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Thread: So I was given an alternative.

  1. #1
    Member Nataliebabe's Avatar
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    So I was given an alternative.

    This may get a bit long, please bear with me.

    I told the mrs. that I wanted to buy a new wig(differnt color) to see if it helps to get rid of what I see in the mirror(guy in a dress). We also taked about hittng a few sales as I would like some more clothes. As she was packing to head out of town the other night, I laid down on the bed just to be there with her and chat a bit. She crashed on the bed next to me and said, "Seeing as how you want another wig and more clothes, I want a tattoo of the kids` names". I (guy self) about flipped as I am not big on tatoos. She has 2, well placed and tasteful, I might add. She just wants to add the kids` names to one of them in very small letters. She said," I put up with your CD and wanting more clothes, it is time that you give instead of take, take, take". We went back and forth a bit and she then says, "if you won`t let me get that tatoo, you don`t get a new wig or more clothes". HHMMMM. Point taken. After more back and forth, I agree on the tatoo and she agrees to the wig, and clothes AND I slid in a pair of breast forms! Knowing my wife it will be tastefully done and hidden(she is a professional).

    She did hit on one thing that upset her. She asked why I keep wanting more(as in wigs, clothes, etc). I told her that for me crossdressing is(among other things) an escape, a chance to be somone else for awhile. She stessed that she was worried that I would want a sex change some day. I reassured her that I want nothing to do with that. I love being a guy and doing guy things, plus my kids need a strong father figure in their lives. Surgical alterations are not a thing of the future for me. I did, once again ,tell her that I think that it is time that both of us talk to others in our situation. She was a bit quiet and I think that the jury is still out. Time to look for a support group? I think so.

  2. #2
    Living Dead Girl Schatten Lupus's Avatar
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    Seems a fair trade to me.
    Gott weiƟ ich will kein Engel sein

  3. #3
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    I'm not a tatto crazy person ~ personally I don't like them! They may look great when your twenty something ~ but forty years down the road?

    Well we all know what asphalt roads look like that were laid forty years ago?

  4. #4
    Silver Member Joanne f's Avatar
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    You should tell your wife that CDers always want more so that she can plan her next move
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Joanne

  5. #5
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    I can't see your problem here, you want a new wig and more clothes, she wants a tattoo.
    It's known as "give and take", you both get what you want, as opposed to "take take take", where you get what you want and argue with her about what she wants!!

    If I were in that situation and my partner had your attitude, I'd get a tattoo covering my back just to piss them off!!
    Last edited by Deborah Jane; 06-17-2010 at 03:15 AM.

  6. #6
    Platinum Member Sheila's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nataliebabe View Post
    She said," I put up with your CD and wanting more clothes, [SIZE="2"]it is time that you give instead of take, take, take"[/SIZE]. We went back and forth a bit and she then says, "if you won`t let me get that tatoo, you don`t get a new wig or more clothes". HHMMMM. Point taken. After more back and forth, I agree on the tatoo and she agrees to the wig, and clothes [SIZE="2"]AND I slid in a pair of breast forms! [/SIZE]
    I think the highlighted bits explains why your wife is upset

    Debs and I don't work on the she gets,so I must get ............ we work on if either of us need/want and we can afford we go buy, occasionally I will admit to feeling at times that Debs does seem to be the money burner, but as she is changing in her dress, maturing (in general) the early Debs clothes are being replaced by classier, more mix n match things, so it does seem to be expensive at times, where as I have had years to build up my wardrobe and yes there are things in there that I have had for years, they are things that are worn very very rarely, only on special occasions, and a few summer/winter things that are firm favorites, and while worn regularly, are washing and wearing well, so stay

    We have tried several wigs with debs, but now she has one that is "HER" one that is a close second and ons she uses for early morning/late night when she is sat in her nightie and dressing gown with the make up off, so unless we need to replace the one DEB's Wig, there will be no more money outlayed on new wigs, she has found "her" in that one and it will only be added to/replaced because of wear and tear.

    Have you suggested your wife joins up here & after her 10 posts apply to join the rest of us GG's in the FAB section ? she maybe needs some peers to chat with as well, someone who can understand without the need to explain why she feels as she does at times, some folks to have a laugh and joke with (not about CDing) but being able at the same time to understand the frustrations of living the life and the funny moments/sad moments/frustration filled moments as well as the good moments with
    I allow myself to set healthy boundaries ..... to say no to what does not align with my values, to say yes to what does.
    Boundaries assist me to remain healthy, honest and living a life that is true to me

  7. #7
    Aspiring Member Megan Thomas's Avatar
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    I think the only point I'd make is unlike a tattoo you can take off your stuff. Her tattoo is always there and is more akin to you having surgery for something (chest enhancement perhaps?). So it's not quite a fair exchange in that way, although I do support her right to equal freedom of expression.

    Personally I just don't "get" the current craze for tattoo's. They're awful things IMHO.

  8. #8
    Silver Member Joanne f's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jo_UK View Post
    I think the only point I'd make is unlike a tattoo you can take off your stuff. Her tattoo is always there and is more akin to you having surgery for something (chest enhancement perhaps?). So it's not quite a fair exchange in that way, although I do support her right to equal freedom of expression.

    Personally I just don't "get" the current craze for tattoo's. They're awful things IMHO.
    Now there is going to be a sudden rush on everyone asking their SO if they would like a tattoo
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Joanne

  9. #9
    Platinum Member Sheila's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jo_UK View Post
    I think the only point I'd make is unlike a tattoo you can take off your stuff.
    in that case I could come back with unlike your dressing I can show my Tatt and can openly talk about it with anyone ............. but that would be childish and gain nobody anything
    I allow myself to set healthy boundaries ..... to say no to what does not align with my values, to say yes to what does.
    Boundaries assist me to remain healthy, honest and living a life that is true to me

  10. #10
    Paula Paula_56's Avatar
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    Your lucky that she will even talk about it.

  11. #11
    Aspiring Member Megan Thomas's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Joanne f View Post
    Now there is going to be a sudden rush on everyone asking their SO if they would like a tattoo
    No...

    Quote Originally Posted by Sheila View Post
    in that case I could come back with unlike your dressing I can show my Tatt and can openly talk about it with anyone ............. but that would be childish and gain nobody anything
    Perhaps you take my point too literally Sheila? It was to highlight the difference between a tattoo and a wig, not provoke churlishness behaviour between 2 people. As I also stated, but you didn't quote, I fully support the right of anyone to express themselves with freedom, be that with crossdressing or tattoo's.

    The bottom line in this case is one is permanent and one is (normally) temporary.

  12. #12
    Aspiring Member Freddy12's Avatar
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    Perhaps the tatoo was just a way to ask for reassurance that you do not want a sex change, and to get you to pay more attention to her needs.

    Yes, a support group sounds like a good idea. Don't delay.

    Freddy

  13. #13
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    See the power of compromise... " A tit for a tat___". (lol)

  14. #14
    eluuzion eluuzion's Avatar
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    yikes...sounds more like an ultimatum than an alternative to me.

    just a thought...

    Given the normal escalation typically followed in acquiring CD "inventory", you might want to change the bargaining item on your wife's side.

    If not, you might want to consider buying a tatoo parlor or learn the art yourself...lol
    Last edited by eluuzion; 06-17-2010 at 06:05 AM.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  15. #15
    Member alice clair's Avatar
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    Smile alternatives

    I am not a big fan of tatoos either, but it would only be fair to her to let her got the tatoo as long as you are getting all the cd things you want. A lady one time had a tatoo of a strawberry on her breast when she was 18 and now at 58 it looks more like a carrot hanging there LOL. Have a fem day.
    Michelle

  16. #16
    Platinum Member Sheila's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jo_UK View Post
    No...

    Perhaps you take my point too literally Sheila? It was to highlight the difference between a tattoo and a wig, not provoke churlishness behaviour between 2 people. As I also stated, but you didn't quote, I fully support the right of anyone to express themselves with freedom, be that with crossdressing or tattoo's.

    The bottom line in this case is one is permanent and one is (normally) temporary.
    Sorry Jo you did not quite say that you actually said

    Quote Originally Posted by Jo_UK View Post
    So it's not quite a fair exchange in that way, although I do support [SIZE="3"]her[/SIZE] right to equal freedom of expression.

    Personally I just don't "get" the current craze for tattoo's. They're awful things IMHO.
    and while you admit you don't get the current craze for tattoo's you do admit in your case they are awful things ........... some GG"s feel that way about their partner dressing they just don't get the "craze" .......... now I am not saying that expression is right or wrong, just that it is out there, just like your distaste for tatts, and the need to express femininity may not be always be a visible expression but is always a part of SOME TG people, they may underdress, wear a fem piece of jewelry, so while there may not be a permanat display of feminism for the world to see partners can be aware of the fem being there on a permanent basis ........... Debs wears fem panties & socks day in day out, practical ones for when she has to be in male mode, but fem none the less
    I allow myself to set healthy boundaries ..... to say no to what does not align with my values, to say yes to what does.
    Boundaries assist me to remain healthy, honest and living a life that is true to me

  17. #17
    Senior Member pamela_a's Avatar
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    Wow, for a bunch of people who complain about people not accepting them and how they express themselves there sure is a lot of angst about a woman who already has a couple of tatoos
    She has 2, well placed and tasteful
    getting one with the names of her children.

    They talked about it, which is something I would guess a majority of those here don't do, and came up with something that both parties were good with. One of them didn't just go out, buy things, and hide them from the other.

    I say well done. Anytime 2 people can talk about something and come up with a solution that both agree with and are happy about I believe is a good thing, and perhaps a lesson to the rest.
    "Willfully turning aside from the truth is treason to one's self." - Wizard's Tenth Rule:
    "Life is the future, not the past." - Wizard's Seventh Rule
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  18. #18
    Silver Member AKAMichelle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nataliebabe View Post
    Surgical alterations are not a thing of the future for me. I did, once again ,tell her that I think that it is time that both of us talk to others in our situation. She was a bit quiet and I think that the jury is still out. Time to look for a support group? I think so.
    While your solution may be fair, this sentence may have caused her some anxiety. She may be thinking that you are afraid to talk to her. She may have been thinking about a shrink and then dropping it on her about wanting a sex change. I think your last sentence may have left her wondering where you are headed. Either way I would talk with her about the support group in more detail. Maybe even suggest that she comes on the forum. She probably needs contact with other GG's. Let her be a part of the GG Only section so that she can talk with others which may help to alleviate her fears.
    Michelle

  19. #19
    Lady By Choice Leslie Langford's Avatar
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    Lol!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Joanne f View Post
    Now there is going to be a sudden rush on everyone asking their SO if they would like a tattoo
    Hey - whatever works, if that's what it takes to get better acceptance .

    Of course, in my case, she would threaten to get the type of tattoos that would make her look like Jesse James' gf "Bombshell" just to call my bluff .

  20. #20
    Amateur Glamour Queen Carissa's Avatar
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    Natalie, CDing and tattoos are both forms of self-expression. You both have ways that you would like to see yourself (to yourself, or others) and that's great! You're not a big fan of tattoos (I'm not either), but she probably wasn't a big fan of guys wearing makeup and heels until she met you. If she's willing to accept who you are and what you enjoy in spite of any distaste she has for it, you owe her the same courtesy.

    Tattoos (well, most of them) cover up just as easily as makeup washes off. Let her know that you appreciate what she lets you do by letting her do what she wants to do.

    Next time she wants a tattoo (and there will be a next time!) make it a tramp stamp that says "PROPERTY OF NATALIE"

  21. #21
    Member Anneliese's Avatar
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    It is a fantasy of mine to be with a tattooed woman. I am especially attracted to tramp stamps. However, I would never get one myself. My last girlfriend was a multiple-pierced goth bisexual. I assumed the tattoo fantasy was going to occur, but it turned out she had a phobia about tattoos. Who would have guessed?

  22. #22
    Junior Member telawilson's Avatar
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    She wants a short Hispanic man? De plane! :-D But seriously, if all she wants is a tattoo, go for it!

  23. #23
    mini kilted chick t-girlxsophie's Avatar
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    Isn't that what part of Marriage is.Compromise and give and take? my wife plans on getting a tattoo compromising a rose representing each her boys and my son,and angels for her two stillborn babies,now am no fan of Tats.But i would never tell her not to get one,not even to get a wig out of it
    We look to Scotland,for all our Ideas of Civilisation-Voltaire

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  24. #24
    The Girl will Out! Kaz's Avatar
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    Have you asked yourself why she wants the kid's names tatooed?

    Get into the girl within...

    Kaz xx

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    LOL x 1000

    [QUOTE=Jo_UK;2182191]I think the only point I'd make is unlike a tattoo you can take off your stuff. Her tattoo is always there and is more akin to you having surgery for something (chest enhancement perhaps?). So it's not quite a fair exchange in that way, although I do support her right to equal freedom of expression.

    Quote Originally Posted by Megan70 View Post
    See the power of compromise... " A tit for a tat___". (lol)
    Well done Megan - my vote for best post of 2010

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