and is very supportive, two of my best friends from high school know and are cool with it. I guess to sum up my incoherent rambling I'll leave with one question.

Anybody have any advice as to how I can overcome this mental brickwall in my mind and just get out there.

Soory for the rambling anture of this but if any clarification is needed please ask.

Having been EXACTLY there and done that....my response is....consider the consequences...ALL of the consequences...if you got caught/outed. To career, family, friends, etc. Think about it, and make whatever decision is right for you. Sometimes, it's better to want than have, expecially if the "having" part entails risks you'd rather not take. Be careful, please.

Something else to consider.....there is NO WAY...and I mean none...that with you're frame, build, bearing..that you're going to be seen as anything but a large soldier in a dress, wig, and makeup. Maybe you can get away with it "Hey I'm going to a frat party!! WOO HOO!!!" -- maybe not. The only option I would consider is going to a professional dressing service. Maybe there's one in your area. I used one in London for a few years when I was stationed there, and it was great. Good luck!!

[Von]

If you are preparing for a combat tour, you absolutely owe it to yourself to do whatever it is that you want to do.

I would say just keep these 2 things in mind:

1. You have supportive family and friends that will still be there for you.

2. You're a solidly built 230 pounds - you can wear whatever you want.

I hope you have a great time.

(P.S. I suggest the homemade blackberry ice cream at Kitty Hawk Kites, if they still have it!)

[Gisele]

Sugar, you just have to put that foot in front of the other and walk out of the door. It's a scary ride but it turns out to be a fun day at the park after awhile. Just keep telling yourself that I have every right to be out here like everyone else.

People are so involved in their own life that they won't even pay attention to you. That was the very first thing that I noticed the first time I went out shopping. While walking through the parking lot nobody paid me any attention. I was watching everyone in eye shot of me.

So sweetie just got out and do what you want. Trust me you will be happy you did.

And on a personal note. Thank you so much for your service to our country!
If you need anything while on your tour please feel free to give me a yell.

I can help from M4 parts and optics to ACU garterbelts.

Love Gisele

[Nicole Erin]

Just when you go out, if you are not passable, that is fine, some CD are not.
I don't know as I have not seen you,

It is true that most people are not going to notice unless you wear something to really stand out, so just dress to blend best you can.

Try to avoid areas that are overrun with teenagers or rednecks. They tend to be the biggest nuisances of society. Like if you stopped at the grocery, go to a decent one like Kroger/King Sooper instead of some ghetto place like sav-a-lot.

I don't know why, but gas stations always seem to have a lot of riff-raff. What, don't good people buy gas too? But yeah avoid gas stations

With groups in public, remember this -
One person alone won't say or do anything, and usually if it is only two of them they won;t risk an ass-beating by running their traps. Three or more is a different story.

With driving, most drivers are not looking at other drivers, they are too busy texting or rolling a joint at each stop light.

Just overall, when you are out, don't do anything to get in trouble like hitting the road while drunk.

If you avoid eye contact with people, they probably won't look twice at you.

[Paula_56]

As transgendered people many of us lead lives of guilt, fear and shame. For years I was afraid to leave my home or hotel room out of fear. Until recently, I made the realization that there was nothing to be afraid of. Being transgendered or cross-dressing is not wrong. We are different, but the world can and does accept us. I use to scurry from hotel to car and walk around parking lots at night. Half hidden, half in sight. Now I walk right thru the lobby, take an elevator, and nobody cares. Sure I am read sometimes. This was the big obstacle I had to get over. When you’re read, nothing bad happens. People just go on with there business. Waitresses clerks, sales associates have never reacted badly they are a polite and accommodating.
I also use to fear shopping endrab. If you dress nicely, don’t act creepy or guilty, most sales people are really happy to help. I always smile and thank them. It’s more than most customers do. I tell them right off I need a pair of black slacks for myself, or I need a dress for an event I am attending. The first time I did this I was shaking, but after a couple of times I began to realize that no one else had a problem with this. The problem was in my head.
You may not want to be outed, to your family and friends but admitting you are a cross dresser to a sales associate in a store away from your home area is safe, liberating and a non issue.
So go ahead you have nothing to loose here, try getting out in small steps. Go to the cosmetics counter in the mall. Nordstrom’s is famous in the TG community for being super helpful; they will always make you feel good about your self. Other stores that have been helpful to me are Fashion Bug, Lane Bryant, Lord and Taylor, and Payless Shoes.
My message here is this, you can admit being transgendered to a sales associate and you will feel better for it. You can also go out in public dress as a woman and not get negative reactions. You may have heard this before, but if you are like me you never really believed it. Go ahead, don’t be afraid, take those steps, and start to live.

[Emily252]

Gisele, i like the sound of a ACU garterbelt lol.
DennisGTS, sorry to throw you off with the TCS stuff but i was just making light of things to myself. Have they finished all that road work in the square in watertown btw? It was still going when i PCSed begining of 2009...

Anyhow, thanks for all the words of encouragement. Sadly though the beach trip was cancelled...however, i did go for a half mile walk in the housing area my mom lives in with a male friend of mine and it was great. So as of 1:30am, Emily has ventured out into the world, albeit at a god-forsaken hour of the morning but its a start and ive been bit by the bug. Im already planning a follow up to keep the momentum going and am dragging my mom with me to the beach as soon as i can get my neighbor to do my make-up today.